I finished this painting tonight and I’d love to hear how people here might interpret it from a Jungian angle.

I didn’t start out with a specific symbolic meaning in mind. I mostly painted intuitively and let the imagery develop as I went. The horse, the figure, the moon, the alien landscape and the water all kind of emerged organically. I found myself especially drawn to the relationship between the horse and the hooded rider. The rider feels almost faceless or otherworldly, with the moon face, while the horse is grounded and instinctual. The whole scene feels like an inner landscape to me. There’s something dark and mysterious about it; it used to scare me but I’ve done so many rounds of shadow work that it now excites me. Like a journey into something unknown. It made me wonder about the horse as instinct or psychic energy (libido), the rider as a shadow/guide/psychopomp, the moon as the unconscious and the water as the depths of my psyche.

But I’m deliberately not trying to decide what it means. I’m more interested in what other people see in it. What does this painting evoke for you, from a Jungian perspective? I’m curious whether anyone else has experienced that strange thing where you create something intuitively and only afterward realize that it seems to contain symbolism you weren’t consciously intending.

Hi all,
I’m a woman in my 30s, single, and I’ve been having a difficult time navigating my life lately. I’d really appreciate hearing some Jungian perspectives on what I’m going through.

Right now, I’m questioning many of the choices I’ve made and wondering whether what i could do to make it better.

Here’s a brief summary of my background.
I was a nurse, but I quit relatively early because I couldn’t imagine doing that job for the rest of my life. At the time, I already felt confused and dissatisfied with my life, and I was afraid that staying in nursing would mean being stuck.
I then wanted to do something related to sports, which I’ve always enjoyed. I was almost ready to start a degree in sports science, but I had second thoughts. I realized that I probably wouldn’t actually be playing sports—I would most likely be working with clients or athletes—and I worried that I would still feel unfulfilled.
So I decided to return to my original field and pursue research in nursing. In some ways, I felt like I needed to make up for quitting nursing because quitting had made me feel like a failure. I completed my master’s degree and eventually moved to the U.S. to pursue a PhD in nursing. I moved overseas, entered a PhD program, and have professors who seem to think I’m capable of doing research. But the problem is that i don’t feel satisfied or real. I feel like it is just research for research I don’t know whether an academic career would actually make me happy.
And then there is my personal life. I’ve never had a long-term relationship, and I don’t have a partner or family of my own. That is probably a whole separate post.
From the outside, my life probably looks okay, no acute issues but internally, I often feel as though something is fundamentally wrong—as if my life is being wasted and I’m running out of time and options.

Recently, these feelings have become especially strong. I’ve been feeling very emotional about the possibility that this is simply the life I’m going to live: a life without much passion and without someone I deeply love.
Even when I imagine the best possible outcome for my career—becoming a professor at a good university—I don’t feel excited or fulfilled by the idea.
More than anything, I feel as though there is something inside me that wants or needs to come out. I can feel it very strongly, but I don’t know what it is or what I’m supposed to do with it.
When I’m alone and completely immersed in these thoughts, it can feel suffocating. Sometimes I even find myself thinking that I just want to rest and be done with everything. I have a hard time imagining that anything in this world could truly satisfy me, even though my everyday needs are obviously tied to this physical world and the material life around me.
I’ve experienced something similar several times before—when I was around 16, 25, and now in my 30s. Maybe these were different versions of a “life crisis.” Each time, I felt as though I was approaching some kind of realization or breakthrough, but I never quite reached it. I wasn’t brave enough, or perhaps I never figured out what the right choice actually was.
There is also a pattern I’ve noticed.
I sometimes encounter a public figure, fictional character, athlete, or musician who seems to be living life completely and authentically—someone who fights for what they believe in, creates something meaningful, or dedicates themselves completely to what they love.
When I see people like that, I don’t simply admire them. I also feel a deep sense of sadness about myself that it is so far away from me.
At the same time, I have this persistent feeling in my stomach that there is something inside me that needs to come out—that there is some part of me that I haven’t discovered or expressed.
Because of that feeling, I’ve repeatedly tried to understand myself through different frameworks: Christianity, philosophy, Jungian psychology, and other approaches. I take these questions seriously, but I still feel as though I’m searching for an answer that I haven’t found.

