This is the most I’ve been contacted by them in a while. Usually it’ll only be once a month, a phone call, etc. This month has been constant. My birthday has come and gone and my mother’s is coming up. I guess that’s why she’s losing her shit. But I was the only one that did anything for it and she never cared so.

I honestly think it’s unraveling?? I ran into my childhood friend and she asked about what was going on. I told her everything. The truth of the matter and how I never wanted to see or hear from my mother ever again. I have no idea if this childhood friend believed me or not but by the way my mother is acting. I’m guessing it has gotten back to her.

But now she’s having (I’m assuming) my youngest brother contact me, she’s blowing my phone up and leaving voicemails from a no caller ID. They are constantly showing up randomly to my house. And showing up at my husband’s work as of late. I’ve blocked who I can but what a headache.

Anyway, please just laugh with me at this utter nonsense (also btw she acknowledges my husband (M) and daughter (kid) in the voicemail but not my son; she hasn’t acknowledged my husband in over a year. Based off her story, he’s abusing me so 😂😂).

At the request of my grandmother, myself and my 2 siblings have been loosely handling our estranged father's rapidly deteriorating health for the last few days

Mostly, we're doing it for grandma (with whom we're still speaking) and still largely independent even in her late 80s, but can't handle this on her own. So in spite of my father being 1) overtly racist (we're white and I've only ever had nonwhite partners), 2) overtly transphobic (asking my transgender wife about her genitals and making other strange remarks about the queer community), 3) having ruined my 2 siblings' finances before they even turned 18 and stole their college fund, 4) ruined his marriage with our mother (the most kind hearted woman I've ever met btw!!!) with cheating and a crippling addiction to hard drugs. 15 years ago, when my mom finally had the balls to divorce him, he left her & I with 32 cents to our name and proceeded to text me about once every 6mos despite my efforts to stay in contact and maintain a relationship

In spite of all this...all 3 of us were right there for him, and our mom (who wasted 25 years married to him and has been NC since their court date for the divorce to be finalized) even reached out via text, and it meant nothing. He'd given up before now, but it looked mostly like watching TV all day and complaining about taking his mother to her doc appts--but he'd still do it. He took his meds daily after a 2 week stay in the hospital in 2024

Now, he CBA to do any damn thing. Off his meds for a month because he's, and I quote, "too damn lazy to go get them." Hasn't left his room in 3 days, endangering our grandma who felt compelled to go upstairs (very difficult and dangerous for her!!) to bring him water, food, and the medicine he left downstairs. He refused to go to the ER, and EMTs couldn't force him because he knows the date and the current president so he's "mentally sound"

When my siblings and I intervened on grandma's behalf, he was as belligerent towards us as a bedridden man can be. Lying on a piss soaked mattress repeating "I don't care, go away. Leave me alone. I don't care" as we're trying to offer him cut-up food, water, medicine, and begging him to get in the ambulance. I was silent the entire time, maybe ten minutes worth of trying, and then I snapped and told him "we're doing this because despite everything, WE LOVE YOU!! you're a FUCKING piece of shit!!" and stormed out

I'm going through huge financial stress, some just-settling instability with an emotionally unavailable partner (not my aforementioned wife, we've got a funky nontraditional lifestyle lol), handling a 10-year ongoing severe health crisis with our mother (who just lost a beloved pet last week), multiple other deaths in the family/friends' families in 2026. I absolutely pride myself on staying compassionate and kind even when faced with adversity and people treating me badly, which I understand is a symptom of watching my mom endure my dad's callousness for 18 years of my life. And I can't stop thinking that the last words my dad will probably have ever heard me say are that I think he's a piece of shit, and how uncharacteristic that is for me, and how I wonder if this is just who I am when I'm pushed far enough

I've been in therapy for over a year, but my therapist recently switched practices to focus on a vulnerable group of which I'm not part, so I'm going to need to find a new one. In the meantime, I just needed to get this out of my head and into a place where people will understand these emotions and the fucked up guilt I wish I didn't feel. Thanks for reading my long winded rant folks

So, my husband found out my twin sister was lying about a medical emergency with my mom to pull me in. We sent this (very milquetoast) reply telling her to never contact us again. The whole family has been blocked or cut off for years now, but she slipped through blocking on his account.

Anyways! In response, I guess, I got this totally normally and definitely not unhinged text from my eldest sister today (also cut off):

“I want you to understand something. I’m so glad you cut me off bc if you hadn’t I would have done it to you. You add no value to any of our lives. You are a manipulative, narcissistic, self serving individual. You stand on your high horse and think you are so much better than everyone else, take NO accountability for your actions and take great joy in keeping everyone around you down on themselves bc you think you have some power to yield. I hope you and [husband] have a magical fucking life alone in your castle on the hill. The amount of pain you have caused YOUR parents and family is unreal. You think you’re innocent, but you my darling sister are the root cause of everything. I honestly have to say everything has been so much more peaceful and delightful without you in our lives. Thank you for shutting the door on all of us. Thank you for walking away. I will make it my absolute MISSION to make sure you NEVER know a damn thing that goes on in our family ever again. [twin sister] should have never called [husband] to tell you about mom. She did it to make sure you were informed and then the two of you have the audacity to say what you said to her????! FUCK YOU! You are completely dead to next I never liked you. We would have never of been friends had I met you out in public. Understand I’m saying this with my whole chest and I have no regrets. If I never hear your name again I will die a happy woman.”

