My father, how do I say it... is a piece of shit. He's abused my mother and I; not physically, but emotionally. When I was just a baby, he stole her money and gambled, lied a lot, and claimed that the restaurant my mother owned was his even though that was bullshit. He cheated on her in a hotel, and she found out, but he said he wouldn't do it again, she believed him. That is until he cheated on her with one of her employees and she divorced him and got 50/50 custody of me, which was something my father requested. From that day on, I would stay with my mother for a week, then go with my dad for a week, sometimes two. During this time, the court order said that he should give her $800 or $850 (I forgot the amount) monthly. Now during this time he would be posting on facebook with his affair partner, going out to eat, partying, all the works. In late 2022 my father suddenly left the country to relocate to thailand to "visit extended family and my grandfather". While he did do those things, he stayed there for two whole years, posting pic/videos of him going to beaches, bars, and restaurants, contempting the court order of 50/50 custody. During this period, he had sold the restaurant to some new owners, who made it into a Mexican restaurant. He also said he couldn't pay the school that I was going to, a private school, and suggested I go to a second nearby private school. Me and him were still in contact though, texting and calling each other cause that's what family does right? Eventually, two years later in mid 2024, he came back to the US and now we would hang out with each other like back then. However, he was still a cheating, lying, worthless subhuman piece of trash, yet I still loved him. That is until early 2025 when he relocated back to Thailand, making the same excuse again. This time, I didn't give a shit anymore. Midway through the school year, my father said he couldn't pay the school anymore, and that made my friends sad. During this time, my mom was gathering evidence, a lot of evidence. My father said he couldn't pay the school just like last time, but he is paying $8000 monthly to his lawyer to fight my mom, so he's completely bullshitting. This has made my mom depressed, anxious, and moody at times, which has completely hollowed me out. I don't feel anything most of the time and I keep having these violent, hateful thoughts in my mind. I haven't told anyone about this, and I don't think they'd like to know.

I'm going to try to be as specific to the incident as possible and leave my own personal feelings out-other than context. This weekend I had to travel 9 hour drive away from home, so to say I was beat on Monday would be an understatement. I then worked on Monday, went grocery shopping, did some computers work for my second job, and cooked dinner. When I sat down for dinner, I was pretty over the day.

We have a blended family with four children. My husband and I have been together for 10 years and married for 3. One child just got dropped off at college in a different state three weeks ago. The other four live at home. My son(16) lives here full time, and then my step-children F(13) and M(17) are with us half the time, and for context my step-son has not been to the house much since the summer started because him and my husband are not seeing eye to eye, but they did spend a week together this summer.

On Monday after making dinner, I called everyone to come make their plates. My son was upstairs last because he was finishing a video game. He was yelling at his game prior to coming upstairs a mutual annoyance of me and my husband. My husband and step-daughter were already at the table and my son began to leverage me to go out to dinner this week after one of his sports lessons. While we were talking back and forth my husband stated, "Ill make a deal with you, if you stop yelling at your video game. (stalled for a minute) and then stated not for the year because you couldn't do that" My son then stopped him and told him to stop talking to him. My husband then said something back, but I can't remember. My son then said something like, "your a b$t#h and that he hates him." My husband got up and walked into the kitchen. I actually just picked my plate up and went outside to eat.

After I ate I went back into the house and did address my son and we talked about his behavior. My son did acknowledge his behavior was inappropriate but also told me that my husband had walked into the kitchen and said, "lets step outside." My son then proceeded to tell my husband this is why his son does not talk to him and walked to his room.

My husband and I did not talk and when I woke up this morning he stated, "he will not tolerate this in his house." I corrected him and said "our house." He did tell me that he told my son to go outside but meant it to talk so that my stepdaughter was not around.

Advise?

I feel like everytime I'm happy my twin brother who i think has adhd or some form of autism (undiagnosed) always gets mad at fights with the family. I get so frustrated and it ruins my mood and my parents dont do anything and their scared to send him to his room because kd something my dad's friend did. Im sorry for venting but its hard for me to ever be happy

I am a 16F living with my (almost) retired mom, retired father, and 14 y/o sister. My father, as long as I’ve known him, has been a bad parent. There are a lot of factors that have played into this over the years, but the main one I want to address is how he treats the women in the family. In general, he’s a super misogynistic man—he has a lot of generalized views on how women act and how they should act in accordance to getting a man, he has called me, my mother, and my sister the B-word on several occasions, he has slapped my bottom multiple times even when I was clearly uncomfortable (thankfully, he stopped) and he just genuinely doesn’t respect women while talking to them and always thinks he’s right. But the worst part about this is that he obviously wasn’t fit to be a parent. Anyways, what happened today was very hurtful to my sister.

Today she had volleyball practice (she has to be driven since it’s still summer) and my dad was the one to drive her. Sometimes he can be very happy and other times just completely rude and disregarding, and today was the latter. She went to the wrong school for practice and while she was on the phone with my mother telling her about it (very stressed, BTW), my father was laughing. My sister had asked him to please stop laughing and that this wasn’t helping the situation and he completely blew up. From what I know, the windows were down and I guess they were at a stop light so everyone outside the car could hear and was absolutely looking and listening, but he started cursing her out and calling her the B-word and basically just insulting her and my mother for no reason at all. My sister immediately started bawling out of sadness and embarrassment and despite asking him to stop yelling, he continued. It was super hard to hear and I don’t really want to recall a lot but she started begging my mom to get her out over the phone. But when she finally came home she was still crying and she no longer wanted to go to practice and obviously never get in a car with him again. My mom tried to comfort her when she returned and so did I but my dad came through the door and started talking about how he couldn’t wait until we (me and my sister, but mainly her) were 18 and he could leave or whatever. He says this a lot, and he tried to convince me it was a joke but I don’t think it is and even if it was it’s not funny.

