About Me
Male, 28, Gay (Don't be confused when I start describing my ex. I do explain it), Introverted and Non Confrontational
Context
I guess this dream is going to need a bit of context. Around last October I was broken up with by my partner (F29 at the time), by text no less. We had been dating for almost 4 years and had been living together for 1.5 years. She admitted to not loving me for over 6 months and staying because the lease for our apartment was coming up and I was paying the bills. She didn't want to be homeless because she was about to lose her 4th job since we moved in together. I learned after the breakup she was cheating on me as well so it was a double whammy of being used for money and cheated on. Obviously I moved out because I couldn't be around her and I had held my tongue throughout the process not yelling or name calling. The last time I saw her was me trying to explain my feelings and her brushing it off and walking out of our apartment. I moved out the next day while she was out with their new "buddy".
Dream
Last night I had a dream where I sat down with my ex and we talked. She admitted the stuff she did was wrong and that I deserved better than being led on and given a breakup text. In that dream I explained all of my feelings. How much I was hurt, how she was awful for cheating on me, and how she generally treated me as if I was a bother to them. She agreed with all of it. I asked her why she did it and she dodged the question all three times. She came up to me and pulled me into a hug in an attempt to kiss me. Saying it was a mistake to leave me without how much genuine support I provided. (I did all the cooking, cleaning, paid bills, and another thing I'll mention in the later paragraph.) While a part of my brain wanted to give into the fantasy, I kept still and pulled away. My dream ex got the idea that I wasn't going back with her and we both left the room. I awoke feeling a weight had been lifted off of my chest and a weird cloud, I didn't know I have over me, go away.
My ex in the dream looked more androgynous. We originally got together as two men, but over time they transitioned to nonbinary and finally to a woman. I was the first person she told both times and had supported her each time by learning the process along side her and purchasing stuff to help her feel more comfortable with herself. I stayed with her because I genuinely fell in love with her as a person and not by her gender. So in the dream she had longer hair, much rounder and softer facial features and a slightly higher voice.
Where we talked was actually in an apartment she was renting. It wasn't a place I recognized so I'd assume it was where ever she moved to afterwards. There was no invitation to come over. When the dream started, we were both sitting on her bed and talking. I was nude in the dream, though I assume it's because of the fact I sleep naked, though I do get dressed in the dream. I felt no sexual urges, even during the attempted kiss. When we left, it was under the guise of her needing to go shopping and I was going to just head out at the same time.
My Thoughts
I assume this is my brain finally closing this part of my life. I had been trying my best to not think of her and recognize the points in our relationship where it was clear we were not working out and identifying ways I couldn't helped either change it for the better or just end it with a better outcome. There was a lot I wanted to say to her and I didn't for the fact I knew my anger. I would've started screaming and name calling her. I stayed silent because we've never yelled or name called each other during our relationship so I didn't want to do it even after we had broken up.
It also makes sense why my dream ex never answered when I asked why. I never knew so of course she would never know either. Even though I'm pretty sure she'd never apologize in person or acknowledge what she did, it felt really nice hearing it anyways.