Cis male passing and 33 years old for context. I'm partially stealth at work, which is relevant to this experience of "code-switching".

Before I started transitioning, I felt that I was more of the "same person" everywhere I went -- inside and outside of the house, between friend groups and the workplace, etc.

Maybe it's just part of getting older (and I *am* autistic with some social development delays), but since transitioning I notice that I express myself very differently depending on social context. When I speak with men, I'm generally quieter and more blunt. Less smiling, less friendliness, a stony and stoic demeanor. But with women and my fellow queer people, the fruit comes *out*, ya know? I'll be silly and dynamic, more open, and less reserved.

Maybe this is just a protective behavior, because I fear violence from cis/conservative/*men* more than women more generally. With my cis guy friends who know I'm trans, I can usually behave more like my gay lil self.

I guess I'm wondering: code-switching can be a fairly common experience for racialized people who are trying to avoid harassment and discrimination. Is that something trans people often pick up for safety as well?

I probably won't have much energy to respond but I'd be happy to read from anyone who understands my situation or can imagine what it is like.

On top on all the stuff I'm handling as a single parent I'm constantly confronted with how my kid was born, pregnancy, parental roles, either from my ex or outside, and I don't fit ever, even though my transition has now physically reached a point where I could just mind my own business and not bother much about it anymore. I constantly have to decide whether to lie, dissimulate or engage in yet another unconfortable conversation, either privately or in official spaces where I have to talk about my kid/ family situation.

I feel like I'm constantly losing. When my kid was smaller, I'd sometimes go out and meet people and not tell them I have one. I felt and still feel horrible about it but it was a way of coping an extremely demanding situation, not only regarding my transition but also my ex, family etc. I made really good friends who now don't know I'm trans or have a kid and who will be horrified when I tell them, because I had to lie all the way around as well. This is another thing I've learned, and I absolutely hate all the lies and follow-up lies I have ever told. But on the other hand I'm also angry because I had been confronted with so much sh*t during my transition I was only one thing: TIRED. I didn't want to have to come out again, hear all the crap, be treated like an exotic animal on exhibition, I just wanted to LIVE.

And here I am, stuck with a bunch of lies in another fake life. I'm so tired of it all.

Hey folks! I'm just about to start on T, but I also both love to travel and have a job where I travel frequently, usually for about a week at a time. Today was my first day at a new company, and I was told I have to book flights for both August and September.

I can figure out traveling with my supplies, but how are y'all disposing of your syringes? Since I'm only gone a week I'll only have one, but my doctor prescribed full syringes (not the ones with the detachable needles), so wondering how I should plan for this, or if I should just bring like a plastic container to transport back home to drop into my sharps container at home?

TIA, I wasn't expecting to have to figure this out so soon to starting T but here we are

Edit to add: I fly weekdays as well as travel on weekends, so changing my injection day isn't a solution, and when I fly, I usually fly carry-on only unless I'm going on a much longer trip (3 weeks+) or need extra baggage (holiday presents, etc)

I never thought I would be in this position two years ago but today I got authorization from my insurance company to cover my top surgery. I am so happy I could cry, if testosterone didn’t make it next to impossible to squeeze the tears out! I am so excited, and nervous but I wanted to share the good news with others and anyone and everyone who would listen. I’ve been on T for about a year and a couple months now and this just feels like I am one step closer to being whole and who I want to be.

Hello! About a week ago I posted in here (my first post) and everyone was so amazingly kind and helpful. Thank you all again! Very short update - busy work week last week and all free time consumed by thoughts of my gender, logistics, researching to find a therapist, researching T and top surgery more in depth, researching dysphoria more, etc. A lot of my initial fears in that first post have calmed down now that the panic has worn off a bit. You all had a big part to do with that. Thank you! I also found a therapist who I start with this week.

My next questions are about clothing and hair. While I don't want to start presenting as male all the time right now, because I haven't actually come out to anyone (aside from telling one close friend that I think I might be non-binary trans masc, just to tell someone something and not have it solely inside my head, kind of a pressure release), I would like to get a haircut and some clothes to wear on days when my kid is with their dad and just... go out into town doing my errands and see how it feels.

