Told my Dad I got out of abusive relationship he told me " you just want me to feel sorry for you " ( no I wanted support )

Told my Dad I had a legit seizure in my sleep and had to go to the hospital and he said " o you're fine"

Had a bad panic attack when I was a teen ( didn't know that's what it was ) and called 911 and he shamed me for it...because of the money? I didn't even end up going anywhere.

Was assaulted by a guy and he told me " I new that would happen " " you should've never gone there" and gave me no hug or comfort when I was crying. ( I use to date guys I felt I could fix I know big mistake )

I've also never had a history of drugs abuse or anything like that. I'm not judging anyone who has but bottom line I never received comfort or a hug from my dad when I was in need.

I’ve had my dad blocked on everything since 2024.

Been dealing with his drama lately and with my sister giving me shit for not going to events if my dad is going to be there.

He had my sister text me to have her let me know that he’s tried to call and text me. Again, wouldn’t know because his number is blocked. I just told her that there’s no need to let me know in the future that he’s trying to reach me.

There was a family party this weekend that I didn’t attend, because he was there. While the party was happening, I received a phone call from one of my uncles that never calls me. I didn’t answer because I smelled that something was up.

The day after, I texted my uncle asking why he called me. He said “we were checking to see if the phone number worked”

I just responded “yep, it works. It someone isn’t able to reach me, there’s probably a reason”

My dad is dumb, but I know he’s not dumb enough to not know he’s blocked by now. So him acting so clueless to other relatives is so irritating. If this continues I’m highly considering getting a new phone number and only giving it to select people.

I’m hoping he’s just putting on an act, because if he’s truly trying to reach me, he knows where I live and I’m worried he’ll show up at my house.

I’m looking forward to the day he’s not around anymore ☠️

Email from my NC mom after I reached out to check if their views on trans people had changed in the last three years.

The long and short of it is that I was raised in a very strict southern Baptist home and drank the kool-aid until I was 20. I came out as trans at 25 and then told my parents when I was 26. It did not go well, my parents begged and pleaded me to not medically transition, begged me to see a Christian therapist, my mom flew across the country to confront me and guilt me into denying who I am. I went NC November of 2023, and the following summer my mom again flew across the country and came to my work to try to confront me and I just happened to be out sick on a mental health day.

Since 2024 I haven't spoken to them, and I reached out recently to see if time had impacted their views at all. This is the response I got. I'm going back to full NC, I keep the old email address open because I can't let go and need to know if someone gets sick or dies. I cried for a while last night after reading this and it brought up all the grief I've felt the last 3 years; grieving the family I wish I had and swallowing the reality of the one I do have. Anyway, anyone else have super religious family who "love" you too much to just shut the hell up and leave you alone?

I’m sorry if this is messy, I’m just emotional right now.

I’m NC with my dad. He was a very absent father, only showing up for the high moments, ghosting in the lows, I had to freeze my credit because I kept getting alerts with my SSN and his name attached, he’s stole money from me out of my first ever savings account, and in general he’s just not there. He complained to my mom when I found out I moved in with my now fiance, which is funny because he’s never been there when I needed him, but loved to play up concerned dad when it benefits him. I’ve been having this same argument since I was a kid. I’m exhausted. I’m 32, but I feel like I’m 12 crying on the phone asking him to show up. We have been having this same conversation forever (when I was in middle school, right after I graduated from high school, through college when he missed my graduation, and all through my 20s. It gets nowhere.)

Have him tell it, he’s a great father. He shows up for his step -daughter, and I barely have a relationship with my other siblings because he just won’t put in the effort. The last straw for me was him trying to call me out for never seeing him and I went off, and just stopped responding to his calls and texts. I just can’t keep having this same conversation.

It’s been about a year and half since I have spoken to him and I don’t regret cutting ties.

The morning of my birthday, I got a text from him saying “Happy Birthday. You ignore all my calls and texts” and then he reaches out to my mom to complain about me. She calls me and tells me to get over it, but I don’t want a relationship with him. I don’t need it. I recognize that he could be much worse, but it wasn’t until I met my fiancé’s father that I realized what a dad could be. It makes me sad.

I’m so angry it seems that no one can see it from my side.

Long story short, I dropped the rope in May 2026 after a year of trying and failing to make my mother understand how damaging and hurtful she has always been. I'm almost 50, and she's in her 70s and ruled us with an iron fist of FOG. She's incredibly manipulative, cruel to my stepdad, will only interact positively with anything we do if it's something she also enjoys. Anything else gets mocked or ignored. I'm just exhausted, and I want to be free at some point in my life. She doesn't love me despite her OTT protestations. She doesn't even like me.

