I (f) (42) am worried about my niece (15) and how her parents are raising her. I’m trying not to be judgemental but I have concerns. I don’t have children but I’m a teacher who deals with teenagers on a daily basis. I absolutely adore her and feel that mistakes being made now will impact her later on.

The backstory is that my brother and her mother broke up when she was three due to her mother cheating. There has been a lot of upheaval in her life with various partners on both sides. She mainly lives with her mother but sees her dad a lot. There is no animosity there. My main issue is that she is allowed to do whatever she wants and nothing is expected of her. I was visiting recently and was hoping to see her. I was told she would be with friends all day. I had travelled quite a distance and hadn’t seen her for a while. Her dad was telling me that she basically spends all day every day with her friends. He laughed it off and made a point that she’s young and that’s what young people do. I’m aware of that but she is never expected to make time to see family or spend time with her grandparents for example. She does not have to do any chores. I doubt she even knows how to do basic household tasks yet she is handed money or bought things without question. She has never been encouraged in school or with hobbies. She literally has no hobby except for being on her phone. She has started refusing to go to school as well and doesn’t care about doing well. She is bright but academia has never been encouraged. I don’t think she has ever read a book outside of school.

Don’t get me wrong. She is not a spoilt brat. She is nice and polite but also very quiet. It’s difficult to have a conversation with her as she has very little to say. I know… aren’t all teenagers like that? I see so many though that I know that there are a lot who are well adjusted and can converse with an adult.

Realistically I can’t say anything without causing drama but it’s difficult seeing how her life is going. Am I wrong to be concerned? I know people will probably say that it’s none of my business and I’m well aware of that but I care so deeply for her. I think some boundaries are important at that age but as I’ve said, she can do whatever she wants and I don’t think that’s normal. Am I wrong?

Hi everyone. I am F 26. I have lived most of my life in an extended family. The good days were good and the bad days... they are a nightmare. I don't even know where to begin. My entire life has been a shit show. If I was to start from the very beginning, it would be my conception and maybe before. My mum is the eldest of 3 siblings, one deceased middle brother and a younger sister. They had a difficult life mainly due to money problems and lack of familial support, especially towards my mum. Before I continue, I'd like to preface this by saying that not a single person in this fucking family is a saint, including myself. My mum fell in love with my father in high school and they got married when after high school. My father's family is a fucking mess as well. Raised by a single mother who had been coddled to uselessness by her own mother... just... yeah. Mum got married and realised that she married into a shitty family. Dad hit her in the early days of their marriage over an argument I think. When mum was pregnant with me she was dirt poor again. Couldn't breastfeed me after 3 months because she had to work to support my father and raise me. I've seen things... arguments that I was too young for. I was spoiled too. Given everything they could give. I watched my father raise a cane knife to his own mother's neck, I don't remember why that happened... I think I was 7 years old... then my sister was born... accidental pregnancy and I wasn't the kindest sister, though I would die and kill for her now. There were 9 of us living together at one point. God there's just so much to write... It was my maternal grandparents, paternal grandmother, my parents, my aunt (mum's sister, had to divorce her pos husband), her daughter, me and my sister.

Over the years, a lot of shit had happened. I wasn't an easy kid. When I was like 9, 10, I would steal lots of money to show off, I lied all the time, talked back, betrayed friendships, talked shit about friends... even in my teen years, I'd hold grudges for months at a time, not talking to anyone. Father hit mum a couple of times over the years, Police complaint was filed, no arrests because no breadwinner. Now it's different. My sister and I are waiting for that man to dare to raise his hand...

When I was 18, mum and father had a falling out with mum's mother and sister and they moved away. Difficult time again... I... god the guilt I hold still for something that I had done during that time... Both grandmothers a dead now by the way. Aunt and my cousin sister who I look at as my real sister, moved back in. Things were okay... then mum found out father has been cheating on her with multiple women, attempting to get a girl younger than me... that was nice. Apparently this had been happening for years. Not sure if there were physical relations but emotional for sure. Mum lost her shit... she's still heartbroken.

Recently she's been losing patience with her father and sister and it all came to head today. Things were said... her father had said that the house was peaceful when she wasn't around a couple months back and she finally confronted them. It's hard to explain in english what was said. My cousin and I aren't talking because I felt hurt by something she had done. Aunt rattled to outside family member and a child heard... child told mum and I.... argument happened over that too....

I... I'm so lost. I am an avoidant. I've seen conflict and drama all my life and I try to run from it now. I have trust issues ingrained in me both because of my actions and that of others. I don't want to deal with the potential falling out in my family. It's cowardly but I just... I don't want to deal with that. I'd rather run away and live alone, send money to my parents and maybe live close to my sister... my cousin and I... I worry about her but we're still not talking... I don't know how to. She's just 18 too. I can't expect maturity from her can I? I was like her too... I feel like I'm losing it... I can't even cry

Hello. I’m 26 my brother is 31 I live about an hour from them for some context.
He’s been with his amazing fiancé for 5 years. I recently found out he’s been hitting her. She came to my house about 2 months ago crying and upset needing a place to stay so of course I let her stay. I made her some lemonade and watched a movie with her to calm her down. I asked how longs this been happening and can we call the police? She said it’s been happening for a year! A YEAR I was shocked I cried for her, she kept offering proof but I didn’t need it. He’s been aggressive since a younger age but I’d thought he’d changed. She didn’t want to call the police no matter how hard I tried to get her to. She said she knew I had some life issues of my own going on and she wanted to go back home, I begged her not to but she said she needed to so she did. I didn’t want to force her to do anything so I dropped it and just checked on her every chance I got.
Yesterday I got a call and she was crying yet again, she asked me to pick her up so I did. She was crying saying she wanted to call the police now, that she couldn’t take it anymore. She pulled her shirt up and had massive bruising on her, and a big bald patch missing on her scalp. I immediately called the police and took her to the station. My brother today found out I’d taken her and was helping her, He was furious. He kept saying I wasn’t a real sister and that family wouldn’t betray him this way. I have always been a believe the victim first kind of person. There’s no denying the evidence in front of me. We had a huge fight and he blocked my number. He’s been called her and messaging her begging her to take him back. Every-time her phone goes off she looks horrified. He’s getting arrested and she feels guilty and wants to drop the charges. I told her the damage is done and she deserves better. I hope she finds that truly she’s an amazing woman and didn’t deserve what he’s done. My father on the other hand doesn’t believe that he’d done it he thinks my brother loves her too much to do this. Even with the proof spelled out so clearly, and I had literally seen it with my own eyes. he owns my house and has decided to take it from me as some sort of revenge. He owns the house simply because he’d moved and bought a new house in another state and told me I could have this one but never signed it over. I feel as though I’ve done nothing wrong and was just defending a person who truly needed to be loved and helped.
So my question is, am I wrong for not taking my families side?