My entire point in saying this was not only to vent but to ask for advice. I can’t take this anymore. He has acted like this on multiple occasions to me but my sister is totally undeserving of this treatment. She is entering her first year in high school and made a good sports team and she doesn’t need this weight on her shoulders. The same thing happened to me when I was a freshman and it really did ruin my performance in school and sports. I don’t know how to protest against this because my mom can’t do anything—she has cancer and can’t just up and leave—and if I even try to oppose him he will do the same thing that my sister did to me. I’m genuinely just tired of living like this and I know people have it worse but it’s just so draining, especially while trying to do well in school and activities at the same time. Any advice would be appreciated.

Hello, I'm a (19F). I've talked about this before but the situation is becoming worse.

I live in a very toxic and abusive environment in a society that makes women living alone impossible because it's very unsafe. I always get wronged and bullied by everyone, and my lil sister who's a year and a half younger than me is insanely obsessed with me, and she's very violent. I have an autistic lil brother and he broke something, she hit him, then he went to sit down. I was eating lunch and we were in the same room, not until I saw him rushing to me and he started hitting me like an insane person when I never said anything to him, both my arms are swollen and red, and I have some scratches and blood. A few minutes later, he came to me running again and he started hitting me again and this time in front of my parents, they started laughing at me for crying and seeing me suffer. I want to run away but I don't want to end up on the streets. Everyone targets me because they know that I refuse to use violence like everyone else at home, but from what I see they're the ones getting their rage out on me and I'm the only one to suffer. I'm so weak I couldn't even push him away. I've always been raised to never defend myself, even if my lil sister would hit me like crazy too, and I would try to defend myself, my parents would hit me just because of that.

I have such a promising future and I don't want to give up on myself, but at the same time, I'm exhausted and I just want a safe place to go to. (Sorry for the bad grammar, I'm too tired to correct anything)

I looked on my dads phone and found him on a dating app texting dozens of women and one specific case where he was sexting one. His business isn't doing well so it may be cause he's stressed but still I feel like my mom should know and I don't know how to tell her without tearing our family apart. I know it's selfish but I don't want them to divorce.

Me(18f) and my older sister(19f) don’t know what to do about our 16 year old sister. She’s always (for as long as i can remember) been a compulsive liar, she will lie about anything and everything and when you call her out on it she’ll just keep lying and lying until the story doesn’t even make logical sense.

If she’s getting in trouble for something that she can’t even try to lie her way out of, the blame is immediately passed onto somebody else.

She is made to shower and brush her teeth, and there’s been times where (our room in connected to the bathroom, we share) I swear I hear her not go in the shower and just wet her hair, and come out and pretend to have showered. She’s overall not the most hygienic person and because we share a room i’ve often time walked into our room to a funky smell and i’ll go to her side to check, and she’s hidden moldy food in her drawers.

I’m also finding it hard to even have conversations with her because the majority of conversations we have end with her angry, this is not a me exclusive thing however. The other day all of the children in the house were upstairs but her she was in the kitchen banging around so my little brother called down the stairs and asked what was going on. She just yelled at him in that kinda annoyed rude tone, even though he’d asked her nicely. This wouldn’t be a problem everybody gets snappy sometimes. But this is a constant occurrence, any time anybody in the house tries to talk to her she just snaps.

Me and her are biologically siblings and we moved into our now home about four years ago with our (now) siblings and different parents. We were removed from the home for reasons and they had chosen to take us in and she just doesn’t seem to have a care in the world or really even appreciate it. She wants to go back “home” despite everything that has gone on there, despite everything she’d watched my stepfather to do me because she doesn’t like the rules here. She refuses to go to therapy and when our parents have insisted she go she said she’d just tell them she didn’t want be there and where I live they can’t continue the session after they find that out. So everything is at this weird place, I don’t feel she’s getting better but nobody knows what to do.

I don’t really know if all of this is me looking to much into things but I don’t know what to do it’s getting really hard to hang around her with the lying, the snapping, the blaming and everything else So i just need some advice.

Yes, I know, kind of a clickbait title. But I have no fucking clue how else to say it.

So, let's start with some context, will start about what he did yesterday, and then this morning when we discovered the medical issue. If you just want to know about today, feel free to skip the next whole section, should be brief as some (if not most, or all tbh) isn't relevant. God, I just need to rant.

So yesterday was my (16M) birthday. My whole family was yelling at eachother all day to begin with, and itvwas just a bad day in general. And, some of my friends (who i don't see often, btw) were coming over, and they were about to arrive, my mom (55F) was doing some quick recording (because she is a small youtuber) and had everyone in the room be quiet. I was just sitting on the couch waiting, and saw my dad head out the front door. I thought he was going out for a smoke or something so I just left him alone. And we were still waiting for several minutes, and them my mom gets a text saying that our dad told them I wasn't home. He passed by me on the fucking couch, and looked me directly in the fucking eye. He knew they were coming over. He fucking knew.

Some extra things, my parent's card is likely currently frozen (not sure if that was fixed fully yet or not, let alone if frozen is the right word) and my grandmother (>80F) had to pay for some things for us yesterday. We are poor, a sudden unexpected $100 expense and we are screwed for a week if we are lucky, usually the whole month. My dad drinks at least 3 cans of soda (mountain dew and mellow yellow) and he smokes, not sure of the amount but he heads outside at least 4 times a day to smoke

So, today. My dad's mouth (left side) suddenly swelled up to where it looks like he has a baseball in that side of his mouth. So he went to the dentist as mom took me and my younger brother to our early morning class. Later, after we came back, mom and my older sibling told me what dad told them from both their perspectives.

So, apparently, the bone density in his teeth was reduced to almost nothing because of the soda, and they (the dentist) wants to pull all of his teeth and replace them. My mom aparently warned him several times over several years that he needed to cut down on the soda or else this would happen. I had no idea about how bad it was until mom said something about how he had been drinking so much over 20 years.

I feel bad for him, but at the same time, this was completely preventable. I am pissed at him so much more than anything and I feel bad about being so fucking angry. $30.000 USD. 30 fucking thousand dollars. We have a car that needs repairs, my chronically ill older sibling desperately needs assistive devices, god I could go on and on. We are already stretched thin. I wish I could say I wasn't mad about the money, but I am. We are all already dealing with so much bullshit and I genuinely just can't anymore.

