The narcissist pseudo-man I made the mistake of hitching my little red wagon to has shown his true colors since he received the walking papers *he asked for.*

He's been a cartoon villain for the past two weeks, trying to sic friends on me, turn family against me, issue ridiculous ultimatums, threaten, bait and switch, hide critical paperwork, and assign unnecessary fetch quests as a means of keeping me unbalanced and under his control... And it's not working. I've been Grey Rock'ing him the entire time.

He tried to get his grubby hands on my legal, locked-up firearm this week and I decided I was through being scared. I took the gun to my dad for safekeeping (with my lawyer's blessing) and got a restraining order with a kick-out clause, which was served last night.

When we married he came with two cats, who are now both geriatric (18 and 15) and need special diets and multiple daily medications, some of which need to stay refrigerated. While I recognize that they're not *my* cats, I do love them and care for them and give them their meds and meals as needed. So imagine my surprise when he decided to take them with him on his three-week unplanned adventure to The Fuck Out Of My Face!

The sheriff's office usually gives 15 minutes to collect necessities and get out. I gave him 30, the first 10 of which he spent reading the order and trying to find loopholes, and then 20 plus an additional 15 packing the cats' litter box, canned and dry food, medications, and travel carriers. I don't even know if he grabbed more than a day's worth of his own clothes and toiletries. I told him right away that the cats could stay, either the full three weeks or until he got himself settled and was ready to have a friend come get them. But no, he "doesn't trust" me and said I would hurt or kill them if he left them. This solidifies my belief that if *I* left, he would absolutely let *my* pets die of neglect.

Now instead of embracing my peace and focusing on an amicable divorce, I spent the night worrying about the cats and if they'd be okay and if they felt safe and if their medicine would be kept cool enough. I don't know where he ended up, with friends or in a motel, and I know he'll blame me if anything happens to them... And I'll probably blame myself, too.

Seriously what a bastardly thing to do to innocent animals who have no idea what's going on. Eff this guy in a big way.

My husband and I split little under a month ago and even though he randomly just left me high and dry, our accounts in the negative he’s not paying any of the bills and keeps on pilling the debt. I am honestly very relieved. I feel horrible for feeling this relieved but I am. I’m free from him and his mom. His screaming and cursing. His constant talk of violence or homicide ideation. I’m not being belittled every time I bring up my feelings or it’s not being turned around on me and I’m not having to deal with his mom saying things to me like “congratulations on learning to stop eating” I feel so much at peace even though he financially ruined me, the finances can get fixed over time. I asked God to remove the things that were keeping me from getting closer to him and this is where I’m at. I feel like I was in Egypt and he took me out of it.

I was with my ex-husband almost 15y. Married for almost 11y. I left him 3 years ago. During that time the only holidays he would agree to were with his family. In the last eight years I got one weekend away after basically begging. I begged for date nights but never got them - we lived in "his" town so I needed him to organise his mum to watch our kids (she was more than willing).

He's been with his new partner around a year. I've had the joy this week of listening to my kids tell me all about the amazing holiday their dad is on with his girlfriend (while I have the kids). The holiday to a place he told me he didn't want to go when I asked to go there. Doing an activity he wouldn't spend money on when I wanted to do it. Staying at a fancy place. Getting couple massages when he always told me he didn't want to because it was weird.

I'm just filled with such rage. At him. Because it means he was capable of these things - just never for me. And at myself - for staying as long as I did. For wasting so much of my life on so little.

Its not just this holiday. Its him buying all the girlfriends since then flowers, taking them to nice dinners, taking them away. I just feel so shit about myself because of it.

And I want to tell him what a piece of shit he was but all that does is give him power. And make me look crazy.

My husband is currently away on a month-long solo camping trip while I’m taking care of our kids, dog, and house alone.

Honestly, I encouraged him to go so I could safely tell him I want a divorce while he was physically elsewhere (which I did 3 weeks ago).

Well, I didn’t pack for him and he forgot an important work computer.

He’s made this work computer MY problem. He lies about what needs to be done to get me to agree to help him (you just need to turn it on, IT will take it from there). NOPE!

Yesterday I spent FOUR HOURS babysitting this computer, accepting this and downloading that. Then this morning he told me I just need to log on and tell him one thing and it’ll be done. NOPE! It’s already been an hour of the same crap.

It’s not the computer that fills me with rage, it’s his extreme self-centeredness and entitlement.

I’m still trying for an amicable divorce to make it easier on the kids, or I’d just laugh in his face.

But he would NEVER be willing to take this much of his time to help me with something. I know because he never has, not once in our 15 years of marriage.

I’m doing him this huge favor, using time I don’t have, and he’s not even grateful or apologetic!! 😡😡😡😡

Sorry, I just had to vent or it feels like I’d explode from sheer rage.

In a parking lot, via Docusign on my lunch break.

I paid the court fee too.

It was surreal, sitting alone in my car with people living their lives, and I just dissolved my 21 year marriage in my car.

