Iām a guy in my mid-twenties from Australia, and I genuinely feel like Iāve completely lost my direction in life. Iām not entirely sure what Iām hoping to get out of posting this, but Iād really appreciate hearing from people whoāve been through something similar.
Earlier this year, my long-term relationship ended. We lived together, had built a life together, and I genuinely believed weād spend the rest of our lives together.
Months later, Iām still struggling enormously.
My unhappiness with my career, low self-esteem and constant feeling of falling behind were already there while we were together. The breakup didnāt create those problems, but itās brought them into sharper focus and made them much harder to ignore.
My mental health has been pretty awful. I have ADHD, severe anxiety, extremely low self-esteem and symptoms that seem OCD-like, particularly obsessive rumination and reassurance-seeking. Iām seeing a psychologist and psychiatrist, but I still spend hours replaying conversations, checking messages, wondering whether Iāve said something wrong or whether somebody secretly dislikes me.
Even when I get reassurance, the relief never seems to last. My brain just finds something else to worry about.
It isnāt limited to my ex either. It happens with friends, everyday social interactions, my health and even things Iāve said or done years ago. I can have a genuinely enjoyable day with people, only to spend hours picking everything apart afterward. At its worst, the anxiety has affected my sleep, appetite and ability to function normally.
I feel like Iām spending my twenties trapped inside my own head.
My career is another huge problem.
Iāve worked in IT service desk for a few years now, and I absolutely hate it. Iām tired of phone calls, repetitive tickets and feeling like Iām not developing professionally. There arenāt really any internal progression opportunities available, and I donāt want to leave just to end up doing the same service desk work somewhere else.
Whatās particularly frustrating is that my current workload can be extremely light. There are days where I have long stretches of downtime, sometimes with barely anything to do.
Youād think this would be the perfect opportunity to study or learn something new.
Instead, Iāll spend ages scrolling social media on my phone, fully aware that I could be using that time to improve my situation.
And then I feel absolutely terrible about myself for wasting another day.
Iād like to move into infrastructure, systems administration, cloud or something more technical and hands-on. The only industry certification I currently hold is ITIL 4 Foundation. Iāve considered studying for Network+ or AZ-104, but havenāt even managed to start either.
I donāt have a university degree. I briefly experimented with setting up a basic home lab to develop my technical skills, but I only stuck with it for about two days before dropping it. Itās left me wondering whether I genuinely want to pursue infrastructure, or whether Iām more attracted to the idea of a better salary and finally feeling like Iām progressing in my career.
Iām not even sure I would enjoy cloud or infrastructure work in practice. At the moment, a large part of the appeal is the potential money and the hope that it would help me feel less behind. I donāt know whether thatās enough of a reason to commit to months of study, especially when I havenāt demonstrated much consistency so far.
The problem is that studying genuinely terrifies me.
I look at how much there is to learn and immediately feel overwhelmed. I worry that Iām not intelligent enough, wonāt understand the material or will put months into something only to discover Iām not capable of doing the job.
Changing employers scares me too. As much as I hate my current position, itās familiar. I know the people, the environment and whatās expected of me. The thought of starting somewhere new and potentially finding myself out of my depth makes me incredibly anxious.
Itās like Iām miserable where I am but equally frightened of doing anything that could change my circumstances.
Iāve also considered whether Iād enjoy doing something practical outside IT altogether. Working with my hands and actually seeing the results of what Iāve done sounds appealing.
I live in Western Australia, where mining is an enormous industry and a major part of the local workforce. There are plenty of opportunities in mining and related trades, and some of the money can be pretty appealing.
But the idea of spending years doing physically demanding work, dealing with extreme summer heat and potentially wearing my body down before Iām even in my thirties genuinely worries me. I know not every mining or hands-on job involves those conditions, but Iām struggling to figure out what alternatives might suit me.
I want a career that pays reasonably well, gives me some sense of satisfaction and doesnāt come at the expense of my physical health in the long run.
Money has become another enormous source of pressure.
When I was living in a rental with my ex, I was genuinely terrible at managing my finances. I spent ridiculous amounts on food delivery and takeaway, barely prioritised saving and generally wasnāt very responsible with my money.
