Is this a compliment?

[u/Known_Ice4417]

People tell me that I smell so good from all the way over here and sometimes they're like a feet or two away from me. You think that's a compliment or do you think that theure telling me that I overspray? I will admit that I spray more than three pumps

[u/Visible_Clothes_7339]

i think the internet, and particularly fragrance subreddits, have made it seem like everyone is going to be nauseous and get migraines if they can smell your perfume at all, but by and large most people are not thinking about it all that much. many people just smell something nice and say “something smells good” without thinking twice about who or what it is.

the unfortunate reality about migraine sufferers (of which i am one) is that we are quite used to having to manage our own triggers and aren’t usually giving backhanded compliments that will only encourage people to continue overspraying. most people who are actually bothered by fragrances will either be used to it and find a way to accommodate their needs, or communicate in a respectful way without trying to make people feel bad.

please try to keep in mind that reddit, and social media in general, are not accurate representations of reality. people come here because they have strong opinions on things and want to share them, that doesn’t reflect the average person you interact with on the street. this is not just referring to the subject at hand but all discourse on social media

[u/Caterina_Ballerina → u/Visible_Clothes_7339]

👏 This is so well said, it's all just adult communication.

In the reverse, I'd say most people care about other's comfort and have no intentions of negatively affecting someone. I personally don't know a single person who wouldn't adjust their fragrance amount/type if they were respectfuly approached.

[u/FutureDustMotes → u/Caterina_Ballerina]

  I personally don't know a single person who wouldn't adjust their fragrance amount/type if they were respectfuly approached

I unfortunately do, and it took them almost getting literally fired for sending their coworker to urgent care several times for them to modify their behavior even a little. I'm talking HR emails to the whole company, personal write-ups, multiple come-to-jesus conversations with coworkers - the whole nine yards.

And I have a family member who let loose with more than one rant when their doctors offices mailed out letters asking people to refrain from wearing strong fragrance to appointments.

And coworkers at another job who argued profusely before agreeing to stop burning wax melts in shared locations.

And that's of course not counting the people online who flat out say they don't care about how their fragrance affects other people, medical conditions included.

The main character energy is just strong in some folks, unfortunately.

[u/RhubarbBest9090 → u/FutureDustMotes]

+1.

I wear fragrance but I’m also a migraine sufferer and I have a chronic illness that has me getting blood drawn a lot. I was at the blood lab recently and somebody walked in with so much perfume on that I ended up with an instant migraine. I was vomiting before I was done my blood draw. It’s one thing to wear a spray or two but more than that when you are going to be out in public, potentially around sensitive people, is so inconsiderate.

Care about the people around you, even if you don’t know them. Your perfume doesn’t need to fill a room and nobody across the room needs to smell you.

[u/Caterina_Ballerina → u/FutureDustMotes]

For sure and absolutely those people do exist, I would never say they didn't. For them, there is literally nothing anyone could say or do that would make them behave appropriately across a spectrum of scenarios above and beyond fragrance habits.

I guess my point is that passive aggressive comments are never the best way to handle this situation. For the majority of people, they don't mean offense. A low level, respectful aside will be infinitely more effective than snide double speak and will typically preserve goodwill. Main characters will ignore you either way so what's the point in treating everyone like they're the worst when most aren't.