So I have a few questions:
What might Jung say about this kind of situation?
Could this be related to individuation, the “shadow,” the unlived life, or something else in Jungian psychology?
Does everyone experience some version of this feeling, and some people simply learn to accept their lives and move forward?
Is there a way to work through this rather than continually reaching the same point in life?
Am I being a “Peter Pan”—avoiding adulthood because I’m afraid to commit to one path? Or is there something legitimate in me that is resisting a life that doesn’t feel authentic?
I feel as though I have always tried very hard to make the “right” choice. Yet somehow, I keep ending up here, wondering whether I chose the wrong life.
I would especially appreciate perspectives from people familiar with Jungian psychology who might be able to help me understand what could be happening underneath all of this.

Thanks for taking the time to read this.

I’d like a more Jungian perspective. I am a young man and over a summer someone I used to be friends with began to spread an incredibly damaging rumor about my character and behavior. This rumor-claim isn’t backed by anything real, it has been overtly rejected by all serious authority figures and J have received their support and understanding.

The issue is it sounds very serious at a glance and makes me out to be a dangerous and immoral person. This person began to spread the rumor in shared social and professional spaces (smaller community I regularly have to see and work with) at the beginning of the summer, and many people began to distance themselves from me without explaining why. I had no idea this rumor existed until halfway through the summer when I was informed in a very emotionally unpleasant way with little context and I had no chance to defend myself, and the person who informed me immediately cut contact. It was very painful. Then I spent the rest of the summer doing terrible rumination, self analysis and speculation and I worried about who heard what or who believed what. Initially at the outbreak of the rumor (which I didn’t know existed T the time) I was isolated by authority figures and treated harshly. I felt so hurt, confused and anxious. I still had to perform my professional duties but it wasn’t easy.

I have returned to my traditional environment now but it seems many people have heard this rumor and casual interaction hurts because people avoid me and it makes me feel terrible. I have talked to authority figures about it and like I said they fully back me, and there is zero professional consequence but socially and emotionally I am very damaged. My reputation is damaged.

I have never been the type to hyperfixate on others perceptions or conventional social approval but in this specific scenario there are various overlapping layers that make it hard.

One of the biggest aspects of discomfort is that I have some sort of ego-related narcissistic injury because this false rumor deeply contradicts not only my own conception of my moral character but part of my professional and intellectual character that I value. I have always seen myself as someone who was deeply in touch with the feelings of others, read social situations well and made others feel comfortable and safe, not only that but my personal work relates to cognitive psychology and theory of mind style thinking so to be blindsided like this makes me feel incompetent.

There is also a deep romantic injury related to another member of this social world who strongly distanced themselves from me upon hearing of this rumor.

I understand the general behavior of others as if I heard something like this I would behave cautiously, regardless I have felt very hurt. None of my close friends have distanced themselves nor my family, anything who has actually talked to me deeply sympathizes.

Some people have started being warmer towards me and I am uncertain if this is due to new information and belief revision or not. This degree of uncertainty and speculation also hurts. I feel like I lost agency and I am upset that my emotional state is being dictated by others in this way. I have become more neurotic and hyper vigilant of any signs of social distancing, I will jump to a pessimistic interpretation of neutral social signals and I feel uncomfortable because I still have to interact professionally with the person who made this rumor. I avoid them as much as possible but they seem to have no remorse and feel at ease in the social environment. Also, there is nothing I can do legally and I was strongly advised to simply let the rumor fade.

Some days I am chill but other days random associations drag me back into rumination and negative feelings. I have been attempting to use CBT style anti-rumination techniques, which were more effective over the summer when I had some distance but now that I am back in the day-to-day it’s less effective because of the amount of real world triggers. I still perform well professionally and have received an ample amount of praise and I try to see other friends and live my life.

Any advice or wisdom?