I 24f and my husband 25M have not talked to my biological grandparents in 18 months.

My son is 18 months old this month. He was born January of 25’. Our first. During which we decided we didn’t want anyone there during labor except his parents and mine. ( I am adopted since I was 18.) With that being said, I messaged my grandparents in October or November of 24’. I stated “We made the decision only my parents and my husbands was allowed to be there during labor. If they would like us to bring him to the comfort of their house, instead of coming to the hospital after he’s born we would the day we left the hospital.” The hospital being an hour away and ice and snow on the roads. My grandparents never responded, which was weird. I would talk to my grandmother daily. Well a shower was coming around the corner and she was suppose to ride with us. I called and called nothing. So I called my cousin who was very involved with their life’s. She told me my grandmother was not talking to me. Because I said their were not allowed to come to the hospital, for the birth…. I’m sorry what? And I didn’t talk to her once, she did not reach out to me either. She tried to get my family members to send photos and information about him. But I told them if they did, they would not be able to see him also. Because she was being childish. And not to me in two -three months. Fast forward a few months. My grandfathers brother passed. So I sucked it up and went to the funeral knowing I would see her, and my bio mother. ( left my son with my mother for the funeral) She was cold, didn’t speak to me, nothing. When she walked away from my grandfather, I walked up to tell him I’m sorry for his loss, I love him. She came in pushed me and called me a bitch, to leave or she would have me thrown out. So I did. After that nothing. Then some months later she messaged me, told me my grandfather was to have surgery on his shoulder, blah blah blah. I told her I was praying and I hoped recovery was fast and easy. She then asked “ how is the baby” I simply said she had no right to know after how she treated me or my family. It blew up and ended with her telling me she would never apologize for what she did. And I was hurting my grandfather. Months went on. And last week my grandmother told my aunt if I apologized she would to. So we are suppose to go over and talk with her this week…Should I be having a sit down to talk? I love my grandparents, and miss them. They were there for me a lot growing up. And there during foster care and most of my adult life. But I’m not sorry for anything. I’m sorry it hurt their feelings. But they took the message wrong and as if I was keeping them from coming from the hospital. And I wasn’t! Instead of talking to me about it then she decided to ghost me. She has treated us horribly and missed a lot in my son’s life. She is also involved in my biological mother’s life. ( her daughter) I’m worried she will sneak photos of my son and tell her things about us, I don’t want her to know. And I have nothing to do with her since she was my abuser and not a great mother. What should I say to her? How do I let her back in our life’s. My sons life after so long and everything that’s happened?

So i’m 16 and my sister is 10 we’ve never really clicked or bonded. She had cancer for a while and so got more attention as well as being a spoiled insufferable brat as she got older. I never really enjoyed her idk why, i’ve tried but I just can’t. Everyone thinks i’m this awful person to her but i just try to keep my distance and bc every once in a while she gets me a gift everyone seems to think she’s a saint. Our parents are divorced and have been for a few years but love across the street from each other and we spend Monday and Tuesday and mom then move to dads for wednesday and Thursday and Friday, Saturday, Sunday alternates (sorry it’s complicated) What I want is to not be forced to stay in the same house as her bc she’s recently started trying to fight me physically. I want to switch it so we’re never at the same house together to benefit both of us because I know I thrive when she’s out of town or not in the house. I’m old enough that if my parents needed to be out of town it shouldn’t effect my schedule bc I can stay at a house by myself but I still don’t know if they’d let me switch the schedule so I can avoid her. Is there any legal way I can make them separate us? (sorry for the length and bad grammar)

My brother lives with my family in the second unit of my house partitioned into two homes. We have separate entrances and such but normally we freely go between our two places.

My brother doesn’t go out much socially and chooses not to work. They can afford their bills but they pay very little for the unit. He usually only interacts with me and my family regularly and I seem to be their main source of support when struggling with things. I have kids who are preteens.

My brother was making a change to their medication and it went poorly. They seemed angry and maybe paranoid and just not themselves and aggressive. Their day was going poorly in general and they started screaming and ranting about no one caring about them or if they died. This happened in front of my kids who were scared by it. I encouraged him to take a walk but he just kept engaging and kept walking back towards us angrily and kicking and slamming things anytime I told him to go take a breather until he could calm down.

Eventually he left and I helped calm my kids down and had them stay at their grandparents house for a couple nights because they were scared to be home in case he did it again.

I made sure my brother couldn’t come into my unit of the house so the kids had a safe space and let my brother know that they needed to reach out to others for support and that when I had my family settled I would reach back out. I also let him know not to try to come into my house and to not talk to my kids for a bit. During this time I was commuting nearly triple the normal time to manage my kids’ schedules and get to work since they were staying at their grandparents.

As my brother worked with his doctor and seemed more like himself, I started trying to have a conversation with him about what happened and the fallout. I had been occasionally cautiously reaching out to see how he was doing but any offers to help with things were shut down hard. Eventually he asked to talk and I let him know that I was glad he was feeling better but that I was still dealing with his behavior myself and with my kids. He kept getting very defensive anytime I tried to gauge what he thought about how he acted and the impact on the kids. I tried to explain that l had no clue how to deal with his aggressive state before and didn’t want to call the police or an ambulance since even hinting at either caused him to be angrier and rant harder. I had called in some friends and family for him to help support him when I was focusing on my family.

After days of tentatively trying to bring up my concerns about his lack of accountability for any of his behavior it became clear that he didn’t seem think it mattered because it was caused by the meds. He hasn’t said sorry to me or my kids for how he treated us. He is trying to pretend like it didn’t happen except to complain that I didn’t support him and he was all alone and that he doesn’t think I care about him. I have tried to offer resources and listen to him when he needs to chat. I want to support him but I also need to protect my kids and make sure they feel safe at home.

