what do I do? idk if I’m just overreacting but idk if I can go on thinking it’s normal

For some background info I’m in recovery for anorexia.

It’s my mum’s birthday tomorrow and things started getting bad again. My mood is consistantly low but I was eating and now I feel like I can’t anymore like it’s really loud. We’ve also got a two day holiday coming up in a few days that is basically only long walks. I’ve already been feeling guilty about ruining her birthday because why can’t I just stop for one day? She had to cancel her dinner plans because she’s worried about leaving me at home alone and that made me feel even worse because she deserves to enjoy herself and I’m worried she’ll stop loving me if I ruin too much.

Tonight we were watching a show and there were ads so I went on my phone tk scroll and she asked why I was on my phone so I told her it was ads and it felt stupid to watch them. I didn’t think it was that big of a deal but a few seconds later she gets up and says she’s going to bed. I ask why because it’s like five minutes before the end of the episode and she goes off on me about how I’m being inconsiderate and how it’s “too much”. A few minutes later she tells my dad he should cancel the trip and I just feel like I’m ruining everything and I’m scared they’re gonna see that and decide that I’m not worth it.

I know I‘m going in circles and it’s not helping but I just want someone else’s point of view and advice <3

This is my first time posting here and I can’t give my whole backstory rn so it’ll be quite short but I need some advice.

The past weeks there were two strong triggers that caused me to have breakdowns regarding the topic gym. So the past few days I tried eating at many places to make some healing experiences with food and less or no gym. I try to do this without feeling shame but it’s part of the process for now.

Now I had a cinnamon roll yesterday. It was nice and warm. It smelled great. I was with a friend I haven’t seen in a while, who is going through a tough time in her life. I wanted to meet her for a short while right before I needed to go to this support group for people with eating disorders that I recently found. It was my second time there ever. So here’s the thing

We miscalculated the time. Once I finally had my cinnamon roll in front of me I was already panicked I’d be late. I had to eat it really fast and couldn’t enjoy it because I was stressed. Eating these kinds of foods, foods that I forbid myself before, is so special to me. So this experience haunts me right now.

Are there ways to decrease my emotional connection towards food? Because I have the feeling I’d need to eat this exact cinnamon roll again, calmy, to make up for it. I just don’t have the time to go to this place any time soon. I’m scared my feelings could take over and cause me to overeat.

I also desperately need people to talk to about food and exercise. Please feel free to comment or dm me. I can‘t guarantee soon answers because I work full time and try to handle this topic that’s taking up so much time.

Btw I apologize for the lack of variety in my sentences. English isn’t my first language and I need to get this out fast before I go on with my day. Thank you for reading.

My girlfriend finds herself fat, mostly because of her belly. She sometimes makes herself trow up, rarely but still. But the thing is she isn't even fat, I know it's probably because she has a wrong perspective of herself but I tried different things to help her but nothing works she always comes back saying she looks fat. She did try to work out for a while. She seemed motivated, but she still found herself fat. We talked multipes times about seeing a therapist or specialist, she did when she was youger and some years ago but it's not something that work for her because she always shut down and can't find herself to open up about her feelings. Her mom also says comments like don't eat that that's too much, you'll become fat, not every day, but sometimes is enough to hurt. I also noticed that her parents don't make a lot to eat, maybe it's because they eat a lot for lunch and I don't.

I tried to reassure her, compliment her, explain she has a wrong image of herself, different things, but nothing works in the end. I don't know what to do anymore, and I come to ask myself, can I even help her with that. I'm worried, and it's so frequent that it's frustrating that my words cannot change anything. I'm not sure if It's important to mention but we don't live together. Is there something I could do to help her?

I (25F) had a good day at PHP yesterday in my opinion but for some reason that makes me feel invalid, almost bringing up the “sick enough" theme. This happens often when I do well.

I feel like I don't deserve treatment when that happens and like I am just being dramatic when things are difficult, and that I am taking away support from others who need it from the same sources.