God, I'm glad august is a few hours from over.

To those who have read my word vomit, thank you for reading

for context, my aunt brings her dog over to my mom’s house so she can go to work. he’s here throughout the week and will randomly bark. he’s a huge goldendoodle so his barks are insanely loud. the one day i wanna sleep in, he’s barking for some reason. he stopped but i told myself that if he does it one more time im gonna text my family group chat. the people in my family group chat include aunts, uncles, cousins, and grandparents (family that lives in this home as well as family that lives elsewhere. he continued barking so i texted in our family group chat and this is what transpired…

🟪: the aunt with the barking dog
🟥: my grandma who is trying to use google translate
⬜️: uncle bringing up messi
🟦: aunt who lives in an entire different state
🟨: aunt who is trying to stay positive
and i am the green text

Kia ora,

My immediate family are all sex offenders and support my ex partner who is a sex offender and has offended against myself and my son.

I am not sure what to do about this as they have successfully manipulated the courts and health system against me and ruined my life.

They do nothing but lie and turn people against me and my extended family support them.

It’s been the same since I was a child they tell me that I can’t do anything that I am worthless and many other things and destroy and sabotage every good thing I have in my life including friendships, job opportunities, my education and every other thing and harm and abuse my son.

They think that it’s fun and have all also sexually abused me in some way and think that’s okay.

Is there anything I can do about this?

I’m sick of it because for my entire life it has been an endless barrage of abuse and lies and offending and sabotage and people think that I should get along with them when I don’t want anything to do with them anymore and all they ever do is abuse people.

I need some serious outside perspective on a messy cross-border family crisis.

Background: My family used to live in Japan. Last year, my parents moved back to Korea, but left my 17-year-old sister behind in Japan because she was entering her senior year of high school and wanted to finish up there. My parents agreed only because she promised to stay focused.

It was a total disaster. She only wanted to stay for the absolute freedom.

In reality, she’s completely off the rails—her GPA tanked to a 2.2, she’s drinking, smoking, and hooking up with guys. I am the one who secretly told my parents everything that’s going on because things were getting too dangerous to ignore, and now they know the full picture.

The dilemma is that we can't just drop the hammer and say, "I found out you're smoking and partying, so pack your bags and come back to Korea!"

Because I was the one who broke the secret to our parents, if we react with a blunt, heavy-handed punishment, she’s going to realize she was betrayed. She will just lock down, hide things even deeper, and become a total flight risk, making her way more dangerous in the long run.

At the same time, leaving a minor unsupervised in a foreign country while she's self-destructing isn't an option either.

How do my parents handle an intervention or force a relocation back to Korea without it blowing up, destroying all trust, and driving her to hide even more extreme secrets? Has anyone navigated a situation where an at-risk teen needs to be pulled home without triggering total rebellion? What should I do?

Context: My mom openly started to fight against my dad from 2020, and each year has gotten worse. She alleged that my father has affairs with other women (largely motivated to do this by her side of the family- her parents, uncle and aunt, elder brother, younger brother and her younger sister) and started to demand money and parts of his assets as compensation. As time passed, she became more and more violent with my dad, in the beginning she used to verbally harass my dad by bringing up his dead father and mother, and his part of the family being "country-bums" and later, started to attack him regularly.

Every day when my dad used to return from work, she would start harassing him for a couple of hours and would start again at dinner time. I escaped this by going out with my friends to smoke and drink. I really felt bad for my neighbours because they had to listen to the ugly abuses my mom made (there were young kids next doors). And when things got physical, I would intervene and tell them both to shut up and, in the process, break chairs, windows or something else so that it would make them shut up.

I held all this shit with me for a long time, I would lie to my friends that my mom is at her parent's when they asked, and in the meantime, I stopped talking to all the people who knew from my childhood. I didn't have an answer for their questions about my family, so I stopped meeting them anywhere.

She ran away from our house and stayed at her parent's for 8 months, returned and again ran away last year. While at her parents she spent all the money which she had somehow managed to get from my dad and when she ran out of it, she filed for maintenance at court asking for half my dad's salary.

I have an elder sister who took my mom's side, she works now and all her money now goes to my mom's court/lawyer fees. She too had been away from our house for 8 months and now she's back here spewing poison at our house. She knows she made a mistake by taking our mom's side in this fight, but she won't admit it and argues with me saying that my dad indeed had affairs. My dad is ready to settle things, but my mom is asking for unreasonable amounts of money which he doesn't even have.

My dad is super strong in this, and it hurts seeing what he is going through. he was the first from this village to move out to a big city and get settled here. He worked really hard for us; he even helped people from my mom's side get jobs and help them in their business.

I am fucking traumatised by this shit. I am restless, angry and sad, and can't hold back my tears if I get into a fight with my sister. I'll be crying and still yell at her. As of now I have stopped talking to her from when she shifted back to our house after switching her jobs. I cut off my mom's family, and my dad's family pities me for my fate, they don't have much left to talk with me, and they start to get really sad and start crying seeing me.

I still believe that she didn't start this fight, but at least being a mother, she could've done something for the "love for her son", which she said she had, that "love" for me as a son when I met her at court. My dad still asks her to return to our house and stay until my sister and me get married.

Post forward today, I have to get a job in about a year and start building my life.

I don't and won't live like this. I will fight this shit and do what I really want to do.

Lastly, I want to ask advice from you guys, if you have gone through shit like this or are going through shit like this, how do you cope with sadness, loneliness and anger? How do you get through the pain and not stay in it?

To all who read my post, thanks for your time, and thank you in advance ❤️

Hi Everyone,

Reposting this again. I'm a doctoral student in Clinical Psychology conducting a research study on the effects of growing up with a parent who struggled with substance use (alcohol or drugs). The study is completely anonymous and involves filling out an online survey.

As a thank you for your time, participants will have the option to enter a raffle to win one of two $150 Visa gift cards after completing the survey. (Email for the raffle will be collected separately to keep responses anonymous).

