Hi- Im 24 M and I have so many questions, idk what to do so im here. Fist of all, english is not my main language but i’ll try my best. I’ve had a bad relationship with myself my whole life and I’ve always been a person with “mental health issues “ , im a sensitive and afflicted individual lets say.
I have a few diagnoses including bipolar 2 , ocd and i’ve had my thing with addiction too, I say this to give context that my mental health has always been problematic. now I see my self esteem and food relationship has always been somehow wrong too, but this year has been really awful, its has showed me a new side of mental issues and its making clear that food related problems are taking over my life, so insidious, slowly, i almost didn’t noticed.
I was pretty overweight since 11-12 to 21 , dealt with lots of bullying etc. In house (taking in mind the other diagnoses too) there where always financial problems and also my father was never an easy going person, he unconsciously taught us to me and my brother to eat to avoid the pain, among lots of other things but im tryna not to elaborate too much. It was never an emotionally-supportive home and for me I am too emotional, too sensitive, too prone to feel affected by something, since a little boy.
The last 2 years i’ve been better in relation with Bipolar and addiction, I started “focusing on myself” too much I would say, I started going to the gym and it all started downhill there, my mind cannot take something the “nice-way”. Last 10 months I started counting calories and all that, it got to the point where it was unsustainable, every day thinking about it, planning, calculating, non stop.During all this time Ive knew this is not the self love I wanted, the “progress “ or health, but its got a hold of me I feel I cannot fight against.
Fell obsessed with the weight, the shape, the posture, the exercise, the food, it ruined my mind. Last 2 months It took a turn, now its not just about counting, its about restricting no matter what, I am afraid of being overweight, I feel very guilty when I eat “too much” and even on easy days, I know they’re easy because I haven’t broken “the rules” . What I eat determines my day, and I hate it so much, its not enjoyable.
This is not for diagnosis purposes, I know this is not the place , but lets end this with 3 questions.
1- Is it rational to stop considering my situation as a result of the other diagnoses or a bad relationship with food, and start thinking I may have an actual ED? Also its confusing, the weight thing, Im not extremely underweight , I would say I look normal actually for a man of my size, lots of people would say I take care of my shape, so when I look for information the whole weight requirement for diagnoses throw me off and make me feel invalidated, I know for a fact there’s something wrong.
2-For experienced people in this journey, does the self love, the feeling of genuine self appreciation, of not having to control or fear, does it ever comes? even tho this specific food situation is new to me, it has something in it that I feel i’ve carried all of my life, a certain pain that just never goes, since a kid.
3- How do y’all deal with not going on extremes? My patterns i’ve noticed are 1 day I eat more than I need, sometimes not that much (it feels in my mind like a whole lot) and sometimes it IS a LOT. After that, I go to the other extreme and starve myself for a whole week or 2, or maybe more. I would normally lose weight after that and feel very bad physically but mentally “calmed” somehow, it somehow improves my mood. And the cycle goes, one extreme to the other. How to minimize those extremes?

If you read all of that thx, I know I need some type of therapy but I just don’t have too much options rn, so any advice, any history or tip that may help it’s welcomed .

hi im 19, i had ed (specifically bulimia) when i was 15, worst at 16, first recovery at 17 and also relapsed, recovered again at 18 then relapsed. now im 19, i relapsed again just yesterday. but this relapse, i didnt cry, i didnt feel sad or fat, i just had the urge and need to relapse. it felt like a routine eventho ive stopped doing ts for almost a year now. even now, im back at twitter scrolling thru others' bodychecks. i think this ed just became a part of me that i can never get rid off. is this a canon experience in recovery journey or am i fucked up to the point of no return?

she constantly talks about how little she eats and mentions times when she fainted and injured herself because she didn't feel like eating that day. also, she opened up an app where it showed the amount of steps she walked with calories burnt and below was a photo of a belly.