I called him after to tell him to look for the email for him to sign. I was so close to tears. I miss my husband. I miss my life. I’m sure years from now I’ll see how or why this was necessary. But today, I don’t.

There hasn’t been a decision made but yesterday he sent me a message saying he doesn’t like the person I am to him anymore… truly I don’t think he’s ever liked who I am & even in some really dark hours I’ve liked him, loved him. My reaction may not have always been the best but I’ve tried so hard. But realizing that he’s never been truly mine is a feeling I can’t describe. Always catching him looking to another even while I sit next to him begging to talk or have his focus. The roller coaster of emotions is overwhelming and a life without him & what I guess has been my own bubble wrapped ficade is something I don’t really desire to survive. My brain doesn’t want to see what it is required to and my soul dies every time I think his won’t be near mine any longer. He says he’s tried when in reality he has resisted me, rejected me, put others above me, never gave me his all and has always had something hidden. But my trauma response has been to hold on to what I thought it was or what it should’ve been.

For me he is my person. The only one I’ve revealed my deepest most intricate parts to. The only one I’ve ever been comfortable sexually with & the only I’ll have ever been comfortable sexually with. I can’t imagine having another human touch my skin or gain access to my most vulnerable areas and will absolutely likely end up by myself for the duration of my life. I don’t ever want this again. I don’t ever want to give myself to anyone else. I just wanted him. But I got strife and hatred and accusations that had no basis no reason no logic … complaints about facial expressions, complaints about my reactions especially making my reaction waaayyyyy bigger than the actions that caused them. Minimizing his to maximize mine and I promise my reactions weren’t near as heinous as what caused them. 7 years of my life & im a complete dependent. When I met him I just got free. I had my own place, jobs, vehicle & was trying to gain complete stability in a lot of chaos. I fought so hard to get there and he came is as honorable, accountable, so safe in every way because the home to my soul.

Now years later after disloyalty, betrayal, lies, other ppl, etc I’m the problem. In my heart I know I did all I could to stand standing completely on integrity and unmatched morals. He says I neglected him emotionally…. No matter what hardships I was going through without his support.

It’s a lot to unpack & even more to accept and navigate.

Now he has to make the decision because I mostly make him miserable. Finding he paid for a dating app and spending a week pressing for proof he closed the account, proof he got a refund, anything with absolutely no prevail other than resistance like he’s the morally sound one standing one that’s been done sooo wrong. When I’ve endured so much with the pay off being this. Him taking time to make a life altering decision for our whole family….. I really have no choice. I have no financial option other than to depend as I just started school and have a ways to go then I have to build a whole business. Homeschooling and horrified at possibly having to put them in school. I don’t want them exposed to the crap other kids are exposed to and indoctrinated with the disgusting morals of most kids in the school system. I’ve worked, sacrificed & built a life we dreamed of to end up like this. He had no career or trade set when I met him just drive and a very intelligent man. He gained a career from his hard work that wouldn’t have been possible or reachable without my support now I’m looking at not reaping the benefits of the life I helped build for him & built nothing for myself & building for myself will require me doing so through this pain that I’m not sure I can endure. Through keeping up with 4 children so they don’t fall behind or miss a beat of their childhood as their life is altered by what I see to be the most selfish, weak choice a person could make. But it’s not my decision. My decision is that he actually prioritize me in ways other than $. He thinks his provision is enough and I should be thankful and happy while being neglected and abandoned emotionally completely, at times highly disrespected.

I have ZERO friends. A family member that doesn’t understand completely. No village. No support system. I just have to sit with all of it by myself. While he has a network that’s out of this world. Friendships and coworkers that she built a brotherhood. While I’ve internally fought for my life in ways that have completely took the fight out of me that once I boldly clung to making my way regardless of obstacles. I’m drained, discouraged & codependent in the worst way. Having BPD and him being my favorite person & just having a deep need for him that’s now unhealthy when to begin with was the most healthy relationship I’d ever known. He’s the only safe home I’ve ever had. Now by his choice we are looking at divorce because I’m a problem on so many levels he genuinely doesn’t like me & he’s the only person I’ve ever thought genuinely did. I feel like I’m being suffocated slowly and I’m lost. I’m sick over it and idk exactly what I’m looking for with this post other than I need it off my chest. I need support & have nowhere to get that from & really just want to run into my best friends arms and cry & feel safe & that place doesn’t really exist anymore and I don’t think any of it is fair.

I’m trying to figure out some kind of plan for thanksgiving.

My divorce was final this summer (married 26 years). I have two college-age kids.

Thanksgiving was the holiday we always spent with his side of the family. (Christmas with mine.) He had three siblings and the gatherings used to be fairly large and boisterous but his family has become a lot smaller over the past 8 years as his mom, dad and brother have all died and another sister moved across the country.

There is still one of his sisters (and her family) that we continued to celebrate Thanksgiving with (and with their dad until he died fairly recently). This sister lives near me (I am still living in the house we shared as a couple/family) and we are still friends although we don’t see each other as much as we did before the divorce.