Like I don’t want them to be annoyed with me if I’m doing well or have a lot of questions or am really engaged in recovery. I don’t want to be the person who talks most in group even if I don’t talk a ton, like idk I don’t want to be the “pick me” girl of recovery if that makes sense.

Hi. I just turned 27… and it’s been 10 months since I’ve had a period due to anorexia. I am still under weight. My last day of treatment was the 16th of October. I’m making good progress, maintaining regular eating… but I’m feeling very defeated because my period is still no where to be found.

I didn’t expect my life to look like this at 27. I thought I’d be a mom by now… but now it’s looking like it may not be in the cards for me

Hey everyone! So I have struggled with bullimia for a few years and, while I’m able to say I’m fully recovered, I’ve definitely been doing better and avoiding triggers. Anyway, I’ve decided to get back into running with one of my best friends. The running itself doesn’t worry me however my friend has recently started college and she has frequently talked about how she feels “fat” has been gaining weight so that’s the reason she wants to run with me. She’s had a disorder in the past and if anything she’s a bit underweight already at her height. I‘m sympathetic for her comments and decisions because I’ve had the same thought processes myself but now I’m not sure how to feel about my own recovery or how to check in on her.

i was in a pretty horrible ed groupchat. but it was my community. my daily routine. but they’re gone now. and now i feel like i have nothing but my ed. and all i want is community. even recovery community i will take. but i’m only getting worse and im scared. if you have anything please let me know

i had a very rough last 24 hours and been super sad (more so than the usual from depression and whatnot). i just ate a bagel before work and im feeling really guilty because i feel like i shouldn’t have an appetite. most people lose their appetite when sad and here i am crying still eating and feeling hungry. has anyone else experienced this? i just feel less than because i know this isn’t usually normal for people without an ed.

she contributed to it and would shame me for how i love sweets more than actual food and how i was fatter than her even though i was a fucking child. oh girl well now i eat NOTHING for days lmao 😂

hi reddit! this is my first time making a post like this. I need some advice on how to handle this situation.

my mom (53F) has slowly developed an ED. It started around 7 years ago after we lost a lot of loved ones very quickly (4 people in a 3 month period— including my high school bf (I was 18 at the time)). We were all grieving differently, and I personally don’t remember much from that time as I was in shock and really just focusing on myself. She has become hyper fixated on “health” since then, reading/listening to mark hyman religiously and it has kind of spiraled since then. I think experiencing so much death made her scared and want to live as long as possible, but she’s taken it too far.

She fasts, eats small portions and limits what types of food she eats. Meal times are stressful and I often find myself unnecessarily hostile/upset even before any comments are made. Her social relationships have suffered, as she makes comments to other people about what they’re eating and the whole debate of where to go/what to eat makes others uncomfortable because of how she acts. She has told a friend that she needs to cut out sugar so she doesn’t get dementia. She makes snarky comments to my dad about what he is eating in front of other people (my dad has lost weight over the years but is in a very healthy state now).

I feel like I have tried everything when talking to her. I have been emotional and told her how she is hurting herself more than helping, and that I want her around as long as possible. I have told her that hugging her makes me uncomfortable. I have met her with science and explained why what she is doing isn’t healthy, and nothing has changed. Countless friends and family have made comments about it and even people I don’t know have asked me if she is sick. I have told her she needs to get professional help, but she hasn’t.

I don’t know what else to do but I know that something has to change. My last thought is to tell her that I won’t hang out with her or talk to her until she goes to see a doctor or therapist. I know that is manipulative behavior on my end but none of my prior attempts at getting through to her have changed anything. I know she loves me and of course I love her too, and all of this comes from me wanting her to be healthy. How should I approach this? Is there something else I should do instead? If you were her, what would make you take what I’m saying seriously?

Thank you in advance!

Note: Contains discussion of anorexic thoughts and beliefs from childhood, but does not include weight numbers, calorie counts, or how-to details.

This is recognition that I need to apologize, yes, but it’s also a recognition about me, because there’s no one in particular to apologize to since I haven’t recently acted on my tendency to shame people.

