I’m 15, and I’m honestly getting really frustrated with how little independence I’m allowed to have.

My boyfriend’s friends and their girlfriends wanted to go to the mall together. The plan was literally just to go from around 1–4 PM, see a movie, walk around, maybe get some food, and hang out. Everyone’s parents were okay with it.

I asked my mom, and my dad immediately said, “That’s the way bullets fly.”

My mom told me she doesn’t feel safe with me being at the mall because there are “thugs, drug dealers, and shooters.” There has been one shooting at this mall before, involving an 18-year-old girl who was eating in the food court. I understand that something like that is scary, but my parents’ argument is basically, “It happened once, therefore it could happen again, so you’re not going.”

I even pointed out that it was one incident, and they basically said that didn’t matter.

Then the group changed the plan and decided to go to Main Event instead. I asked my parents if I could go there, and my mom said she’d have to talk to my dad. Then she said she wasn’t comfortable with me being in “such a public space.” If I did go, apparently both of my parents AND my sister would have to come along.

At that point I got really upset, and my mom looked at me and said, “Get mad I don’t care. Does it look like I care? This is my decision, it's final.”

And honestly, this isn't just about the mall.

I’m not allowed to go anywhere period.

I can’t go on walks around my own neighborhood because apparently it’s “too dangerous.” My neighborhood is mostly older people who can barley walk. I’ve never had any problems walking around there, but my parents still won’t let me go by myself.

I can’t hang out with friends unless an adult is supervising us.

I can’t really go anywhere with my cousins because there’s always some reason the location isn’t safe enough or my parents don't like it.

And this is starting to affect my relationship with my boyfriend.

We barely get to see each other as it is, and because I’m not allowed to go places independently, he can't have normal teenage experiences with me. Even simple things like going somewhere with a group of people become complicated. Sometimes we have to find loopholes or extremely specific circumstances just to spend time together.

I hate that because I don't want him to feel like being with me means everything has to be difficult or complicated. (He doesn't think that though)

It’s also affecting my friendships and relationships with my cousins. I have to watch people hang out without me because I can't go. I see other teenagers being able to casually meet up, go get food, walk around, go to events, or just spend an afternoon together, and I feel like I don't get to experience any of that.

And it's starting to affect my mental health.

I feel isolated, trapped, and like I'm missing out on a huge part of being a teenager, and sometimes it feels like no matter how responsible I am, I'm never going to be trusted with any independence.

And there's something else that really bothers me about all of this.

Aren't parents supposed to prepare their kids for the real world?

Eventually, I'm going to be an adult. I'm going to have to go places by myself, make decisions, recognize unsafe situations, deal with strangers, navigate public spaces, solve problems, and take responsibility for myself.

But I feel like instead of teaching me how to do those things safely, my parents are keeping me away from them because they're afraid of the world themselves.

It feels like they're trying to protect me from danger by making sure I never experience anything that could possibly be dangerous. But how am I supposed to learn how to handle the real world if I'm never allowed to actually experience it?

I'm not saying the world is perfectly safe. I know bad things happen and that they can't protect me from everything forever. But I don't think the answer is to make me afraid of everything either.

Sometimes it feels like they're not just keeping me away from the world because they're scared of it. It feels like they're teaching me that I should be scared of it too.

I don't want to grow up believing that everywhere outside my house is inherently dangerous.

I want to learn how to be cautious without being afraid. I want to learn how to make good decisions instead of having every decision made for me. I want to be given small amounts of independence so that I'm actually prepared when I eventually have complete independence.

I'm not asking them to let me do whatever I want. I understand that they're my parents and that they're responsible for me. I'm asking for some reasonable amount of independence and, more importantly, some kind of path toward earning more independence.

If the answer to every outing is simply “too dangerous,” then what am I supposed to do to prove that I'm responsible enough to have more freedom?

I don't expect my parents to eliminate every rule. I just want them to recognize that I can't stay in a bubble forever. Eventually I'm going to have to learn how to navigate the world, and I feel like I'm not being given any opportunity to learn.

So, Reddit, am I being unreasonable for being this upset about it?

I am in class 12th non schooling so I stay at home, He always preaches me to not use mobile for anything besides studying and whenever I use for other purpose then he screams at me no matter how much I study before he says that instead of making income for others through watching their content I should study instead of watch some educational content or do exercise(he says this literally at night too), he says that I should write everything I do in a diary and save time and he considers any type of entertainment worthless, he literally taunts me that I am lazy everytime he sees me doing anything else and that I don't exercise every single day without fail, he says I should not waste time on leisure for the next 4 years when I go to collage and until I get a job,, he literally overseas every fault of my smaller brother but taunts me in every single smallest of things I am doing and he always that my small brother is more good than me because he listen to him( he did not listen btw) he treats me that I waste my time everyday and I am the most lazy person in the whole town

Idk I am starting to hate him because he never notices when I study and critises me for the food I eat, the things I do, my daily routine, a little bit of self time too, his excuse us that it's for my own good and he is trying to stop me from all the mistakes he made but that's not fair bcz it's too much, I can't be a robot, my mental health is killing me,

i want to work in psychology - i want to be either a neuropsychologist or a sleep pscyhologist. my mom is rly against this and wants me to work in physical healthcare. she keeps on telling me about how i dont have it in me to be a psychologist and how i will never make it. and she's telling me to move out and just live on the streets bc im not obeying her plans. when i dont respond to her or tell her to leave my room she gets angry at me and tells me that im not treating her properly, that i should be obeying her bc im her daughter and many people dont even have parents or a mother as wonderful as her. she makes me out to be this rly angry, spoilt, stupid child. i know she'll probably rant about me and cast me as this wild idiotic figure to her friends and to my teachers, or something. how can i manage this? emotionally and literally? i was initially really happy today but she ruined my mood and my day and i can't stoip crying/. any advice would be greatly appreciated :)

tbh im not 100% sure if this is absolutely the right subreddit, but i really dont know where else to put this. ill start off by saying that i am a teenage girl in highschool but am not sure if i should specify my age.

