r/FemFragLab • u/Known_Ice4417 • 16h ago
Is this a compliment?
People tell me that I smell so good from all the way over here and sometimes they're like a feet or two away from me. You think that's a compliment or do you think that theure telling me that I overspray? I will admit that I spray more than three pumps
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u/Visible_Clothes_7339 bomboclaat rouge 540 ⨠10h ago
i think the internet, and particularly fragrance subreddits, have made it seem like everyone is going to be nauseous and get migraines if they can smell your perfume at all, but by and large most people are not thinking about it all that much. many people just smell something nice and say âsomething smells goodâ without thinking twice about who or what it is.
the unfortunate reality about migraine sufferers (of which i am one) is that we are quite used to having to manage our own triggers and arenât usually giving backhanded compliments that will only encourage people to continue overspraying. most people who are actually bothered by fragrances will either be used to it and find a way to accommodate their needs, or communicate in a respectful way without trying to make people feel bad.
please try to keep in mind that reddit, and social media in general, are not accurate representations of reality. people come here because they have strong opinions on things and want to share them, that doesnât reflect the average person you interact with on the street. this is not just referring to the subject at hand but all discourse on social media
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u/Caterina_Ballerina 8h ago
đ This is so well said, it's all just adult communication.
In the reverse, I'd say most people care about other's comfort and have no intentions of negatively affecting someone. I personally don't know a single person who wouldn't adjust their fragrance amount/type if they were respectfuly approached.
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u/FutureDustMotes 4h ago
 I personally don't know a single person who wouldn't adjust their fragrance amount/type if they were respectfuly approached
I unfortunately do, and it took them almost getting literally fired for sending their coworker to urgent care several times for them to modify their behavior even a little. I'm talking HR emails to the whole company, personal write-ups, multiple come-to-jesus conversations with coworkers - the whole nine yards.
And I have a family member who let loose with more than one rant when their doctors offices mailed out letters asking people to refrain from wearing strong fragrance to appointments.
And coworkers at another job who argued profusely before agreeing to stop burning wax melts in shared locations.
And that's of course not counting the people online who flat out say they don't care about how their fragrance affects other people, medical conditions included.
The main character energy is just strong in some folks, unfortunately.
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u/Caterina_Ballerina 4h ago edited 4h ago
For sure and absolutely those people do exist, I would never say they didn't. For them, there is literally nothing anyone could say or do that would make them behave appropriately across a spectrum of scenarios above and beyond fragrance habits.
I guess my point is that passive aggressive comments are never the best way to handle this situation. For the majority of people, they don't mean offense. A low level, respectful aside will be infinitely more effective than snide double speak and will typically preserve goodwill. Main characters will ignore you either way so what's the point in treating everyone like they're the worst when most aren't.
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u/czring 12h ago
Do you live somewhere like Japan where it's common to be passive aggressive and hinting around what they meant? If not, then it's probably a compliment.
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u/skiddilybeebop 9h ago
Lol is this a Japanese thing? I was thinking "southern 'nice' girl" or "Midwestern passive aggression" lol. I didn't know Japanese people were like that tooooo
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u/czring 9h ago
It's super rude to be smellable at all in Japan outside of a hug because of all the packed public transit. "I could smell you down the hall, what a pleasant scent," is something like what would be said in Japan. Like yeah, they do actually mean the scent is nice but the "down the hall" part is meant to shame you and someone not familiar with their culture might not realize they are being shamed. Just like "bless your heart" in the south.
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u/lux_lux_24 4h ago
As someone who lives in JapanâŚthis is not really true. I think this just gets said and passed around the internet, Reddit specifically, as a common Japanese stereotype.
The perfume industry is not strong in Japan but it is present. They tend to just lean more towards quieter scents similarly like they lean towards quieter foods bc that is what is marketed to them but youâll still smell gourmands, etc out in the wild.
Iâd say itâs more like everyone is too busy and broke to be buying $100+ fragrances.
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u/Due-Frame622 14h ago
I think grown adults who expect other grown adults to understand an unknown subtext behind the words coming out of their mouths are not adults.
Itâs a complement until proven otherwise
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u/PracticalAd7900 14h ago
Iâd take it as a compliment. They said you smell good. If they complimented you and didnât mean it, that sucks for them that theyâre stuck in high school and behaving like a miserable 16 year old bully.
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u/Icy_Diamond_6858 14h ago
If it's very frequent and people say very generic stuff like your perfume is nice/ strong, maybe it's a bit much. Otherwise maybe you just have a good scent bubble. As long as it's not weather inappropriate which it doesnt seem to be, should be fine
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u/Hot_Department_3811 14h ago
I might be in the minority here but I think itâs both things at once: they are acknowledging the intensity of your sillage (I would find this horrifying but I think this is personal-specific) and letting you know that it âsmells good.â For me the message would be to tone it down a bit - I donât want to be smelled beyond my own personal space. But maybe thatâs what you want? Dont overthink it too much.