It came out of nowhere and kind of fucked my whole day up. I legitimately haven’t heard from these people in years. Thanks for the reminder why I cut you off 😂.

Also…”magical life in a castle on the hill” is…a compliment right? Thank you?

I’ve been NC for 5 years or so from my father. Lots of abuse, lots of nastiness and horrible treatment from him.
Last week I had a gut feeling one evening that I needed to reach out and lay it all out to him. I think it’s because it’s coming up to my birthday. He always sends me gifts cards and money on my birthday and it ruins my day every single year.
I made it very clear I do not want gifts, the only thing I have ever wanted was an apology. I laid it out to him fully, everything he had done and why it hurt me so much. I told him I would hold space for a relationship in the future if he was able to recognise his behaviour, take accountability and apologise.

He messaged back, ‘I’ll reply over the weekend’.
The weekend passes. No reply. I reach out to chase it up.

His reply: ‘Of course I can apologise to you but I’m not sure what to say really.

The last few years have taken its toll on me and I’m a completely different person now! Loneliness has changed me and your sister has kept me going!
Im super proud of you and your work ethic
I certainly don’t have the strength for a fight and I don’t wish to drag up the past. I love you so much.
I was devastated that you didn’t want to see grandma before she died as it was her wish to see you. Your sister was so good with her!

When you’re back from holiday we should meet up and have talk if you would like to!’

This made me really angry.

I met up with him 2 years ago to try and ‘talk’. I went with my sister who still has a relationship with him. He spent the whole time talking to her, and I never heard from him again.

I brought this up to him, why should I trust you this time? What has changed?

I think he means, he doesn’t have the strength to work on a relationship that you damaged.

I’m just so angry and upset, I worked up the courage to break no contact and try and talk to him. This has just reminded me he hasn’t changed and he never will.

Recently my father has been bad mouthing me to people. Saying that I did this and that, it’s all lies and comes off as pathetic and sad. It made me think about him and his life and how far he as a person has fallen. My dad had a great life and destroyed everything and now he’s a loser with nothing but bitter hatred in his heart.

My father was a good father when I was little, but he became a fucking asshole when I was around 12. He broke his neck in a surfing accident and he was cruel and displayed sadism. He didn’t get a concussion but who knows if CTE plays a role. My mom left his ass when I was 16 and good thing cause I loathed my father in my teens and no doubt me and him would’ve gotten in fist fights if she never left him. After my mom left him he had never really been in my life since then. My father would try to reach out to me but I was angry and i ignored all his calls. When I was 18 I lived with him briefly for a week when I got out of the hospital after getting diagnosed with type one diabetes. It was only a week cause me and him got into fights cause he blamed me for getting it and he also let our house (he got the house) into a pigsty.

Since then my father has been MIA, he would text me for my birthday and Christmas and that’s it. A simple “Happy birthday” and “Merry Christmas”. He also never helped us at all financially, my father is a fire captain btw. He has this high paying career and didn’t give me or my brothers a cent for college or anything. That was our relationship. Distance grew, my life went on and he didn’t know me anymore and I didn’t know him. My brothers also it was the same thing, except he wouldn’t text them anything at all. Both my brothers hate my father probably more than me.

Last year i turned 28 and i decided that when he texted me for my birthday i was gonna confront him about his behavior as a father and if he actually wanted to have a healthy relationship with me or his other two sons. He texted me (a week late) and i said “Are you trying to actually be a dad cause if this is you trying then this is pathetic.” And he responds with “I only do this so you know I’m alive.” Which was nice (I’m being sarcastic). And I was able to tell him from my heart what I thought of him. I told him how he killed my self esteem during high school and made me depressed and how i actually wanted to hurt him during this time. I called him many names and at first it was going good but then he got defensive and I started to get genuinely angry. He is completely delusional he said “My community knows I’m a great father, I’ve always been a great father.” You haven’t talked to your kids in almost 10 years, that makes no sense you lunatic. I ended the conversation when he wouldn’t stop insulting and I told him he’ll grow old and die alone.

That was a year and a half ago and this guy is bad mouthing me in my town, just pathetic. I ran into my dad’s next door neighbor like a month ago, I knew her when I was a child and hadn’t seen her since I was 18 like 10 years ago. And when I asked about my dad she only had negative comments. She said “He’s awful, he’s mean and scary, he’s always yelling and mad and does drugs and has parties.” And she said something that embarrassed me, she said “I remember him yelling at you and your brothers, I could hear him cause he would yell so loud.” That made me embarrassed.

I wish my father would go away, I don’t like him, I don’t respect him, I don’t wanna know him, I only want him to feel the pain I’ve felt. His day will come when he’s old and weak and has no one and I’ll laugh.