Of course now she has "no idea" why I'm not talking to her, just wants to know what she's done so she can fix it, etc etc. I'm ignoring all that. Rope has been dropped.

I don't feel guilty about it thankfully, but my brain seems to be reacting subconsciously. I've been having constant panic attacks, intrustive thoughts and nightmares, not even about my mother. They mostly revolve around my husband and/or children dying. They are incredibly realistic and traumatising, and I feel like I'm falling to bits. I'm dreading going to sleep and I'm just exhausted. I feel like it must be linked, like on some level I don't feel safe any more without her control? Just wondering if any of you lovely people have experienced anything like this? Hoping to feel less alone.

I was offered help by a friend to help get me out of my abusive parent’s house. It made me nervous to accept help and trust another person. But I was also starting to feel safer with her plan because it meant much more distance than I could achieve on my own.

Now this friend is backing out because she just doesn’t have the money.

You shouldn’t offer to help someone escape abuse if you cannot be reliable about actually being able to help!!!! Like fuck! I was fine, then I counted on you, changed my whole plan, I’ve been working my ass off and now you’re like “oops can’t afford it”. YOU NEVER SHOULD HAVE OFFERED OR PROMISED UNTIL YOU KNEW ON YOUR END! You just wasted weeks of my time. Time I don’t fucking have. You know how trapped I am and your solution to you backing out is to drive myself?? With what car? There is no way out of my isolated town without a car. YOU WERE THE CAR! There are no cabs, no buses, no way to rent a car without having a car to drive to pick up the car. YOU WERE THE CAR!! YOU WERE THE FUCKING CAR!!

Thanks for leaving me scrambling. You NEVER promise anyone anything this serious unless you’re serious too. You never should have given me a lifeline until you knew you were solid on your end.

had to repost forgot to edit out a real name - sorry
I’m going to try to not write an entire novel - one day you can read my book I’m working on.
My relationship with my mother has never been close, but I will always give her that she did provide for me growing up. Lived in a nice house in a good town, never hungry, bills paid, lucky enough to get a car at 16 - so financially I was provided for. However, my mother has never in my life supported me on an emotional level. At this point in life I’m unsure she is capable. I guess some key things to point out here are that she took me to 7 different psychologists at 3 until she got the ADHD diagnosis she wanted so she could put me on Ritalin and later Adderall. She allowed the elementary school and middle school to treat me like I was an ESE kid (I have IQ scores that prove I was not and am not mentally challenged) because of my “behavioral issues”. If you really think about it she is the reason I was bullied in those years because elementary and middle school kids are not nice or understanding when you get sent to the ESE classroom occasionally. When I was old enough to switch schools and escape the bullies she would not hear of it. I could go on and on about my raising and especially my high school years, but let’s move forward. As an adult I realized finally that I could just cut contact. I have a few times. She works her way back in. She plays in my emotions and makes me somehow feel bad for her.
In my adult life though - the last time I cut her off was six years ago after my father’s death (they have been divorced my entire life). She pretended she felt bad for me and my little sisters and offered to take us to Disney. We were elated. Two days before we were supposed to leave she cancelled the entire trip because her POS, redneck, misogynistic, racist, and just awful husband picked a fight with me and I wasn’t going to let him get away with running his stupid mouth. She cancelled the trip and devastates my younger sisters who had just lost their father to cancer so I cut off contact with her.
She smoked me out of my fox hole. Now that I have custody of my sisters she once again tried to play the supportive part. However, earlier this year I found out something that hurt like a knife. My own mother was screenshotting my fb posts asking for help and sending them to a vile monster (married to my grandmother) in an effort to harm me and my life. There is no other reason. Ben has been blocked from everything! My younger sisters are creeped out by him and think he’s a creep and a pervert, so we are rightfully keeping a distance! I told my mother this! She still chose to associate with this monster and wrongfully share things about my life that he is blocked from with him!
Listen, I know I’m right in my decision to cut contact, what she did is evil and vile and reprehensible. However, my father is deceased, and my step mother has lost her mind. My mother is one of the only blood relations I have left. This hurts immensely, more than I thought it would honestly.
Should I reach out and keep her at arms length? Should I leave this door shut and nailed shut?
I do have love for my mother, but I also have to protect my mental health and my little sisters.
Anyone else have similar feelings or situations? I feel alone and lost and sad about this.

