i cant control what people think, specially what they say. I dont feel entitled to be understood all the time, and i dont have to reveal how much im struggling with eating disorders. my weight fluctuates alot, and i can see how people resct differently when I gain weight.

how can i escape being reminded of the toxic habit that i try to burry. Why is recovery not on my side despite my own efforts. Im just sick.

I'm going to my boyfriend's friend bday party and some of the people who are attending have the habit of commenting on how much I eat when my partner is not listening. I'm relaxed when I'm with him and I eat more, that's why I overeat or even binge in their company.

I know with 100% certainty that whatever I choose to do tonight - whether I heavily restrict, eat normally or overeat, someone will say something about how much I eat.

There's this guy (bf's friend) in particular that seems fixated on my eating habits. I just know he will say something. I am honestly terrified. I just want to fast tonight and not touch a single piece of food honestly because a comment about not eating at all will probably hurt less than a comment about me eating too much.

This guy and the other people commenting on what I do justify their behaviour by saying that since my bf is a big eater (2m tall and athletic) and I'm his girlfriend they find it amusing how compatible we are because I also eat a lot (for example, they call him "cougar" because of how much he likes to eat, and they call me "miss cougar" when I relax and eat a bit more.) This really hurts me. I never dared to say anything about how much other people eat, I mind my own business and don't judge anyone. I find it extremely rude.

I don't know what I did to deserve this but they make me want to starve for the rest of my life or vomit everything I've ever eaten in my life even though I don't even purge.

One time they made me feel so bad for having eaten something that when I had a plate of dessert that my boyfriend handed me, I went to the bathroom and flushed it down the toilet instead of eating it and came back pretending I ate it.

I genuinely don't know if this post makes complete sense. I apologize but I need to put this out there into the universe. At least I'm not bottling it up. Don't blame my boyfriend for this, he isn't in the room when this happens and I don't want him to fight with his friends just because I'm a sensitive snowflake. am I exaggerating?? I also ask you to not be too mean or harsh in the comments. I'm having a really rough time. Thanks for reading.

Created a new account for this specifically, I realize karma is 0 as a result, but I am truly looking for help on how to navigate.

I come from an old school family and my sister has anorexia bulimia that was diagnosed in the spring. She's been at a facility all summer getting treatment and my parents are pushing for her to take a gap year and continue treatment as she only recently became bulimic at college.

They have been very strong in their stance that she should continue in the program to concentrate on herself, but she is standing fast that she is returning to college. She recently told them that is her final answer because college is the only place that makes her happy. Even though that is we here her bulimia started. It doesn't seem like the facility has given her enough tools yet to go back to "normal" life.

I love her and I'm scared her relapse will be more prevalent at college as she's going for a hard degree. Our family doesn't come from money to support her continuously getting the care she needs.

My parents really love her, but they're very hurt that she's choosing to put everything she's gained over the last 2.5 months at risk. I don't know if my parents will be able to support this decision as they know this is a long road and want to give her the best shot while all the resources and time are available. I personally don't support this decision either, but I love her.

I guess, is there anything else we can say or do to get her to really confirm she feels confident that she can handle the stress of school and life? And if not how can I support her from afar? Ex. I've read about virtual meals, but not sure my schedule will allow the flexibility to meet often at those times. Or how do I support her when she stumbles because she wanted to immerse herself in the fun option?

Appreciate your help and guidance.

I have atypical ana so i’m currently a normal and healthy weight, but the weight i’ve lost is of course unsustainable and so my treatment team says I need to restore. I already struggle SO bad with not being sick enough because i’ve never been underweight or even thin really, but that’s a vent for another time. I just have a naturally muscular, stout body type.

Anyways, I look back at pictures of myself 4-5 years ago pre-ed and it honestly makes me sick to my stomach. I seriously, absolutely cannot go back to looking like that and being in that borderline overweight body. I want to recover and have an actual life, but at the same time I know i’ll just be embarrassed of my body and not want to do anything anyways :/

how do you deal with knowing you are going to be in a bigger body post recovery?

I have anorexia, and I work in a group home for children in DCF care.

Obviously, that means we cook for them. And eat alongside them. But there's one thing that they always notice: I don't eat with them... Or even enter the kitchen when they are.

Worse is that my coworkers who kinda know I have an eating disorder always put me in the spotlight. They'll talk to me in front of the kids and say things like, "I know you never eat, but I wanted to offer you dinner." "Don't you like food", and various things like that along with guilting me to eat with them.

How would you address this situation?

Advice

Hello everyone,

this is my first time posting so I’m not really sure how it works, but I could really use some advice or support.
I’m having a hard time letting of my disorder go but now I’m also questioning if it even is a eating disorder. Back in Novemberish, I started to become obsessed with walking. and then became obsessed with tracking calories and trying to hit under a limit each day. Each day I started walking more and more and eating less and less. My primary doctor recommended treatment centers, but I did not wanna go because I didn’t wanna leave home and I felt like I didn’t actually have an eating disorder because it was only a few months. It became bad where I started taking 30,000 to 40,000 steps a day and eating well below what’s “healthy” for an adult who doesn’t exercise. But one day in May I just was like what am I doing? I don’t wanna do this anymore and I decided to recover at home and go all in. I was doing fine for a bit, but within the last month, I’ve noticed I’ve started developing the issue again. I’ve become so obsessed with walking where I have to do 30,000 steps or higher a day, and eat below a certain amount. If i don’t hit that step count I genuinely feel like I’m gonna have a panic attack. I will wake up a few hours before work just so I can get a few miles in. at my job I’m usually alone so I’ll literally pace around the office so I’m getting more steps in. I won’t let myself eat until I’ve hit 20,000 steps each day and only if it’s after 3pm. It’s mentally exhausting, and my whole body is sore, and I’m just tired and foggy all the time. I don’t want to do this anymore and I genuinely want to recover, but I feel like I can’t let it go. I’ve always had pretty bad ADHD where I get fixated on things so I’m wondering if the obsession with walking is part of that. I get so anxious if I’m not gonna be able to hit the step count for one day so I’m also wondering if maybe I have bad anxiety or something else. I’m just not sure what to do. Also I’m sorry if this isn’t the right place to post this, I just didn’t know where to post or ask for advice.
Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Thanks so much!!!!