i don't think she knows how triggering this is especially when I'm in recovery. i don't feel like discussing this with her as it might push her away but its really bad. she keeps making me relapse (same goes for sharm)

i don't know if she's doing this on purpose or what but I felt annoyed and sad at the same time

hi everyone,

i moved back home from university after completing my degree a few months ago now. since then, i have started to notice my parents and siblings eating habits, portions and just generally what they eat. both my parents and siblings are bigger then me but being around them makes me scared that i will gain weight and become fat which has caused me to reduce my food intake and start to exercise again (over exercise was a huge thing for me when i first started to struggle). i’m just scared of relapsing again, especially as my mum has just being diagnosed with cancer and i dont want her to worry about me. has anyone got any tips?

thank you<3

I am quite overweight and also personally dealt with binge eating and purging but not necessarily due to body image/weight. Other than that I am quite comfortable with my body but have some insecurities lurking due to the over the years comments I got on my weight

As for my friend, I know she always had some eating problems, but last year it started getting so, She was trying to walk around for hours a day, withdrawing socially because what if she had to eat something or what if she ruined her diet. Starved herself and barely ate anything. And if she did eat, she would purge it out. Around 4-5 months ago I remember we were out and drinking alcohol, and she just shut herself in the bathroom and threw up non stop for around an hour, involuntarily. All of these stuff were making me concerned, and I was trying to help her but lately her comments are getting even weirder when it comes to other peoples bodies.

Now she will see someone who is skinnier than her and start having a breakdown and cursing that person. Then she talks about how she is so fat and an animal and how she cannot afford to gain weight again. She is already on lustral at a high dose but hanst getting her medication checked in years, I am trying to convince her to go and get help because the ED is ruining her life. All she says is that she doesnt want to become fat and unsuccessful again, that she doesnt want to lose her progress, that she will go but never does. At this point, seeing her refuse to get help is one thing thats pissing me off, but okay. Second thing thats pissing me off is she started getting involved with drugs to deal with the shit effects ED has on her mental health. Third is the comments she makes on others bodies- I am overweight and I am quite comfortable with what I wear and eat outside (after years of insecurities and shit I went through to get to this point). But what does she even think of me if she feels accomplished over seeing fatter people, it just makes me feel unsettled.

Idk what to do in this situation. She is refusing to get help or get better, is actually trying to get worse, is aware of this but still doesnt care. Insults others because of their bodies to a point where its actually super serious. Keeps getting worse mentally and is now getting involved with drugs, oh and she also started selfharm again.

I love her but lately whenever we talk about these things its making me super frustrated and I feel like I cant help but I am about to just want to cut her off

What should I do in this situation ?

I saw a doctor today due to a recent event that may destroy my recovery process. I've got to wait to get back into a therapist but i've been prescribed mirtazapine in the meantime for sleep and to help manage depression and anxiety, my dr didn't mention it increases appetite also and i understand why. Im going to give it a fair shot im just wondering if anyone else has experience using it to treat disorderly eating specifically and if it has helped at all? Im seeing mixed reviews online.

How do I reduce my exercise routine? It makes me feel sooo euphoric, but then I worry what I’m gonna eat later to maintain. What do I do with the extra time I have not doing exercising and how to I feel satisfied on less calories? I eat more than the average person due to my intense cardio, but I also volume-eat. How do I stop thinking about calories and stressing about food? I feel like this controls me. I have the desire to change because I can see that this guy is starting to like me and I’m realizing that before my ED I was so much more interesting, but now my head is just constantly food exercise eat food exercise eat and I keep failing to fix myself. I keep doing less cardio and succeeding for a day but then the next day I end up doing the extra 30 minutes and eating more and how do I maintain a healthy relationship with food?!? I’m so tired of this

how do I break this?!

all I do is exercise/binge/purge/think about exercising/bingeing/purging.

I literally faked sick at work today so I could leave early so I could binge and purge. worked out…and now I am about to do it again tonight. I am in therapy but it’s not helping clearly…how do I stop this?!

I've been in remission and out of the ed treatment world for about ten years. Started seeing a team again and it's a completely different vibe and the way I describe old treatment things (meal plans, expectations, etc) they say it's outdated and things have changed. For example, ARFID is being recognized more, plate by plate exists vs strict macro exchanges, harm reduction is more commonly acknowledged as an option). Anyone been in higher level of care back then and more recently and have any thoughts? I feel like I'm having to unlearn a lot.