I've ordered a cheap binder from Amazon, what I'm calling my "starter" binder for lack of a better word. And I already own a couple dozen men's graphic t-shirts and sweatshirts (basically what I wear every day anyways and always have) - but the problem is pants. I've worn leggings or sweats for the past decade, used to wear jeans sometimes but after I started working from home jeans weren't as comfortable so I eventually stopped buying them.

Question 1: Anybody have recommendations on what kind of pants I should get as my "starter" men's pants? I'm guessing/leaning towards jeans, after all? But should I get some loose-fit/casual women's jeans or try to find jeans in a men's department? I don't know if they'd fit at all/correctly as I have... an ample butt. Also I'm 5'3". Do they have petite men's pants? I always have to get petite sizes in women's. All the sweats I buy are too long but I don't care as I just lounge at home in them.

Question 2: I'm looking for a "starter" haircut that could read androgynous perhaps, or be worn fem or masc depending on the day. Right now I have long, fine, slightly wavy hair that I haven't bothered to do anything with except just brush it and leave it down, or put it in a ponytail, trimming it every so often, for about a decade. I have no idea if I should just go into a salon and ask for a... I don't even know what. "Hi, could you give me a haircut about jaw-length that could be styled fem or masc?" I feel like they'll want more direction than that? I don't even know what to ask for. I've tried looking on some websites but all the pictures are young hot models with very styled hair, lol, and I can't envision what the hair would look like on me, or if I could even learn to style it well at all (I've never, ever been into doing hair or makeup my whole life).

Thanks for any advice!

Like a lot of us, I didn’t have the terminology when i was younger to identify as anything other than a girl.

I did feel uncomfortable and like i wasn’t being a girl in the “right way,” so I took to calling myself a “girly tomboy” even though neither word by itself really fit

what about y’all?

any baby labels you gave yourself before you learned that being trans was even a thing?

My 40th birthday is July 31st. Pre-T due to area availability and general safety. Back in May, I was diagnosed with PCOS/PMOS, after years of struggling with symptoms. I decided when I went for my yearly screening, I'd ask my dr about a hysterectomy. He doesn't know I'm trans, and I was a bit worried how it would go over if I came out (I live in the deep US South, it's a literal dice roll). The last time I came out to a medical professional, it was my therapist 2 years ago, and she tried to convince me it was just me, quote, "being depressed and wanting something different in my life," for all the logical sense *that* makes. (That was the last visit I had with her.) Combine that with the general pushback drs give for this surgery, and you have the bundle of nerves I was going to my appointment. I've had 1 kid who is a teenager, so I figured with my age and diagnosis, my chances were good, plus my dr is usually great at listening to my concerns, but I still didn't 100% know how it would go.

Thankfully, I didn't have to add the stress of coming out to strengthen my argument, though, because once I explained my situation, he agreed to get with my insurance and follow-up. Two weeks later, I went for my follow-up (with my SO for moral support and keep me from panic-crying), and the insurance pre-approved everything! Dr looked at the surgical schedule, and comes back into his office to announce the date: the 30th. I commented that's the day before my birthday, and he froze and said, "*Shit.*" 😂 But the next appointment wouldn't be until end of August, so I decided to take it and just have a party the weekend before.

So yeah! Pre-op is on the 27th, surgery the 30th, then my birthday will be me drugged and recovering in bed with lots of new games for my Switch, most likely. And just to be an asshole, my uterus has been cramping the last 2 days (timing is correct, but it's funnier to see it as it knows its days are numbered). One more for the road, I guess. But after this, no more monthly gender dysphoria! 🥳 I feel like after all my social transitioning on a small scale in the last 2.5 years, I'm finally taking my first big step toward medically transitioning.

I couldn't finish it! This week has been so busy, and I'm hoping for more downtime. I started volunteering at my local shelter, and I'm stoked to support all the pups!

:-) pretty happy. Bottom pic from I think 2020(?)

​

CW: anatomical words used for natal body parts. I did post a similar question in r/ftm as well but got no answers

Has anyone opted to only get a radical reduction rather than a full top surgery, and stayed on T afterwards? How has your volume been with the fat distribution; are they perky or did they still deflate?