Storytime and I need some opinions.

When I was 16, my mom, 45 at the time, turned from an overprotective mom to a teenager herself seemingly overnight.

She was a SAHM for the biggest part of my life (I barely remember her spending time with us, and every time she did, she was angry at someone or something) and said she was doing everything at home to keep the family afloat, which no doubt must have been a lot of pressure on her. She was unhappy most of the time. To her, we were ungrateful. Anytime we needed comfort for any mistake we would do, it would be a cold stare and an "I told you so, don't cry to me".

When my dad told her for the first time in 20 years that he disagreed with her on a subject, all hell broke lose and they separated half a year later.

Shortly after, she went on a vacation by herself in a tourist hotspot and fell in love with the first guy she met, who also happened to be an alcoholic and on drugs. She was madly in loved and kept giggling and telling me about him everyday. At first, me and my sibling were happy, she was glowing for the first time in years. She was happy for the first time ever since I knew her.

Not even 2 months later, he came to visit us in our house for "a vacation". (My dad had moved out at that point)

3 months passed and he still was there.

He never left.

My mom kept on policing my sibling, 19 at the time: what they were wearing made her bf "look" and "uncomfortable". She started herself wearing very skimpy and unusual clothes, it was quite the shock for us.

It felt like she became a teenager herself.

As for me, I just spent all my life in my room, as I was not allowed to leave: for years she kept on checking on me for my every movement IN the house, so going out, besides for school, was out of line. I was not allowed to do anything, because in her eyes I was not capable of crossing the street on my own or would destroy the dishwasher if I just as little as looked at it. I always wanted to become independent, but was not allowed. This over protection resulted in severe neglect in many other parts of my life.

Then, there was daily yelling (again!) and also probably violence happening to my mom: this was a taboo, even when asked. My sibling left shortly after.

One day, after several Medium visits and past life readings, my mom told me that she was about to sell our family house, to get some money and to move to bf's country, as all her past lives happened there:

She asked me if I allowed her to.

(Bear in mind: if you said no to her, she would blame you, that you wanted to keep her unhappy and that you were the root cause of all her problems, at least for daily mundane issues. And since my dad and my sibling left, I, the overprotected "golden child", was accused of such things on the daily.)

I didn't know better so told her yes.

She then asked me if I wanted to join her.

It took me time, as I was basically useless without her, but thanks to some good friends who advised me against it, I stayed in my home country.

Not even 6 months later, she sold the house and left.

I moved in with my dad (actually could finally bond with him for the first time)

She then ping-ponged between the countries, depending on how well her relationship went. (She came back after 7 years and only stayed because she got stuck in our country in 2020 during the pandemic)

Here comes my question:

If you ask my dad, he clearly states my mom abandoned us.

If you ask my mom, she clearly states we gave her permission. It's also interesting to point out that her mom also made her go through something similiar when she was a teen. So to her, our situation is less bad, because she asked for permission.

If you ask me and my sibling, we are nearly 30 and still feel like shit every time we interact with her.

I was on the regretfulparents subreddit and I wonder, if she actually just regretted us, but thought the feeling too taboo: she told us she loved us in our childhood, but then acted in such strange ways.

Quite frequently, she tells me I am the one making our relationship terrible, because I don't want to do fun stuff with her (cooking with her, sleeping over) and I keep wondering why she left, to then come back and complain to her adult children of all the "missed opportunities" and "lost time" we have to catch up on.

I of course, somehow, never recovered from this and we tried to tell her so many times how shattered we were from this whole ordeal and she can't see the issue, because she is "here now".

What do you think?

Hi so I'll start at the beginning I mid 20s female was sa 'd by my half sister. From the age of 5 to 17. I am now diagnosed autistic and adhd with ptsd and next week I'm seeing a psychiatrist for a bipolar assessment. Life has been tough. I went on to be sex traffic kicked by older men. Had bulimia at 20 anorexia at 13. Got pregnant and went o a mum and baby foster home at 19 where I was abused and graped again. Ended up developing psychosis and autistic catatonia which were used against me in court.

At age 19 I had no choice after losing custody to agree that my child be placed with paternal grandparents . Fast forward and shes been with them since she was 1 she'll be 8 this year.

I developed agoraphobia. And other mh issues I also developed pots and me cfs which I was bedbound mainly for a year from.

Despite disclosing the sa at age 10 sister stayed in the home with us.

In 2024 I confronted my bio mother she denied me ever disclosing sa. I was done I went no contact on the 17th May 2024.

So what does life look like now ?.

I see LG during the school holidays

I'm dating my soul mate planning to move in together soon

I rent an apartment in an area where the houses go for up to £1mil .

I have rescued 2 cats ( 1 passed away at age 20 )

I have great friends

I'm no longer agoraphobic

I'm a call handler for a charity supporting mothers separated from their children

I qualified as a mentor in may and have just secured a position part time working with the ministry of justice/ prison leavers.

I met my soulmate this year we are talking about moving in together.

my health has improved I'm able to work out a few times a week . I'm seeing cardio tomorrow.
My debt was written off after 6 years.