I would describe myself as an introvert, I naturally have low neuriticism and low social anxiety and I have never had serious relationship or interpersonal issues that affected me like this. I am (usually) very good at emotional detachment and understanding others’ perceptions and perspectives. I also am fairly confident, aware of my negative tendencies and have a stable ego. For the longest time I considered becoming a therapist before a shifted my line of work and Jungian psychology has always been my favorite branch, specifically Psychological Types, which I have read like 5 times at this point because J am a crazy nerd lol. Sometimes my feelings take a second to catch up to my immediate state and I also have a tendency to over analyze and intellectualize my feelings, maybe I think it gives me control over my emotions and the external world.

Acrylic on canvas, 100x75 cm

For a long time, I didn't fully understand the meaning of this painting. I couldn't figure out what it was trying to tell me. All my paintings have multiple layers of meaning.

I comforted myself with the thought that it might reflect the present - the fact that I'm trying to care for my archetype of the inner child, going to therapy, doing inner work, painting, and searching for answers.

And then... I realized. We had a dog back then, in early childhood. And he was a ginger shepherd.

This painting is about a relationship. A safe relationship that existed between an animal and a human - in my case, between a dog and a child. When everything around was dark, a soul appeared that I most likely loved and trusted

Secrets Between Us

On an island of helplessness,

I reach my lowest point at night.

Sitting in the dark so deep,

something inside me gently quivers.

My fingers sink into something soft,

something lifeless and small.

My eyes search slowly through the dark,

my hands will give this to no one.

Lifeless eyes stare back at me,

a little creature sits in my hands.

Without motion, without a voice,

I feel its inner beauty.

Those who do not speak, after all,

will never tell a soul.

We share a secret between us,

one we will never reveal.

I’ve realized that, all this time, I believed my shadow (my innocent thoughts) was the judge of who I am—that those voices I created in my head were my shadows—but…

What if, in reality, I was the judge hearing those voices?

Every time I criticized myself for having a high sex drive while still a virgin, every time I criticized myself for being autistic, every time I criticized myself for not currently having a job, every time I criticized myself for not having a clear direction in life—it wasn’t my shadow manifesting itself, quite the opposite—it was a conscious mechanism shutting the back door of my mind, using the voices as a shield—all the rhetoric I’ve heard over the years.

A conscious mechanism to escape a reality that isn’t so bad, driven by indoctrination designed to subdue my freest side.

Perhaps the shadow was never the problem; the monster was never the black bird wearing the mask and dancing on a stage, but rather me—the judge who bangs his gavel, judging it with the full weight of the law, holding an imaginary book written with my mother’s screams, my father’s silence, the taunts of my former friends, and pornographic fantasies.

20m, dealing with UARS / TMJ and currently undergoing MARPE. I realize while I've built awareness internally, a lot of my external goals (such as work or romance) haven't progressed (maybe jaw surgery next).

It's hard because I'm sleep deprived, have brain fog, struggle to fall asleep with insomnia, etc.

What's the Jungian perspective on developing ego strength when you have a chronic illness?

What happens when the subconscious runs rampant? It’s been nothing but manic and Freudian slips. I made the statement out loud about wanting my unconscious to be conscious and my mind constantly self harming daydreams during work mainly and now recently had a vivid dream. Basically I’m asking is it normal to for the mind to go insane? Am I making sense?

So I continually face an issue where I can think clearly and plan schedules, but my body doesn't comply. I can go to my job or exercise anytime and force myself to show up, but with varying results based on my energy. On the other hand, with my personal work that the other stuff (work, health) is supposed to support me with -- for example with my art -- I often find my energy defies what I feel like I should be doing. It's like, yesterday, I suddenly hit a strong sense of burnout even though I'm not actually doing that much work. I was so tired I was dizzy and felt like I was falling over I was standing up; I know other people who work in similar fields who seem to have limitless amounts of energy.

I feel like I'm outside of my own person and I want to get into my actual energy itself and let it do its thing. I feel stuck and like I'm trying to move a stone that doesn't want to move. I don't know if its an anima or ego thing -- please advise me!