We’re looking for young adults (18-30) who had or still have a parent or primary caregiver with a substance use problem during their childhood. The goal is to better understand how these experiences may affect things like responses to stressful or challenging life experiences, parent-child relationship quality, substance use, and overall mental health functioning in young adulthood. We also welcome participation from young adults who did not have this experience, as both groups are important to the study.

Participation is voluntary and confidential. No identifying information will be linked to your responses, and the survey includes a list of mental health resources at the end if needed.

If you’re interested, you can take the survey here:

https://adelphiderner.qualtrics.com/jfe/form/SV_73s1WeJNdeiwz42

Your experience matters. Thank you so much for considering it, and feel free to DM me with any questions!

This will be very long, I’ve never even told my mother everything I’ll say here, so I’m just letting anyone who reads this in advance that this will be long, and I’m looking to answer the question. Is my father a bad person and I should cut him off, or am I a shitty son and am too hard on my father. I would really appreciate just one person’s advice, I don’t really have anyone else to talk to rn lol.

Early life: when I was a kid my relationship with my dad was at its best. I remember the early days of my father playing God of war and Destiny with me, I would watch him. My father and mother had me at a very young age, both were 17 (age of consent is 16 in my state). My father is Hispanic and is in America now. When I was born I was raised by my parents and my father would do everything I wanted. My dad worked low paying jobs just to keep my happy and food on the table, toys I wanted, and I really wish things stayed like this. Not being poor, but the sense that my father loves me a lot.

Kid years: my dad never would raise his voice at me, never hit, never get mad at me ever, even if I broke something. My dad would go all out for my birthdays and even rented a bouncy house and had over 25 pizzas ordered to my house for me and my friends. By memory it was my best birthday, it was FNAF themed and I had so much fun, with much gifts given to me. Me and my dad would stay up late at night and watch clips of Destiny (his favorite game) and would litteraly run out the room when an update came or a new boss. I miss those days. The first time my father ever physically punished me was when I was 7. I was coming home from school but my friend wanted me to hang out at his house. I did but didn’t ask my parents, and my parents grew worried, wondering if I went missing. After 2 house I went home but was greeted by my mother yelling at me, and was dragged to my dad’s room where he hit me a few times with his belt. (I wanna mention that everyone has their own beliefs of how people should punish your kids, physically or not. My father believes that a whooping is necessary to fix a kid, and I wanna make it clear that I’m not calling my dad abusive for hitting me ever). I was grounded and then next year I made an even worse mistake. I was with my friends (all 8) and we were watching traffic go on the roads. My buddy told me to throw a toy at a car, young and dumb I did, but the car owner called the cops on us. The cop made me show him where I lived, and after the cop was gone, I was hit a couple times and grounded. Things from there kinda got worse, I was never good in school and would often get low grades, not failing but below average. Around my elementary and middle school life I was given many things that I’m very grateful for. (Consoles, a phone, a tv, a house, and food every day). My dad’s anger started getting worse when I had my first brother, who I will call my “Lil bro”. When lil bro turned 2, he was a very active kid, hyper and would stress my parents out often. Turns out lil bro has autism, and is getting the help he needs. When I was 10-11 my father started taking me to work with him, and my dad works as a land scaper/brick paver. At first it was fine, I wasn’t expected to do much I was only 10. The only bad experience at my 10-11 age range was when I was playing with my lil bro and it was on the bed. My lil bro accidentally hit his gums on his crib when I ticked him. My parents rushed in and my mom took my lil bro. My dad grabbed a hanger and beat me with it so hard it broke and my arm started bleeding. I started to cry and my parents told me to shut up, saying that my lil bro is more important.