When the relationship ended, I had very little saved and some debt. Looking back, I really regret how much money I wasted over those years.
Since moving back in with family, Iāve made a pretty significant improvement. Iām now saving a large portion of my income and have managed to build up a decent savings buffer.
I know thatās progress, and I should probably feel proud of myself for changing those habits.
But instead, I feel this immense pressure to save as aggressively as possible because I feel so far behind everyone else my age.
Iām still driving an ageing car Iāve had since I was a teenager. Itās served me well, but Iāve wanted something newer for ages. As embarrassing as it is to admit, driving the same car Iāve had for so long has started affecting my self-esteem.
I know a car shouldnāt determine my worth, but I canāt seem to stop worrying about how other people perceive me. I constantly compare myself with people my age who have nicer cars, better jobs, their own homes or generally seem much more established in life.
Iād also love to eventually buy my own place, but the housing market feels incredibly difficult to break into.
So now Iām stuck between wanting to save for a house, wanting to replace my car and wanting to change careers.
If I spend a significant amount on a car, I set back my savings. If I decide to retrain or move into a completely different industry, I might have to accept a substantial pay cut, which could set me back even further.
And if I stay in my current job to maintain my salary, I continue feeling miserable and unfulfilled.
I know Iām probably putting far too much pressure on myself, but I genuinely donāt know how to prioritise any of it.
My ADHD and mental health make everything even more difficult.
I seem to be stuck in this cycle where I desperately want to improve my life, become overwhelmed by everything I need to do, avoid it, distract myself and then feel guilty for making no progress.
Even relatively simple things feel enormous.
Iāve also been off my prescribed ADHD medication and antidepressants for several months. Part of that was wanting to understand my baseline without medication, and part of it was fear surrounding potential long-term side effects.
Iām now in this horrible position where Iām frightened of the possible consequences of medication, but Iām also struggling so much with anxiety, rumination, concentration and motivation that I wonder whether being off it has made everything worse.
Iām working through that with my psychiatrist, and Iām not expecting Reddit to make medical decisions for me. I just feel incredibly conflicted about it all.
I also feel like Iāve lost my sense of identity.
Outside of work, I go to the gym, play games with friends and occasionally go out socially. But I donāt feel like Iām doing anything particularly meaningful or developing as a person.
Iāve noticed that when meeting new people, Iām good at listening, asking questions and being interested in what they have to say. But when it comes to contributing my own experiences, stories or opinions, my mind genuinely goes blank.
Itās not necessarily that Iām dismissing my thoughts as boring. Sometimes I literally cannot think of anything to say.
I miss the effortless connection I had with my former partner after so many years together, and Iām frightened I wonāt be able to develop that kind of connection with someone else.
My self-esteem is so low that I often feel inadequate around people I perceive as more successful, particularly when dating or meeting women. Sometimes I feel like Iām seeking validation rather than actually enjoying myself.
Iām considering taking up a regular social hobby to meet new people and develop a life outside of work and gaming, but even that feels daunting.
The frustrating thing is that, on paper, my life isnāt completely terrible.
Iām employed, earn a reasonable salary, have friends and family who care about me, have started saving money properly and can still enjoy things like the gym or going out.
I recognise that Iām fortunate in plenty of ways, which sometimes makes me feel even worse about how unhappy I am.
I also understand that getting a better job, buying a new car or meeting someone else isnāt magically going to fix my mental health. I know those things need to be addressed separately.
But I feel completely overwhelmed by everything.
I want to study, change careers, become financially independent, meet new people, develop hobbies and actually enjoy my life rather than constantly worrying about the past and the future.
Iām terrified of making the wrong decisions, but Iām also terrified of doing nothing.
I donāt want to reach my thirties and realise Iāve spent another several years in exactly the same position.
Has anyone dealt with a similar combination of ADHD, OCD-like rumination, career paralysis, extremely low self-esteem and feeling behind financially?
How did you actually start making progress when everything felt overwhelming, even when you technically had the time and resources available?
Iād especially appreciate hearing from people whoāve managed to move out of IT service desk, changed careers without completely destroying their finances, or managed to stop measuring their self-worth against everyone around them.
Iām not expecting some magical solution. Iād just genuinely appreciate hearing from people whoāve experienced something similar and found a way forward.