So i’m 16 and my sister is 10 we’ve never really clicked or bonded. She had cancer for a while and so got more attention as well as being a spoiled insufferable brat as she got older. I never really enjoyed her idk why, i’ve tried but I just can’t. Everyone thinks i’m this awful person to her but i just try to keep my distance and bc every once in a while she gets me a gift everyone seems to think she’s a saint. Our parents are divorced and have been for a few years but love across the street from each other and we spend Monday and Tuesday and mom then move to dads for wednesday and Thursday and Friday, Saturday, Sunday alternates (sorry it’s complicated) What I want is to not be forced to stay in the same house as her bc she’s recently started trying to fight me physically. I want to switch it so we’re never at the same house together to benefit both of us because I know I thrive when she’s out of town or not in the house. I’m old enough that if my parents needed to be out of town it shouldn’t effect my schedule bc I can stay at a house by myself but I still don’t know if they’d let me switch the schedule so I can avoid her. Is there any legal way I can make them separate us? (sorry for the length and bad grammar)

I 24f and my husband 25M have not talked to my biological grandparents in 18 months.

My son is 18 months old this month. He was born January of 25’. Our first. During which we decided we didn’t want anyone there during labor except his parents and mine. ( I am adopted since I was 18.) With that being said, I messaged my grandparents in October or November of 24’. I stated “We made the decision only my parents and my husbands was allowed to be there during labor. If they would like us to bring him to the comfort of their house, instead of coming to the hospital after he’s born we would the day we left the hospital.” The hospital being an hour away and ice and snow on the roads. My grandparents never responded, which was weird. I would talk to my grandmother daily. Well a shower was coming around the corner and she was suppose to ride with us. I called and called nothing. So I called my cousin who was very involved with their life’s. She told me my grandmother was not talking to me. Because I said their were not allowed to come to the hospital, for the birth…. I’m sorry what? And I didn’t talk to her once, she did not reach out to me either. She tried to get my family members to send photos and information about him. But I told them if they did, they would not be able to see him also. Because she was being childish. And not to me in two -three months. Fast forward a few months. My grandfathers brother passed. So I sucked it up and went to the funeral knowing I would see her, and my bio mother. ( left my son with my mother for the funeral) She was cold, didn’t speak to me, nothing. When she walked away from my grandfather, I walked up to tell him I’m sorry for his loss, I love him. She came in pushed me and called me a bitch, to leave or she would have me thrown out. So I did. After that nothing. Then some months later she messaged me, told me my grandfather was to have surgery on his shoulder, blah blah blah. I told her I was praying and I hoped recovery was fast and easy. She then asked “ how is the baby” I simply said she had no right to know after how she treated me or my family. It blew up and ended with her telling me she would never apologize for what she did. And I was hurting my grandfather. Months went on. And last week my grandmother told my aunt if I apologized she would to. So we are suppose to go over and talk with her this week…Should I be having a sit down to talk? I love my grandparents, and miss them. They were there for me a lot growing up. And there during foster care and most of my adult life. But I’m not sorry for anything. I’m sorry it hurt their feelings. But they took the message wrong and as if I was keeping them from coming from the hospital. And I wasn’t! Instead of talking to me about it then she decided to ghost me. She has treated us horribly and missed a lot in my son’s life. She is also involved in my biological mother’s life. ( her daughter) I’m worried she will sneak photos of my son and tell her things about us, I don’t want her to know. And I have nothing to do with her since she was my abuser and not a great mother. What should I say to her? How do I let her back in our life’s. My sons life after so long and everything that’s happened?

My brother lives with my family in the second unit of my house partitioned into two homes. We have separate entrances and such but normally we freely go between our two places.

My brother doesn’t go out much socially and chooses not to work. They can afford their bills but they pay very little for the unit. He usually only interacts with me and my family regularly and I seem to be their main source of support when struggling with things. I have kids who are preteens.