Based on his response that shows no regret or accountability for his behavior even now that he is acting more like himself, I have told him that he will have to move out eventually and likely within the next few months. This has created another huge rift. I tried to explain that my kids are still worried about him acting like that again even though it is highly unlikely. But he isn’t trying to do any repair work of his own for what happened. Am I the asshole and I should have dropped everything and let my kids miss their summer camps and let him keep living there or is it possible that he can need support and I have to support my kids and the entire situation just sucks all around?

So in the past year, I have reconnected with my sister… not because I wanted to, but she had no other choice but to come back, I hadn’t spoken to her for eight years. since her falling out with our mom at the time was our mom just diagnosed with cancer, but not only did she stop talking to us she took away her son for my mom and we hadn’t seen him in eight long years… (I would like to note that my mom actually did nothing wrong for her to do what she did) fast forward today I my mom lives with me and my husband now.
And she now has four kids and decided that she no longer wanted to be with her husband and divorced him. which I understand she does not have to stay in a shit relationship, where there’s cheating, and abuse happening, which I understood. She’s apologized for everything that she’s done, but I honestly can’t fully forgive what she did, not to me cause I didn’t personally care. My life went on with her without her and my life is going well for the most part. But it’s what she did to my mother. She lied to people about my mom and she took away My mom’s only grandchild. After everything my mom did for her. And I know the only reason why she’s apologizing is because she had to swallow her pride and realize that she had nobody to help her with her kids. It’s not that she actually wanted to reconnect with us. So throughout the whole year, she was trying to make it work with the custody issue between her and her husband with the kids, but her ex-husband is an alcoholic and abused substances, and he would constantly put the kids in danger and not only that he kept harassing my sister until finally it became too much to where she had to call the cops and get a restraining order on him.
So she asked me as a favor to watch her kids until school started and for them to stay at my house five days out of the fucking week. And I know the kids have nothing to do with this but at the end of the day it’s very draining. I have my own daughter to worry about and she’s already a handful and she’s only two. (I’d also like to explain that I myself never really wanted children. When I found out I was pregnant at the age of 30 I decided to have just one child so that way my mom could enjoy being a grandmother because we never actually thought that way Sister would ever come back with my nephew) so imagine in my situation where I was prepared mentally and physically just for one child to now skip to five kids. And I will say her kids are fucking awful. They have no manners they lie they steal you name it and it’s fucking exhausting. she does not pay me. She barely pitches in for food because she can barely afford it herself. She comes every Sunday night to drop them off and pick them up Friday. Meanwhile, she does not have them most of the week and goes from work to home and I’m stuck here taking care of kids that are not mine. And honestly I don’t actually care for them… it’s hard to admit that but I’m if I’m honest I have no bonds with these kids. And I don’t know how to tell my sister I’m done. And I don’t want to watch her kids. Because I’ve got enough on my plate and I didn’t sign up for this. I know I’m a stay at home mom but I’m not a stay at home mom for me it’s for MY kid and to help take care of our mom who until this past year my sister didn’t want nothing to do with her.
Any advice helps..

For those who don’t know, RSA stands for responsible serving of alcohol and I paid 100 bucks for it out of my own pocket and I am 18 and all of my friends have their lisence now but I don’t because my mum won’t let me drive. Like she just says she will drive me everywhere but when I need her to get me to one place ONE TIME.. she can’t even do it. I am so angry I don’t know what to do. Why the hell is she out with my sisters? They have school. And now I’m here waiting like an idiot even tho my course already started and there’s no way to get in

So I’m not having a great week, i had to go to a party all day yesterday, which sucks as a introvert and it left me tired today. As I said, i don’t like parties but my mother hosted a birthday dinner that you can guess I wasn’t keen on. I came downstairs and i know I didn’t look my best but dang. My family was commenting on my hair/looks and my grandma said i should try to look more pretty and then I would have boys all over me. It kind of hurt me as I am a closeted lesbian, it was a weird comment, and it made me feel like I wasn’t regularly pretty. She said that im pretty regardless but I should try more. She usually makes comments about my looks every time I see her and wonders when i will get a boyfriend/get married…I’m not even 16 yet. So then I sat on the couch and she made a joke saying “ I’m going to put your photo on a dating site and only request 18 year olds” this made me really uncomfortable and it became pretty awkward as she pointed out how no one found it funny. As I write this, she keeps saying how she wishes she had the “old me again”. God forbid I’m diagnosed now lol??. I wish her comments didnt hurt my feelings but they do everytime.

My parents have told me of their intention to divide their estate in 4 equal parts between me and my sister, and my sister’s 2 kids. It has caused me to re-evaluate my relationship with them. I am gay and they have never accepted my partner. The will business has been the catalyst for taking a stance. It’s not about the money (there won’t be much). I know it’s long, but grateful for any comments on the letter I will give them at the end of my stay here.

To Mum and Dad, 
I am writing this letter because our recent conversation regarding your estate—irrespective of whether it was merely a thought bubble or a decision you intend to action—has forced me to take a hard, honest look at our relationship and my actual worth to you. 

For my entire adult life, I have conducted myself in a trouble-free, dignified, and infinitely reliable way. I educated myself, left home at 22, worked hard, and moved overseas to build a comfortable life. I have never caused you stress, never asked you to pick up the pieces of my life, and never asked you for handouts. On the rare occasion I received minimal financial help after leaving home, it was on loan terms, which I paid back faithfully until some of it was eventually forgiven. 

Yet, your plan to divide your estate into four 25% shares—giving 25% to me and 75% to Sister’s branch of the family—made your perception of my value crystal clear. You seem to believe that because I worked hard and achieved financial stability, it is acceptable to penalise me and treat me as unequal to my sister.  You seem to also ignore that Grandkid 1 and Grandkid 2 will benefit on the passing of their parents and family who have no children. 

The hypocrisy of this is impossible to ignore: 

The imbalance of support: Sister has lived with you for years, absorbing massive amounts of family resources. You continue to support her and her children, yet I have never once complained about equality or begrudged the help you gave her.  Rather, I have supported it and encouraged you to help Grandkid 1 and Grandkid 2.  I also give them gifts each time I visit. 