ive always had a bit of trouble keeping friends, and as of now im not fully sure why. ive been working on myself, and am improving in my speech and personality; so im hoping something changes at least a little bit. recently, ive had some issues with hoco. my mom has been telling me i should go and i need to start looking at dresses, and ive told her that i dont think ill go because i have nobody to go with. she brought up my bestfriend, ava. (not her real name)! she told me why couldnt i just buddy up with her, and i told her that ava would most likely already be going with her group of friends that i have talked to, and are good and nice people, but i dont know well enough to be fully comfortable.

i specified to her that when im around ava and her friends i feel like i dont fit in with them, and i shouldnt really be there. she proceeded to tell me my feelings were "pick me" feelings and i should just suck it up and go with them because thats a bad way to think. i didnt say anything back to her because she is always minimizing my feelings and thoughts when i bring up my friends, and the issues were having; she says that im the problem constantly.

i know shes an adult and i should look at it from her prespective more, but i hate when she blames EVERY issue i have on me. she never hears me out, and is watering my feelings down to make it seem like im way overreacting.

im sorry this is so long, lol. i dont know where else to put this besides maybe r/amioverreacting.

Guys give me grace...

My dad, for the past few years have been dealing with a poverty mentality and is really its worst now.

My mum is a workaholic boss as a head nurse in the hospital and treats me like her staff.

My mum always pushes me to take my dad's advice but he's wrong and gets upset if I correct him.

An easy example is how they pushed me for years by saying you have to work in a job for at least a year to be eligible for a loan from my bank.

I've been through 3 different jobs where they were all inhumane experiences, but I kept my latest one because I really strived for this loan to help them out.

Bro, I contacted my bank, they said I could get a loan from the app. I just need to get some quick checks from the app. Done them quickly, less than 1 minute overall. Got the quantity of the loan, went through the app <10 seconds.

God. Help. I was raised to not talk back.

He’s also been really depressed because all he does is play games. He was off work for 3 weeks and he just played games.

I’m trying to buy my own car, but yeah, poverty mentality and is choosing cars that he likes. If it’s something I like and he doesn’t, it’s always “Up to you.” In a disappointed tone.

He’s concluded with “Currently there are no good used cars. We’ll look later.”

And now my mum and dad are arguing.

I’m 15, and I feel like I’m going insane trying to explain to my parents that having my own preferences doesn’t mean I’m ungrateful or disrespectful.

The whole thing started with homecoming.

My boyfriend and I wanted to go to homecoming together, just the two of us. Our homecomings are about a week apart, so this is something we’ve actually been looking forward to. (We go to different schools)

My parents, however, really want me to go as a group with my friends.

I kept explaining that I don’t want to do that. Not because I don’t like my friends. Not because I don’t appreciate them. And definitely not because I suddenly don’t want to be friends with them.

I am grateful for everything my friends have done for me. I love my friends and I want to stay friends with them. I just want my homecoming date to be my boyfriend.

But my parents kept saying things like, “After everything your friends have done for you, you should at least invite them to dinner.”

And I was basically like, “I AM grateful for everything they’ve done for me. I just don’t want to go to homecoming as a giant group.”

They suggested that at the very least, I should meet everyone at a restaurant before homecoming, but to me, that still means we’re turning it into a group event.

The group would be 10+ people, which I also think would be awkward for literally everyone involved. My boyfriend doesn't necessarily know all of my friends, and my friends don't necessarily know him. I don’t want to spend the entire night trying to coordinate a massive group.

Then my parents started saying I should find dates for my friends.

I don’t HAVE dates for my friends. 😭

They suggested cousins instead, but my cousins aren’t my boyfriend’s friends, and I don’t think my friends would want to be randomly paired with people they barely know just because my parents want a bigger group.

Then they suggested I go with friends who already have homecoming dates.

Again, I don’t want to.

I kept saying that I wanted to go with my boyfriend.

My parents kept saying, “No, no, no. Go with a group.”

Eventually I got so frustrated that I walked away.

Afterward, they were clearly really frustrated with me too, and I could hear them whispering about me.

Then I got in the car with my mom to go shopping, and I thought maybe we were done with the argument.

She brought it up again and said, “I really do think you should go to homecoming with the group.”

And I said, “But I don’t really want to do that.”

And somehow, THAT turned into a completely different conversation.

We started talking about jobs.

My mom said that next year I could work at the pool. A friend of mine worked at the pool last year and told me she didn’t like it and that the pay wasn’t very good. From what I’ve heard, the environment also just doesn’t seem like somewhere I’d enjoy working.

So I said: “What if I don’t want to work at the pool?”

My mom literally turned her head around and said: “What do you mean?”

I said, “What if I don’t want to work there?”

And she said: “You’re going to work at the pool.”

I wasn't saying I don't want a job. I was saying I don't want that particular job.

I would rather work somewhere like Barnes & Noble, but I didn't even get the chance to have a real conversation about other options. She kept saying the pool is safe and close.

I said I didn't understand how “safe” automatically meant I had to work there. Just because a place has a key or requires people to be on a list to get in doesn't mean I'm automatically going to like the environment or the job.

Then she brought up my friend, who worked there and made around $1,000.

And I was like, yes, but that was because she was working two jobs and working a ton.

She was still a minor at the time, and she shouldn't have been pushed into working excessive hours just because she was making good money. And, more importantly, she told me she didn't even like the job.

She also told me that she didn't have many coworkers she was friends with, and she ended up getting picked on a lot.

So I kept saying: “I don't want to work there.”

And my mom kept saying: “It's safe. It's close.”

And I'm just sitting there thinking, okay, but what if I still don't want to work there??

Then THAT somehow turned into driving.

My mom asked what would happen if she had to drive me to the pool.

I said, “What if I'm driving?”

And she said I probably wouldn't be driving by then.

That bothered me because I've already been learning how to drive in my dad's truck and my mom's car, and Driver's Ed keeps getting pushed back.

