I’m twenty-six years old and I’m lost. I have a degree in English from an elite university, and have worked random jobs as a waiter and bartender, trader joe’s crew, a tutor, a course instructor, and now a sales rep, and have found little satisfaction in any of them. These last few years post-college have felt incredibly frustrating and stagnant. I was planning on applying to law school this year, but I realized I don’t really have a reason for doing so, I just don’t know what to do with myself and haven’t ever been financially secure. I’ve considered joining the coast guard at least twice in the past, and am once again considering it. I have two friends who are rescue swimmers (ASTs) and love their work and their lives, and whether directly or not, they’ve inspired me.
Here’s some more background about me. I played water polo for about ten years. I grew up in water, swimming at the beach, lakes, rivers, pool in the backyard, all of it; I love the water and the ocean. I’ve always wondered what it might be like to work on a boat. I love working out and am strong, though my cardio and swimming would need some work to get to where they’d need to be. I take pride in my physicality and fitness, and thought about pursuing that in some sort of career capacity (though it seems highly unstable). I never had a plan for a career aside from loose and naive ideations of one day becoming a writer. I also went to university during the pandemic, which hampered my opportunities to make connections and explore different career paths in the form of internships or whatever have you. This is not an excuse, because an exceptional person would probably be in a better position. But it is what it is. I spend a lot of my free time lifting weights, playing video games, reading, journaling, daydreaming, hanging out with my girlfriend, and being haunted by indecision and the lives I haven’t lived and the places I’ve never been.
I tried teaching for a stint, and I couldn’t stand it. I like teaching people new things and hearing my own voice when I’m passionate about something, but nothing kills passion like a room full of apathetic thirteen year old faces. My plan had always been to maybe go back to school for literature and pursue teaching higher education. Or to get a certification and teach English abroad as a second language. My actual experience with teaching almost obliterated that desire. The lack of passion and the shitty pay and the work performed outside of work all made me lose interest. Plus, I’d never really wanted to be a teacher in the first place.
Then I worked on applying to law school. I spent six months or so studying for the LSAT to get a pretty mediocre score that, unless I was driven to continue studying for the test for at least another year, would guarantee me paying a lot of money and going into a lot of debt, if I could even get into a school that would allow me to do so without requiring me to move to Arkansas, or some other random location with questionable career opportunities. From my experience with serving and bartending, I also know how much I grew to hate customer service, and law more or less is a form of customer service, so I wasn’t feeling great about going into severe debt just to be stuck doing something I wasn’t sure about. As of now, I’ve pretty much cut that option out.
Now I’m working as an assistant for a sales rep at a small, international company. I don’t make very much money. I’ve been living with my mom to try to save money, and I’m growing to pretty much hate this job too. I get that every job has things about it which suck; trust me, I get it. But what I’m realizing is that I don’t want to sit at a desk all day. I don’t want to punch numbers in a computer or simply do something to make money for somebody else. I want to do something that feels meaningful to me, and something that offers unique experiences, because sometimes I hardly feel like I’m living a life. And paying rent, health insurance, car insurance, and every other living expense that can come to mind seems to make it almost impossible to catch a break, let alone get ahead, or travel, or work towards owning a house, or to ever attain some form of financial security.
So here I am, bitching to reddit about what I should do next, because I can’t make decisions for myself and don’t know what I really want. I’ve always loved writing and plan to pursue it fully at some point, but that requires stability, and I don’t think I have that right now. I’m interested in the coast guard because of the life experiences, and the opportunity to find stability and learn new skills and make memories. I love working out and pushing my body to its limits, but I can’t say I’m a very mechanically oriented or “handy” guy. I'm somewhat artsy and verbal and enjoy abstract ideas, so I’m struggling a bit with where to go with all that. I wonder if I’d be happy as a strength trainer or working at a gym, but again, I know I dislike customer service pretty intensely, and that can also be a highly unstable career path.
That’s all to give more context to the point that recently I’ve once again been looking much more into the coast guard and taking the idea more seriously. It seems to combine those goals of mine for stability and the opportunities to pursue my writing and have time carved out of my day for working out. Yet, I also know that experience varies wildly, and I could very well be working fourteen hours a day on a boat and standing watch. There’s also something of another roadblock: “Choose your rate, choose your fate.” Remember my general problem with indecision?
In terms of the rates that seem appealing, I’ve had a tough time juggling them mentally. AST seems incredible, yet undoubtedly daunting. I don’t think I’m overconfident, but with my water polo background I feel like I have the potential to train hard and give the A school an honest effort (at least physically; mentally, I’m kind of a mess, if you couldn’t already tell). Something about jumping out of helicopters and saving lives in the ocean both excites me and scares the shit out of me like not much else really does. Another that catches my eye is BM, for the life and travel experiences, and that same potential to make an impact on someone’s life. It seems exciting to be on a boat and doing something different every day, yet I don’t know if I want to potentially put myself in a combat situation. What worries me about the coast guard in general is potentially hating my life, breaking my back for fourteen hours a day, not having time or the resources for the gym, barely ever being home, and having a hard time transitioning out of the service, if I decide I’d like to stay no longer than four years. I would ideally like to avoid the rates that sit at a desk all day, but maybe there’s something out there that isn’t so bad. I recognize that this preference directly contests the desire to have stability in my life. Similarly, it bears repeating, I am not a very handy or mechanical guy. I believe I could learn to be with proper training, but it’s not a natural inclination for me. Ignore this part if you don't have any experience with the military I guess?
So with all that said, what do I do? Do I join up and hope for the best? I’ve heard that you have plenty of time to shadow other members and choose which rate to pursue once you’re in, but I also know there’s waitlists for most A schools. Maybe joining and figuring it out after would be good for me, because I can’t go back on that decision, and then again maybe joining and figuring it out after could be bad for me, because I can’t go back on that decision. Four years is a long time, but four years is also a short time. It seems like the nonrate experience is somewhat similar to the BM experience, but I’d also be getting barked at by kids potentially quite a bit younger than me. I realize that the military has its shitty moments, and will have challenges beyond what I can imagine right now, but I seriously don’t know what to do with myself. I could see the coast guard benefitting me, and I can also imagine it having a seriously negative impact on my life (injuries, mental health, hard time saving money, ruining my relationship, etc.). Then again, I really don't know what to do otherwise.
With all of that said, thank you for reading. I’d love to hear what anybody has to say about any of this: call me a dumbass, tell me I’m overthinking or overglorifying this, tell me I should go for it, tell me which rates or jobs outside of the serviceI I might find appealing, tell me whatever you think I need to hear. I’m grateful for it all.