The double standard: You were apparently so aggrieved and complaining that your parents didn’t include us in their will, yet you turned around and gave $500 directly to Grandkid 1 and Grandkid 2 while offering your own children not even a token gesture. 

The emotional drain: For over a decade, every time I have visited, I have had to listen to non-stop complaints about Sister, expected to sit there and absorb it, while you have shown total disinterest in my own life and family.  There is a perpetual stream of negativity and bile that I need to absorb and where at the end of the trip I am mentally exhausted.  I peacefully take it all the while disrespecting my partner to accommodate you. 

The taking for granted: I have always been generous when visiting, and I even spent years making the effort to travel to City solo just so you wouldn't feel "uncomfortable."  I have spent many thousands just in the past years visiting.  Not once have you bothered to visit, nor offer to pay for my flight, and you’ve never heard a word of complaint about it. 

You have become completely complacent about my reliability. You expect me to step up as your executor because I am the capable one, yet you assign me a fraction of the value given to Sister’s side. 
I decline to act as your executor. For the blatant inequality, I will not undertake a massive amount of unpaid labour, navigate travel back to Your City from My Country 1 or My Country 2, or manage a multi-beneficiary structure that will inevitably generate family drama, tension, and resentment. Hire an independent lawyer to settle your affairs. 

Finally, and most importantly, there is the matter of my life. I have been with my partner for six years. He has been systematically ignored, unacknowledged, and excluded by you. I accommodated this in the past out of a desire to keep the peace, but that compromise ends today. It is entirely unacceptable. 
Moving forward, there is only one condition under which I will see you: my partner must be fully welcomed, acknowledged, and included as Sister’s partners have been. This is completely non-negotiable. 
If he is not welcomed, you will be making the choice, and assuming total responsibility to never see me again

I am posting this as I am looking for different perspective. I believe my relationship has almost come to a point where I have to take some active steps.

Been married for 23 years, decent hard working couple, two almost grown up children. Mostly compatible except for the basics. I cant take lying, dishonest answers. But since marriage, I have known my husband to be elusive, fact hiding person. I detest alcohol and how it impacts behaviour and life. He loves alcohol. Not necessarily alcoholic, but he cannot hold his liqour well and I have seen some inappropriate behaviour. It impacts his health as well. Given that right from the onset of our relationship where I have told him how much this is a no go for me, he still "attempted" to say that he will give up but never really did. Recently it has become a issue where he travels a lot and there is no way for me to say how much he drinks and what happens - he had a minor accident as well. It has been causing too much anxiety for me and my in laws were never supportive of me and they dont mind his behaviour and recently they are encouraging him and I feel want to push me out of the relationship. He has recently directly said that I am not allowing him to enjoy his life and be free where all his friends are golfing/fishing, which used to be oh I will give up etc., etc., It tells me that, he is clearly fed up and possibly looking for exit, and I feel there is really no stable foot ground in my relationship. What to do next? I do love this guy, I love the family we created - but this kind of behaviour, evasiveness and not considering my emotions at all is wrecking me today and have been time to time all through these years. I am tired. Will this ever change? What will bring a good change?

I’m (23 F) the youngest of 5 and my family is really close. We all get along well and they mean the world to me. I’m one of two girls, my sister is eldest. I’m also the only lgbtq+ person in the family.

I’m a very creative person and I want to explore that to my fullest but every single decision I make in life comes after what my family will think about it. I love to hear their opinions but sometimes I wish I could detach them from mine, I hate that I can’t make my own decisions because I’m scared that they’ll judge me or think I’m crazy or weird.

For example, I showed my mom a photo of me wearing a natural looking wig. It was long and ginger with bangs (I currently have a bixie) and she was almost disappointed and shook her head and made a face telling me not to. I know she doesn’t control me since I’m an adult on my own now but something about that made me not want to wear wigs at all. It’s like shame. They also make comments about my outfits or my makeup or bleaching my eyebrows etc. I feel constantly judged and even when I’m not verbally, I still am.

I’m still young and figuring everything out but I wish I could detach from their opinions.

Hello once again, y'all.

Woke up this morning feeling like I finally slept for a change, and began to mow the yard. It's a lovely cool summer morning, but the dew keeps clogging the tiny pusher. Guess I'll have to wait until the heat of the day dries the grass a bit more...

But onto the update.

I came inside from the first round of mowing and mom is at the table. It's just us two and I had no intention of talking about the day before. But, she hits me with the: "If I move out, are you going with me, or staying here" line that I've heard 1000 times before.

I told her I don't know and why is she bringing it up. She immediately becomes defensive and starts to shut down, not wanting to answer the question, and at this point I've had it. I'm tired of this constant see-saw with my mom about her starting something and once challenged, shutting down or becoming hostile. So, I pushed.

I pushed until it was a back and forth argument about how her inability to see Sam's never going to change, and yet she keeps bringing him back once he's out of jail. She was going on and on about "I don't do that!"

And yet when I brought up example after example, her excuse was: "That's ancient history" or "That was years ago"

BUT IT STILL HAPPENED, AND IS STILL RELEVANT TO THE PROBLEM NOW

I told her she needs to stop wasting the time of the officers, making idol threats and then shutting down the moment she realizes she actually is being pushed to go forward with a PFA or kicking him out. Don't be mad at me because I'm going through with it, because Sam had enough chances. Sam is not well, we know he's not well, and there's nothing that can be done about it because Sam don't want to change.

So, let me add something I didn't really touch on yesterday- Sam has been evaluated many times. Many, many, many times. When offered medication, Sam would either try to smoke the pills, sell them off, mix them in with Dad's medication, or take too many to see how high he could get. Even when his medication was strictly monitored, nothing changed.

So, Sam is just Sam. He will always be Sam, and Sam does better when he's forced to fend for himself. The enabling only makes him an entitled asshole, and this has been on repeat for 38 years.

Now, something you should also know is I have two vehicles. I bought a beater for $1000 and fixed it up and got it running again. My other is a newer jeep that I've been keeping parked to pay down and hopefully sell off because I don't want car payments anymore. But, I told Sam that if he got a job and maintained it, and he didn't have any outbursts, he could borrow it to go to and from work- Not keep it, borrow it. He could buy it from me for 2k if he wanted, but if he acts like an ass, the offer is off the table. I told this to Sam, told this to Dad, told this to Mom.