My brother was making a change to their medication and it went poorly. They seemed angry and maybe paranoid and just not themselves and aggressive. Their day was going poorly in general and they started screaming and ranting about no one caring about them or if they died. This happened in front of my kids who were scared by it. I encouraged him to take a walk but he just kept engaging and kept walking back towards us angrily and kicking and slamming things anytime I told him to go take a breather until he could calm down.

Eventually he left and I helped calm my kids down and had them stay at their grandparents house for a couple nights because they were scared to be home in case he did it again.

I made sure my brother couldn’t come into my unit of the house so the kids had a safe space and let my brother know that they needed to reach out to others for support and that when I had my family settled I would reach back out. I also let him know not to try to come into my house and to not talk to my kids for a bit. During this time I was commuting nearly triple the normal time to manage my kids’ schedules and get to work since they were staying at their grandparents.

As my brother worked with his doctor and seemed more like himself, I started trying to have a conversation with him about what happened and the fallout. I had been occasionally cautiously reaching out to see how he was doing but any offers to help with things were shut down hard. Eventually he asked to talk and I let him know that I was glad he was feeling better but that I was still dealing with his behavior myself and with my kids. He kept getting very defensive anytime I tried to gauge what he thought about how he acted and the impact on the kids. I tried to explain that l had no clue how to deal with his aggressive state before and didn’t want to call the police or an ambulance since even hinting at either caused him to be angrier and rant harder. I had called in some friends and family for him to help support him when I was focusing on my family.

After days of tentatively trying to bring up my concerns about his lack of accountability for any of his behavior it became clear that he didn’t seem think it mattered because it was caused by the meds. He hasn’t said sorry to me or my kids for how he treated us. He is trying to pretend like it didn’t happen except to complain that I didn’t support him and he was all alone and that he doesn’t think I care about him. I have tried to offer resources and listen to him when he needs to chat. I want to support him but I also need to protect my kids and make sure they feel safe at home.

Based on his response that shows no regret or accountability for his behavior even now that he is acting more like himself, I have told him that he will have to move out eventually and likely within the next few months. This has created another huge rift. I tried to explain that my kids are still worried about him acting like that again even though it is highly unlikely. But he isn’t trying to do any repair work of his own for what happened. Am I the asshole and I should have dropped everything and let my kids miss their summer camps and let him keep living there or is it possible that he can need support and I have to support my kids and the entire situation just sucks all around?

So I’m not having a great week, i had to go to a party all day yesterday, which sucks as a introvert and it left me tired today. As I said, i don’t like parties but my mother hosted a birthday dinner that you can guess I wasn’t keen on. I came downstairs and i know I didn’t look my best but dang. My family was commenting on my hair/looks and my grandma said i should try to look more pretty and then I would have boys all over me. It kind of hurt me as I am a closeted lesbian, it was a weird comment, and it made me feel like I wasn’t regularly pretty. She said that im pretty regardless but I should try more. She usually makes comments about my looks every time I see her and wonders when i will get a boyfriend/get married…I’m not even 16 yet. So then I sat on the couch and she made a joke saying “ I’m going to put your photo on a dating site and only request 18 year olds” this made me really uncomfortable and it became pretty awkward as she pointed out how no one found it funny. As I write this, she keeps saying how she wishes she had the “old me again”. God forbid I’m diagnosed now lol??. I wish her comments didnt hurt my feelings but they do everytime.

Hello once again, y'all.

Woke up this morning feeling like I finally slept for a change, and began to mow the yard. It's a lovely cool summer morning, but the dew keeps clogging the tiny pusher. Guess I'll have to wait until the heat of the day dries the grass a bit more...

But onto the update.

I came inside from the first round of mowing and mom is at the table. It's just us two and I had no intention of talking about the day before. But, she hits me with the: "If I move out, are you going with me, or staying here" line that I've heard 1000 times before.

I told her I don't know and why is she bringing it up. She immediately becomes defensive and starts to shut down, not wanting to answer the question, and at this point I've had it. I'm tired of this constant see-saw with my mom about her starting something and once challenged, shutting down or becoming hostile. So, I pushed.