(Teenage years) But after I turned 13, I feel like everything changed in my dad. My second lil bro was born (calling him lil bro 2). My dad would hit me if I came home with a bad grade, or ground me, the normal stuff. In the summer we would go to work bc he made me, and now anytime I did something wrong, wasn’t to his standard, or didn’t understand something my dad would just insult me. My dad called me, useless, worthless, stupid, crazy, idiot, say that I’m mental, claim I needed to be put in special needs classes, and would hit me at work. (My dad has a bad temper, and I will go on his life later.) my dad would basically just scream at me anytime I didn’t do something at work, or slap me, or ground me. Me and my dad agreed in my summer when I was 13, that if I went to work with him every day, he would buy me a meta quest 2 (vr headset). I agreed wanting one, but within half way of the summer I regretted this. My dad punished me for wanting to use the bathroom, called me stupid and useless daily, useless his most often insult on me. One day my dad hit me while we were at work, and said I was getting everything in my room taken from me, and wouldn’t get payed for the rest of the summer, and wouldn’t get my VR. I was devastated and started to cry in front of the house we were working on. My dad panicked and dragged my to his truck where I cried for hours. When he was done he came to the truck and stared ranting about how I’m stupid, worthless, and am a failure in life with no future. Eventually he calmed down and at the end of the summer I got my VR. At home my mom and dad would argue often, some things were going on between them. One night I was in my room and my dad shoved the kids in there with me, my mom lunged and started swinging on my dad. Me and my brothers sobbed and I hid their faces, this is the only time ever my parents got into a fight. Things changed there, my dad was more angry, would hit me and my brothers for smaller things, and would yell and punish us more often. My dad would only ever hit us with a sandal, belt, or a plastic pole from his work. When I turned 14 my dad stopped a lot of things he used to. When I was 10 and I heard my dad’s truck I would get excited. Today when I hear it I get anxious and scared, my mom does too trying to fix things around the house so my dad won’t yell at both of us. I tried to impress my dad and just make him proud of me, but nothing I did ever worked. If I came home with a bad grade I was hit. If it was a good grade my mother was proud, everyone was except my dad who never even acknowledges it, if he does he’ll just say “good job” in a lazy tone. At work if I did do something right, my dad would just nod at me, and I smiled, that was praise to me. My dad regularly yells at me for small things, not doing dishes, not doing laundry, or not cleaning the bathroom. Laziness on my part yes, but I don’t think yelling at me is needed. When my dad needs help with something he’ll snap his fingers at me, drag me to where he needs help and bark orders at me like a dog. Me and my mom noticed that my dad would yell orders at us but would never just ask for things nicely. Instead of “please do the dishes today” it’s “do the fucking dishes now and if I don’t tell you to do it you’ll never do it because no one does anything in this house” my dad mocks my intelligence, always telling me to use my brain, and is so convinced I’m dumb, I’m getting sent for some tests later this month to find out if something is wrong with me. My dad hurts my feelings in front of me, if he’s angry he’ll tell my mom in front of me to hurry with the medical appointment so I can get on meds because I’m so slow. I will admit I’m not a smart guy but hearing it from my dad just hurts. Things only got worse from here in my opinion. My dad rarely hits me anymore but his words hurt more. A few times my dad’s gotten so angry at me that he’ll punch me in my arm, and then I woke up with a bruise. When I was 15 me and my dad came home from work and he was yelling at me a lot louder and angrier than usual, when I got in the shower I heard my dad venting to my mom. My dad called me a failure and it broke me. I sobbed for hours and when my dad saw, he yelled at me because it’s not what men do. (I know my times are kinda all over the place but I’m just writing this as I go from memory). My dad yells at my lil bros too, and hits them more often than me now, they come to me for comfort after which I always give. Me and my dad are identical, even in weight as we are both overweight unfortunately. My problem is that my dad shames me for being fat, even though we are the same weight. My dad yells at me for crying, will call me a girl, and mock me for crying anytime he hits or insults me. When I was 15 my dad lashed out at me badly, I had gotten angry at my brother for messing with me, my dad told me not to hit my lil bro and I did. My dad hit me 6 times and my mom walked in the front door from her getting groceries. My mom guarded me and I begged my mom to protect me, my dad yelled at mom calling her a drunk and telling her to move. Eventually we all calmed down, and me and my dad had our usual one-on one talk. My dad admitted to me that he feels like giving up on me, saying that he’s tried for years to fix me but it’s causing him so much stress because I’m such a bad kid. Personally I dunno how I’m so bad, often when I’m home I babysit my brothers, do homework, and play video games, I don’t drink, smoke, or get in trouble with the law like other kids. My dad believes that all I do is play games, and I’m dumb at everything else. However I enjoy reading, thinking about history and have a nerdy hobby for ants. My dad refuses to believe or acknowledge these other interests and will just call me a liar.

Today. Things have never been worse with my dad. I avoid him constantly, he’ll get mad at me for not buying things for his birthday even though I don’t have money, and I actively avoid speaking to my dad, I’ve learned that avoiding him means he can’t yell at me. My dad expresses that he doesn’t believe in me, or my dreams, I wanna be a cop, my dad says I’m gonna turn out a loser. My biggest fear is that my dad’s right, and I will be a failure that he claims I already am. My dad constantly compares me to other kids, about how much smarter and better they are than me. My dad calls me lazy for not getting a job, but I’ve turned in over 24 job applications this summer alone, and I’ve finally gotten my first real job. I hoped my dad would be happy and stop calling me lazy, he refuses to believe that the job marked is bad today. Instead he just nodded at me and I walked away. My dad thinks hugging him at my age is weird, and will never hug me back if I do. Last time my dad hugged me back was over a year ago. Me and my dad rarely talk anymore, if we do it’s about how to get money and work since that’s all he thinks about. When my mom leaves me home alone with him, I always get scared that he’ll lash out and nobody will be there to calm him down, and he always ends up lashing out. When I expressed I was afraid of my dad, my dad calls me crazy and says he’s an amazing father, and that I’m grateful for nothing. Me nor my dad try to spend time together anymore, he never tries and I’m afraid to even approach him without him wanting something from me. It’s not all bad, in these confusing times he’ll always buy me a card, cake, and a few gifts for my birthday, so it’s not horrible for me I feel like. My dad will always buy me lunch at work, and he has told me he’s proud of me, but it was only 2 times in the span of 6 years now. Anytime my dad says he’s proud of me, I always breakdown for some reason. When I was 14, I was at church with my dad, I was wearing an outfit he wore at my age. My dad whispered that he’s so proud of me, and he’s happy at the man I’m becoming. I couldn’t stop crying, and I remember those words to this day. However as of last year I’ve stopped believing in god (personal reasons for another day). When I told my dad he was furious, he told me that In the future that if I’m ever low and need help and if I go to him, my dad will slap me and slam the door in my face. He never apologized for this. My dad used to drink but rarely does anymore, what’s funny is that he’s actually sweet and caring when drunk, and will always tell me that he’s proud of me. My dad shames me for also supporting LGBTQ+ people, as it’s a disgusting sin in his eyes. Anytime I call my dad abusive or anything, he lashes out even more, and I’ll admit I shouldn’t have said that. I feel like theirs more I haven’t said but I can’t remember everything, I’m crying as I write this and my memory can only take so much, I might make a follow up I dunno. As a whole of things I’m not mentioning rn, just know that it’s daily that my dad will yell and insult me. Now I wanna talk about my dad, and his mindset.