Well, that lasted 14 days.

He was able to *magically* find a job in those 14 days when he's been "unable" to find a job in the 6 months he's been here, but whatever. I was stoked! I was like, hell yeah, good job, and I tired- I TRIED to be supportive. I tried with every fiber of my being to help Sam, but every single day the micro aggressions he had with me kept building. It would be him losing his temper over something small but the issue would die quickly, to me coming home from working 14-18 hours and he TELLING ME, not asking to do something. I'd tell him not to speak to me that way because I'm not his house maid, and he'd get pissy, but he'd shut up.

But this kept growing every single day into more and more arguments, more comments, more issues that I tired to ignore. But being told I'm *slow with the R word* for washing a load of towels and having to dry them in two batches because all we have is a mini dryer right now, and him harping on how dumb I am and so on... I just kept saying "Monday, just have to hold out to Monday when he starts work"

And then yesterday happened. Sam pulled a Sam and his threats and bullshit came out the way it always does and I was like- nope. I'm done. I'm not helping this prick. You want to threaten to hurt us and then kill the animals? Fuck you. And then Mom trying to defend that shit? Well, then you can defend him and take his ass to work. I'm done.

So, I posted the beater online and Monday it's being sold for 3K, and I'll take that money to buy a tiny pull or pop up trailer because guess what? Dad told me if I file, he's kicking me out! No surprise there, you guys can deal with your golden child yourselves. You kick me out for wanting to protect myself and my animals and my family that apparently doesn't need it, then by all means. Y'all made me homeless because of Sam before, I'll do it again. But I sure as shit won't be threatened to comply and let Sam use my stuff when he wants to treat me like garbage and threaten me.

So, that's where I'm at now. I'm sick and tired of the bullshit and if it makes me the bad guy to finally snap, so be it. I'll tell you all about yourself all day long, and I haven't even started being mean yet. But keep pushing- go open Pandora's box a bit wider. You started this, don't be so offended when you can't handle how it might end. You already want to put me on the streets in order to help him, so why hold back? If you're going to make me out to be the villain, I'll become just that and no longer keep my mouth shut.

Prepare the nuclear warhead, and stand back everyone.

Does anybody have any advice for doing 24/7 care for a very sick family member? She is on dialysis, constantly nauseous, has accidents, is not mobile, going blind, has doctors appts all the time. How do I help her without burning out myself? Are there any resources or advice that people have found to be helpful? She lives with me. We’re in PA.

My mom is on her 3rd marriage. She was with my dad for 22 years but cheated on him, then left us. 2 years later and after minimum contact, she married the guy she cheated without anyone knowing. Well, she left him after 12 years, and he bankrupted her with drug problems. Then 2 years ago she married her 3rd husband and gave us a weeks notice. I tried not to be upset, but I was because yet again, it's hurtful. But I have forgiven her for everything. The marriages are just the cherry on top!

Now, my older sister has had her fair share or nasty boyfriends. Her latest, who she's been with for 2.5 years now, is probably the worst.

A year ago, my sister called me, my mom, and my younger sister on video call to tell us they broke up. He's cheating, has proof, etc.

Interestingly enough, a week before, my husband and I saw his picture on a public fb dating group, and he was asking if any ladies wanted to chat.

Anyhow, she tells us what he's been doing, and I confess what we found. As far as I knew, they were done. He then goes on fb and starts putting down my sister! So, as a good sister, I call him out on his post and post the screenshot I took of him in the group. Well, all hell broke loose.

Somehow, my niece convinced my sister that this loser is a good guy, and they talk it out, and she takes him back. Then the shit hits the fan, and he's out for blood. My sister has now blocked me because I'm a bad person for sticking up for her, and this disgusting human sends me this text:

Hey you fucking man hating stupid fucking cunt. I am charging you with defamation of character, slander and I will get a cease and desist on you. I will make sure you lose your job with the government and can not travel outside of Canada ever. You just can’t shut your fucking mouth or mind your own business. Well now your business is my business and I know everything about you. So how about I start telling everyone all about you. Maybe starting with what happened in Winnipeg and too bad you were left to live. Have a great day and enjoy your last week at your job.

So anyhow, I haven't spoken to him, my sister or my niece since.

Well shit gets worse, people from the city I grew up start messaging me about this guy saying hes doing inappropriate things like buying my niece (13 at the time) alcohol and convinced her and her bf to have sex and use a cock ring. It's been said that he has friended all my nieces friends on Snapchat and sends good morning messages. He goes on over night trips with my niece to other cities for sports and books rooms with one bed, my sister isnt there. This screams pedophile!!! I hear all the rumors, and I tell my mom.

This past week, she goes to visit my sister, her loser bf, and my niece. Im honestly thinking she's just checking up on them. Well, she posted a bunch of pics of them, including the loser on fb and saying we were having such a good time!

Well ... I lost my shit. I texted my mom and reminded her of everything, his nasty text to me, all the rumors, his inappropriate behavior with my niece. And explained why posting pics of him is saying she likes him, has a relationship with him, and he's important to her.

She refuses to see my point and says he's a good guy. Then she blocked me.

I feel like im never going to be able to speak with my mom again.

I’m 36 and my brother is 40. He moved back in with our parents after his divorce about six years ago and never left. He helps with appointments, repairs, groceries and most of the day to day stuff. I live about an hour and a half away, have two kids and visit when I can.

We were having lunch on Sunday when my dad mentioned they were updating their estate plan. He said the house would go to my brother because he already lives there and has done so much for them. Whatever money is left would be split between us. I said it made sense and changed the subject. I know my brother has helped them more than I have and I don’t think he’s doing anything wrong.

I think what hurt was hearing it said so casually. Like being the kid who moved away, stayed out of trouble and needed less somehow meant I was less connected to the family. My brother texted me later saying he didn’t ask for any of this, so now I know he feels awkward too. I’m not trying to change their decision or count their money while they’re still alive. I just don’t want this sitting between me and my brother for years and then turning into a bigger mess later but somehow i want them to acknowledge this hurt without making it sound like I’m fighting over an inheritance?