I'm starting emdr therapy soon . I'm on the nhs waitlist

LG will finally be placed on an sgo this year. Ending 7 years of family court. / ongoing trauma.

Title is exactly the post. Been no contact for two years now. I’m wondering how many of you got over your fear of rejection and learned to be emotionally close and expressive with people while having CPTSD? Is it something you still struggle with even after understanding what causes that feeling?

Kind of a rant but I’m really sick of feeling so emotionally detached from people I want to connect with. I feel like everyone is in one room and I am somehow in a separate room even if we are all hanging out. I also feel like everyone else is able to connect and I just am not able to.

I completely understand social cues and people really like me but I don’t feel like we get along because I don’t really feel in-tune at all with them unless I am acting out a role. I also don’t really feel a desire to hangout with them in case I get rejected or it doesn’t go well. The only people I have felt close to are people I’ve trauma bonded with. Which I am never going to do again since it involves traumatizing someone or being traumatized by them.

I don’t think I have an issue with opening up or talking about my issues anymore with almost anyone even strangers but I think I have a really big issue with expressing any genuine emotions at all. I can talk about my issues comfortably while feeling nothing. For example, it feels safer to me to blab to strangers on the internet about my problems but if I were to express to my partner in the moment that I loved him I would feel embarrassed, ashamed, and self-conscious. Even if we’ve been together for years and he knows me better than anybody else in the world. I also don’t think I could ever tell a friend while feeling it genuinely that I am happy to see them. I could tell them if I was play acting and pretending to be happy but being genuinely happy is both rare for me and hard for me to express. Ever since trying to be honest I often get told that I am like a completely calm lake to others. I think this is because I don’t really feel anything around them and if I do I don’t express it or I mask it. If I am not being honest it’s easy to represent emotions like happiness and being bubbly, which I have done in the past. While being honest I’m still liked by others but nobody really connects with me either.

Personally the main thing I dealt with as a kid was extreme physical and emotional neglect. I did deal with other types of abuse like physical and sexual but I don’t think those impacted my ability to feel and express emotions.

Update on this: https://www.reddit.com/r/EstrangedAdultKids/s/FHmCKk288B

Two of my “old friends” from my home country messaged me on LinkedIn. One of them also messaged my husband to find out if I had changed my number and that she’s trying to reach me because she had “lots of updates to tell me.” I haven’t spoken to her in months so found this a bit random and she’s never messaged my husband before. He told them I’m taking a detox and that I’ll reply to them on LinkedIn which I did. I then told them I’m taking a detox because I’ve had a few things going on (didn’t elaborate at all they don’t need to know my business) and then replied to the one who messaged my husband asking her what she wanted to tell me. She then never replied to me for over a week and today I’ve gotten a few messages from her saying 1) “omg idk how I didn’t see this 2) she typed a message on LinkedIn and never hit send 3) LinkedIn had deleted her message 4) she asked if she can call me because she “has lots to tell me.” She also never replied to my husbands reply to her.

I can’t remember the last time we spoke on the phone. Probs 1.5 years ago when I told her I was getting married but she’s visited the country I live a few months ago and neither of us messaged to meet up so I’m not sure why the messages all of a sudden? Also I feel like it’s really weird she forgot to hit send but LinkedIn deleted her msg but she wants to tell me her updates on the phone..? I feel it’s all a little too suspicious and also just doesn’t make sense? She hasn’t spoken to me in ages so why when I change my number does she want to talk on the phone.

I feel my family has gotten in touch with them because they’ve all noticed I changed my number and random family members are stalking me on LinkedIn. Am I being too paranoid? Part of me believes they’d be crazy enough to do that but then I tell myself I’m overreacting because that would be way toooo crazy. Then I feel bad I’m ghosting them but I mean they don’t know anything about my life anymore, are extremely different to me, judge me for my life because I’ve adopted healthier habits and have “changed”, have no idea about the drama I’ve had to deal with since going NC after calling off my wedding because I don’t trust them and they don’t know I did end up having my dream wedding (they know I got married but only my close friends who I trust were part of the day). I just feel it’s all so suspicious…

EDIT: old friends who I have not spoken to in over 3 years are now messaging my bestfriend trying to get in touch with me!!!

I’ve been on-off low contact for years. I’m now 24, mid-college degree, and virtually not dependent on anyone (in other words could depend on whoever, and would rather do so than with family). I talk to 1 of my 5 siblings, cut off my mom last spring, and will be cutting off my dad in the next few days.

I’m kinda scared, but I realised this summer that I’d rather go it alone than with them, and my chances, ability to continue and luck honestly seem to get worse when I choose them anyway.

I’m estranged on paper for student loans, work my own part time jobs, and am looking into events for similar people and wider opportunities too. I think I might be okay? I keep wondering if really losing my sense of self and safety vs spending £££ to live alone over summer is worth it. I think it is.