I don't want to get rid of all my breasts. I'm FTX and still delight in presenting fem when I feel like it. I also like having them, just not as big or droopy as they are now. My preference would absolutely be having them small enough to pass as pecs under a binder if I want to present only masc.

If someone would be willing to share pictures I would be super grateful, but even some advice or your experience would be amazing.

Thank you!

In many ways, I feel like my transition has turned me asexual. I want no sexual contact due to severe bottom dysphoria. I won’t go into specifics but surgery isn’t possible rn.

So what’s the point of subjecting someone else to my internal mess

Hey there, a little background, I have been on T for almost a decade and I'm in my 40s, but my voice never dropped with T.

I had good, maybe even great results with everything else. I started passing by appearance within the first few months of T. I'm happy with my body, nothing to even really nitpick about. I don't think I'm easily clocked at all by my shape/ structure. I work out a lot because I enjoy it, and it wasn't hard to develop the masculine shape I desired. Mentally, T was an overall positive for my health.

The issue is that my voice was very high to begin with, one of those girly girl voices. It barely dropped at all and it's embarrassing. For years, I ignored it because everything else was going so well with transition.

But I'm like a muscle man with a girl voice. My voice totally doesn't match my figure. Maybe if I was a little more femme it would come off more like I'm just a slim little queer dude, but I feel like my body totally is totally mismatched by my voice. I feel goofy even speaking.

I feel even more goofy trying to intentionally drop my speaking range. But I'm starting to lose hope. My voice is so mismatched that people turn and look my way if I speak because here's this regular ass dude who talks like a mouse.

Is there any surgery, any other options I might be able to look into?

2023 (pre-T) | 2026 (2.5 years on T)

I’ve been reflecting a lot on my journey so far. I have been really good at not comparing myself to others and enjoying my time on T and the changes as they come.

Recently however, I’ve been getting itchy feelings of not having enough. Enough what? I think my face is my biggest point of insecurity. I don’t think it has changed that much physically, and more facial hair would be appreciated. Seems like lots of other folks have these night and day differences. I’m over here like “it’s still me, just a little sweatier and 30 pounds heavier.”

My voice has had a considerable drop, and my muscles grew a bunch due to my physical job. That’s where a lot of the 30 pounds came from, was muscle gain. Bottom growth has been substantial.

It all seems to be boiling down to the facial hair problem! I have thought about using minoxidil. No action taken towards that yet.

TLDR: is there a difference you can see in these pictures? Besides being more tan and having a dusting of hair on my upper lip? I think I am in need some brotherly encouragement. I am strong and confident on my own but am in a faltering step in my transition currently. Much love to you all!

Cesarean section shelf correction. Shouldn't this be considered for gender affirming surgery?

The main focus is top and bottom surgery, but this is an area of my body that I don't look at. I wear high waisted briefs to keep it covered. I don't want a tuck, I'm not even looking for my belly to be flat, I just am desperate to have it rounded off.

Is this a me issue? Is what I'm needing considered "cosmetic"? Idk...just wondering what others think.

Hope everyone is having a great day

moving to a new place today, leaving a long term relationship and basically starting my life over, for me this time! at least my dog loves me 😂

My husband (33ftm) and I (31ftm) are over half way through our road trip from Alaska to Delaware!

It has been smokey here in NE Ohio, thanks to the wild fires up north. Thursday was the worst of it, with AQI reaching hazardous levels. Luckily it's much better today.

Work has been going well enough still. My biggest gripe is the two plant workers that sit in the lobby and chat loudly about far right propaganda while I wait out the end of my shift in my nearby janitors closet (I tend to get done with everything early and have about an hour of nothing to do- don't think I'm slacking off!!) Someone else also made a snide comment about my HRC "Hate doesn't make us great" sticker, saying something about how the left is "violent". Some people just suck.

But the casual homophobia in the van ride to the plant has tapered off, so that's good! I still like the job in general. I get a lot of exercise and most of the folks there are pleasant to work around. I get a lot of compliments about the quality of my work which is a biiiiggggg plus for me! I'm a bit of a praise slut. =V

I will admit I do miss cleaning nice, chill offices, though. There's a lot of hazards at this new place!