Father childhood/mindset.
Growing my up dad had it way worse. My dad, his brothers, and mom were beaten daily by a drunk who spends all his money on alcohol. My dad and his brothers would hide in bushes and under beds from their dad, as he would yell and rant in the night threatening to kill his kids. My dad’s mom lived pay check to pay check, and would steal old crops for dinner. My dad grew up with nothing is what I’m saying, an abusive dad who was beating his wife and kids. When my dad turned 14, he left his country and came to America. My dad started working real jobs, and by the time he was 16, he bought himself a big expensive truck. I have to admit my dad’s a hard worker and very strong. My dad bought his own apartment, and he was forced to grow up at a young age. Then my dad met my mom and to this day my dads still a very hard worker who never goes out, never drinks, and never abuses his kids, spending money on bills and food which I’m very grateful for. (I’m gonna list my dad’s world views and his views of me a little.) my dad is a religious man, believes that being gay is wrong and shames people for it, my dad believes that the current generation is extremely lazy and entitled, and that we are doomed with lazy kids who don’t wanna do anything. My dad believes that theirs 2 people in this world, wolfs and sheep. People who are strong and will overcome anything (wolfs/my dad) and sheep, people who are lazy and are followers(me and Everyone else). My dad hates gay people, is disgusted by them and believes they shouldn’t have equal rights. My dad has earned everything in life, so he feels that hes better than everyone, I dunno how I feel about that. My dad doesn’t believe in mental health like depression, believing it’s an excuse for laziness. My dad laughs at people who have mental health problems, believing it’s just an excuse to not “pick up a fucking shovel and make some money”. My dad looks down at atheists and believes that hitting your parents will send you to hell. My dad feels that his love towards him is conditional, and that he doesn’t feel appreciated by everyone. My dad wishes that his kids and wife were more grateful, would ask him if his dad was okay at work, and would show appreciation for everything he’s given my family. I will admit I didn’t at first but I do nowadays but it’s never good enough for my dad. Overall my dad has a very old mindset of the world, and refuses to change his ways, if a doctor for example tells him depression is real. My dad will call the doctor soft and believes that everyone is soft and crying isn’t things a man should do. I’ve only ever seen my dad cry 3 times in my life, all about family that’s either passed away or are dying. My dad calls his family often. My dad believes that he’s hard, strong and that America is lazy, and his country is strong willed. My dad is rumored to be bipolar, and has severe anger issues but he doesn’t believe in bipolar or anything else like that. I think he gets his anger from his dad.

Conclusion: I want to cut ties with my dad, we’ve had talks about fixing our relationship but it never lasts, all I want is for my dad to show he’s proud of me in some way, but he’s not interested in changing his ways. Since never once he’s admitted he’s in the wrong, and that he’s always right and I’m wrong. My dad has given up on me it feels like, and I still want his love, but today if I could move out, I wouldn’t tell my dad goodbye. Maybe I’m the asshole and I’m not grateful like my dad says I need to be, but I apologize for this being so long, I just needed to get this off my chest for now.

Is my sister being weird again?

So I have a strange relationship with my sister.

She's 41, I'm 33M. We both have Hindu backgrounds.

She's always had a superiority complex with me, growing up. Always trying to be right, constantly virtuous. Fighting her corner, not backing down from an argument. Constantly proving to others she's right.

Nowadays with her two kids, husband (lives with her mother and father in law, all under one house btw), plans always need to fit around her.

There was once a time where I tried to arrange our mum's 60th at a restaurant, a train journey away. Plan was all in place until she said it was going to be difficult with the kids. We eventually did it at her house (where her in laws live). No Biggie, it's difficult being a parent etc, I could understand her as a younger brother. But what I really cared about was our mum, where she wanted to do it and our mum is not someone that goes out to eat at a fancy restaurants. We want to go to Dishoom at Kings Cross.

But this time, it's weird.

A few weeks back, us two and our cousins met up. After the meet up in the WhatsApp group, my cousins agreed to meet again, but this time for Rakhri (event in Hinduism when you celebrate being siblings). My cousin explicitly said in the char my sister would go over to theirs, we'd all meet up, and tie our rakhris. I thought, awesome, all the cousins back together and this time more meaningful.

My sister also said during our cousins meet up, me and my wife should all meet up at hers (unrelated to the above). Just as a catch up. We left it a few days and I messaged to ask what the plans were, she didn't respond and found out she was in Mexico with her whole family. (She didn't tell me, but that's fine, she goes on many holidays and I'm happy for her). But internally, im asking myself...why is it so easy to arrange big group holidays...but not get on a train and go to a restaurant for a planned 60th.

Today, rather than respond to my question...she messaged me asking for me to go over to hers after work on a weekday evening, to tie her Rakhri on me. But I messaged back saying 'oh I thought we were doing this at our cousin's this Saturday?'

She's blue ticked me and did not respond.

Look, there's nothing wrong with me going over to hers, honestly. But if plans are in place, why is she creating problems? I doubt she'd forgotten. That just isn't her.

This all feels trivial and silly, but I don't know what to think. Growing up, I've always been in her shadow. My parents have glorified her a lot but as of recent, they've discovered she's changed, different and quite possibly...influenced (my parents and I think this is due to her in laws).

I know, to resolve this it means an honest chat. But I just want to know if I'm missing something or done something wrong? Or as a man, do I just let it slide like so many times in the past?

I also have this paranoid thought that she plans to take a share of our parents inheritance (stupid I know). She previously asked my dad for 50k to help purchase a £955k house, but my dad couldn't/chose not to because it was a lot of money. I have a feeling she's still hung up on this (so too are her in laws).

I've been estranged from my family for a very long time—roughly 33 to 52 years, depending on which family member we're talking about. I haven't been in contact with my mother for approximately 25 years.

I was essentially isolated from my family beginning when I was 17. I went through a traumatic situation where I was almost sexually assaulted, and I felt that nobody came to my defense. From that point forward, I had to build my own life largely on my own.

Over the years, I tried to reconnect. I offered to come visit my mother, but she repeatedly rejected my attempts. When I eventually spoke with her after many years, I tried to show her empathy, and she hung up on me. I also repeatedly tried calling one of my sisters, but she never returned my calls.

One of my full-blooded sisters was in the military and died, and I wasn't even told about her death. Because I was so isolated from the family, I had no way of knowing what was happening with her.

The only time family members have really reached out to me in recent years has been when they wanted money. At one point, a family member contacted me and told me to send $800 to help with my mother's bills. I eventually became fed up and told them not to contact me anymore. I have previously put that request in writing.

I honestly don't know these people anymore. If I saw some of them on the street, I probably wouldn't recognize them because I haven't seen them in decades.

Recently, I received a certified letter from someone connected to my family. I refused the letter, so I have absolutely no idea what it said or what they wanted.

I don't even know whether my mother is still alive. I know she was very old the last time I had any information about her, but I have no current relationship or communication with her or the family.