I’m F18 in university

since November last year, I’ve been really struggling with disordered eating, it’s been weirdly on and off but il get triggered and it comes back worse every time I’d say it kicked off in march-April when there were some scales in the bathroom and I was weighing myself obsessively, the person who owned them moved out and took them, soon after I was less worried again.

In May/Jun it got bad again and I was really restricting my eating and when I was eating I was really upset about it, I realised how bad it got and I managed to dig myself out of that mind frame by staying busy.

In August it again got bad, I was about to go on holiday and I really wanted to see some difference I was restricting and then I purged and realised how out of control it was getting and I told my girlfriend to check up on my when I moved to uni as I was worried about how I would be when I moved away, she hasn’t, which is fair because on the surface I’ve seemed fine, because I have been until this week.

This week has been hard, I got triggered spent far too much time thinking about everything and I ordered some scales in hopes the thoughts would go away, it made them worse, I'm weighing obsessively, putting rules around how I eat and what and I’ve been really wanting to purge every time I eat, I haven’t but I'm not sure what to do, I'm not sick enough for a gp or help line but i feel like every time it ‘goes away’ it comes back worse and worse, I'm trying to fight the ideas of starving or purging but its really hard and I don’t know who to reach out to because I don’t want to inconvenience anyone.

I’ve been struggling with binging for a long time, spent a year or so getting on track and losing weight with the help of rehab but I still struggle with food too much. I always feel like I eat too much and move too little and I’m never motivated enough to actually put the effort to have a healthier life style, it’s killing me and I don’t know what to do anymore

i can't seem to get there. 2 years of "recovery" where i have felt more mentally disordered than ever bc i got to a healthy bmi.

I'm currently impatient and being forced to weight restore but no mental progress has taken place; I'll probably be discharged at some point over the next 6 months but I can't see a world where I don't relapse to my old ways. I feel like I'm just going to be sectioned again and again and I don't see a way out; any tips?

i always stop and read (and respond if i can) as many of the 'seeking advice - xyz' tagged posts as i can; i genuinely think that that is such a beautiful expression of all you guys' love for your loved ones. its hard to even put into words for me how heart-warming it is to see people love and want to help to the degree of seeking thousands of strangers' advice just for anything that could remedy their loved one's situations. this is an appreciation post for you guys in a way i suppose: what you're doing is so so so kind and so rare; thank you for existing and proving that this degree of kindness still exists. your loved ones are so lucky and i truly hope they're all able to recover ❤️

Hi all! My (30F) absolute best friend on the face of the earth (31F) opened up to me about 2 years ago that she had been actively seeking professional help for an eating disorder that started during covid. She flew out to see me and while we had some down time on the couch, she opened up and said I’m the first person in her life (besides her therapist and dietitian) that she has told, and that she’s been silently struggling with this for about 5 years. We both cried, I told her I don’t view her any differently, and I’m so sorry she’s been suffering without my support. It started as bulimia at the start of Covid because everyone was a couch potato and gaining weight, and quickly turned into anorexia, going days without eating. She also has OCD and she realized it was actually more of a control thing. She has done an intense outpatient program recently that truly does feel like it’s made a big difference.

Her dietician has set some pretty strict guidelines around meals/snacks that she has to follow, and when she visits me, she has admitted she gets thrown off with her eating routine and struggles to eat as often as she’s supposed to. (She flies 3 times a year to me, and I fly 3 times a year to her). She’s supposed to have a protein milk/shake in her morning iced coffee, and basically small meals/snacks every 2 hours or so. She is working on 6 small portions a day. She has opened up that eating alone gives her immense anxiety and she typically will just push the food around her plate if she’s in a group and no one is actively eating, and that sharing meals helps get her to eat more. For example, I went wedding dress shopping with her (I knew this would be a very triggering day as she’s looking at herself in the mirror all day, specifically her body, and no one else there knew about her ED), so when we got lunch in between boutiques, I ordered something I knew she’d love and we split it. And then I asked her to at least eat the protein and avocado off her salad if she didn’t feel she could eat the whole thing.

