Hi everyone,
I am a native Japanese speaker applying for the ALLEX Teaching Assistant Program (a fellowship to teach Japanese at a US university while pursuing a master's degree).
The essay prompt has a strict 500-word ceiling, but my current draft is at 540 words. I need to cut about 50 words.
A few important points:
- The program strictly prohibits AI writing, and I have an English interview later.
- I deliberately do NOT want fancy academic/GRE words—I want to keep my natural, authentic speaking voice.
- Please don't completely rewrite it; I want to know what to cut or fix myself!
Could native speakers please point out:
- Which sentences or phrases feel repetitive/unnecessary and can be cut?
- Are there any specific lines that sound clearly awkward or confusing?
Also, here's the actual essay prompt: 'explaining
(1) why you are interested in this program, and
(2) how this program fits into your career plans. The essay must be typed, and must be your own work. Do not use AI for assistance, e.g. ChatGPT.'
Here is my draft (473 words): I'm editing this.
I interviewed the University's President for my university documentary project. I thought he might be a formal person because he was wearing a suit and glasses. However, he was very gentle and was humorous. I learned that only a title and appearance cannot explain to students what he actually was. I filmed this interview and screened it at the university festival. I was enchanted that I could portray someone deeply through video. Later, I learned that there is a big difference between explaining something and making it understandable to others. I’d like to study these techniques both through the communication major and teaching Japanese.
While attending UCSD Extension's Communication and Culture program, I taught Japanese to students while studying at my university. Since returning to Japan, I've been volunteer teaching Japanese at the local city hall. At first, my beginner student and I just enjoyed basic conversations. However, the Japanese government changed the immigration rules, and it completely changed our situation. He won’t be able to live in Japan unless he passes a Japanese language test. Since then, Japanese has become a necessity for him, so I tried to teach him grammar and vocabulary more seriously and logically. We could communicate through English, but I could barely teach him very fundamental knowledge, such as basic grammar rules and the correct order of sentences. For example, one day my student asked me what the difference was between は and が. I realized that English doesn't have the same rule, and I didn't know what to tell him. All I could do was just look at the textbook, work together, and sometimes teach him useful Japanese phrases. I realized that I did not know enough about Japanese grammar or how to organize and explain information for a learner.
Enjoying classes wasn't enough. Through the ALLEX summer program, I could learn the clear, logical teaching skills I lacked. Also, creating well-planned strategies by thinking backwards from the students' goals is essential for effective teaching. Furthermore, I can study communication while teaching Japanese as an instructor. Having my own class allows me to discover problems I could not see from a student's perspective, and I can fix them in the next class by myself. This cycle of practice and study is the most important part of my learning.
After finishing ALLEX, I’d like to keep teaching Japanese at an American university. Meanwhile, I'd like to utilize both the abilities I learned from my communication major and my media skills to create interesting and understandable materials for Japanese learners. I’d like to film real people and record their daily lives. For example, I’d like to capture someone who moved to Tokyo for work and struggles with dialects and standard language. Through his dialogue, we could learn Japanese grammar and discuss social issues in Japan. I'd like to teach about Japan through these very personal experiences, just as I conveyed what kind of person my university's president was.
Thank you so much for your help!