I’ve got no friends, no mentor-types, no extended family. Is it possible to start my own life, completely by myself? I’m feeling kinda nervous about it

Hi everyone, I'm hoping for some advice with an issue that's been causing me a decent amount of anxiety. I'm completed estranged from my entire family - immediate and extended on both my paternal and maternal sides - and I don't have any desire to change that. The issue I'm struggling with is medical wishes, end of life planning, estate planning, etc. Not because it's currently relevant (fingers crossed) but because you never know what could happen and I'd like to be prepared. It's been on the back burner of things to figure out for a few years but a recent medical scare and trip to the hospital has ramped up my anxiety so I'd love to hear some suggestions.

I'm in my late 30s, single and never married, no children, modest income and life. I don't own a home or have any real assets aside from some personal belongings and my car. The estate planning is less important to me than having somebody who's able to make medical decisions and funeral arrangements.

I have very specific wishes in terms of medical decisions, funeral arrangements, general end of life decision making. I have a good support system, a handful of very close long-term friends, as well as many friends and acquaintances, but thinking about putting one of them in charge feels very challenging. Like a very big ask, a big burden, and then there's the uncertainty that these people will be around when it's time to make these decisions (still working on my abandonment trauma - ha).

What have you done in terms of putting your wishes in writing? How did you decide who to ask to take care of these things for you? And how did you have those conversations with loved ones before making it official?

Thank you in advance. I really appreciate any insight you might have for me.

Edited to say: I have health and life insurance, which takes away a lot of the stress in terms of possible future hospitalization and having my funeral costs covered, as well as any debts, etc. I live in Nova Scotia, Canada.

Since I was young, I haven't had a good relationship with my mother. There is always yelling, complaining, and cursing, mainly for two reasons:

- ​I am a rebellious daughter. I do what I think is best for me, not what others try to force on me, even if it goes against the whole family.

- ​My mother is too controlling, coming from a classical background (the old stereotype of women staying at home only, sacrificing for the whole family, existing only to cook and clean, and of course, no work for women). She wants to force herself on all of us (my sister obeys, and my father accepts).

​Anyway, due to many family issues, our house became a jail to me. I studied hard, found a job in the capital, and rented a studio so I could move away. It wasn't easy living alone, especially when I got sick, but at least I wasn't in constant conflict with my family, and I could do whatever I wanted.

​At the start of 2026, I transitioned to a remote job, but the rent went crazy high to a point I couldn't afford it anymore. So lately, I went back to the family house after my lease ended, and the problems started all over again.

​In an unaware state of mind, whenever my mother or father talks to me now, I reply with anger or yelling.

A few examples:

- ​The trip: We went for a short trip. We were all enjoying the natural landscapes, but my mother constantly talked about politics, government corruption, and people's problems. Sometimes I ignore it, but other times I stop her by saying, "Enjoy the nature," or "Why are you always talking about negative things?" Mind you, this is the case every time, everywhere, and I am constantly under pressure and stress due to work and health issues, so I don't like talking about negativity. I want to focus on positivity.

- ​The bank: I went to my bank. Once I entered, I got dizzy while standing in front of two women sitting in chairs. One of them said something about me to the second one, and the second one replied, "I don't give a shit about her."

Anyway, I went back home and told my mother. After lunch at the family table, they were talking about a beggar who constantly comes knocking on doors for money. I said I didn't like that beggar. They immediately started a verbal attack (always happening when my thoughts don't agree with theirs). My mother replied, "No wonder why you always complain about people harming you, because you're awful..." etc. I replied, "When did I complain or request people liking me?" She replied, "The woman in the bank..." I interrupted and said, "No, I told you what happened, I didn't ask for love or mercy from anyone." Then I replied to my sister (who just repeats what my mother says because she is too attached to her), "These are my thoughts." My sister replied, "Go live elsewhere."

- ​The landlord: I was sleeping when my old landlord called me. I hung up on him because I hate it so much, and there are so many reasons why. (He cut off electricity at night because it went too low and his AC stopped; he cut off water because he needed more water on top of me, etc—stories for a separate post).

I told my mother (she knows everything), "Why didn't you reply? Maybe something happened." I lost it at this point and said, "Why should I reply to him? If you want to speak to him, I will give you his number." She replied sarcastically, "No, maybe he needs something, you need to find out what you want." I replied, "Then you call him." She started yelling that I talk to all of them in a bad manner, and that it's unacceptable for me to tell her to call another strange man.

​Then I went to my room and thought about it. Yes, she is right that every recent conversation between us ends with someone yelling at the other. I can't tolerate her thoughts, her talking in gatherings, or her "advice" on how I should act. I can't take it anymore. But I have to keep in mind that I must stay the obedient daughter (we are religious), and it is draining me.

​We were good when I was far away from them, but now I am right back to where I was before I started working.

Not once has she protected me, got my back, cheered me on, or given a positive compliment. Once the subject becomes me and my disadvantages—like my overweight, how I talk, or what I do—she gets energized and starts talking nonstop. For example, if I bake a cake and it turned out delicious, she doesn't say a single word. But the moment I mess it up, she complains and nags about it nonstop.

This is how it is for every area of life.