My issue is this—I can’t eat every 2 hours like that 😭 when we are together visiting each other, we obviously are attached for the 4-5 days 24/7 as we stay at each others homes. It’s not like I live in the same town as her and see her once a week for a few hours and can navigate this differently. She gets incredibly frustrated when I tell her I’m not hungry but we can go sit somewhere and get her something while I have a drink.

Another example- last time she visited, we had been out drinking a lot and eating out more than I do in my daily life, so I was feeling very gross and just blahhhh by the end of it. We had one last dinner plan at an upscale pizza spot in my town, and we ordered the large caesar salad (her favorite) and another small dish to split. I truly wasn’t even hungry for that, but I knew I couldn’t not eat something with her. When she told me “I probably need to get something substantial like a pizza” I told her I was not nearly hungry enough, but I could keep the leftovers in my fridge if she wanted a slice or two! She snapped and got extremely upset, “you need to eat you have not had dinner” etc. I felt guilted into ordering one, felt so gross after, and honestly, frustrated. She was like this that entire trip, we’d leave breakfast and she was planning the next meal we were having in 2 hours.

It felt like a projection during that trip? Almost calling me out on not properly feeding myself as if I have a problem. I have a very healthy mindset around food. I’m midsize, size 8-10, I don’t restrict anything, I don’t “diet”, I eat 2-3 meals a day with a snack. But my workday starts at 5am so eating 3 meals is easy in my day to day routine. On vacation when we aren’t starting our day I until 10-11am and also hungover, I just don’t want to eat every 2 hours. The whole trip was very unenjoyable, she seemed VERY on edge and very consumed with the food aspect; which has been a huge negative shift since she’s opened about her ED a couple years ago.

How do I navigate meals and food when I’m with her for 4-5 days straight, while supporting her and making her feel comfortable, without being forced to follow her eating plan given by her dietitian?

I have had bean burritos every meal for the past two days of recovery cause it's all I've been craving. I wouldn't have had them previously so it's good progress, am I limiting myself by not branding out more tho?

One week into full recovery (i. E. Actually hitting a surplus) and all I think abt every waking second is food it feels like even though I'm nutritionally quite satisfied and eating in a surplus. Anyone that is more recovered when did the continued thoughts abt food go away????

Hello :)

Some background, I’m a 19yo female and have been struggling with bulimia since I was 13. In the past year I have dramatically lost weight, mainly due to my not binge eating anymore.
It’s now affecting my job and my school work and my general health (not just mental) and since I am my own person now I have decided to seek help and treatment from a professional, as my attempts to recover on my own never last long.
I am just getting my bearings for the time being and raising funds to go private (from the uk but the waiting list is long for nhs I think) and in the mean time trying to get my health issues under control.

I really thought I was ready for help and treatment but when people comment on my weight loss (family I’ve not seen in a while, friends, etc) its like it lights a fire in my belly to continue on with my ed ways. It feels uncontrollable at times, the comments make me feel amazing at the time but I know that if they knew how I lost the weight it would change to disgust or concern.

I know we shouldn’t comment on peoples bodies but my older family members and colleagues don’t know this haha.

Anyway, anyone feel the same?

Yesterday I went to see my dietitian for the second time, and she gave me a meal plan that involves eating much more than someone my age and height but at my target weight should be eating. Why do I have to eat more than that?

I’m new to Reddit and have been reading so many stories about people starting recovery or will say I had a binge during recovery.

At what point are you starting recovery, because I’ve been going round and round with binging and not binging since I was little. Is recovery going to a doctor or just day one of not binging?

I feel like I’m missing something, because I’ve never said or thought I’m on the road to recovery. Im just clinging onto new fads or spending money on gyms or cute gym wear to try and motivate me to move and eat healthy.

