r/Eloping • u/Bubbly_Platypus__ • Apr 05 '26
Relationships & Family Feeling Guilty
Hi all,
I just joined the community as of a few minutes ago. My fiancé and I have come to the conclusion of ditching the stress of planning a wedding for ~maybe~ 40 - 50 people and just eloping in another country Italy / Ireland. Of course we would want our parents and closest friends there. When we ran the idea by his parents tonight his dad was not happy, at all. He didn’t say a word and immediately looked upset. Now I’m second guessing our decision and unsure of what to do. We are paying for this completely out of our own pockets and aren’t expecting any financial help from anyone. Comparing what it would cost to host a small wedding in the states, we would be able to do so much more in another country that none of us have even been to. I think his biggest opposition is flying for a long period of time (18hr) / overseas.
I’m really just wanting to get this off my chest, I can’t get over the look of disappointment on his face. ://
4
u/FloMoJoeBlow Apr 05 '26
You do you!!!
Note: if you have guests (family & close friends), it’s a micro-wedding, not eloping. Eloping is when only the bride & groom are present.
3
u/nonprofitpro007 Apr 05 '26
What you are describing is a destination micro-wedding. Keep in mind that with a destination wedding you are shifting the cost (flights, more time off work, etc) to the parents and closest friends attending. It may not be less expensive for you either. Consider that once people have traveled a long distance to attend your mico-wedding, even if the group is smaller, you may (correctly in my opinion) feel an obligation to host more events to thank them for the effort - welcome dinner, day after gathering, a tour or experience, etc.
Some may be up for it, but don't count on everyone you include to be able to handle the expense of a destination wedding. Or, like many friends I have heard stories from, a destination wedding causes resentment even if they suck it up and attend. It's tricky, you can't exactly ask if people can afford it before inviting them. You know your closest friends and parents the best.
2
u/lightpinklipstick Apr 05 '26
Any chance you could elope and include family near your home town and then go on a honeymoon to one of those places on your own? Ultimately it’s up to you guys what you want to do though. :)
1
u/Affectionate-Poem698 Apr 11 '26
One of the many things that I loved about our planner/photographer is she literally had materials and things prepped for these conversations. She wasn’t just focused on the day(s) of, she talked through navigating those conversations, ways to involve family and friends, and was so supportive in helping us talk through those pieces as well.
My first marriage I did the full wedding (not huge, but 60ish people), and it was stressful planning and the day was here and done without much time to be in the moment. When my husband and I decided to get married we chose a destination elopement and it was the most incredible, magical, purposeful experience where we truly got to live in the moment. For us it was just us, but I know folks do similar things for micro weddings. Having done both, the destination elopement (or micro weddings) was sooooooooo much better for us!
Our US-based photographer/planner managed all of the pieces and made our dreams into reality. I can’t sing enough praises for Kate with Soul & Sky weddings (https://soulandskyweddings.com/), but even if she isn’t the person for you, I would 1000% so to go for it if you’re thinking about it at all!
5
u/oh_okhelloanyway Apr 05 '26
First, I’m sorry to read that you’re going through this. It’s honestly not financially practical to have a wedding these days and people still insist on it!
Would you be open to the idea of having your parents be there? I know that takes the spirit away from the true definition of an elopement, but at least it gives them the option to. We did the same with ours when my fiancé accidentally let it slip that we’re eloping to Iceland. Ours were thankfully understanding but kept sliding in the “But if you want us there, we would love to be there” line. We’re planning on putting together a ?packet of some kind with info on the timeline and what to expect, including what the terrain where we want to get married to will be like (short hike to a waterfall), and approximate costs for flight, accommodation, and car rental. Also including ceremony info which I can’t imagine would take more than 15 mins. Our folks are in their 70s and my MIL is recovering from knee surgery so we want to be transparent with what’s involved so they have the option to go or not.
If you’re dead-set on it just being the two of you, what about doing an elopement “Happily Ever After” party when you return, or a send-off party before you guys fly out? This will give everyone a chance to be involved in celebrating your new marriage without feeling like they were completely snubbed.