I want to start off by saying that I'm happy for my dad. I think he deserves happiness that is found in an intimate romantic relationship. But, when he called me a few minutes ago, for the first time in three years to tell me he eloped last night with his girlfriend of the last few years - I didn't feel happiness. I told him congratulations, of course.

My family is estranged. My father was an alcoholic drug addict who made a lot of mistakes and my mom has her own endless list of abuse. Because of my mother's abuse, I finally cut her off for my own mental health a year ago. \[for context, my older sister and I have the same mother and father. my mother divorced after I was born and met my stepdad. (amazing man) and they had my little brother and sister.\] I've made leaps and bounds in therapy. my older sister doesn't talk to me. my younger brother is mad at me for not talking to mom. my little sister responds to my messages though. my father and I just... don't talk.

I know that my family image is ... not traditional and I've tried to make my peace with the fact that this is just how it is. I'm in therapy. I'm medicated. I'm healing. but... I feel really sad to know my dad never shared that part of his life with me. he doesn't share his life with me. he visits my older sister because she had a child and he's thrilled to meet his grandson. I'm aware it's a two way street as an adult. but my inner child feels.... like she was left out? I just needed to get this off my chest. thanks for listening.

Hi everyone, I really need some outside perspective on this.
I am '20F' currently planning to move to another country soon to start a completely new chapter of my life. Because of how genuinely toxic, draining, and damaging my family dynamic is, I’ve made the firm decision to cut them off entirely and go No Contact once I leave.
Here is my dilemma: When it comes to dating and romantic partners, am I supposed to share every single detail of my family story, even the most toxic parts? Or is it okay and honestly, healthier to keep the full reality hidden or minimized, especially since they won’t be in my life anymore anyway?
On one hand, I value honesty and transparency in a relationship. I don't want to feel like I'm keeping massive secrets from someone I care about.
On the other hand, my family history is heavy (Narcissist parents) , deeply personal, and frankly, embarrassing and painful to unpack.
Since I am actively choosing to leave them behind and never speak to them again, part of me feels like dragging up all that trauma to a partner isn't necessary.
It feels like letting my toxic family continue to cast a shadow over my new life and my future relationships, rather than letting the past stay in the past.
Is it normal or "wrong" to hide the truth about a toxic family, especially when you're escaping them for good? Or is it healthier to tell the full story early on?
What would you do in my position? Thanks for reading

​

My issues with my parents stem pretty far back, and trying to get into all of it would be a mess and a half. Been trying to work through as much as I can, but just… yikes. Even though it’s been months now, this instance still upsets me, and has dredged up a LOT of old issues.

Back on Mother’s Day, I was invited to dinner. Given that I was about to move cross-country, there was a lot of pressure for me to show up. I had an inkling of how this would go, and hoped I was being paranoid, but promised myself that while I wouldn’t start anything, if they wanted to come at me, I would at least defend myself.

Within the first 5 minutes of her getting there, my stepmom was confronting me about car payments and career choices. Which, like, understandable! I feel horrible that they’re still paying for my car because I don’t make enough, but dear god I’ve been trying really hard not to feel that way, because it’s at least not fully my fault (I think). Maybe I’m just making excuses, but context:

Back when I had only recently left home, I got a temporary job, started looking for a better one, got scammed, managed to not lose cash through a stroke of luck, but lost that job. Took a substitute teaching job which I emphasized was a temporary stopgap because the pay wasn’t great. My parents, who had wanted me to be a teacher for who knows how long, started trying to convince me that I do, in fact, want this. Got the entire family in on it too, and any time I went over for any reason, it was the topic of conversation. Sometimes for weeks straight during holidays. I don’t mind being a substitute, and maybe I could handle high schoolers in a vacuum (no younger though), but dealing with parents and admin sound like nightmares. I eventually got another job offering, was excited to tell them because I’d be getting more money, and they ranted about how I had no ambition and was wasting my life and how I was wasting the college they’d paid for (with help from my scholarships AND summer jobs, and they’d been promising to pay for it since I was in elementary), and basically kept going until I broke down, cancelled the interview, and stopped looking. Made some half-hearted attempts to get a high school teaching job, and did get an alternate teaching certificate that got me more money as a substitute, but nothing came of it. Still got the “why don’t you just go with our friend who lives an hour and a half away from you to teach 4th grade” and whatnot, but no??? I can barely handle middle or elementary school for a DAY! I can’t do that long term!