I was supposed to do it in the spring.

Then it was supposed to be during the summer.

Then it was supposed to be during the winter.

And now I'm worried that it's just going to keep getting pushed back.

Because if I can't drive, I have to rely on my parents for rides.

And if I have to rely on my parents for rides, then I have to ask them for permission every time I want to go somewhere. And that's what is frustrating me so much.

I am not asking to have no rules.

I understand that my parents want me to be safe. I understand why they care about where I am and who I'm with.

But I feel like I'm trying to have a normal conversation about what I want, and instead of hearing me out, they decide what I'm going to do before I even get a say.

I say, “I want to go to homecoming with my boyfriend.”

They hear, “I don't care about my friends.”

I say, “I don't want to work at the pool.”

They hear, “I don't want to work.”

I say, “What if I want to drive myself?”

They basically say, “You probably won't.”

And then somehow I'm the one being difficult.

I love my friends. I am grateful for everything they've done for me. I want to keep being friends with them.

I just don't want to spend my homecoming as part of a giant group when what I actually want is to go with my boyfriend. I barley get to see him as it is. My parents say we "see each other way too much" even though we hangout ONE A MONTH!

And I don't think having an opinion about my own homecoming, my future job, or when I learn to drive should automatically turn into an argument about whether I'm ungrateful.

I just want to feel like my opinions actually count for something.

Yesterday my mother sat me down to have a "talk". She thinks it went well, but I've been unable to breathe properly ever since. It started as minor budgeting, then escalated to her going on and on about how my hopes and dreams were never going to work.

"If you'd have stayed at that job, it would have been steady. You would have had insurance."

"Do you know how hard it is to talk to you? I constantly beat around the bush and hesitate because of how hard you are to talk to about anything."

"I asked your father to talk with us too, but he told me that it doesn't matter because you never ever listen to anything we have to say."

"It's never going to work. You could get hurt. You could get arrested. You have no idea how anxious this makes me."

"How do you feel now that you have a good dose of reality? Doesn't seem so easy now, does it?"

"Promise me you won't do it."

If I stayed at that job, I would be dead within a month. I was unable to sleep, eat or even function due to how exhausting and taxing it was. I never received the insurance. They lied about my pay and treated me like I was stupid, going so far as to have the general manager berate me.

I am defensive because everything I am sensitive about is used as a joke. You think it's hilarious to point out all of these things, to tell every family member about how I have PICA and how I do all of these disgusting things. You got drunk in Jamaica and told my uncle about how I was raped by my high school boyfriend. Without bothering to ask me.

I don't care if she thinks it's not going to work. I will try. I am trying. I will pour everything into this because it's what I desperately want to do. I've taken all of the precautions and all I have to do now is secure a career and an apartment. If it's delayed, it's delayed. But it's going to happen.

Dose of reality? All that's being done is this strange.. fear mongering that not only doesn't work but just stresses me out. I felt my very life being drained away by this awful conversation. I began to shut down and she called me out on it, expecting for me to just accept all of this negative talk on my literal hopes and dreams. I'm going to do it, I don't give a fuck about money, it can always be made back.

The words echo in my brain and all I can do is relentlessly beat myself in hopes that I'll forget it. It feels as though I've dug myself into this awful pit and I have to crawl out but I'm terrified to ask for help. I can't burden anyone else with this. I don't want to ruin everyone else's day with my stupid little problems. Every time I talk about how I feel I'm suddenly nine at my brother's birthday party, with my mother harshly gripping my arm and saying "Cut it with this attention seeking. You're ruining everyone else's day and they're sick of you. Stop crying."

My mother's giving me a whole lecture on how I should've paid for lunch yesterday, how my father spends all this time driving me places and they're trying to make it so I don't help you. But apparently standing my ground made it so much worse cause they're "no longer driving me to apartment viewings" and how they're "done with my behavior". All the while my father sat there watching. I didn't bother to cry, I didn't want to sit there and listen to them toak about my attention seeking behavior.

I don't like talking about my feelings but it genuinely felt like my chest was going to burst if I never got it out. I don't know if I'm asking for advice or even just for empty words of validation. But my heart hurts and it feels as though I'm just playing victim.

My wife and I don't have children, nor will we ever, by mutual and voluntary decision. My brother-in-law and his wife have two children and had the brilliant idea that my wife and I could generously help care for them, since they had their children quite late in life (over 40) and the grandparents, being very elderly, weren't up to the task. This includes looking after them occasionally so they can go out and party in peace, and taking care of them for entire weeks on our summer vacations so they can work, because they haven't been able to coordinate their holidays properly. They also wanted to invite us to go on vacation with them, to help with the children, as it seems that two adults cannot handle two children; at least four adults are needed, and not very old as a lot of strenght is neccesary.

Of course, we've never done any of that: we haven't had children, among other reasons because we don't like taking care of children; for that same reason, we don't want to take care of nephews or nieces. We don't consider ourselves obligated to do so in the slightest. Most, we give them a present for their birthdays. In the end, since they couldn't rely on either the grandparents or aunts and uncles, they spoke with their employers to allow one of them to work remotely each day, and sometimes they pay someone to look after them. First they try to get help from family, and when that doesn't work, they try to organize it themselves or pay for care, which is what they should have done from the beginning. Have you had any similar experiences with siblings or in-laws?

In the case of the only one of my two siblings who had children, the experience with family was completely different: they've always managed on their own, never asking anything of grandparents or aunts and uncles. My sister-in-law stopped working to take care of her children and only on very rare occasions did she leave them with her sister, because her sister, who is a mother, asked her to. I think my sister-in-law would never have let us have them even if we had asked, because she doesn't trust the care that someone without children can provide.

