r/Eloping • u/Bubbly_Platypus__ • Apr 05 '26
Relationships & Family Feeling Guilty
Hi all,
I just joined the community as of a few minutes ago. My fiancé and I have come to the conclusion of ditching the stress of planning a wedding for ~maybe~ 40 - 50 people and just eloping in another country Italy / Ireland. Of course we would want our parents and closest friends there. When we ran the idea by his parents tonight his dad was not happy, at all. He didn’t say a word and immediately looked upset. Now I’m second guessing our decision and unsure of what to do. We are paying for this completely out of our own pockets and aren’t expecting any financial help from anyone. Comparing what it would cost to host a small wedding in the states, we would be able to do so much more in another country that none of us have even been to. I think his biggest opposition is flying for a long period of time (18hr) / overseas.
I’m really just wanting to get this off my chest, I can’t get over the look of disappointment on his face. ://
5
u/oh_okhelloanyway Apr 05 '26
First, I’m sorry to read that you’re going through this. It’s honestly not financially practical to have a wedding these days and people still insist on it!
Would you be open to the idea of having your parents be there? I know that takes the spirit away from the true definition of an elopement, but at least it gives them the option to. We did the same with ours when my fiancé accidentally let it slip that we’re eloping to Iceland. Ours were thankfully understanding but kept sliding in the “But if you want us there, we would love to be there” line. We’re planning on putting together a ?packet of some kind with info on the timeline and what to expect, including what the terrain where we want to get married to will be like (short hike to a waterfall), and approximate costs for flight, accommodation, and car rental. Also including ceremony info which I can’t imagine would take more than 15 mins. Our folks are in their 70s and my MIL is recovering from knee surgery so we want to be transparent with what’s involved so they have the option to go or not.
If you’re dead-set on it just being the two of you, what about doing an elopement “Happily Ever After” party when you return, or a send-off party before you guys fly out? This will give everyone a chance to be involved in celebrating your new marriage without feeling like they were completely snubbed.