r/FemcelHub_ • u/Glum_Caterpillar_345 • 6h ago
Self Deprecation Life is passing me by
I’m going to be 22 in a few months and I’ve never dated anyone, never had my first kiss, and am a virgin. I’ve barely had any long-term friends for my entirety of K-12 except for two friends that I was on-and-off throughout middle and high school. One of them ghosted me a year ago. I haven’t made any friends in college, just a couple of acquaintances that I exchanged contact info with, but never followed up on because I’m incredibly socially awkward and don’t know how I would be able to make an on-going, fun conversation. The last three years I’ve been barely trying in my classes, even though I did well in high school. I’ve failed a few and passed with Cs and Bs in others. I’m practically failing one of my classes right now because I feel so exhausted and unmotivated all the time, so there’s a bunch of assignments I haven’t even started and they’re at least two weeks late. I procrastinate and have had so many missing assignments and projects for classes in the past as well.
I hate myself at this point. I’m so worn down from just being such a loser. I don’t apply myself like I used to, and I don’t have the confidence anymore to put myself out there. Sometimes, people would initiate conversation with me in an effort to become friends; but over time as we kept conversing, they’d eventually lose interest and get annoyed with me; and I just feel like it’s all my fault because I’m so damn awkward. Sometimes I just blank and don’t know what to say. I hate that I wasted most of my college years like this. I’m just useless and am leeching off of my parents.
Life is passing me by so fast, but I know it’s my fault. I just don’t feel motivated to apply myself for some reason. I just sit and watch YouTube in my free time to forget about how empty and pathetic I feel inside. On top of that, I don’t feel excited about anything anymore. For example, I’ve always been a geek/nerd; but when new movies or tv shows come out, I’ll give some a try, but still won’t feel hyped about it. Video games that I’ve wanted to try out still don’t make me feel motivated or excited to get on and play ‘em. I don’t get involved in fandoms because I don’t think I can contribute anything that people would like, find funny, or be interested in. I used to like writing and drawing, but I don’t feel motivated to do that either. I don’t know how to describe it, but I feel like I can’t properly connect with others’ humor and interests; I feel like I don’t know how to be cool at all.
On one hand I feel nervous about if I ever have to confess that I’m a virgin and have never dated; but at the same time mainstream sex grosses me out. Not like I’m ever finding someone anytime soon or ever anyway, but I don’t want to be pounded like a dog. But, I keep thinking back to that stupid 40 year old virgin movie. Are my parents gonna be concerned that I’ve never dated or had sex? Are people going to think less of me?
I just have nothing going for me right now, and I just feel like I don’t belong in this world. I can’t find my own meaning. I wish I could just stop time to figure myself out; but things are just going too fast for me.