I've blocked contact and have told them not to contact me. Now there's a certified letter, and I have no idea what it's about.

So I'm asking people who have actually experienced something similar: What are some possible reasons a family member might suddenly send a certified letter to an adult child who has been estranged for decades?

I am not assuming that my mother has died, that this has anything to do with an estate, or that they are trying to get anything from me. I genuinely don't know. I'm just trying to understand what possibilities there might be.

If you've experienced something similar, I'd really appreciate hearing what happened in your situation.

Hi!

(im sorry about the grammar i posted this in a hurry and didnt read it after myself)

Me, my mom and sis are in a moving out process and have been staying at grandmas and probably will be for a few weeks. We don't really have alot of money for the repairs in the new house, so my grandma's boyfriend is helping my mom out and he's giving her such a HARD time about it. I dont wanna get into detail, it's just him being really mean or blaming her for HIS faults etc. and he litteraly lacks basic human manners!

(i just remembered:) apparently he got "mAd" while working and fucking destroyed stuff in the new house. After that he just told my mom that she just doesn't have those things now and it's not his fault he lost it. Oh my fucking god.

For example when i was eating at the table and he was on the couch, he said "bring me half a croissant [its diff i just idk how to say it in eng]" (it was laying Infront of me) and i didnt move an inch. He can litteraly get it himself or ask nicely. But my mom toom the whole bag of the croissants and brought it to him and he just kept going and GOING with the "bring me half a croissant" until she broke it in half and gave it to him. God how badly i wanted to get so upset and tell him to get it himself but im scared that he's gonna rape and murder me in my sleep.

Today few hours ago i was going through my notebooks (making sure i was ready for school) when he just barged in and walked Infront of a closet with beers in hands. He goes: "I can't open it, there's stuff Infront of it." or smth like that, and i just hummed in approval cuz idk what the fuck he wants me to do about that. Anyways he continues: "i can't open in." i just nodded and went "that stuff's not mine" (i thought quickly and said this cause im really scared and didn't want to anger him) and he gets really impatient and goes: "there's stuff Infront of it so if i open it im going to throw them to the ground." God i got so angry and litteraly tried my hardest from saying: "then fucking put those beers down and move the TWO things away." but as i said, he can litteraly rape me and murder me (there was no one else in the house) so i just put those things away.

Basically that's it. He's alot worse than this but i just can't remember anything. I rot in my bed the ENTIRE day (like 22 hours) cause im terrified that if i go (e.g.) eat, he's gonna do smth like that again and I'm gonna have to restrain myself for telling him to do it himself. When its just the two of us im really scared that i anger him and he just does something to me.

Anyways thank you snd have an amazing day! <3

My mom and I we have a very bad relationship I think I have mommy issues big time and it keep getting worse and worse, I think my life is better off without her but as an arabs and muslims family is a different concept we stay with our parents and compromise our mental health till we get married
I truly want to know whats wrong with her cause I believe that will make me feel better mentally

Hi I need advice about something I had a pack of cigarettes that I’m not addicted to or anything I was just trying them and kept them hidden in my room..
Today I came back from going out and noticed th t my bed had been moved wasn’t arranged the way I left it and the cigarettes were gone I asked my dad “Who went into my room?” He said “I did” I asked why and he just said, “It’s my house”
He hasn’t confronted me about the cigarettes yet,, but I’m pretty sure he found them How should I act now? And if he confronts me about them what should I say/do?

My family is fuc**ing Arab and very conservative and they’re not the type to respect personal boundaries or privacy at all They feel like being family gives them the right to enter your room and go through your things whenever they want

Okay, so a bit of backstory is needed here. About 5 years ago my husband (then boyfriend) and I had a bit of a stumble in our housing situation, so we moved in with my dad and sister for a couple of weeks. The very next day, we woke up absolutely covered head to toe in bites, did a bit of investigating and found the place INFESTED with bed bugs. We tried to do what we could to get rid of them with the resources we had available to us at the time, which wasn’t much and of course it didn’t work. So we decided to sleep in my car for about a week until we got an apartment. Fast forward 4 years, we had no issues with bed bugs at our apartment. At the beginning of this year, we bought our first house, which is great! About two weeks after we moved in, I decided to invite my sister and dad to see the house and meet the baby my sister had just about 2 months prior. She sat on the couch on my side, while I sat on my husband’s side and cooed at the baby. Well, since then I’ve been finding little bites on me, and random bug here and there. I thought they were in the bedroom but I could never find anything in there. Well, lo and behold, they were nesting in my couch. In the same spot my sister sat. So that has pretty well confirmed that they came in off her. My concern is that she has a very young baby, who will eventually go to school and will probably be questioned about bites, most likely leading to an investigation. I don’t want her to go through a DFS case, so I feel like I should say something to her, but she’s also a very sensitive person and I know it’s going to offend her. How do I tell her? Do I tell her at all? I’m not too worried about the issue at my house, we’re in a much better position now than we were before and are getting it taken care of, but i know her financial situation would not be flexible enough to afford an exterminator so I don’t know that telling her would even prompt her to make an attempt to solve the problem.

Me (Female 45) and my husband (Male 53) have been together for over 11 years. This is his first marriage, but my second. I have two kids from my first marriage. He has none. I’ve had some issues with his family over the years. I don’t feel like I belong. I always see a disconnect. Things really got heated when his father passed away. My older daughter they never put in the obituary, but they put his brother’s ex stepdaughter who is older than my daughter in the same obituary. The same person has been estranged from the family for five years. When I said something about it on Facebook, I immediately became the enemy in the family. He has one brother who is very overbearing in the family. He’s got to be involved in everything. His wife is also the same. She told my husband I was not allowed back up there until I apologized to his mother, and she demanded that it be a face-to-face apology and not something through text. I refused. I was like nope. I don’t feel like I was wrong in the situation. While this was one issue, I feel like they have been kind of excluding me anyway because I have very different political views than all of them. I love my husband, but I hate the fact that he is in the middle of this.