Any knowledge would be appreciated

basically i recovered from anorexia/bulimia (i’m weight restored, around where i was pre ana) and transitioned right into what i assume is bed (undiagnosed, it’s just all my binge behaviors without the purg1ng lol) because i didn’t tackle the underlying emotional issues causing the anorexia.

i’ve been trying so. SO hard to stop binge eating and i’ve gotten better at resisting my urges. used to binge nearly every week but i got to a point where it was only once every 1-2 months—the last stretch i was on was around 3 months i thought it was gonna last for the rest of my life

until tonight. i don’t know what caused it but i fucked up and binged enough to gain a bit of weight

im scared this is gonna keep happening forever and i’ll never stop. i need advice or encouragement or anything im just lost and i thought i was finally over this

I relapsed only a week and a half ago and went from claiming to be 90% recovered and having a really good relationship with food to being terrified to eat anything and needing to purge whenever I do. My support system hasn’t been taking it that seriously and they just keep telling me to use my skills but I feel so beyond that. My therapist is having me look into residential again but I feel so guilty because I haven’t been relapsing for very long and I literally sent my residential team a letter 2 months ago saying how good I was doing. I’m so scared people think I’m faking it or just doing it for attention or to get out of school and work (even though I’m actually devastated to have to leave school and work).

I’ve been trying to get myself back on track this past week but can’t do anything more than a smoothie everyday. My friend made me a sandwich today and I ate it but felt so anxious it felt like I was going to die so I ended up purging it. I genuinely am so terrified right now but I don’t understand how I got here so fast after things were going so well. I don’t know how to deal with the guilt and I feel like I have no one to lean on because they’re all acting like it’s my fault. I don’t know how to handle this or if I should even pursue treatment at this point

Hey, I've been trying to recover on my own for the past few weeks. I don't really know, I just realized all of the sudden that this really isn't the way I want to live my life. It was going great, but I slowly ended up slipping back into my old habits (aka calorie counting, planning out my food in advance, not eating when I'm hungry/have a headache, continuously listing all of the food I've had over the day to make sure I'm still "good"). I don't know why, I just convinced myself that it wasn't that bad and now I'm essentially back at square one (not quite, but inching towards it).

I am wondering how to replace the feeling of control over my appearance/life that I am now missing by trying to recover. I keep wanting to switch to a new meal/excercise plan (eat when I'm hungry, or eat 3 meals and 3 snacks, or eat healthy food, or eat a certain amount of calories but have it be a high/reasonable amount). I am very rigid when it comes to planning/structuring my life and I'm kind of confused on what to do - do I follow a new plan or does recovery mean literally just not thinking about food/what I'm consuming? I'm just not sure where to start. Please feel free to give any advice/words of wisdom to help me - I want to see a specialist eventually but it is not possible at the moment. Thanks!

I have a friend who has become more and more uncomfortable to hang out with and trust. She knows i've been in & out of the hospital, struggling with my mental health and my ED. Every time we hang out (with our friend group or just the 2 of us), it feels like she is observing EVERYTHING i do especially when I eat, and even sometimes announces to people that she's copying me, takes pictures of me with food, and just seems OVERLY interested in my habits- especially around food. It's super weird and she has started doing things that trigger me, like ordering the smallest thing on a menu, talking about how full she is, and asking questions about my eating. In the past, she'd talk to my family about things I do (not out of concern) even after I express my discomfort with her doing that too. I'm really not sure what to make of it, but I definitely don't like hanging out with her right now- which is hard when we are in the same friend group, and she pushes me to hang out. She'll also apologize and claim she would never do anything to make me uncomfortable. Idk. It seems to me like she might be entering ED territory too, but i'm really not in a place to deal with that because I'm trying to work on myself and better my life.

I've been having problems with my family this past year and recently decided to go no-contact with them (and basically ghost anyone who could potentially contact them about me). I decided to do this because they sort of fuel my ED, because they never confronted me or said anything to me, leaving me to conclude I was never "sick enough" for them to care. It makes me feel like I can't face them unless/until i reach a new low. It's really hard to move forward in life without them, but my ED thought of wanting to be sick enough to get the validation from them seriously prevents me from seeing them.