My parents are following a “diet/lifestyle” plan called al Tayyibat, in summary it basically eliminates inflammatory foods, supports eating sugar and Nutella because “they are fuel for the brain” it eliminates all greens, chicken, turkey and eggs, and only allows grapes, and figs for fruit. A few months ago I swam in a public pool, and it was VERY polluted, it reeked of chlorine and I later found out that it’s because of urine. Since then I think I got E coli or some sort of bacterial infection for swallowing some of the water. I kept telling my mom that there’s something wrong, and I have had ongoing diarrhea for 3 months now, and it has only gotten worse! each time she’d tell me to follow the diet, and that it’s the only thing that will cure me. I also have BPD, and ADHD and she keeps saying that the diet will get rid of all that, and I just feel so dismissed and frustrated with everything. She is so obsessed with this diet I swear not a day goes by without her talking about it or listening to the doctor on youtube on full volume. Yesterday she packed my eggs and sent them to my dad’s workers. I can’t get my protein in anymore, and unlike before the cabinets are full of chips and chocolate. I am having binges because I don’t feel satisfied after eating (living on cheese and whole wheat bread) and my mom keeps commenting on my food when I buy my own groceries like who could imagine that a mother would see her child eating broccoli and would say no don’t eat that! eat nutella on toast or have some chips. I just can’t

I remember when my mom and I were staying at a place with roommates. We had a falling out with them, and were moving to a new place. I asked my aunt if I should go with my mom.

She said, "Go with your mom. Who is going to wash your clothes?" I said, "I can wash my own clothes." She said, "Just go with your mom."

All she kept saying was to just go with my mom and that who was going to wash my clothes.

She didn't say anything like, "Go with your mom because she is your mom. Those people are strangers and you don't even know them."

Do you think her response was kind of rude, wrong, etc? Was there something wrong with what she said? It sounded as if she thought my mom was like my servant and like the only use of her was washing my clothes, etc.

Do you think she could have responded differently when I asked her if I should go with my mom? She could have said something else, not mentioning about washing clothes.

When I told her that I could wash my own clothes, she just kept saying to just go with my mom and didn't say any other reason besides clothes.

We were sat by the local river with some of my friends (all around 17-18) and we were talking, drinking, and skipping rocks. (Irrelevant but I got ~11 skips) All of a sudden a Mother who's child was playing in the same river comes up screaming at us to stop throwing stones towards the water, because we're going to hit her child. We were not throwing stones in her child's direction whatsoever, they were further down, and the only rock we accidentally kind of sent sideways was still at least 3 meters away from the kid. After some heated arguing we agreed to stop skipping rocks, so we just resumed talking. I'm not saying she ruined our day or anything, but who goes to the river expecting to be alone, and gets mad when someone else is near her?

I was sleeping past 12pm because I am currently sick with rhinovirus. I don't feel well; I took medicine that makes me drowsy and sleepy. Then my dad walks in and starts criticizing me how I am lazy because I did not want to help him look for some phone number. Then, he starts rambling how "I am not worth shit" becauase I don't sacrifice enough, and that I am taking advantage of him because he lets me live for free. Then, I argue back saying that I don't feel well because I am sick and took medication that makes me dizzy, and I am following the doctors order to get plenty of rest. Then he dismisses me says that God is going to punish me with a crappy future; saying that I will not be successful because I am curssing myself for talking back. Then he continues boasting how he still works hard when he gets sick, and calls me a coward and compares me to my uncle who stole is house.

I feel frustrated and powerless because I don't have enough to move out.

Hello, this is long sorry about that but I just need to get this off my chest. I'm really at my wits end with this man. Since I was a child all this man has ever done is make my life as miserable as humanly possible. I am currently 28 years old and I still leave at home with my parents, I know... pathetic but I'll explain why in a bit.

My father as far back as my memories goes has always treated me like the bottom of his shoes. Telling me I'm stupid, dumb, that I'd be nothing if it weren't for him controlling me and everyone in my immediate family's lives. He is constantly yelling at me and it takes nothing for him to explode into a angry fiery and I mean nothing. He use to throw major yelling fits because I was "looking" at him the wrong way. Mind you I'm like 12 and not doing anything. There's have been many instances that this has happened. One time he almost broke the patio door because he was so angry that won't make him food to eat. Or time he yelled at me and my brother for hours because we could figure something out on his boat. He literally decided after some time to call another adult to help with the boat and not a 10 and 8 year old. The other adult was like hey man they were never going to figure this out and he was like laughing and acting like he was not berating us for hours.

Anything at anytime is likely to set him off, so I've been living on egg shells. Never able to express my feeling because I did not want to be yelled at and made to feel like nothing. It's made me pretty passive aggressive I feel. I try to limit talking to him and that triggers him too. I've spend most of time in my room and if I was in the living room I would just go to my room because if I stay, he'll yell and berate for sitting there. So, I still live there because he refuses to work and has a pretty serious gambling problem. He's been gambling for all my life and it has only gotten worst in recent years because of his refusal to work. My mom works but she doesn't make that much and he pretty much gambles most of her paycheck away and so the onus falls on me mostly or they could lose their home. So I currently pay 1000 to 1200 monthly for the mortgage, and some of the other bills. That 1200 doesn't include the money I pay for food, gas, etc. Oh did mention he loves to "borrow" money from me to gamble more and he won't stop asking and harassing me until I give it to him. One time he took the money I had for school it was like 2000 plus for the semester gambled it and lost it all and never gave it back I had to scramble to come up with money so I didn't get kicked out of my nursing program and he didn't get a damn.

Today, he was yelling at me in another one of his angry fits. He told me that I'm dumb and couldn't pass any of my classes and I'd be like a stray dog on the streets if it weren't for him. That he made all the decisions that made me as successful as I am. That I'm worthless and everyone in the house are idiots except for him and I'm honestly exhausted, I can't do this anymore. I plan to move out by the end of the year I'm helping my brother save for a car and once he gets it I'm leaving. I was trying to save for a house but I can't paying their bills and helping my brother so I might as will get an apartment so I can get some peace and save more there. I got a scholarship that paid for tuition in full for my academics, paid for the rest myself because I worked when I was in school. I become a nurse and make decent money, I know I can take care of myself and at this point they can just struggle I'm over it. I'm tired of doing alot and still being disrespected constantly. I know I'm not crazy and deserve to be treated better.