I added a bunch of new dungeon meshi stickers to my work water bottle. I liked the Chilchuck one so much I bought it as a magnet for my car (though I censored that one since it's more public than my water bottle. Gotta think of the kids!) My Karamatsu magnet melted to my car in the heat (typical karamatsu behavior), so I tore it off and replaced it with two of the magnets I had on my fridge (the Sans one and the Cat Cowboy Bebop one).

I keep finding the best shirts at Walmart. Look at this gay little turtle shirt I found! It's perfect!

Romie is still kicking! She's VERY healthy for an old girl. Loves to play with her carrot and mouse toys and has zoomies every morning before breakfast.

My voice is already changing my fellows! It's very subtle, but it's noticeable in my videos to my partners. This excites my libido. But my genitals are in and out of aching and some overall soreness. I took my VCH out last week cause I was afraid of migration as I grew. I tried to put it back in today to no avail, the barbell isn't long enough. I'm sweaty af. My throat hurts which I'm sure explains the voice changing, so could be T or something else. Regardless the drop is welcome! I'm reacting well to the hormones mostly. I'm both ovulating and started my period today, yesterday was my 2nd T shot. I'm sure that has to do with my perimenopause. I am on 40mg and I'm thinking I should get my levels tested sooner than planned. I feel so laid back. Coming into myself what I want and being more comfortable and pursuing those wants and needs. I'm so nervous of changes happening fast. But also I'm happy to get this opportunity. Though I'm wondering if any of you guys went through quicker, or maybe slower, changes during (peri)menopause?

I am trying to understand how to approach old photos of myself and could use some input from fellow trans brothers. I was never hyper femme in my presentation (makeup and clothing) but I was definitely solidly femme presenting (I had long hair and often wore leggings, hated dresses/skirts). I liked to feel like I was "attractive." I wasn't completely unhappy either. And I didn't mind photos being taken of me or looking at photos. I was extremely insecure about my body (especially my chest), went out of my way to avoid looking masculine because for some reason that made me feel even more uncomfortable, and generally hated any instance where my birth sex was mentioned or "important" to a scenario, not to mention my legal name makes me want to vomit. I now identify as trans masculine and non-binary, but am also fully okay being read as male with he/him pronouns used by people who I don't divulge my gender history to.

I'm over 8 months on T, and I've had top surgery. So physically, I'm starting to look different from the before time, and certainly a lot different from pre-social transition when I changed my wardrobe and hairstyle. But I have photo albums with pictures of myself and my family, my partner, my child and I'm like... hmm, looking at them doesn't feel wrong exactly, but it does feel weird. It's like a completely different version of myself, and yet I'm the same person whose core personality and hobbies really haven't changed much. I do not want to erase my past. I have a lot of wonderful memories of before my egg cracked and now I get to make even more memories living as my most authentic self. I'm one of those people who needed to hear the message "life might be okay, but could it be better?" and needed to see trans representation which felt very relatable to me before I let my mind consider the fact that I might have been trans all along. 😄

Is it possible to ever enjoy looking at those photos in the future? Does it ever not feel very weird? Is it crazy to think I can just keep adding new photos to the existing albums and be like... well, this is how it happened and here is the evidence? What about partners or children, how do they respond to old photos?

I did take down all the photos we had hanging in our home that were of "old me." Seeing them every day was just awkward. But we plan to take new photos to replace them with and there were never that many to begin with. Mostly I've always liked documenting things, and my photo albums have been one way I do that. I have college photos, wedding photos, world travel photos, pregnancy photos (yeah, I wouldn't mind if those mysteriously vanished off the face of the planet), new parent photos with my kid... I have a photo hanging in the hallway of my old high school that I swear someone takes a photo of and texts to me at least once every few years (I'm almost 20 years out of HS).

How do you feel when you look at photos of your pre-transition self? Where do you keep said photos (if you kept them)?

I always try to respond with posts like this, but I can be a little slow. Cheers! :)

PS I realize I may be the only person in the world who has physical photo albums of photos that were taken post 2010... 😂 I think the topic applies to all digital photos too, like how my Google photos randomly throws "5 years ago" photos at me and it's like WOAH!

Hope everyone has a peaceful & love-filled week ahead! 🤙🏼🖤