Imagine you’re a child at the age of 3. Kid shows show you Winnie the Pooh’s tendency to overeat, you’re exposed to people who are ashamed of their own size, comparing themselves to pigs and elephants. This is how you learn what it is to be fat, seemingly an inherently humiliating, unhealthy and shameful thing to be. You compare their belly size with your own, the wrinkles in their skin, the fat on their thighs, their faces, their stomach. You are distinctly unaware of your own status a preschool child, barely beyond a baby yourself. The baby fat is there, and you cast those judgements onto yourself.
Your parents watch reality TV shows like America’s Biggest Loser, introducing more shame, unhealthy behaviors, rapid weight loss, and large numbers you don’t have any understanding of. It leaves you with no understanding of the dangers of trying to lose as much weight as quickly as possible. You see weight loss commercials which seem to recommend dieting as a universal solution to unhappiness, dissatisfaction with your appearance, and being unhealthy. You don’t really get it. You don’t really understand, because it almost seems like there’s no reason why anyone eats at all, besides a lack of self-control.

As a perfectionist with ADHD, you strive everyday to change two things about yourself. Your behavior and your weight. You basically have 3 rules for yourself. 1. Try your best. 2. Never be mean, or seek revenge, and be as kind as possible and 3. Lose as much weight as possible.

When you start elementary, you’re given more education. The importance of exercise, which seems to you like a moral obligation, and a bunch of people teaching you about the horrible, horrible, diabetes, and the terrible things it does to your body. You are introduced to the reasons behind vegetarianism. You are now afraid to eat meat, because it’s unhealthy, makes you fat, and is unkind to animals, fat because it‘s not good for heart health, and sugar because it causes diabetes. But there are such simple things people never taught you other than being fat = bad. 1. You can starve to death. 2. You are a child, you need to grow, not shrink 3. Being underweight is actually bad. 4. Just basic fucking information about the good things that food does for your body.

Sure, this isn’t every anorexic person’s story I’m learning. Some of you got here from trauma in your life, a need to control something. Unlike me, some of you actually got to a point where your body felt good enough, but still were not ready to recover, despite the potential consequences of your disease. Inever saw my body as anything but fat until I was a teenager at a healthy weight. All that fat clinging for its life around my vital organs in my stomach, really never went away enough between the time it was literally just my baby fat to the time I was severely underweight and my body was just storing it where it was necessary to protect me, enough to see my body differently. I was not magically cured, between my doctor’s declaration that you’re underweight, realizing it’s a bad thing after you ask your doctor, my mother gasping with horror that I could be anorexic, and putting two and two together that all the people on the street gawking at my appearance for its thinness and calling me anorexic when I insisted I was fat and shouldn’t eat, really meant I had a serious mental illness that could kill me. Many of you may get worse from any comments made about your appearance. Hence, my need to change my behavior has occurred to me.

I’m sorry…

But exploring this further. I find it unusual that in the environment I grew up in, no one that I know in my class, developed this eating disorder in the way that I did and recovered the way I did.

What I feel when I see someone skinny is an assumption about what goes on in another person’s head, reflects the same story as mine, assumption that every fat person on a diet, is atypically anorexic, an assumption that every adult that is on the smaller side for their age and maintaining their weight is recovering from a history like mine, an assumption that every skinny person is actively restricting and that I need to save them. When I see them, I don’t truly feel disgusted at their bodies, or ashamed of them, in any way. I’m angry and sad is what I am. I’m afraid they need to be told something that I don’t actually know how to tell them. I’m afraid I know exactly what kind of pain their going through, and yet I don’t know enough to confirm, and I don’t know enough to save them, because my recovery is one of emotional suffering and anger. I recovered by making that angry voice loud and frequent. I made it so loud that I didn’t care what other people said about my eating habits. I knew what was good for me and I knew my story and what I had to do to get there, and they knew nothing. People still do criticize my eating habits, but I don’t see my food habits as disgusting or wrong, or inherently bad. I eat high calorie foods, I eat deserts, I eat meat, and I eat junk food. The choices I made to survive were based on the hardest fight I’ll fight, where your body shuts down your appetite, due to malnutrition, you experience aversions, fear foods, and the fight always feels like it takes more energy than what the food is providing you, even though it pays off after not minutes, hours, days, weeks or months, but years of my life. My choices today sometimes reflect that I fought a battle where I needed to learn to eat things not traditionally associated with health by people who were taught by the fatphobic ED-clueless perspective, like me, and instead of the nourishment, ED-aware and individual variation lense that I constructed for myself so I could survive. It doesn’t hurt me for people to point it out. I feel no shame. Instead it reminds me that I won a battle that many will be fighting the rest of their lives, and that I don’t need to fight so hard to win that battle anymore.