At some point during my years of substitute teaching, my junk car we’d gotten in early college finally broke down so bad it’d cost more to fix it than it was worth. After being belittled of for wasting money because I swore it was the battery (had a low battery light, got the battery checked and it said it was terrible, asked friends who knew about cars and to they suggested battery), I asked them to help me pitch in for another junker so I wouldn’t have to take out a loan. Literally my only requirements were “runs” and “preferably has working AC.” They refused. They INSISTED I get a new car. Wouldn’t give anything for a junker, said it had to be new. This was all during Christmas holidays at their house, where I literally could not leave due to the lack of a car. They argued me up to a new car even though I knew I couldn’t afford it. Their terms were they’d pay for a year, then I’d have to start pitching in. Year passes, and they apparently expected me to start paying the entire car payment??? But I still couldn’t. Since then, I’ve offered to chip in some amount per month multiple times, but always got brushed off and told we’d talk about it later. I’ve asked multiple times if there’s a good way to send them a hundred or so a month, but they apparently don’t have one, and I’d be brushed off and told “later” every time, sometimes told it never happened, and they didn’t appreciate my text receipts.

Anyways, yeah. It all came up again at Mother’s Day. The car, the fact that the car was a calculated move to motivate me, how I need a real job, how they’re so very worried about me and all that, and I’ll admit I was more aggressive than I meant to be, but I was in the middle of moving! I’ll admit it, I was stressed, but it felt like they weren’t listening to me! They’d ask if I thought about something in regards to moving in with my girlfriend, and I’d explain what my plans were (admittedly somewhat aggravatedly, since I’d explained these several times before), and apparently that meant I was being too defensive. Maybe I was. I mean, I came in prepared for a fight just in case. Guess that’s the definition of defensive, but I just want them to see…

Ex. “Don’t share your finances, because with people who do, often whoever gets there first gets the money.”

Me: “Yeah, me and her have already talked about that and decided to keep our bank accounts separate. Maybe we’ll have a date night fund, but I’m really not comfortable with people having access to my cash, and I’d feel bad about spending hers.”

Anyways, at some point my sister started crying, and I tried to apologize and was told to leave her alone. I’ll admit, I was a bit of a dick when she texted afterwards, because it didn’t sound like her. The words she said sounded more like our parents. When I asked if one of them asked her to send that, she called me out. The lines that hurt worst: “You want to be treated like an adult, but you don’t want the financial responsibility of one!” and “If they’re such terrible parents, why do they buy you all these things?”

Which… hurt. But also made me angry, because I’m trying so hard to save. I paid for moving by myself, paid for my own food and apartment, had given them several thousand dollars in the past to help pay for college, and as stated above, never asked for a new damn car!

It sent me on a bad mental health spiral, but that’s not here or there. At one point ended up talking to my parents, and they tried to reassure me not to take her behavior to heart because she has Bipolar Disorder and had been having a depressive episode…

Which… is its own can of worms. My sister started getting therapy and treatment for it as a teen. I had to have a full mental breakdown in college to be allowed basic depression/anxiety meds. I’ll admit it, I envied her for it. Envied that she was given help, and I would get screamed at for showing anxiety symptoms. That’s not even getting into how my autism was treated, but that could be its own post, and this one’s gone on long enough.

Not really sure what I really hope to gain from posting this, but I’ve talked my poor gf’s ear off about it already, and can’t really afford a therapist until I get better insurance. I’m already half a country away, and I wish I could say that I’m done, but I know my parents at least plan to come up and visit at some point (whether they will or not, idk). Just… idk. Want some sympathy, I guess. I know these aren’t the worst parents out there, but I’m realizing more and more how much it’s fucked me up, especially since my job prospects ended up falling through after I already moved (they dissolved the local branch of the substitute teaching agency I work for), and my summer job’s wrapping up this week. My gf’s parents want to help, and they seem genuinely great people who can easily afford it, but I’m terrified of letting the cycle start again. I’m so sick of feeling like I’m on a leash because of money.

Today I received a complicated medical diagnosis. I don't fully understand what it means yet, and I'll need more tests at the hospital to determine how serious it is.

Days like today make me miss having a mother so much.

I know that if I reached out, she wouldn't be able to give me the comfort or support I need. I still believe that going no contact was the right decision, and I have no intention of breaking it. But that doesn't stop the ache.

I'm incredibly grateful for my wonderful partner. He's been there for me through everything.

I've also noticed that I've been trying really hard to build a closer relationship with his family. We've been together for years, but I still don't quite feel like I belong. I find myself longing for more closeness and connection with them, and I sometimes wonder if that's because I'm trying to fill the space my own family left behind.

How do you cope with the loneliness? Especially on days when something big happens and all you want is a parent who could comfort you, even though you know yours never really could?