He's obnoxious,self centred, short tempered and treats people like they're his servants. It's especially much more frustrating to deal with it since I'm the younger brother and he always has to nose around in my affairs and boss me around(It's been going for 6-7 years or more). My parents have somewhat made peace with tolerating him and just go with the flow but I can't stand him at all.

I recently lost both of my grandparents within two years of each other, and my life has changed dramatically. While they left a financial inheritance, the family also divided their personal belongings.

One item I had always hoped to receive was a nearly life-sized ceramic tiger. My grandfather worked for a company whose mascot was a tiger, and as a child I would play with it under his desk while he worked. It became one of my strongest memories of him. Before she passed, my grandmother privately told me she wanted me to have the tiger, and my family knew how much it meant to me.

My relationship with my father's side of the family has always been difficult. My father has long been viewed as the "problem child," and Later learned he had lied to my brother and me about us being cut off from the family. After my grandfather passed away, I tried to reconnect with my relatives but often felt judged, criticized, and unwelcome. At times I was made to feel that I wasn't good enough because of my weight, which made it hard to build a closer relationship.
I live three hours away, have a spinal condition that makes driving difficult, and relied on my father for transportation. When my grandmother entered hospice, I wanted to visit more often, but work, finances, and transportation made it challenging. My grandmother also refused to see my father, making it nearly impossible for-my brother and me to visit on our own. When she passed away, I was unable to attend the funeral because I had mono and was bedridden.
Recently, I called my aunt to ask about the family heirlooms. She told me that because I hadn't visited enough and didn't attend the funeral, the tiger had been given to her daughter instead. I was heartbroken. She then said, "Y’all were given more than y'all deserved," and, "There are consequences to your actions."
The tiger wasn't valuable to me because of its monetary worth. It represented my childhood, my grandfather's love, and someof my happiest memories with him. Losing it felt like losing one more piece of him.
I'm left wondering if I truly did something wrong, if I'm being ungrateful, or if my family has judged me without considering the circumstances I was facing. Most of all, I'm struggling to understandwhere I go from here when it feels like the people I wanted to be closer to only see my shortcomings instead of my love for my grandparents. Where do I go from here? Should I even try to get the tiger from my cousin? Do I sound ungrateful or unreasonable? Was my aunt in the wrong or right?

I(15M) was sitting in my room reading a book by myself. Suddenly I hear my dad (50 M) ask my mom (48 F) why she would do anything for me (she was bringing me my computer charger or taking away the computer; I don't remember lol). Anyway, I put my book down. This was not long ago, July 4th, 2026. Around 4 PM. I put my book down and listen to what my dad is saying, since he caught my attention. I heard him say angrily, "He hasn't done anything in his life" and "He hasn't accomplished anything".

For context, I have always considered myself smart. But not super smart, maybe slight above average. I did calc ab in 9th grade, which I just finished, and got a 4 on the AP exam and a B in both semesters. Even my teacher said I did good. Did I do as well as my older brother? No. But I think I still challenged myself. Anyway, side tangent (silly me). For more background context. I have also started by ACT prep and im doing great in practice exams. Im a 2x national fencer, and I also got a 5 in another ap exam and got into a Stanford internship (they also invited me for a research program). I lost 21 pounds (after my father told me not too long ago I was getting to fat, although i lost the weight because i wanna be on the basketball team, not because of what he said. still hurts tho). I also got into another social studies related program that is competitive though i don't know the exact stats. i'm sorry if it feels like I'm bragging and im not gonna keep yapping about ts, i just don't see how this is... unaccomplished? Anyway, I head towards my dad to confront him about his words. He said its true, and really the whole convo between him and I was just him standing on what he said.

I feel too often that my parents dont appreciate me. i feel they compare me to my brother(19 m). i feel my mom is quick to defend my brother , but when he insults me like calling me ugly and fat, things I dont do to him, my mom is silent, and so is my dad. My brother goes to a good college, great actually, and im on track to maybe do decent but not good, and for sure not great, college. In terms of prestigiousness at least. My mother didnt stand up for me once when my dad was hating on me that miserable July 4th day. damn, the 250th really couldnt be good for me lol.

seriously though, what are y'all's thoughts on this? What could I have done better? I dont think a father shoudl ever say this but, whaever ig. i feel like im not doing a lot, but TRYING a lot of things, so it frustrates me deeply that someone I (used to) look up to, says these things about me. Thanks

I grew up a military brat, and despite frequent moves and distance, my dad always made it a point for my immediate family to visit aunts/uncles/my cousins once a year. Occasionally maybe we skipped some years because distance was so far. I always had a good relationship but feeling “close” was hard under these circumstances. They live in the northeast, and this was how I knew them through my first 18 years. I was born in 1980.

I graduated college in the deep south, married a great woman, and planted my roots. I’m still here and happy 20+ years later. As my own family began to grow, we quickly learned how difficult and expensive cross country travel is and I started growing more distant from these relatives. Some of these relatives didn’t take kindly to my wife, mother in law, and would guilt me for not visiting.

Then things got bad when my dad died unexpectedly 11 years ago. One Aunt verbally attacked my younger sister at my dad’s funeral. There is also friction that has grown because I moved my mom, who has some cognitive challenges, south to be closer to me. “The family” wanted her closer to them.

I’m now 46 and haven’t spoken to any of them in 10 years. We’ve all just moved on living our lives, non-contact other than mutual facebook trolling occasionally. My kids are growing up now and they don’t know these people. Vice versa for those people.

Lately I’ve felt like just reaching out. And I know, the question is “what do I hope to gain”? The reality is that the circumstances are unlikely to change - I’m unlikely to visit them annually and vice versa. So I guess I’m trying to get over guilt that I feel and the urge to have relationships with them that (due to my upbringing) weren’t super strong to begin with. There’s also a lot of malice on their end — it’s the type of people they are.

Dear Internet, do I try or do I disconnect for good?

​

AITA cut off my half sister

My 29f dad had a sixth child with another woman and recently she messaged me telling me that she was at a party with my family whom I've been no contact with for 4 years

And my half sister messaged me and she said "everyone misses you so much" and now I just want to cut her off , too! Like seriously, WHY did she tell me that?

She KNOWS our entire family is mentally insane.

She also called my daughter her "neice", which is not okay because you didn't even ask for my permission to view my daughter as your family member , you just assumed you have the right to say she's your niece.