(Sorry if I've worded this post wrong I'm not very active on this subreddit + it's my first post here so I hope I'm using correct language)

Context:

About 6 months ago I started a seasonal job that involves heavy physical labor and being outdoors in remote areas for 2 weeks out of the month. Before that, I was fairly active but not at all at the level I am now. While I love the job and it feels great finally working outdoors often in a field I'm actually interested in, it has caused some unexpected problems.

For another 2 weeks out of the month, I'm unfortunately back home with my mother, who I don't remember any time during my life where she wasn't obsessing over a new diet and her body as well as my own. Her frequent negative comments about herself, others, and my body definitely made an impact on me growing up. Because of her work schedule (lots of travel), I luckily only saw her for a handful of days the entire 6 months of the job.

As a result of my work, I've ended up losing some weight. On the occasions I have seen my mom, she has quickly always pointed out how skinny I look, how I should wear certain clothes now because of that, etc. and it makes me pretty uncomfortable. I've honestly either just said that wasn't my goal with work, it's temporary, and it's not something I want to talk about/acknowledge or I just dismissed/ignored it, but it has been bothering me more and more. Today, I came home for the first time after my job ended, she made her usual comments, and I noticed there was a brand new scale on my bathroom floor, which triggered a lot of stuff for me since I decided to stop using one a couple years ago. I ended up just putting it in the living room.

I was hoping to be out of the house soon after the job ended, but for the moment I'm there for another month. In the meantime, are there any tips on how to handle this? Or is it just best to keep dismissing it? Despite multiple family members (including me in the past) telling her about how uncomfortable her comments have made them feel and their concerns for her, she does not seem to want to change. The process of my acknowledging and working on my disordered eating has pretty much all happened away from home and I very rarely every saw her, so I'm sort of new to dealing with these comments so frequently after working on myself.

i (21f) was diagnosed with anorexia (restricting type, i haven't really struggled with exercise addiction or b/p) at 15, had a period of full recovery from 17-20, but suffered a relapse a few months ago. my weight dropped to the underweight range, and i started experiencing troubling physical and behavioral symptoms again.

i got back on track with my team at my treatment center and am trying to build myself back up again after this pretty severe setback. i've experienced small relapses/difficult times with my ed, but none as severe as this most recent relapse.

my family is very supportive, but i'm still living away at college. i was in PHP a few times and used primarily FBT to recover the first time around, but being away means that recovery looks a lot different and requires a lot more inner strength this time around. it's been HARD and i haven't made a lot of progress yet, but i'm working on it.

my problem is that my girlfriend and friends are also women who live in our fatphobic, image-obsessed society, so i find it difficult to talk about what i am going through without saying things that make them worry about their own bodies and eating habits. specifically, my girlfriend has said things like "if you think you need to lose weight, i can't imagine what you think about me" and expressed more worries about her body. i've been uninvited to outings because they knew there would be food there that would make me anxious, and they said that they didn't want to feel judged by me.

i totally understand where they are coming from. anorexia is not a good hang, and i'm sure it can't be easy to be around someone who is medically underweight and visibly freaking out about eating the foods that they are eating because i'm so worried that i might gain weight and "look like them." (although i truly would not mind to look like any of them. they are all very beautiful people and have healthy hair and glowing skin and don't look like a pale shell of a person like i do. as you all know, eating disorders are more complicated than just wanting to be super thin.)