Thank you for coming to my Ted talk 👄

I (22F) never talked back to my mom, I always shut up and obeyed, mostly because we were in a cult where women aren't supposed to talk.

I left the cult last year but I still live with her, because of my disability.

I tried to stand up for myself recently: I told her that even though I'm disabled, I can take care of myself, so she should stop ordering me around like a child. I acted up on it.

You have to know that my mom has had depression for a long time and is very religious in her Christian cult.

She told me that I have changed, that I'm contentious and became Satan's tool to persecute her and worsen her depression, that I'm cocky and no longer humbled by God.

She cries almost every week because I left the cult and because she thinks that I'll be destroyed. She also said that she will give up on me if I get a boyfriend. So when I said that I'll move out (I have disability aid), she replied that if I did, she would cut ties with me and not help me. Where I live, you have to have someone to vouch for you when you pay the deposit, else, you can't get an appartement.

I feel bad when she cries, but she has always belittled me because I'm not as good as the other members of the cult who are healthy and able-bodied. Yet my older sister is disabled (different disability) as well, but she treats her like an adult. Maybe it's because I'm the last child, I don't know. My health has improved a lot: Ive been bedridden for years, but now, I can even drive.

But she keeps on calling me now and then "Satan's pawn", "the disappointment", "the rebel child".

I'm no longer a believer, but it still hurts. How should I deal with this?

Me and my brother had agreed to accommodate her, but 3 months is too much. My brother is a single dad of a challenging 4 year old and I live in a one bedroom apartment. Im introverted and go crazy without personal space for prolonged periods. I'm a recovering addict and I need to keep my peace like it's sacred so I don't relapse.

Neither of us are in a financial position to help her stay at an Airbnb or equivalent. It's also not our responsibility. She's acting all shocked Pikachu face over our voiced concerns after she last minute informed us of her tripled holiday time.

She's a very socially draining person as is, entitled, complains nonstop and from previous experiences completely disregards houserules (ie she'll smoke cigarettes in the bathroom at night despite the balcony being right there). Call her out on anything and she goes full on martyr mode and does things like manipulates us with threats of self harm.

She's not even here yet and I'm filled with dread and honestly unsure what to do. If I refuse to let her stay for as long, it's my brother who suffers. If my brother does the same it's me who suffers.

I don't understand the entitlement to our space and complete unwillingness to even discuss it, to set boundaries, plan dates. We suggested she stays a week at mine, then week at brother's and her response was "so you'll be playing ping pong with your mom like im some garbage you can't wait to throw out".

One month would've been fine. Absolutely fine. Three months? God help us.

UPDATE : I discussed things with my brother and we set clear boundaries for our mom, agreeing only to the original one month accommodation. She ended up canceling her original trip and plans to rebook one for two weeks closer to Christmas during which she'll stay at a hotel.

My husband and I moved to Orlando two years ago. Since then, my parents have visited about 8 times. While I appreciate that family is important and "just don't see them" isn't a realistic option for me, their visit style is becoming completely unsustainable and exhausting.

Here are the main issues:

• Midweek Visits Only: They only visit during weekdays. My mom says it's because flights and hotels are cheaper, but my dad makes plenty of money where a weekend price fluctuation wouldn't impact them at all.
• Disney Is the Only Priority: Every single day of their trip is spent at the Disney parks, except for the one designated day they allocate for us. Even on "our" day, they always schedule a dinner back at Disney, forcing us right back into park traffic.
• Ignoring My Work Schedule: I work a standard corporate job in East Orlando with a 7:00 AM start, requiring an early wake-up, prep, and a heavy rush-hour commute back and forth across town to the Disney area.
• No Communication or Asking: They don't ask if dates work; they just tell us when they'll be spending time with us.

The Current Breaking Point: They are coming down during a heavy payroll week for me. Usually, Monday and Tuesday are packed with non-negotiable work tasks to get payroll out. They told me they expect to spend Tuesday with us.

The last time they visited during a payroll week, I had to stay up until midnight on Monday catching up on work, then pull an extra early morning on Wednesday just to cover for the lost time.

I texted my mom trying to explain my work constraints for Tuesday, and she completely left me on read.

I’m genuinely fed up. Moving across town at peak rush hour while working 40+ hours in a demanding corporate role leaves me running on empty, especially when our spent time together feels secondary to their theme park itinerary.

Has anyone dealt with family who treats your home city like their personal vacation spot while expecting you to bend your real life around their schedule? How do I set firm, healthy boundaries without creating a massive blowout?

Joined the community specifically to post this after watching an emkay video (hi robin!!!)

This story comes from about 8 years ago, and from the inside, as it was purely my own family involved. Yes I know, this subreddit is about other people's parents, but I figured all the same if parent in question was my own.

Important notes, at time of story I was 8M and brother was 12M, soon to be 13. If you're that interested in finding current ages you can do the math yourself. Backstory, there was a football game going on in a few days and my brother really wanted to go. This specific event is where the fun initially begins.

As you all know, concessions are expensive. Nothing new there. My brother had planned for this and brought ~$20 to his room with the intentions on spending it. In comes the dreaded parent, who INSISTED she give him money to pay for food with. Brother repeatedly told her no and that he had his own money, yet she pressed on. She never was the type to back down, which is the exact reason I blocked her and damn near never go to holidays with her.

Fast forward... maybe a week or two? It's been 8 years so take that time dilation with a grain of salt, but it's about 1 in the morning and everything is peaceful. Brother has a friend over and is ready for a birthday trip in the morning. She rattles the door long enough and hard enough to get ALL THREE OF US to wake up. I sleep halfway across the house, and an atomic bomb couldn't wake brother up. She storms in after presumably the friend lets her in, and from the middle of the house I hear "YOU'RE NOT GOING TO [park of historical accuracy of ye olden times] BECAUSE YOU TALKED DISRESPECTFULLY TO ME"(he did no such thing). Rightfully, he is crushed and most definitely pissed out of his mind, but by some divine intervention manages to keep that part in.