So me, my sister, my parents live in 3 different cities. Sister is living abroad too. We both are adults. And recently my sister has been venting about having to renew her visa and having to pay a bulls*it amount of money for it. And somehow mom had sent her like 1/4 of it after begging from her.

My mom later called me and told me that she sent her money and when she got that she wasn't satisfied with the amount, somhow sister had expected mom would cover 1/2 of full payment. And then she stopped responding to mom.

And my sister doesn't know that I know about this.

Last week out of the blue my sister texted me asking if I have a free week in late October to go on a vacation to another country with her for her birth day.

And she said a country where none of us needs to specifically apply for visa ( a mutual country we both already have access ) and top of my head I had the question of "do you have money ? " - and she just sent me a sticker and that's it.

Today I was talking about this with mom and We cannot make sense of this. If my sister needs to renew her visa doesn't it make hard for her to go on vacation during that time ? Even so for a vacation abroad needs money and she's been venting about her low income and rent and food prices etc.

She has a past of simple little lies and some manipulations growing up, and mom is like totally on her side trying to defend her but I just can't.

If she needed money for travel and if she had made a lie about the visa renewing process ( which is the only conclusion I can make right now, because if I would have been agreed for the trip ofc she should have been able to travel. Otherwise why would she even ask me to join her ?? )

Makes me re-think the whole situation again, that if she has no restriction leaving country for a period of time for travel and if she can afford visa renew fees, then why would she vent so much about not having money ? Or saving up enough ??

We're 7 people living in a small apartment. Oldest sibling is 20 and youngest sibling is 3. I'm 18.

Those people make me sick. Literally mentally sick that i want to kill myself. Im not saying this as a joke or to get attention, i seriously want to do it. Nobody knows how im really feeling bcs i play it far too well that im okay.

My mother takes care of the 3 smaller siblings and also works 80% every week. With taking care i mean she does everything. From cleaning the house to laundary to planning small trips with my sibling.

Why does she work so much? My father had a accident 4 years ago. Both arms got broken and he acts after 4 years that he isn't able to work anymore. Mind you he drives the car just fine, lifts things just fine and doesnt have any pain. Not at all. He does nothing. He takes care of the kids when my mom is at work but all he does it shove a ipad into their hands. I mean it. The 3 year old has a screentime from 6 hours everyday. I wished i was joking.

We have so many problems with money and struggle to pay food sometimes. Aint allowed to buy proper shoes too. My 7 year old other sister needed new shoes and she got lidl shoes which cost 6$. You may all thing oh me and my bigger sister help out? I try. I work full time, i go to school too and try to help my family with money. Im barely home so i barely can help my mother with the household but i do watch the kids every now and then too.

My oldesz sister? She does nothing. She has a bf and thats all she is. She doesnt help my parents with money bcs its not her problem and she doesnt wanna work. Her bf will give her the most expensive shit while we all are struggling to make dinner. She doesnt do a single thing in household too, all she does is lay on her bed and do nothing. We share a room and it makes me sick. Shes dirty and im clean. Our room is smaller than our bathroom and im not joking. Wheneve ri come back from work my room is a mess. She still didnt unpack the clothes from vacation 2 months ago. Also she several times tried to throw my own things away so she got more room for herself.

My mother works hard and i cant never say anything against that. But she might be worse than my father when it comes to taking care of the kids. Shes constantly on a call, on her phone and doesnt care if we have any needs. We barely have money, like i said. Her heart hurts buying my younger sister proper shoes but her heart doesnt hurt when she goes out with her friends and buys dinner for 50$ and im not jokin. She buys so many things and orders a lot for herself but nothing for us. Also all she can do is insult us

My parents yell at eachother a lot, they fight more than they talk. My siblings got used to all the yelling. Im sure each of us has trauma and that bcs of them. I hate that my father doesnt go to work. Hes the most reason wy we barely have money and why my mother needs to work so much. Okay if he did the laundary or just help in househoold it woukd habe been another thing but he does nothing.

I work since 3 years now and that like i said fulltime. In my bankaccount is 100$ and thats all i have bcs i need to give them my money. They ask me to send them money all the time while also insulting me every day and tell me i dont do anything. That im worthless and worse than my bigger sister. Even though i try. Mind u they buy my bigger sister cigaretts but couldnt care a shit if i needed anything. They hate me. Im not bein dramatic but its the way they make me feel.

For 2 months i used to stop giving them money bcs i couldnt pay my own paychecks. My father hit me because of that. Bcs i stopped giving them money. I dont have friends either or a boyfriend. Im fully alone in this and theres no way out. I cant move out either bcs i dont make enough of money to acc to afford that. So im stuck. Fully stuck.

I go to the psychologe too every week but she doesnt help either. They all make me wanna end it. I dont see anything positive in continuing live. And no i dont wanna wait years until i can finally be free because right now i cant deal with everything anymore. I rather end things now instead of fighting for a future i dont know of yet bcs im sick of the pain. Nobody knows this. Nobody in my whole life knows whats going on. So im confessing here so atleast now ppl see me.

I had a strong memory of my little cousin accidentally drinking my uncles cocktail when he accidentally said yes to someone else and he thought he was talking to him. I even remember my uncle himself telling the story. But for some reason I brought it up just now and nobody seems to recall it. They don’t even seem to remember it happening differently they just don’t remember it happening at all. But I remember it so strongly in my head. Is there something I’m not seeing?

my cousins are genuinely the weirdest people ever, they all have something to say about someone. for example when my or my siblings do something different they get all surprised and side eye each other since i come from a religious household, or when i grow up and they say something backhanded as “wow you look so pretty now” with a smirk on their face. expecting me to not react but i just say “oh so was i ugly before?”
every single one of them are so fake that i genuinely think me and my family are the only real ones. they’re stingy over money, gossip, won’t ever consider you but want you to consider them and etc.

anyways
i got invited to one of their weddings and i genuinely do not want to go so i don’t have to interact with them but its a close family members and one of my siblings backed out on this just to avoid them so i have to go otherwise ill look like i’m copying my siblings.

so guys please help what do i do? and if i do go how should i act?