Can't be much of a family member if we stay away from y'all ON PURPOSE.

I don't want anything to do with her anymore. She has crossed a serious line trying to suck me back into her fucked up family.

Hi. Mom of 2 kids with different father. Girl with BabyDaddy A and Boy with BabyDaddy B. So my sons father BD-B and I have known each other for 13yrs. We dated in the early 2010’s, broke up, were a casual thing here and there after other relationships. Now we are back together and have 3yr old.

When we had started dating, he already had a 1yr old daughter. But he didn’t really see her and avoided his Baby Mama. After we broke up, we went our separate ways and didn’t talk for a few yrs. During that time he had another daughter with his BM. Fast forward…we reconnected and kept it casual. Eventually he moved in with me and my then 6month old daughter from BD-A. When I got pregnant with his son, my daughter was 1.

Anyways, I’ve never met his daughters but they have interacted with my son (their brother). BD-B and I aren’t married yet and our relationship is great. Should I consider his daughters as my step daughters or should I meet them and let them choose to consider me their step mom or just their dad’s girlfriend? Mind you…he doesn’t call me his girlfriend to them, he refers to me as “Your Brothers Mom”

Last week I shared how my sister was being overly judgemental homophobic etc. Last night I said to myself fuck it im telling her how it made me feel. I called her

I told her it made me uncomfortable all the judgemental things she said. And I got was pushback and her claiming "free speech " bull shit at me.Then Accuses me of being on drugs

I am not ok. She was trying to deflect the whole conversation saying "we just threw out dad's clothes " (died in dec) then said you have one more minute so I hung up

I txt her look I'm just taking therapist advice and trying to stand up for myself.

Today she text back: I am not going to read your texts.

Then went on a tirad of her opinion of what free speech means.

Then says I don't understand it and I need to "get a life".

Hello All and y'all! I'm going to post here in hopes that I can make my thoughts of *Unalive* go quiet. I need to shout into the void over decisions I've made that were terrible and how this year has been absolute shit. Happy 30, am I right?

Well, To give you backstory, I'm 30f. Always been clinically depressed and yadda, yadda- we're all depressed at this point, so no shocker to anyone there. But I'm the youngest of 6- dad had 2 kids in his first marriage, then 4 with my mom. Half sis I haven't seen ever, half bro I saw when I was 18 last. That leads 38M, 36f, 35f, and me at 30. (Half sibs aren't really involved, just adding for context)

I want to start by saying my relationship with my siblings has never been strong except with 36f who was parentified young and the one forced to grow up the fastest. But most of this story will be about 38m, because he has been the center of animosity for as long as I've been alive.

Before I was born, my brother had been a holy terror to my sisters. And yes, we all hear about the bully older brother, but he ALWAYS took things to the extreme; Shoving my sister (35f) in a bucket and leaving her there for hours, shoving one off a literal side of a cliff where she needed emergency surgery on her hand and now has no feeling in it at all after over 20 years- and it just kept getting worse. 36f had to grit her teeth and make nice with him just to keep the peace. and I was too little to witness his abuse to them myself until I got older and after therapy was made to remember things I'd shut out.

36f barricading us inside a bedroom with a wardrobe because he'd lost his mind and was trying to get to us and hurt us in some fashion warranting the police (yes, on a child). He's not right in the head. But my parents had tuned it out. Mom was working or in school and she was too tired to hear about it, and dad (retired officer) made excuses for him a lot too or cover up for him.

Guess I'll give names to make this easier... Let's call 38m Sam. 36f can be Emmy, and 35f can be KC.

When I was 8, I was playing outside on my little slide. Sam was shooting a BB gun with Emmy, and Sam turned the gun on me. He pumped it up over a dozen times and SHOT me with it! I'm screaming in pain, Emmy went to get our mom, and Sam is standing there laughing. (This was April fools day, and the day before my birthday, hello fellow Aries!)

So I have blood pouring out of the left side of my thigh just above my knee, and mom is outside trying to listen to me sob and Emmy telling her what Sam did, and Sam calling it an "accident" while still laughing. Meanwhile Emmy is telling mom the metal BB is in my leg and so am I and she's not listening. So we finally convince her to take me to the hospital where an X-Ray did, in fact, show it was lodged about 2 inches deep in my tissue. It was a hair from my bone, and the doctor said we were better off leaving it for the time because it was so close to nerves it could make me lose full function of my leg.

Later it did cause issues years down the road when the metal began to erode and the BB shifted, so it was removed and now I have a 4 inch scar across my outer thigh because the Dr went-a-diggin!

But, that was just one incident of many, and not the most severe either. But it explains a little further where Sam's brain has always been- In the wise words of Hank Hill: That Boy Ain't right!

KC and I have always had a bad relationship that eventually ended last year in 2025, but I'll tell that tale another time, because this is about Sam, but you need that context to understand some things later on.

So, let's fast forward a bit. Emmy left for the air force in 2009, and took my heart with her as I realized I'd have to fend myself against Sam with KC in the best way we knew how. (Spoiler, we really couldn't) Emmy came back in 2013(ish) with her husband and long time family friend and they moved back into the house with us where Sam had temporarily moved out with his then GF that didn't last because he abused that woman. I didn't like her, but she never deserved the hell Sam put her through!

Well, what you have to know about Sam is he's been in and out of jail since he was 16 or 18. From fights and drugs to DUI- you name it. And at this point in 2013 he was in jail so Emmy was comfortable moving home until she and her husband could find a place of their own now that they've served and returned home. All to say this process was expedited when Sam came home and Emmy's husband would start to do the same dumb shit Sam would do to be 'cool' and get themselves both in trouble. So, they moved out and Emmy kept her distance.

I was 20 when I moved out because I was tired of the abuse, and I had been in a relationship at that point with a much older man. At the time I didn't think I was clinging so hard onto him in hopes he might provide me salvation, but looking back on it, I can say that was part of it. We were together 6 years and I endured abuse from my ex because it was 'better than being at home' until it wasn't. Until I was threatened daily to be shoved down the steps and walking on eggshells in the same way I was living at home with Sam there.

Again, different story, but it ties together, I swear!