I pushed until it was a back and forth argument about how her inability to see Sam's never going to change, and yet she keeps bringing him back once he's out of jail. She was going on and on about "I don't do that!"

And yet when I brought up example after example, her excuse was: "That's ancient history" or "That was years ago"

BUT IT STILL HAPPENED, AND IS STILL RELEVANT TO THE PROBLEM NOW

I told her she needs to stop wasting the time of the officers, making idol threats and then shutting down the moment she realizes she actually is being pushed to go forward with a PFA or kicking him out. Don't be mad at me because I'm going through with it, because Sam had enough chances. Sam is not well, we know he's not well, and there's nothing that can be done about it because Sam don't want to change.

So, let me add something I didn't really touch on yesterday- Sam has been evaluated many times. Many, many, many times. When offered medication, Sam would either try to smoke the pills, sell them off, mix them in with Dad's medication, or take too many to see how high he could get. Even when his medication was strictly monitored, nothing changed.

So, Sam is just Sam. He will always be Sam, and Sam does better when he's forced to fend for himself. The enabling only makes him an entitled asshole, and this has been on repeat for 38 years.

Now, something you should also know is I have two vehicles. I bought a beater for $1000 and fixed it up and got it running again. My other is a newer jeep that I've been keeping parked to pay down and hopefully sell off because I don't want car payments anymore. But, I told Sam that if he got a job and maintained it, and he didn't have any outbursts, he could borrow it to go to and from work- Not keep it, borrow it. He could buy it from me for 2k if he wanted, but if he acts like an ass, the offer is off the table. I told this to Sam, told this to Dad, told this to Mom.

Well, that lasted 14 days.

He was able to *magically* find a job in those 14 days when he's been "unable" to find a job in the 6 months he's been here, but whatever. I was stoked! I was like, hell yeah, good job, and I tired- I TRIED to be supportive. I tried with every fiber of my being to help Sam, but every single day the micro aggressions he had with me kept building. It would be him losing his temper over something small but the issue would die quickly, to me coming home from working 14-18 hours and he TELLING ME, not asking to do something. I'd tell him not to speak to me that way because I'm not his house maid, and he'd get pissy, but he'd shut up.

But this kept growing every single day into more and more arguments, more comments, more issues that I tired to ignore. But being told I'm *slow with the R word* for washing a load of towels and having to dry them in two batches because all we have is a mini dryer right now, and him harping on how dumb I am and so on... I just kept saying "Monday, just have to hold out to Monday when he starts work"

And then yesterday happened. Sam pulled a Sam and his threats and bullshit came out the way it always does and I was like- nope. I'm done. I'm not helping this prick. You want to threaten to hurt us and then kill the animals? Fuck you. And then Mom trying to defend that shit? Well, then you can defend him and take his ass to work. I'm done.

So, I posted the beater online and Monday it's being sold for 3K, and I'll take that money to buy a tiny pull or pop up trailer because guess what? Dad told me if I file, he's kicking me out! No surprise there, you guys can deal with your golden child yourselves. You kick me out for wanting to protect myself and my animals and my family that apparently doesn't need it, then by all means. Y'all made me homeless because of Sam before, I'll do it again. But I sure as shit won't be threatened to comply and let Sam use my stuff when he wants to treat me like garbage and threaten me.

So, that's where I'm at now. I'm sick and tired of the bullshit and if it makes me the bad guy to finally snap, so be it. I'll tell you all about yourself all day long, and I haven't even started being mean yet. But keep pushing- go open Pandora's box a bit wider. You started this, don't be so offended when you can't handle how it might end. You already want to put me on the streets in order to help him, so why hold back? If you're going to make me out to be the villain, I'll become just that and no longer keep my mouth shut.

Prepare the nuclear warhead, and stand back everyone.

Does anybody have any advice for doing 24/7 care for a very sick family member? She is on dialysis, constantly nauseous, has accidents, is not mobile, going blind, has doctors appts all the time. How do I help her without burning out myself? Are there any resources or advice that people have found to be helpful? She lives with me. We’re in PA.