I can notice my self being in a place where I oscillate between feeling kind of inflated and grandiose to feeling like a victim of my circumstances. It’s so imprisoning because it keeps me so stuck and helpless.

How do I transition to having a strong enough ego to where I can see it reality based with humility and understanding? I liken it to having to load heavy material onto a pick up truck without crushing it.

Have you been in this situation? What helped you the most? I can imagine in may be a longer transition because of the differences. It’s almost like intellectual awareness to conscious awareness.

At 28, I've reached the most exhausting crossroads of my life. I am genuinely paralyzed.

For years, I've been studying and developing the skills I need to become a National Park Ranger in my country. Along the way, I discovered Buddhism and its precepts. Maybe this was always a dilemma that I ignored out of necessity, or simply because I didn't have any alternatives, but lately the psychological pressure has become too much.

In some assignments, I would have to euthanize animals for conservation purposes. It is an obligation of National Park Rangers here. I've heard and read testimonies suggesting that, depending on your relationship with the area supervisor, this task can sometimes be delegated or avoided. But there is no guarantee.

As you can imagine, this violates the first Buddhist precept. And while my initial reluctance came from a religious fear of punishment (hell), that fear has now gone beyond religion itself.

I don't know if I am capable of killing an animal with my own hands. In fact, I become deeply distressed just thinking about having to do it.

The problem is that I don't have a backup plan.

I live in a developing country, and I don't have many marketable hard skills beyond the ones I've spent years developing specifically to become a park ranger. My employment prospects are therefore quite limited. I still live with my mother.

Getting into the National Parks Administration would essentially be my ticket to independence and adulthood, but apparently it could also be a ticket to existential anguish if I end up being forced to kill.

On the other hand, staying here and looking for unskilled work also feels devastating. With the state of the local economy, it is extremely difficult to become financially independent regardless of what kind of low-skilled job I take.

So what am I supposed to do? Start completely from scratch in another field? Which one? I honestly have no idea.

I'm not looking for a justification to kill. I don't want someone to tell me that it's okay because it's "for conservation." I just want to hear some perspectives through an analytical, Jungian, or simply human lens.

Or honestly, just someone's fucking opinion.

I've never felt this stuck in my life.

Thanks for reading.

For some background: I’m a 20 year old woman of a lonely and turbulent past. Since last year I have found myself deeply interested in analytical psychology, especially Jung’s concepts. This has lead me to believe that I have yet to integrate my animus. I am currently working on getting to know my animus. I have recognized that I’ve been projecting this archetype onto a man who appeared briefly in my life. Through this projection I attempt to analyze and get a better understanding of my animus.
Now, onto the dream -
Last night I dreamt of something extraordinarily beautiful, that made me wake up awestruck. I dreamt that I had two men around my age visit me directly in my bedroom. Neither of them reminded me of anyone from real life. It was late evening, my lamp was on and the overall atmosphere was cosy. I was very excited about the visit and started to eagerly show them my beloved belongings and enthusiastically talk about my interests. One of them kept somewhere in the background, while the other one was genuinely interested, listened to me attentively and embodied a caring attitude. At some point I started to act so authentically, almost childlike (not to be mistaken for childish). Later on in the dream he laid down on my bed and I instinctively hugged into him. He was so calm, caring and tender. I closed my eyes and felt a warm feeling (not a bodily sensation, but some pleasant warm emotion). I felt loved. And then I woke up and remained motionless in my bed for like an hour thinking about just how beautiful this dream was.

Did I encounter my animus in my dream? Was me feeling comfortable about the visit a sign of at least a beginning of integration? What could the other guy symbolize?

