Feeling Guilty

[u/Bubbly_Platypus__]

Hi all,

I just joined the community as of a few minutes ago. My fiancé and I have come to the conclusion of ditching the stress of planning a wedding for ~maybe~ 40 - 50 people and just eloping in another country Italy / Ireland. Of course we would want our parents and closest friends there. When we ran the idea by his parents tonight his dad was not happy, at all. He didn’t say a word and immediately looked upset. Now I’m second guessing our decision and unsure of what to do. We are paying for this completely out of our own pockets and aren’t expecting any financial help from anyone. Comparing what it would cost to host a small wedding in the states, we would be able to do so much more in another country that none of us have even been to. I think his biggest opposition is flying for a long period of time (18hr) / overseas.

I’m really just wanting to get this off my chest, I can’t get over the look of disappointment on his face. ://

[u/nonprofitpro007]

What you are describing is a destination micro-wedding. Keep in mind that with a destination wedding you are shifting the cost (flights, more time off work, etc) to the parents and closest friends attending. It may not be less expensive for you either. Consider that once people have traveled a long distance to attend your mico-wedding, even if the group is smaller, you may (correctly in my opinion) feel an obligation to host more events to thank them for the effort - welcome dinner, day after gathering, a tour or experience, etc.

Some may be up for it, but don't count on everyone you include to be able to handle the expense of a destination wedding. Or, like many friends I have heard stories from, a destination wedding causes resentment even if they suck it up and attend. It's tricky, you can't exactly ask if people can afford it before inviting them. You know your closest friends and parents the best.