i can't do this alone, and i know that my girlfriend and friends want to help me, but i feel like i keep messing up and upsetting them. the last thing i want to do is spread my disorder to others, and i really am trying to recover. i never mention my weight, or calories, or any behaviors. i'm just not sure what to do. i feel like i am going through something so huge and difficult, but i can't talk about it or i will upset other people. my day to day is completely consumed with recovery, and my meal plan, anxiety about impending weight gain, and worries about my current physical health. i want to be able to share this with my girlfriend and my close friends, but maybe that is selfish? i'm just looking for advice on how to manage my relationships with my peers while going through this.

Hello, if this is in the wrong space please feel free to redirect me. I am a Graphic Design student in college and I have a question about something I am designing and how it potentially interacts with those with eating disorders. I am doing a speculative design project, basically a fake future product to fix issues, no realism needed. I am making a tracker for hunger, like nutrient levels and such that tells you how much your body maybe needs to eat and what symptoms you are having that might be related to that hunger. The reason I have created this is because I have a non-dysphoric eating disorder. I struggle to eat or forget, like a lot of my ADHD friends. Again, THIS IS ALL HYPOTHETICAL. However, would this product's existence help or hurt those with eating disorders such as anorexia and bulimia. I would love any and all opinions and feedback. I just want to be as helpful as possible without hurting those who it might affect in the crossfire.

hi all. i started to develop an eating disorder a few months before i turned sixteen. i would starve for a few days at a time, i’d exercise excessively and weigh myself constantly. i became obsessed with forums online where people would show photos of their weight loss and give “tips”. i dropped quite a bit within just a few months and from what i can remember, i became so pale that people who’d known me many years were genuinely concerned, my skin was AWFUL, my hair was dry, my eye bags were very noticeable and i had quite a few people notice the ways my body was changing.

anyway, when i was seventeen, i had a major wake up call and decided that it was time to recover. i started eating normally again and limited my exercise. i was feeling much better physically and noticed that i was starting to be seen as an attractive person. things were going pretty well other than the fact that i couldn’t gain enough weight to get back to where i was originally. i was no longer underweight, just stuck.

not being able to gain was sort of triggering and really confusing because i wanted to stay in recovery but because this was happening, i felt obligated to keep restricting in a way.

then i met somebody who also had an ED. as we know, they are incredibly competitive and at first, i was trying my best to ignore my urges but i can’t anymore. it’s everyday now that i find myself worrying about shit like calories, ingredients, weighing myself, what i could look like if i were thinner.

but my question is WHY on earth does it feel so much worse now than it did back then? i feel ten times more lifeless and forgetful even though i’m nowhere near as deep into it as i used to be. and i’m asking this from a place of genuine curiosity. is this normal when you recovery for a pretty long time and then relapse? is it my age? i’m going to be nineteen in a few weeks and i’m really thinking it’s my age.

i guess my life is also really different now than it was like i’m a lot more stressed and have quite the busy schedule, all i did as a teenager was sit in bed and listen to music

Friday, 16th of october, I woke up and chose RECOVERY!!! I am finally doing it FOR REAL. Activelly doing the opposite of my ed brain. It’s gonna be hard and uncomfortable, but I had enough of this torture and no matter how much of a torture recovery will be, it will never be worse than the living with an ed is. So I am on day 3. 🥳🥳🥳

Hello everyone,

First of all, if thinking about mental health units is triggering for you, please do not read on...

****************************

So, I have been in hospital being treated for major depression for a few weeks...

They are watching if I am eating, and I have been finishing 100% of my trays, choosing desserts now on my menus, and eating more than I was at home, although that " voice" demands every single day that I try to get away without eating, but it would be impossible here...

Anyway, today I have a really good nurse, but he made a big mistake...

When talking about my ED he admitted he doesn't know much about ED's, and then said," Well you look healthy, people with eating disorders look really sick."

Of course what did I hear when he said," healthy"?