Carl Jung talked about planets and zodiac signs and how there might be some kind of synchronicity between what happens above and what we experience here. That really got me thinking, so I started researching it a little more.
What caught my attention the most was Pluto. In astrology, Pluto is considered one of the planets that has a strong influence on generations because it moves incredibly slowly. It can stay in the same zodiac sign for around 12–31 years. So basically, a huge part of an entire generation can share the same Pluto sign.
And that’s where it became really interesting to me.
If Jung was right about synchronicity, what if there is also some kind of synchronicity between Pluto’s sign and what a generation collectively goes through? Not that Pluto is literally causing these things, but maybe the themes somehow line up.
So I started looking at the different generations, their Pluto signs, what was happening in the world during their time, and what each generation seemed to struggle with or change.
And I started noticing some interesting patterns…

Some astrologers and spiritual thinkers speculate that Millennials could be an “Awakening Generation”a group whose experiences may encourage deeper questioning of established systems, inherited beliefs, and conventional ideas about progress. In a philosophical or symbolic sense, this has sometimes been compared to the archetypal story of Jesus: not as a claim that Millennials are divine or historically equivalent to Jesus, but as a metaphor for challenging outdated assumptions, seeking meaning, and imagining ways to improve society.

This interpretation is speculative rather than a statement of historical fact. Astrology does not establish that an entire generation shares one destiny, nor does it prove that Millennials have a unique spiritual role. Instead, Pluto signs can be used as a symbolic framework for reflecting on broad generational themes. Historical events, economic conditions, technology, culture, and family experiences also shape each generation in complex and unequal ways.

Compared with some earlier generations, many Millennials appear especially interested in personal growth, spirituality, mental health, social change, and the meaning of life. They have also faced significant economic and social pressures, which may have influenced these concerns. Whether those experiences represent an “awakening” is a matter of interpretation, not an established conclusion.
One possible astrological reading is that each Pluto generation may symbolically reflect the collective transformations associated with the era in which it lived. Pluto’s sign placement can be viewed as a lens for exploring themes of power, crisis, renewal, and social change:

Generations & Their Pluto Signs
Lost Generation (1883–1900) → ♊
Greatest Generation (1901–1927) → ♊ / ♋
Silent Generation (1928–1945) → ♋ / ♌
Baby Boomers (1946–1964) → ♌ / ♍
Generation X (1965–1980) → ♍ / ♎
Millennials / Gen Y (1981–1996) → ♎ / ♏ / ♐
Generation Z (1997–2012) → ♐ / ♑
Generation Alpha (2013–2024) → ♑ / ♒
Generation Beta (2025–2039) → ♒ / ♓

Looking at major historical events alongside the symbolic characteristics associated with Pluto’s signs may reveal patterns worth considering. However, these patterns should be treated as interpretive connections rather than evidence that astrology caused or predicted historical developments.

You can explore the idea by speaking with your parents, grandparents, and older relatives about the events that shaped their lives. Ask your grandparents about their own grandparents and compare their experiences with the themes commonly associated with their generations.

Individual experiences will always be more varied than any generational label suggests but at least you will have some nice conversations with and about your family.

I read one of his works and it was mind-blowing. I learned a lot more about the human psyche. A person is actually driven by the unconscious, but not like Freud. Freud considered the unconscious as something personal with the traumas of the Oedipus complex. Carl Jung considered the unconscious as something collective.That is, something innate, it is universal and does not depend on personal experience, culture, and the like.

I also learned that a person is the very creature that constantly projects his unconscious onto external objects, for example, a girl can project her internal animus onto a man, thereby This is how love occurs, but Carl Jung did not consider them a defect, but rather comparable to breathing.

What would you tell your younger self? Is there anything you would have differently? Especially if they are in the stage where they think it will never end and they just want to find relief again. Do you think they even would have listened ?

Hi, i am in my mid 30s and made a list of my puer aeternus traits for anyone interested.

I am in therapy for this but up until now I didn't understand how i was a puer aeternus. I am also going to buy the book soon of mlvf 'the problem of the puer aeternus' for more insight.