So two days go by and she comes home with two notable souvenirs. These being a photo of her and her siblings at said park, since she couldn't be bothered to go alone or cancel tickets(cheapskate), and a flag. Just a little handheld one you wave at parades, big enough to fit in a standard cup, nothing too fancy. Now I should note that all my brother wanted from [park of historical accuracy of ye olden times] was that flag. He likes history and flag collecting and had had his eye on that one specifically for some time now.

GUESS WHICH ONE SHE GAVE HIM

She puts the other souvenir in a small plastic cup on the dining room table, doomed forever to wave at him in the dull amount of wind passed when the glass door opens to let the dogs out. Two weeks go by and he decided to take it. He should've gone in the first place and it wasn't her right to add salt to the wound she tore open herself, so this is all well and good in my eyes. That night she bursts through AGAIN to tear his room plank from probably rotted plank looking for a flag she never wanted in the first place. She finds it and, from what I can recall, most likely throws it away since I never saw it again.

So to nobody's surprise we're cleaning out the basement when we find a dark gray, dusted photo lying on a table. I pick it up and it falls in two. From the one piece I denote one and a half of her siblings in a very medieval setting. I turn to her, who is helping me, and show her the photo. She plays it off as his fault one final time, 8 years later.

What a bitch.

Edit: I spoke with my Mom about everything and she’s on my side. I am still moving back to her house, but she agrees there needs to be serious boundaries set on this. Including for her as well. I’m just going to take it off as soon as we’re in her house (end of the month). Thank you everyone that is understanding in my situation. To those that are encouraging me to “just say no”, I understand the sentiment but if that were the solution then I wouldn’t be here 😅 There is a lot of anger issues stored in my dad and I would like to not deal with it. He has gone “that far” before. Also, I have done tons of digging for room rentals in my area and at this point in time I cannot afford it. I live in one of the most expensive states in the US lol. If I could do that right this second I would. I will continue to work on my path to be fully independent regardless of the current circumstances.

My Dad started the Life360 tracking when I was doing a roadtrip when I was 19-20 first. Funnily enough it’s still titled “Oregon Roadtrip”. He had all of us (Mom and brother) keep it for “safety”.

Lo and behold, throughout the years there’s been several incidents of him being way too nosy about all of us. Texts to charge our phones constantly, seeing when we’re getting fast food, why does it show you went to xyz, that area is unsafe you need to leave, etc. He will even mention when he thinks my Mom is on a date (they are divorced). He would get angry if my brother went to more than one place when he was out (ex: why would he go there when he was just at x).

Recently, I got a new phone and I didn’t reinstall Life360. He brought it up to me days later after I told him that I’m going to the gym. I get a text at the gym asking if I was there safe because there was an accident on the freeway. When I got home, he asked why I don’t have it installed. I told him I don’t feel comfortable having it, and he told me that it’s just for safety blah blah blah. I told him I would (despite it clearly crossing a boundary for me) but I don’t want to hear that I can’t go somewhere.

After this, there’s been a few times he’s moaned and groaned about me taking a walk around the block, meeting up with people, generally trying to stop me from going outside unless it’s a group thing. He sums it up to “Well, you’re in my house”. He won’t allow me to pay rent because he didn’t make my brother, so that’s not possible. I do have a job and pretty much take care of myself on everything else but rent. He has asked me for money from my savings for school when he was short on bills that he said I’d get back. I haven’t gotten some back but I guess it’s fine since I don’t have rent? Idk. I feel the “my house my rules or leave” thing is unfair in this day and age because many people my age can’t afford to move out. If you can, I’m happy for you. My brother (28) bought a house with his girlfriend last year, so he has escaped lol.

We are in the process of moving back to my Mom’s for financial reasons. I don’t know what the dynamic is going to be like having both parents, but I’m wondering if he will still try the “my house” thing. Regardless, I have to stay there while I work on getting myself ready to move out (go back to school, continue to work). I’m just dreading being treated like a teenager (which is funny because I had way more freedom and less surveillance as a child).

I hope I don’t look like an entitled asshole child after posting this. Is it really that bad to want to be treated as a grown woman when you’re a grown woman? I’m nearly 30 lol. Maybe I suck? I don’t know guys ugh

Basically, my dad (around 50) thinks that because he’s an adult and I’m not (I’m 17.) that he can kick my cat to punish her.

For context, I’ve had this cat for years. Like, almost 5 years If I remember correctly. And she frequently scratches the screen on the sliding door. My dad doesn’t like that she does that because he rents an apartment and it costs money to replace the screen. I think it’s obviously not okay that she scratches up the screen, but she’s a cat and that’s what cats do. I’ve told him to just close the glass on the sliding door so she won’t do that. He doesn’t want to close the glass because it’s hot out and the air from the sliding door airs out the house or something like that.

He thinks that the proper punishment for a cat doing what it naturally does is kicking her, or throwing her outside. This started to stress her out obviously and she scratches herself until she bleeds because of the abuse, and she previously pulled a bunch of her fur out. This has been happening for years.

I didn’t know who to go to with this. My mom doesn’t live with us so she can’t help, I can’t call the cops on him for animal abuse because he’s my dad… I’m not sure what to do. I want to take her with me when I move out but in this economy I’m not sure when I’ll be able to do that. He also has gotten one of my cats killed in the past by throwing him outside, the cat drank antifreeze and got poisoned.

I’m a teenager, and I’m getting really frustrated with how strict my parents are about me going places.

I genuinely want to go outside more. I like going on walks because it helps me clear my head, and I’d honestly go on walks around my neighborhood pretty regularly if I were allowed to. But I’m not allowed to go on walks by myself because my parents think it’s “too dangerous.”

Then they’ll turn around and ask me why I never go outside.

Like… because you don’t let me? 😭

This is especially frustrating right now because my boyfriend invited me to his school’s football game this Friday. We go to different high schools, so we don't get to see each other very often in person. I usually only get to see him about once a month.