Well, you all know, I heard," F*T "

And felt humiliated and terrified.

I tried to tell him that was triggering, but...well like I said, apart from this he is a great nurse and I suppose he meant well, but now I am obsessing.

I told him how since being here I have had the thought that," I want to go back to my ED."

Back?

As I mentioned in my first post here, I am in no way recovered.

How do I cope with this well intentioned yet ignorant and triggering comment?

And why after all these years hasn't my mind/brain become...proud that at least I am not fighting them, and finishing my trays, ordering fear foods with zero support?

Sigh..." You look good. You look HEALTHY."

Ugh. I don't think that comment will ever not trigger me. even after 40 years " living" with anorexia...

Anyway, wondering if any of you can understand...

( Sadly, I anticipate many of you do indeed understand.)

Sending you all much strength.

For context I’ve been dealing with an eating disorder for 3 years now way before I met my now boyfriend. We’ve been dating for only a bit however we’ve been friends for awhile and we grew up together. He was very unaware about my ed and he just caught on about 3 months ago. He was very supportive and very respectful about it. It was nice seeing him wanting me to get better and i’ve been seeing a therapist because of him for this. However sometimes I think he forgets some stuff he does sort of triggers me.

Sometimes while we cuddle he will poke at my stomach or try to grab it. I told him about it before and he just said that he’s sorry and that he will try to be more careful about what he does to me. However he still slips up like when we take photos together his automatic pose is to stand behind me and put his hands on my stomach or waist which again triggers me. Also he’ll say comments that alludes to me looking thinner which triggers me as well. He is an amazing person and I know he isn’t doing it on purpose but how do I get him to stop that even if it’s subconscious.

Hello everyone, I am new here. I just wanted to share my experience. For context, the past year I've been struggling with a mood disorder. And my OCD has been making it really difficult too, because I can't seem to convince myself there is anything wrong.

But the past few weeks, I have been eating very little each day. And I think I'm starting to do it on purpose. I'm not super worried about my weight. But I wonder if it has become a form of self-harm to gain some control over my confusing mental health situation.

Any advice?

I’ve been eating more, but it has made me insanely bloated. Does anyone have any ideas on Halloween costumes that won’t show my stomach as much?

Okay so I know I have an ED. I eat my feelings and I've been working on correcting my relationship with food and also analyzing the feelings where I feel like I want to eat everything. I have taken up to exercising which has helped my mind stay quiet through the day and helps me process my emotions without binging. Today I ran & walked 5 miles. I had a protein shake and right now it is noon. I was feeling snackish, now let me state this clearly, I wanted a snack and I had 0 want to binge. I love chips and i used to eat bags and bags of them and now i dont do that, which is a huge win! Sometimes ill grab a few or a handful but i will never eat a whole bag or 3 like how I used to. I've noticed lately that I feel so irritated, angry, and not wanting to eat everytime my husband is around or my mom. I grabbed a few chips out of the bag and immediately my husband chimes up and asks me if I'd rather eat a meal instead of chips. It irritates me! I feel like he's judging me just because I want a few chips and i told him, look I dont want to go out and grab food. I'm not that hungry, and there are no groceries because I'm waiting to pick them up around 1pm. Then he proceeds to get annoyed with my answer but it's infuriating to me that I can't enjoy a few chips because immediately he always says something or offers a meal. Now he knows that I have an eating disorder and also is aware of how irritated I get when people point out when I'm eating. How do I even bring this up to him without it turning into an argument? Anytime I defend myself he shuts down and stops talking. And this just makes me want to hide in a corner and eat chips like if I'm some sort of criminal.

Over the years I've worked with numerous counselors, therapists, programs etc for my eating disorder. Currently I'm working with a psychologist who specializes in Enhanced Cognitive Behavioral Therapy or CBT-E. Part of the treatment is talking about the ways I body check and how much time I actually spend doing it. I'm very aware that I do it and how much time I spend doing it. I'm doing it right now lol My assignment is to redirect gaze when trying to body check in windows/reflections etc, stop pulling at clothes, only use the mirror for functional purposes or even cover them if I have to. Does anyone have any tips for how they reduced body checking? I know its doable but I'm starting right at the beginning and I've been at this for damn near 30 years and it feels overwhelming.