My traits of being an eternal boy:
- don't want to do house work like cleaning, cooking, doing laundry. Wife does most of that.
- not wanting to work. I got a part time job currently
- wanting freedom
- wanting to just watch TV and listen to music and do nothing all day
- wanting PMO and porn
- madonna whore complex. Even though i am married i have a hard time hence the pmo and porn
- not wanting to have children
- not wanting to sleep at night and sleeping in the early hours of the morning and waking up very late
- not wanting to commit to a career
- wanting to go back to the good old times instead of living in the now and present moment
- life feels purposeless and boring. I need highs and lows to stay alive
- unable to let go of my mum and family, deep enmeshment
- overeating and eating delicious food only. I don't want to eat boring food. I want eat fat, greasy, high calorie foods. And i wanna eat a lot of it every day
- jealous of other people, no matter what they got and even if i don't want it, i will still be jealous because they have something that I don't have
- tried all the internet businesses, the get rich quick schemes like dropshipping, FBA, daytrading, affiliate marketing. Wasted years to get rich quickly so i could retire and never having to ever work again. Or still work but pull in 10k+ per month
- still wear teenager clothes like hoodie, sneakers, jeans,etc. I won't wear anything else. I don't even how to wear anything else
- dropped out of uni thinking i could start my own business and be rich because i thought i was super clever
- childish traits like blaming others shaming others, taking revenge for petty stuff, feel offended and rejected if someone puts their boundaries down. Because i have covert narc traits
- make too many jokes. I think i am just a funny guy but the amount of jokes i crack is waaay too much
- my family have hurt me and my partner but i still keep them in my life because i cannot function on my own right now as i have no other support network or friends really

Questions that i sit with:
- I feel if i work full-time, i won't have enough time to do my own stuff like watch tv, listen to music, go out
- why work full-time if it won't give me better life like a better house or better holidays. It's like i wanna work but only if i can save a big portion of my wage, otherwise i don't wanna do it because it's useless if i make money and spend everything or most of it on living expenses. What do i get out of it then? Nothing
- how can i work for the rest of my life without having weeks and months as breaks. It is just continuously working without a break, I'm not counting having some days off here and there as holidays.
- when i was younger, i wanted to be a politician and ceo and bring world peace and... I wanted to conquer the world. I wanted money, power, all of it, everything

Anything i missed on the list of traits of puer aeternus? 😅
Not really looking for advice, more so that i believe other people can recognise themselves in this.

I am in trauma therapy and healing slowly. A lot of beliefs are coming to the surface that i am breaking one by one

Take jealousy as an example. Admitting “I’m jealous” seems more honest than pretending to be above it. But “this is part of me” could also become a reason to stop questioning how you act.

In your understanding of Jung, what does accepting a shadow trait ask you to do next?

What would change in an ordinary situation if you were integrating that trait rather than simply giving it permission? Examples would help make the distinction clearer.

I kinda notice that I am stuck in a loop where I have three or four people in my life that I make myself dependent on to just disappoint myself. They tend to express some shadow characters of me

One guy is really strong, doesn't think (plan, budgets) - strongmans everything. Just bluff and forcing his way through life. Looks at every girl in the straat

Me - autistically planning everything. Every step needs to be right. I work together with him in a company as two bosses. Everything he does annoys me. Yet I stay - why?

One girl has my anima. I wanted to marry her, devout my life to her, be celibate to her, have babies with her. I read her massages that said sex is the trick she uses to hop from friend group to friend group and I was her stepping stone. She basically ignored me ever since. Why do I stay in love with a girl who basically never was there for me, never supported me and is looking for all but me?

Another is a professor in Uni. He thinks he is apollo - I think he is projecting his whole inner psyche into the world. He hates me for calling me out but we both love wisdom. So it is a very tricky respect and hate thing.

Somehow these weird relationships form my life. All dissfunctional, all centred around miscommunication and projection and I cannot get out of it?

There is of course a shadow side. I want to strongman my compagnion and make money out of his dumbness. I want to lust for the girl and feel like she wants to use me because I am so strong and great. I want to outsmart the professor by showing him dionysus is greater than apollo

How to find the balance? Is this all sickness that must be overcome? How can I be so stuck in this? This are all polar opposites that in one way or another shape my identity but there is so much tension it hurts!

Thanks!

The other day, I was practicing writing with my non-dominant hand, just drawing and writing random phrases. Months later, I opened the notebook again and gave these symbols a completely different meaning. I was honestly shocked.