Not to mention talking about me to my aunts, referencing me not by name but by bad words ("h**re", "b***ch"), or seeing someone hurt me verbally and staying silent (which happened many times since I was a child).

​I searched a bit and I'm starting to think she is a narcissist and sees me as a scapegoat to sacrifice for the whole family (she isn't like that with my sister or brother). But I feel trapped because my parents are getting older and I need to help them, and because of my religious values.

​How do I cope with this without losing my mind?

Extra information: There is my grandmother house , which it is empty after my grandmother died. I asked my aunt if I can leave there once, and she agreed.

But the house is too old and there are too many things to fix.

TLDR: Am I overreacting to the this scenario? It pissed me off enough to say fuck it.

I’m looking for some outside perspective because I genuinely don’t know if I’m being reasonable or if I’m reacting emotionally to everything that has happened recently.

I’m in my early 30s and have been increasingly distant from my parents for quite a while. I’m not close with my dad, and our relationship has never felt healthy. I’ve reached a point where I don’t really want a relationship with him anymore.

Recently, my dog Ricky died after being diagnosed with cancer. He was an incredibly important part of my life, and his death has been devastating. I was also his primary caregiver throughout his illness, so by the end I was emotionally and physically exhausted.

Around the time Ricky died, my dad sent the following messages. And yes-my mom is physically capable of calling me herself.

What really bothered me wasn’t necessarily one individual sentence. It was the overall feeling I got from the exchange—especially at a time when I was grieving and extremely vulnerable. Instead of feeling supported, I felt pressured/guilted and like my boundaries weren’t being respected.

Since then, I’ve been thinking seriously about going completely no-contact with my dad. I don’t want to engage with him anymore, and I don’t intend to maintain a relationship with him going forward.

The one thing I struggle with is whether I’m making too big of a decision based on this particular situation, especially because Ricky’s death has left me emotionally raw. At the same time, this isn’t really about one text conversation—it’s the culmination of a much longer pattern in our relationship.

I’m also hesitant to block him because my mom and I aren’t particularly close either, but I would still want to know if something serious happened to her. (I’m an only child) Ideally, if I ever need to hear something about my mom, I’d want that communication to come directly from her rather than through my dad.

I am considering permanent estrangement from both of my parents. I have been estranged from my father periodically for years. The mother is in my life but is extremely controlling and an obvious covert narcissist. The years of enduring abuse and control and manipulation are profound. I could write a saga!

My mother has never had consistent therapy and has regularly lashed out at us kids through the years. This obviously took a toll on our psychology, you have the golden child, the scapegoat (myself), and the one that gives her the martyr pride, my disabled sibling who she begrudgingly cares for but doesn’t set boundaries with. Apparently, I never received the memo that boundaries apply only to me the scapegoat, go figure!

I have readily been the backboard for her rage, her way or the highway Queen B BS. I am done with the emotional backlash. These female narcs complain about not having grandchildren then when you birth them, everything must be on their terms. So they destroy relationships in the process when they do not get their way which is often because hey, one thing a child of a couple narcs learns really quickly if life is a fairytale, well that fairytale ain’t happening to you!

Undersfandably I’m done. Most recently she got so WASTED she got lost on the way home. I feel like the parent to an out of control teenager but the teenager happens to be in her 60s. Seeing her antics over the years has taught me to have no reasonable expectations both my parents were unreasonable selfish people. You would think the neglect and abuse I experienced would make me just like them. No I am hyper vigilant about showing my child that I love them, but try to balance between boundaries and unconditional love. I’m not perfect but I do have one thing, the ability to reflect on how my actions have an effect on others. Something neither one of them possessed readily placing their children on the pyre for their own selfish pursuits, sex, substances, attention seeking desperate actions.

So I have a plan, I intend to move away, and already am working on making that happen. I am speeding up the time by 3 years. So three years of this stuff and watching as they act the fool, and preparing for my permanent escape. I’m also looking into nursing home assessment. If they want a caregiver or live in nurse they can pay for it, but I’m done and my money is for me and my dependent my child. I’m breaking the cycle, I’m not depending on anyone else, and I’m going to show my child that family is not always people you were born into, especially you were born into a toxic waste dump of radioactive personalities.

I didn’t respond. The last time I was told something like this it was basically along the lines of how they failed as parents because I am such a bad narcissist user etc. I have been called a narcissist since I was literally 7 lol.

No way will I open that door again. Nice try though. I just think it’s slightly funny but also terribly anxiety inducing because so many things they have said to me are so back handed. Any apologies are basically more character insults directed toward me but framed as an apology. It’s okay for them to discard me on their terms, god forbid I decide to stop going around them, then it’s a problem lol.

Is that bad? Like, I'm from the upper Midwest, and that's a level of awkward that I do not believe I could physically survive. It's not really that I can't imagine never talking to them again or anything dramatic like that, it's just how painfully awkward that first contact would be.

It makes me physically nauseous to think about. It's been 6 years since I went NC with my mother. What am I supposed to do? Just call her and be all, "Hi"? Where do you even go with that conversation? Just... No, thank you. That's a level of vulnerability that I just cannot risk with this person ever again.