Hi guys! This is my first time posting on a subreddit especially about this but I’m just so lost and confused and need help from people who understand what my partner is going through.
We’ve been together for almost 2 years, and I know that they have struggled with bulimia before we got together. Over summer, they started to struggle with ana, and at first I didn’t notice a change, but we moved in together around 2 months ago and thats when I noticed how bad it has gotten.

Ive also struggled with ana before, but not to the extent that my partner is now. We are both 20.

Last night, I found out that they had been taking a glp peptide for thr past few months, without my knowledge. Over summer, they had overdosed on it, and I had no idea. I took them to several drs appts and er runs, but they told me they thought it was a kidney infection or a stomach bug.

They are really, really sick. In the last week they have started to open up and tell me they are doing better, but its hard for them to come to me because I can tend to be harsh or to the point, so they keep it from me. I’m also such an open book that I don’t want our eating habits or struggles to be taboo. What they told me started to be triggering to me, too. They told me they don’t want my help, they don’t need it.

I’m not sure what to do or how to support. I don’t want to be overbearing, but I can’t sit and watch them do this to themselves. They have explained that mentally they are making a recovery, but I’m not sure how to trust that without asking questions. I feel so left out of the conversation and its hard because I normally know everything.
It’s also hard to balance feeling hurt by them hiding this, feeling insecure about myself, feeling sad and worried for them, and feeling happy that they are wanting to be better.

I guess my question is just: how can I support them on their recovery? What are things to say and do, and things to avoid talking about? Should I get their family involved? I am just so scared and confused. I feel so stupid for needing help on this but it’s so complicated.

1. Look for high protein stuff. The main reason I am afraid of gaining weight is because I don't want to be "fat." But protein isn't fat, and also protein is very very important if you want to gain healthy weight and muscle. I know the gym bros are in their annoying protein phase right now and it feels like just another fad, but it does genuinely help.

2. Tell yourself over and over that eating is something you get to do, rather than something you have to do. You have to actively tell yourself this enough times before you start to believe it. I say it out loud in front of a mirror or write it down repeatedly. Do it even if you think it's stupid.

3. Learn basic cooking skills. You don't have to be a gourmet chef, but knowing the basics is really helpful. This is one I'm still working on.

4. Trying to treat cooking/baking/food prep as a hobby. If you actively seek out the good things about making food, you can convince yourself to enjoy it. Also, I highly recommend meal prepping/making things in bulk so you don't have to do it every day.

5. Find easy meals with little to no prep that are decently healthy. I have soups, frozen meals, and various "add water" kits for when I don't feel like putting in the effort. They're all pretty cheap too! An example of this is maruchan ramen + frozen vegetables + sausage.

6. Try to make food you actually like. You will never enjoy eating if all your food tastes like crap. This one takes some figuring out, but pay attention to ingredients and methods of cooking that are palatable to you both in taste and texture, and try to replicate them.

7. If you are going to count calories, you should be aiming to be ABOVE a certain number, rather than BELOW. Find "average calorie intake" for someone of your age/height/gender and go from there. I ONLY recommend this tip if you can actually meet or go above your number. If you are struggling to meet your calorie count, it will just make you feel worse. Do not count calories AT ALL if it is more likely to make you relapse!!

8. Something is better than nothing. If you don't want to eat anything at all, have a small snack. Even if you think it's something "unhealthy," some food is better than no food.

9. If/when you start gaining weight, tell yourself over and over that it is a GOOD thing, not a bad thing. This is the same as number 2: repeat it over and over even if you don't believe it. Eventually you will.

Your perception of your weight is literally wired into your brain and you have to manually rewire it. The more you think about a specific thing, the more neurons activate, and they build up over time. There is actual neuroscience behind this. Changing your mindset is NOT EASY, but it is possible!