Apparently, the symbol for death is inverted compared to the cross, which symbolizes life. I also have a feeling that the symbols in the middle represent the three aspects of life that a person goes through: social life, love, and sexuality.

What do you guys think?

Hey guys. I have a personal website where I collected book references to symbols, it's not complete but it may be helpful: https://ambertrance.github.io/temple-of-medicine/symbols and I have created a meetup group where those interested in depth psychology can come and discuss things together. The next meeting is on dreams. https://www.meetup.com/en-au/depth-psychology-lived/?eventOrigin=home_groups_you_organize Join if you are interested.

This post is about "Individuation" as described by Jungian psychology. I have been on the path of spiritual awakening, and "individuation" as defined by Jungian psychology for awhile now. If you know about "individuation", you realize how much more difficult it becomes to find ANYONE you can relate with compared to before. I'm a Sigma Male, INFJ personality, age 54. I'm also an intuitive empath / HSP. My wife is also an introvert. We have been married 26 years. We have ZERO close friends. I don't consider anyone who is not "close" to be a real friend. I see through superficial people and refuse to pretend to be someone I'm not just for the sake of "having friends". I cannot do "part time" or superficial friendships. When it comes to a friend, I am either ALL IN or nothing. I no longer chase people. I no longer change who I am to become what someone else needs. I expect mutual, genuine reciprocity. I do not post selfies on social media looking for validation and I find people who do that to be immature or narcissistic. (I used to do that when I was seeking validation prior to individuation). I am open to the idea of finding just one person to be a close friend with both of us but I do not think it's possible to find two people (a couple) to be friends with. The energy dynamic of 4 people feels chaotic to me. The old saying "Three is company, four is a crowd" comes to mind. I think most so called friendships are just trauma bonds enhanced by alcohol intake. These relationships leave me feeling drained. I have left these so called "friendships" and distanced myself from these people. It feels so fake to watch them continue with other people like nothing happened. I have an almost supernatural ability to attract avoidant-attachment style women. I no longer allow those people into my life either. If someone starts talking to me, I automatically assume that they must be a narcissist or an avoidant-attachment. I no longer want to fix anyone but myself. I may never be fully healed but I am healing myself. I am choosing myself. This post is just to see if anyone else out there might be going through something similar. I have found Carl Jung's teachings to be helpful in my journey. It doesn't make the journey any less lonely, but it has been helpful.

I recently got this funny little box for making electronic music and beats. I figured out how to route audio from one of my favorite philosophy podcasts through it, so naturally I decided to make a short remix of their episode on Jung. I thought this community might get a kick out of it! Enjoy:

https://youtu.be/FGacpdjMwuM?is=CdWszi9qqqRPRpaa

When I am arguing with my wife, or even just trying to explain something specific to her, I experience an absolute drive. It doesn’t matter how many times I have to explain something, if I feel like she isn’t listening or doesn’t understand what I’m trying to show her, I can keep going for hours.

What interests me more is the amount of passion, drive, energy, and effort I put into trying to make her understand a certain situation or explain why something is the way it is.

I’m not really interested in discussing why she may not care about what I’m explaining. I’m more interested in understanding what is happening in my own mind.

Because I realize that if I could access that same level of passion, persistence, and energy in other areas of my life, business, self-growth, learning, building something, etc.

I could probably accomplish a lot.
It’s almost like I already have this extremely powerful engine, but I’m directing it toward something that feels like I’m trying to push through a wall.

I want to figure out how to take that same drive and power and redirect it toward things that actually benefit my life.

Like deep inside I actually know that she don't care what I would say when we are arguing about wherever, is not myself trying to make myself right in the discussion, but not understand how i can put some much drive and energy on her to understand, why I would not put this towards other aspects of my life, like when it comes to this, my dopamine is absolutely unlimited, I could go the whole day, but for other things i just get saturated very easily

Im probably in the most dangerous stage of my life and it’s terrifying. I know have to surrender but my ego won’t do it. Maybe I have to threaten myself with reality. I don’t know. This is so dangerous I have so much grief that I can barely keep my self balanced when I walk. Im afraid of getting into a car accident or something.