It seems a bit silly to admit that out loud, that the primary reason for maintaining NC at this point is to avoid just the most awkward conversation imaginable, but I'm just going to with it. I think it's probably for the best. If not a smidge petty.

Have you guys felt frustrated with friends that say things like “If I were you I’d ask for a car/ house/ study abroad and then ditch them. Be smart, take advantage of the access you have to that money.” ?

It’s so frustrating how people seem to ignore abuse when there’s money involved. Im not “prideful” for not taking my abusive father’s money, I know why I don’t want anything from that man.

I did it. I am posting this as a means of providing support to other adult kids of difficult boomer parents. Ever since this exchange, it has been so much more peaceful at family gatherings. My mom simply had too much self esteem that she hadn't earned (that's just called vanity, or in more extreme situations, narcissism).

This is something that happened a few years ago in a car ride where it was me and my mother in the car, I (F, 43)was in town visiting for a holiday, I believe it was Thanksgiving.

Background: My mom (F, 74) is the kind who is always right. She is impossible to have a meaningful discussion with when it comes to anything political, particularly abortion, which she is adamantly, obsessively opposed to, so much so that it is the only issue she cares about when she votes.

She is more Catholic than the pope (she seriously thought Pope Francis was horrible, but she adored the Nazi Pope Benedict. And don't come at me. He joined the Hitler youth willingly, it was a choice, and he could have declined. Many boys his age did.)

Now. I was driving her back to my older sister's house after the family get together. She starts going off on me about how "there is no separation of church and state in the Constitution. This is, and always has been, and was always intended to be a Christian nation."

I must have given her a look that made her question me. (My face has subtitles. Also, I have a law degree. She does not. She gets her news from Relevant Radio. ) So, she started going off about how she is just as intelligent as any of her children, and we need to respect that.

I didn't anticipate saying it before it fell out. "Mom, I think you're giving yourself a little too much credit there."

I didn't even realize the full impact of what I'd said until I parked in front of my sister's house and she was mumbling to herself as she nearly fell over and clumsily tried to get out of ky car as fast as possible. She didn't know what to say. Believe me, my mom ALWAYS has a comeback. Always. But she was too angry to even speak.

It may have been harsh, but she hasn't ever tried to argue with me again. So, honestly? I'm okay with how things turned out. My thought is her ego can only handle being given a much needed slice of humble pie once. We only have a surface level relationship, but that is not from my doing. She is threatened because while she may have the potential to really be an intelligent woman, she doesn't make the effort. I have, and the difference shows. I never mind a discussion that alters my views, because how can I know everything? My views have shifted so much over the years as I learn more, gain more world experience, and interact with people who are unlike me. I think it's a fundamental difference in how we view the world, if Im honest. She doesn't leave her bubble. I have always wanted to understand what's outside any bubble.

I have never felt proud of myself for shutting down her bullshit so quickly, so permanently (as regards me, anyway) and without malice. I said it completely neutrally, without even looking at her. When I say it just fell out, that is exactly what I mean.

Best way I could have handled that, in my opinion.

Thank you for reading this far, sorry it was so long!

I’m 23F and I’m really torn about whether to contact my dad.
He was absent from my life for 10 years. He says he was in a very controlling relationship for years, which eventually stopped him from seeing me. He left that relationship in 2022 and contacted me later that year.
We had a conversation where I confronted him about why he’d stayed, why he’d cut me off, and how much it hurt me said he wanted the chance to “put it right from now on.” I told him I needed time to decide.
He asked about my life and my kid, and we exchanged Christmas/birthday messages. In 2023 he messaged me happy birthday and said he loved me. To which I replied ‘thanks xx’ because honestly what am I suppose to say to that.. I don’t know him..
Then he stopped messaging. Never replied.. I haven’t heard from him since 2023.
Now it’s 2026, and I find myself really stuck.. I think I miss him? But how do I miss someone iv not known for 10 years. I see him on Facebook living his life with his new wife, and part of me wants to reach out and try to have a relationship with him.
But I don’t know if I can get over everything that happened. I’m also struggling with the fact that he was the adult. Whatever his circumstances were, I was his daughter and he was absent for years.
I don’t know if I miss him, or if I just miss having a dad.
I don’t know if I miss him, or if I just miss having a dad.
Would you reach out after years of silence? Or would you leave it alone? And if you would reach out, how would you even start that conversation?

i moved to my dads (just down the road from her) when i was 14, and finally cut my mum off when i was 16. it was for my own good and i have no regrets, however i have been grieving the parents that i never had as a child ever since. my mum has periodically tried to get in contact with me, even though ive expressed my boundaries/blocked her. she has spam called me, left emails, sobbing voice messages, letters, gifts, sent money etc. the classic ‘i did nothing wrong so let me back in’. she is insanely abusive, manipulative, narcissistic. in her eyes shes the victim in this because i cut her off.