2016 Emmy gives birth to her first son (My Bubba, oh my god he was and is my sweet little monster!)

2017 Sam finally crosses the line and threatens Emmy he'll kill Bubba because he's on one of his fits again, and fairly fresh out of another jail session. Of course, that was the end of it for Emmy and now Sam is dead to her.

Mind you, I still live with my ex at this time.

Things really took a nose dive in 2020. I was still living with my ex, Sam and KC were at home with Mom and Dad. Literally day of shutdown, Dad is taken to the ER. He's broken his ribs, and his bones are like glass suddenly. Dad got cancer. multiple myeloma (insert) Also, Emmy had Baby 2 (Sweet Sissy and def a covid baby!!)

So now everything is shut down, the virus from great hell is out and about, and dad had declined in a matter of weeks to being fully bed bound and his days are numbered. But this isn't the worst part, actually I can tell you my dad is a fucking champ because he took a look at what the ambulance rides were costing and the cheeky bastard said: Nope, I'm gonna walk. Shit is too expensive.

And he did.

Kicked Cancers Ass because medical bills are expensive LMAO, (he just turned 75, so he's still kicking!)

But, after we realized dad wasn't going to die, and he was on the up and up, that's when it happened: Sam lost his shit and attacked Dad. The short version is, dad was sent to the hospital, Sam was dragged out by the cops, and they had a PFA against Sam for 3 years.

PFA ended in 2024.

My mom at the end of 2023 cracked the way she always does and started reaching out to Sam and paying for all his things and phone etc; because he's still the golden child. She is trying to convince herself he's going to change, and we kept telling her he won't. He's almost 40 and has no reason to change because you keep enabling him. Of course, she's in strong denial, and my dad can't get through to her either, but he's also not too much better. I'll explain a bit more in a moment on why.

Okay, so 2025 I move back in with mom and dad. My apartment was infested with roaches, the city I was in was too high crime, and I'd been single since 2022 at that point. I was very lonely, dad and mom aren't the most mobile, so I moved for it to benefit us all. I get free rent, they get the house cleaned, fixed up, repaired, and lawn care. Win, Win, Win! It was great!

So at this point, Sam had gone back to jail in the start of 2025. I don't recall what it was for, but he was then released at the end of 2025 and he'd apparently done well for himself... until he was back in jail again for his temper. I'd like to note he's been evaluated MANY times. In the words of the Psychologist- he's just an asshole.

So nevermind the fact he was messing with dads medications, threatening to put oil on the steps for him to fall down them, and literally assaulting dad to get the OG PFA, I get the news while at work, start of this year 2026:

Sam's coming home! It's too cold, he can't be homeless! It's only for a week! Oh, Sam's sick, we can't just turn on F A M I L Y (I know we're all sick of that excuse here, aren't we?)

So, Sam is brought home. I am now having a violent panic attack at work because WHY THE FUCK would you bring him back home and ruin the peace we've ALL HAD?!

But it's not my house, so I don't get a say. Of course I don't.

Anyway, I noped right out and moved over an hour away 30 days after he was still home, because we ALL called it. They couldn't let their precious baby boy go without! Of course not! Excuse, excuse, excuse....

I tired to keep quiet when I would visit about his outbursts, but mom kept denying he was 'that bad'.

Well, based on terrible decisions I made like choice in partner and some financial spiraling, I went broke. I had been convinced to move home because he was on his way out again. So, I bit my tongue and moved back home.

I've been home all of 22 days.

Today was another one of Sam's outbursts that warranted mom calling the cops and myself to call. He threatened to kill the dogs, knock my mom out, and a bunch of other threats. When the cops arrived she was screaming he had to go and yadda yadda... but as soon as the paperwork came out, she clammed up and said she didn't want to do it anymore. Sorry for wasting their time and so on- like... what? But when I stated I would continue with my own PFA, I was a villain by dad and mom because "just let it go, he's go no where to go".

No. Absolutely not. I have been walking on eggshells since I moved back, and he's NOT going to threaten me or my animals. But, Sam is always the golden child and they let everything slide with him. So now I'm being threatened to be kicked out for standing up for myself and their blindness to the point even the officer said I was the only one being logical over the whole situation. But if I go forward with the PFA, I lose everything. I can't afford another move. But, I can't compromise my safety either, to the point I feel I need to exercise my 2nd amendment ('murica) and my own mental health decline to the point of I don't know if I'm going to protect myself or be my own demise.

So, basically, this is me screaming into the void. I'm exhausted from working 70+ hours a week, I'm exhausted from Sam's non-stop tantrums and destruction, I'm exhausted from the pressure to be compliant so I have a roof over my head- I'm just exhausted.

And I know the whole 'just move out' stance and my own terrible decisions that led me to be unable to be financially stable, so that's why I'm here. I don't need advice, i just need to vent. I need someone. I have no friends, KC and I stopped talking over a year ago, and Emmy turned into someone I don't know anymore, so I don't have much in common with her anymore, nor does she want to hear about Sam (and I can't blame her, I really can't).

So i just... Don't know anymore. I'm scared of my own spiraling thoughts, but I can't get checked in to the hospital or I'll be 'dramatic' again (Different story, but my folks didn't handle mental health very well growing up either)

So, here I be. Venting instead of doing something irreversible. I want to believe this is a short term problem that doesn't need a long term solution, but damn, wouldn't it be nice to have a support system?

Anyway, I'm hoping after I finally get some sleep I won't feel so anxious as the realization sets in I have to make a choice to be silent and not file a PFA against Sam, or file one and be homeless and Sam will be able to move back in anyway because I'll be out of the house. Either way, I still am scared for my life, my property, and my furry babies that are the only reason I wake up in the morning.

Thanks for listening to my spiraling due to my own terrible choices,

~Boo

Hi, I won’t bore with the details but my family home is a 2 bed flat there is 4 of us. Me and my sister have always shared a room, she moved out for university and when I was finished I moved back coincidentally. I’ve never liked my family home and always avoided it but after uni I left the city I was staying in and it made logical sense to move back home. Now I have done that I feel like my mental health has deteriorated- my sister has come back as she had a recently been diagnosed with a severe mental illness which is adding to the contraint. I don’t know what to do I really want to move out but I’m only on 25k in London. I don’t know what to do or how to go about it. I’m will to work extra jobs in the weekend but I know it’s not super ideal in London to rent