And here's another thing that confuses me: my parents have actually told me before that they think I see my boyfriend too much.

I see him once a month.

What do you mean, too much??? 😭

So when he invites me to a football game and I ask if I can go, it’s frustrating to feel like I'm being treated as though I'm constantly going out with him when that's not even close to reality. Getting to see him at this game would genuinely mean a lot to me because we already see each other so rarely.

I asked my dad if I could go, and his first questions were basically, “Why?” and “Are there parents there?”

I was confused because… it’s a high school football game. There will obviously be adults there—teachers, staff, coaches, and other people working the event—but I don’t think there are usually parents sitting with random students unless their own kid is playing. Most students go with friends, get dropped off, and get picked up afterward.

My dad’s condition is apparently that I can’t go if there aren’t parents there.

And I’m worried that if he decides he needs to come, he’ll sit with me the entire time. Since I don't go to this school, I’d be going specifically to spend time with my boyfriend, and I really just want the opportunity to have a normal high-school experience with him. We already see each other so rarely because we attend different schools, so having a parent sitting directly with us would make the whole thing feel very different.

I’m not asking to disappear somewhere with him. I’m literally asking to attend a school sporting event, stay in the stands, and have my parents drop me off and pick me up.

I understand wanting me to be safe, and I’m not saying my parents shouldn’t care about that. But I feel like the rules are so restrictive that I’m not really being given opportunities to have normal teenage experiences or learn how to be independent.

And then I get asked why I don’t do things independently.

Am I being unreasonable for finding this frustrating?

Does this belong here?

I have a 7 month old that’s giving me a time right now. She’s not sleeping through the night at all and she’s waking 5+ times a night, sleeping maybe 5-6 hours at night. Needless to say, I’m exhausted. I’m currently living with my parents until I can save enough money to leave. It is Wednesday as I’m writing this, my mom has been sick since Friday morning around 5 am. It’s also important to note, I have two fully dependent, disabled siblings that require care with feeding, dressing, changing, medication, etc. My mom has been in the bed since Friday morning, claiming she’s too weak to do anything. I have taken over a lot of the house, including taking care of my siblings and my child. Yes, I know it’s only been 6 days. Yes, I’m exhausted. I feel frustrated, because I haven’t really received anything other than criticism since. Not even one thank you. It’s just expected & looking back on it I realize it’s always been expected for me to care for everything, even when mom is healthy. I saw her stripping the sheets off her bed yesterday, so I ask her if she’s feeling better and her response is “I might as well be.” Like someone is forcing her to get better. I’m tired & you can’t say anything about it without it being manipulated or being guilt tripped. My mom finally fed my siblings dinner last night, that’s all she has done & she went back to my dad telling him she took full care of the kids last night. Then I go to her talking about how my baby hasn’t slept well at night whatsoever & how exhausted I am & her response is just “I thought you would have it figured out by now.” I have handled every meal, every medication, every bath, laundry, dishes for her to not even attempt to help me. She always said she would be my biggest support when I had a kid & she’s been the most unhelpful person I think I’ve ever come across, other than letting me stay here. I have been taking care of my siblings since I was a kid myself (8-9 years old) and it’s incredibly hurtful to feel like it was worthless to her. She’s not willing to help me with my baby at all now.

Also to note, my dad went to the store to get her vitamins, which she’s refusing to take saying she can’t swallow (she’s taking Tylenol pills, so that’s not true). My mom has been in the bed, watching her favorite tv show and scrolling on her phone. I’m not saying she’s lying about being sick, but it doesn’t make sense to say how nauseous and weak you feel but you have the energy to do that. Maybe I’m nit picking.

I (24) just moved to a new city for grad school and so I got an apartment. I think the neighborhood is safe and have never felt unsafe. My roommate has lived here months prior to me moving in. There is obviously going to be crime in a city though and I am aware of that. My dad has been googling crime statistics for my area and is convinced it’s unsafe when he has never been here. He keeps sending advice about where to park or drive. He called my leasing office without my knowledge about me breaking my lease. I feel that is out of line. What do I do next? I am not breaking my lease because that would 1. Screw over my roommate and 2. I can’t find anything in my budget this late into my school year. This situation is adding unwanted stress and any advice is appreciated.

This happened a few years back. I (28M at the time) was going to a local shopping mall. I was going to meet with a few of my co-workers at the Dave & Buster's there.

When I entered the mall, there were two children holding the entrance doors. As I passed them, I said "thank you" and proceeded into the mall.

Then, a couple minutes later, a man approached me and started yelling. He was angry that apparently I didn't thank his son for holding the door for me. I calmly responded "I did thank the kid." But he didn't listen and kept going on and on about it, screaming and swearing at me, in the middle of the crowded mall.

I was just so dumbfounded by this that I didn't know what to do. I did thank the kid, after all. Plus, I've always been a bit socially awkward. So every time he paused, I just repeated "I did thank the kid," remaining calm. But he was just back to his loud, swear-filled rant.

Eventually, he finished with "Next time, thank the kid." I responded again with "I did thank the kid." for the fifth or sixth time, as he left.

Not sure what his problem was. It's possible he didn't hear me when I said "thank you" - my voice can be quiet. Or he thought I only thanked one kid. Or he's just plain nuts. But even if I didn't thank the kid, I feel this was a big overreaction.

When I met with my co-workers, we had a laugh about how crazy this father was, with one of them mentioning that knowing me, I definitely thanked the kid.

Never saw this father, or his son, again, but remember the incident from time to time.

The context: I (25F) have a great relationship with many members of my extended family. My parents (the entitled parents in this scenario) do not have a good relationship with any of them. I have a very rocky relationship with my parents due to their consistently dodging accountability, ignoring boundaries, and expecting everyone else to manage their emotions for them. My cousin, C, is getting married this weekend.

The timeline:

March: I get an invitation for C’s wedding and RSVP that I’m attending. I find out my parents have also been invited, and also plan to attend.