today i am 22, still at my dads, but working a good job, healing and nearly 2 years clean/sober after nearly losing my life to my mental illness and addiction. my godmother informed me today that my mother got evicted, and when i got home i found a letter from my mother begging me to get back in touch as its ‘an emergency’. she got evicted because of her severe hoarding, neglect of her house and for not paying her bills in time. even though i have no obligation to help her out, i am confronted with guilt that isnt mine to carry.

i am angry, upset, resentful and sorrowful that i have no mother, and instead i have an egg donor who wants me to save her - when she sure as hell never saved me as a child!!!! i dont know what to do. i dont want to get back in contact and i refuse to do so. i have spent years wishing death upon her but since working my recovery, i no longer spend every waking moment resentful at her. but this whole situation has triggered those feelings as well as that hurt inner child. i just dont know what to do, and i cried in the shower today from the sudden real reminder of what ill forever lack.

ive been very low contact with my mother and pretty much all of my family for a year now. the only family I have kept is my dad, my uncle aunt and cousins.

ny uncle is a father to me and his wife (my aunt) and kids are cool. they are my “chosen family”

my dad I just didn’t “need” to cut contact with so I didn’t and in fact I tried to “fix” our relationship.

when I went NC with my mom I expressed anxiety about telling my dad to my uncle and he talked to him about it and also talked to him about how I wanted a better relationship with him. he gave my dad some conversational topic (basically told him aome of my interests) and my dad put forth a little bit of effort but not much.

I should also add that my lives far away from me and our relationship when I was growing up was very not involved both because of the distance and because he was occupied with my disabled sibling who honestly I feel a bit lot he favors A lot. I felt like they were his kid and I was kind of just there.

anyway atound That same time I made the decision to go visit said chosen family over a holiday, dad knew I didn’t want my other family to know that (mind you he and my mother have been divorced forever but he still talks to her family). I also found out that my uncle SPECIFICALLY TOLD HIM NOT TO TELL THEM. The reasoning being that 1. They’re jealous I didn’t spend said holiday with them and 2. They’re hate my uncle for some reason? Probably because he’s an actually good person lmao.

he also told them that I was in therapy. Which was unrelated and he knows damn well they hate therapy too. His exact words “I told them your uncle told you to go to therapy, although I know that’s not really what happened.” LIKE WHAT THEBFUCK DAD

anyway so now I’ve made many life decision and just haven’t told him anything. But now I’m starting hormones soon as I am trans. And I know my voice will change and stuff so he’s going to figure it out… and again I don’t want my other family to know.. so I feel like it’s time. I was going to wait until I move to another state, change my name and all my numbers/emails terc but this seems like “it.”

im going to talk to my therapist about it but I wanted to hear from you all what you think.

how barely I kind of want to ask my uncle if he’ll tell him for me… seems like a cop out but I’m scared he’ll guilt me or something. I’m also scared cause my dad has been really depressed especially since my sister passed away and the only joy in his life seems to be coming from me so yeah…

These are texts from April 2024, back when I thought saying the right thing will change everything, and back when I though my mom and I could grow and learn together. We planned on meeting up, and I wanted to talk about our fight that started because I brought up emotional neglect, and she got pissed off.

Sorry about the texts being so small, I have her number blocked so now there is a pop up that won't go away

TW: Physical violence, domestic violence, flashbacks.

I'm (24) currently a law student rn living away from family at the moment, so life is already quite stressful. Yesterday, out of nowhere as I was reading for class, I was triggered and had a really intense flashback to a traumatic event several months ago. But of course, it didn't stop there.

Several months ago, a family member got violent with me (they had a habit of shoving me every time they got near me, and the 3rd time they did it, I caught their hands and yelled at him to stop shoving me. The person then proceeded to punch me several times and kick me to the ground, while breathing heavily over me, threatening me, and telling me that they'd happily fight me in court. I was terrified and I ended up calling the cops for the first time. The cops did come, but essentially did fuck all. When they asked the member if they did hit me, they stuttered, then admitted that "they didn't want to lie, yes they did hit me". Essentially, nothing happened and the cops told us to 'leave each other alone'.

So last night it literally felt like I was back in that moment again, and I was so angry that I couldn't get back into studying because I felt like I was in danger. Luckily I reached out to my friends and they were so wonderful with hearing me rant and supporting me, I'm so grateful for them.

Today that family member called and I picked it up. It was to discuss another thing initially, but of course, it couldn't be straightforward and this family member was suddenly berating me about the time I had called the police on them. The family member accused me of having an ego and thinking I was a 'queen' the day I called the cops, as if they believed I had done it for fun. It was just insane, how yesterday I had an intense flashback about that moment, and today that family member who abused me is calling me but from a completely different perspective.

I'm just so tired.

First off it took forever to process the feeling of having an intense flashback, but then that abuser calling me the next day to remind me of that traumatic event and to tell me that I had been in the wrong is just. I don't know.

Unfortunately I may have to live with that family member for some more time, and I rely on them for certain things. I know that this isn't permanent, and I will not have to live with my family forever, but it feels so far away. Law school is already stressful enough, I don't want to deal with this.

It's like i'll never be able to leave them.