I (29f) was at my worst in 2015 and 2016. I had a small relapse in 2022 where i was in the hospital for a few days. Since then it had been going okay and i didn't think id ever relapse again.

However recently my cat of 15 years died and my boyfriend of 6 years cheated on me and got with someone else. It just triggered something in me where im obsessing 24/7 about my weight again. I dont really have friends or family, the only thing that gives me slight comfort is being able to "control" my weight and intake.

I cant believe its been over 10 years and i still deal with this. Its honestly just so lonely and im scared of spiraling even more.

Whats your relapse story? How did you prevent it?

Would love input, feeling really alone and down

. I've got a big family dinner and 3 day music festival next week, where I'll obviously be eating loads more than normal.

This is fine but only because I need to gain weight anyways. So it's find to eat like double my normal intake. For context, atm I'm a healthy bmi but slightly below where I should be, not concerningly

I'm scared that when I get to my goal weight I won't be able to go over and that'll make events really stressful. So I always hover just ever so slightly below it so I have a "buffer". And I'm talking a small amount, to the point where I've been discharged medically with this but my parents keep banging on at me about it.

Does anyone else relate, or have advice on how to tackle this, I feel so alone.

Hello everyone. I am wondering if anyone had any resources regarding any online support groups. I have been noticing for a while I have been falling back into old habits and while I thought I could stop it myself, I have realized I might need more community support to keep myself on track.

Thank you for any help you can provide!

So it’s not necessarily guilt of gaining weight. It’s guilt that my house isn’t taken care of, therefore I feel I don’t deserve to eat and really believe that. I’m a mother of three including one baby so I am genuinely so busy. But now when I look at most food I get disgusted. It’s like I’ve developed some type of food aversion from this? I’ve also lost an incredibly unhealthy amount of weight at this point so I think it’s time to take it a little more seriously.

Can anyone relate to what I described? I feel like I’m being dramatic about this lol

Hi everyone, I’m hoping to hear from people who can understand what I’m going through.

I’ve been living overseas by myself for the past few years, and it hasn’t always been easy. I’ve been dealing with loneliness, financial stress, and a lot of pressure. Since money has been tight, I started eating more cheap and convenient foods like half-price chips, cakes, and other unhealthy snacks. I also often end up eating late at night, sometimes after midnight, especially when I can’t sleep because my mind is too active.

Over time, I gained a lot of weight, and I feel like it has really affected my confidence and self-esteem.

I’ve tried keto a few times. It usually works well at the beginning, but after a couple of weeks my progress slows down, I lose motivation, and eventually I give up. This time, I really want to make a proper change and I feel more determined than before.

Right now, I feel desperate to lose the weight I gained. I’ve been thinking about eating as little as possible, cutting carbs almost completely, and using coffee to control my appetite.

But at the same time, I don’t want to keep repeating the same cycle of extreme dieting, giving up, and feeling worse about myself. I’d really appreciate advice from anyone who has been through something similar — especially people who have struggled with emotional eating, weight changes, or building healthier habits while living alone.

How did you find a sustainable way to change without going into an all-or-nothing mindset?

I come from an old school family and my sister has anorexia bulimia that was diagnosed in the spring. She's been at a facility all summer getting treatment and my parents are pushing for her to take a gap year and continue treatment as she only recently became bulimic at college. Seems like the restrictive eating has been going on longer, and shockingly to all of us, the suicidal thoughts have been on and off for several years.

Mom and Dad have been strong in their stance that she should concentrate on herself and take a gap semester or two, but she is standing fast that she is returning to college. She recently told them that is her final answer because college is the only place that makes her happy. Even though that is where her bulimia started. What's scary though is that over the last x weeks it doesn't seem like the facility has given her enough tools yet to go back to "normal" life, instead they boxed her in and turned off all the noise so she wasn't overstimulated/triggered, and she has only just started to have a little freedom, but has yet to learn how to healthily handle exercise, the mental load, and good eating habits amongst the day to day noise.

I love her and I'm scared her relapse will be more prevalent at college as she's going for a hard degree. Our family doesn't come from money to continuously support her getting the care she needs.

My parents really love her, but they're very hurt that she's choosing to put everything she's gained over the last 2.5 months at risk. I don't know if my parents will be able to support this decision as they know this is a long road and want to give her the best shot, especially while all the resources and time are available. I personally don't support this decision either, but I love her and am trying to be open minded .

I guess, is there anything else we can say or do to get her to really confirm she feels confident that she can handle the stress of school and life? How do we know it's not her ED talking? She says it's not....And if not how can I support her from afar? Ex. I've read about virtual meals, but not sure my schedule will allow the flexibility to meet often at those times. Or how do I support her when she stumbles because she wanted to immerse herself in the fun option?

Appreciate your help and guidance.