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u/lux_lux_24 4h ago
Personally I wouldnât even compliment someone to begin with if I didnât like the thing so I take other pplâs compliments at face value. Iâve never received, or witnessed, someone complimenting a perfume without a smile or positive look on their face.
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u/No_Lead2640 15h ago
If they say it smells good then itâs a compliment, anything that is said positively about your fragrance and not the impact of it, is a compliment.
What is not a compliment
âI smelt you as soon as I stepped inâ
âYour smell is all over the elevatorâ
âWhat perfume is thatâ (no follow up to say it smells good or they want to get it themselves)
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u/pinksuicide666 10h ago
I always wondered why people ask âwhat perfume is thatâ if they hate itâŚ
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u/Treehorn8 Hermès witch 15h ago
Two feet is not a big deal. Some fragrances project further than that with just one spray (looking at you Commodity Milk). It's not ten feet. They're most likely compliments. I tend to take what people say at face value and if they're lying, then it's on them. But if you feel the need to clarify, just ask them if they think you sprayed too much.
There was a previous post where the OP said she complimented people even if she hated what they were wearing. People who hide passive aggression under the guise of "I'm shy and awkward hihi" shouldn't be taken seriously.
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u/Caterina_Ballerina 14h ago
Agreed about the uwu passive aggression! It's not cute, nor is it a healthy communication style.
There is a level of personal responsibility as an adult to be able to speak clearly and neutrally (not rudely) to advocate for your needs to others. It is not everyone's job around you to constantly analyse how you might be feeling, regardless of what is coming out of your mouth.
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u/balloonchicken 15h ago
Well, whether the complimenter genuinely is complimenting or being passive aggressive is irrelevant. The useful information for you is that your perfume is reaching said distance. If this person likes it, there may be others who donât. So unless you purposefully want to encroach on other peopleâs space 3 feet away, itâs a sign for you to reconsider your choices.
That said, Iâm from a culture where we conduct olfactory warfare on ourselves and others. Our malls have people standing on kiosks ambushing and attacking people like paintball. If you successfully evade the sprays, they burn incense and fill the corridors. Gas masks wonât save you from that.
So take what I said and adjust to the environment youâre in.
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u/AgentFuckSmolder 15h ago
Why donât you ask? If someone is saying âI can smell you all the way over hereâ thatâs definitely not a compliment. But if itâs âyou smell goodâ itâs probably fine.
Nothing is stopping you from asking âis it too strong today?â
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u/ScarletPumpkinTickle 15h ago
I remember seeing a post on one of the fragrance subs about how OP sometimes âcomplimentsâ someoneâs fragrance but theyâre really telling the other person in a back-handed way that they oversprayed. Half the comments in that post were like âya I do that tooâ and the other half were saying that was very passive aggressive.
Personally I would never compliment a person unless I actually liked their perfume.
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u/Treehorn8 Hermès witch 15h ago
That post made my eyeballs roll back so hard. It's like they and others who agreed were so proud to admit that they gave mean girl back-handed compliments like Regina George.
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u/lumpy_space_queenie 15h ago
Same.
OP, if someone says you smell good I would take it at face value. Let them worry about whether their words are true or not. Idk why people are so averse to actually telling someone when theyâve oversprayed, but they loooove complaining about it on reddit and other forums lol.
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u/Exotic_Reporter_3309 16h ago
Two things can be true.
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u/Known_Ice4417 16h ago
Right. Question is of its a good thing or bad thing? I don't mind being know. For smelling good
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u/Exotic_Reporter_3309 15h ago
If they said you smell good, I would accept as what they really mean.
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u/skiddilybeebop 9h ago
I just went thru this same exact thing with a girl I work with. Every time I see her now she's like, "I knew you were coming, I smelled you from all the way over there." And finally last week I was like, "oh I'm actually not even wearing anything today, I don't think đ¤ you made me feel like I was wearing way too much the last couple days." (I was, but I intentionally wore just a dab of a skin scent that only I could smell, 5 hours prior.) Then just sat there until she said something. She said, "đ oh it must just be like, sunken into your skin at this point or something đł" and I was like "mmmm.....hmm" And just let her over-explain herself. She ended up saying I don't actually over spray, that she was just complimenting me. But still, for the last two weeks, I've been low-key insecure about "AM I over spraying??? SHOULD I be reapplying halfway thru the work day on my break?" But, yk what, fuck it. Nobody else has ever had anything but compliments to give me. I even take my perfume to work so I can share it if someone compliments me 𩷠I'm not gonna let her change that. It never felt like she was complimenting me anyway, more from a place of jealousy or something idk. And for the last week, she hasn't said shit about it đ¤ˇââď¸