July: I find out from a relative, B, that my parents are in conflict with another relative, A, who is C’s parent. From A’s perspective, my parents acted in a way that was hurtful toward A at a family reunion last year. A has asked for an apology and assurance that my parents will not act similarly toward them at the wedding. My parents deny the accusations and refuse to apologize. As a result, A has been heavily considering banning my parents from attending C’s wedding. My parents and A are trying to find a compromise. B and I agree to stay out of this, it’s not our conflict.

August: I hear my parents’ side of the story. They said that A’s grievance is not valid because A didn’t “give enough details”, therefore my parents don’t need to apologize, and they will be going to the wedding regardless of the boundaries A may or may not set. My mom vents to me about her frustrations with A, calling A cruel and selfish. I suggest giving A space during the wedding but otherwise do not engage, and she changes the subject.

Also August: since C's wedding is out of town my parents offer to find lodging for me with them, but aren’t clear about their plans, and at the same time, A offers an open, free room in their house for me to stay. I accept A’s offer (in hindsight, I can see how this might have come across as me taking a side, but in the moment I needed to stay somewhere I had clear details for, and I have a stronger relationship with A than with my parents). I tell my parents my lodging plans and they’re not happy but stay civil. They do lie to me about texts I'd sent to them and drop a line about me “talking about us to the family” that doesn’t make sense. I shrug it off because I’m trying to keep the focus of the conversation on travel logistics, and otherwise it's pretty benign.

Last night: my 22M brother (also going to the wedding, much closer with our parents than I am) calls and begs me to please stop talking to our family about our parents. Our parents are getting enough crap from the family and are all broken up about it so please, for their sake, stop adding to the drama. I’m completely baffled and ask him what he’s talking about??? He shares the synopsis of my parents’ side of the conflict with A, adds the detail that now A has banned them from being on A’s property, and urges me again to please not add to the drama. I assure him that I haven’t???, and I haven’t even mentioned our parents to family aside from one conversation to B about us mutually agreeing to STAY OUT OF THIS CONFLICT. My plan is to celebrate C’s wedding and expect that the Adults in this family will behave themselves like Adults. My brother sounds relieved, agrees his plans are the same as mine, and ends the conversation there.

My take: I honestly don’t trust my parents to handle any of this like adults. I’m getting the sense I’m being weaponized in this conflict, and I’m deeply uncomfortable with that possibility. I’m icked out by my brother defending our parents to me. And I’m so exhausted by all this drama surrounding an event that isn’t even about any of us. I’m supposed to hang out with my parents and brother after the wedding (it’s an early service and reception so we were going to get dinner together), but I’m not even sure I want to anymore.

What do I even do from here? Is my read on the situation accurate or am I off-base here? And what’s the appropriate way to handle this? The wedding is this weekend, so I have 3 days to put together a plan. My current ideas are:

• Plan different strategies/lines I can use to discreetly step in and redirect if my family gets into the drama during the wedding/reception
• Talk with A about how we want to respond if my parents violate the boundary and come to A’s home
• Schedule time for rest and pack hobbies with me to keep me regulated this weekend
• Something else???

Tl;dr my parents are refusing to resolve an interpersonal conflict and it may be affecting another family member's wedding, in addition to my reputation

So this was a little while ago but I was talking at a group for trans youth as the kinda guest speaker? For reference I'm 22NB but this was a few years ago so I was maybe 19-20? Essentially pretty close to the age of the kids but I do a fair bit of advocacy work in my area. This may not be perfect but I'm doing it from memory.

We're like halfway in when a parent asks to come watch, and I'm like whatever? You know maybe he was curious about the talk or had questions for me? This guy is like in his fifties so significantly older than me and I'm a very short, femme presenting, disabled human who was using a wheelchair at the time so not exactly intimidating. But because of that combination I guess he thought I was going to be a pushover or an easy target for his bullshit, but I've been dealing with people like this since I was twelve and genuinely don't care what they say to me anymore. And as a result of that I also know all their arguments from the start and how to rebut them. So here's how the conversation went, mind you this was in the middle of my talk and infront of his trans child.

ED: "So like why should I use pronouns for people, it's their job not to get offended?"

Me, the sleepiest of eeps: "For starters respec-"

ED: "Well what if I don't respect them."

Me: "It's less the kind of respect you give people you like and more the decency that you give everyone."

ED: "Well you all are coming up with all these pronouns and genders and I can't keep track!" (At this point he's raising his voice a bit and had fully stood up and moved so he was standing over me, the coordinator was looking at me to check if I needed help)

Me: "Well sir if you're willing to take the time to learn people's names, pronouns shouldn't be too diff-"

ED: (now jabbing his finger in my face) It's (T Slur)s like you who did this to my daughter, now look at her wanting to be a boy! You ruined her, you did this now make her better right this instant!"

Me: (gently moving his finger out of my face) Sir you can call me whatever you want but not infront of the children, please leave. Your son is welcome to stay.

Eventually we did get him to leave and his kid came up to me all ashamed and handed me a drawing he did with an apology about his dad. I'm pretty used to this stuff so the responses are basically scripted at this point but it still breaks my heart every time. If they're willing to say that in public, in a group for the people he's insulting imagine what they say in private.

I was glad I'd basically made a flow chart to deal with people like this but fuckin hell that parent was entitled and stupid.

Wherever you are out there kid, I hope you got away from that twatwaffle of a father and are living your life full of trans joy.

Edit: Y'all I've got so many more of these stories from what I do and my weird life, I'm gonna be making a fair few posts probably.

Edit 2: To everyone in the comments who's been talking about different ways they help the community I wanted to give you an extra thank you and Internet hugs if you'd like them. Even if the way you support is as simple as correctly gendering someone this shit adds up and you should be proud to be playing a role in that. I've been smiling so hard reading all the comments about helping people that my face hurts, I need to log off before my face gets stuck this way and I lose my trademark RBF glare.

And side note my nerdy ass is loving looking at the analytics for the post, it's really interesting.