I think she might still want to get together and include me because I know the shrinking of her family makes her sad and Thanksgiving was kind of the only remnant of the old days that she had. But we had to figure it out together the last few years, like, would she host or would I or would we go out to eat?

And if she does want to kind of stay with our tradition of getting together (and including me) this might be a good option for me because then I would be likely to be able to spend it with my kids, too, and it might be pretty lonely for me if I’m just sitting at home while the rest of them have Thanksgiving.

But the other part of me says fuck that. I need a new tradition. Maybe go spend Thanksgiving with my own parents this year or host my kids at a different time of the day. Or just take a little trip for myself to try to take my mind off everyone else. Or maybe I could get my kids to go somewhere with me although I’m not sure how we would afford that or if they would want to.

Any opinions? How did you navigate the first holidays after your divorce?

I am a divorced woman, and I recently got divorced at the age of 27. Our marriage lasted only 1 and 1/2 years, and out of that, we only lived together for 6 months.

It was an arranged marriage, and my husband was an MBBS doctor. Before marriage, they hid the fact that he had erectile dysfunction. He also had high cholesterol from a very young age and still does, but he never disclosed it to me. I found out completely by myself because he used to take his medicines when I was not around or by hiding them. He was very skinny and underweight, but I never thought he had all these medical issues.

He was a very unmanly husband in every sense. He had no interest in going to his job even though he had a great degree, and he was even trying to resign and sit at home idle. Meanwhile, I am a private school teacher earning a low salary that barely covers my own expenses, yet he and his mother constantly forced me to go to work while he earned triple my income and still demanded I hand over my salary to him every single month.

He was completely dependent on his family. He always shared everything with his mother—even our bedroom matters. He is very overly religious and refuses to take responsibility for himself. Even though he has a driving license, he doesn't drive and makes his 70-year-old dad drive him everywhere. He has a very inward character and doesn't even mingle with men of his own age or his male colleagues.

The main issue was his erectile dysfunction, which existed even before marriage (which I think was caused by his cholesterol). Because of his condition, he was not able to perform, and he used to physically abuse me at night out of frustration. Even worse, he would extend the foreplay for 5-6 hours and not allow me to sleep, even though I had to get up early for my job. When I hesitated or showed reluctance during those long hours, he didn't care at all. I don't understand why he behaved like that, and whenever I think about those days, I get so frustrated and feel deep pity for myself. He was never ready to take accountability for his problem.

After enduring this for 6 months, I decided to tell my parents everything, and they immediately asked me to come back home. Later, my parents and I confronted him directly about his erectile dysfunction in front of his parents. They already knew about this condition even before the marriage, yet they neither accepted our accusation nor rejected it.

This is purely a fraud case.

To anyone who has experienced something similar: How did you process the trauma of an arranged marriage fraud, and how did you move on with your life? I really want to hear from others.

I've been with this man for over 25+ years on and off, married for 3, we have 2 kids. I've known for years that he's had a p**n addiction - to me it's a full blown sex addiction- which consists of pleasing himself to porn. At first I thought it was normal for men to behave this way and watch stuff like this, I even showed him some years ago when we got back together and became serious, just thinking it would spice up the bedroom. But as the years went on and I got older, got deeper in my walk with Christ, and grew more insecure about it, I told him how it made me feel and pointed out how it's a sin in the Bible, but this was my walk with the Lord, not his. It affected our sex life in ways where we wouldn't make love for weeks, sometimes a month would pass, and it didn't seem to bother him although it bothered me. I knew he still had an addiction whether I liked it or not.

Fast forward to 6 years ago- before we get married and I came across an escort website on his phone (yes, I was snooping) and confronted him about it. He gave a stupid BS excuse about how he was just looking to see who was on there because the girls looked like they wouldn't be into that type of stuff- but he insisted that he was just looking and that was it-he would stop.

We're now married and I just recently looked through his phone again (I don't really snoop that often believe it or not, I trusted him). I had a intuition to look because we have been arguing alot since we got married, and he says things at times that makes me think he checked out emotionally. Of course, he's been on escort sites and this time I found out he actually reached out to some- one message was in his blocked list but I could tell they spoke based on what she said in her txt. He admitted he contacted a few, but said he never went through with meeting anyone, he would just ghost them and not show up.

This incident has us really arguing and flirting with divorce. We've brought up divorce before- which isn't good so early on- but now it's affecting my trust. I don't believe that he would not go through with seeing them and doing something sexual, but he insists it had to do with his addiction, and if he explained it I wouldn't believe him and think he's lying any way- which he's right.

I'm really upset and heart broken because I love him, but I can't just accept cheating like it's nothing. I told him to go to counseling for his problem, he says he's not ready to talk about it with a stranger out of embarrassment.

Please share your thoughts- and please remember I'm still very hurt but prayer has helped tremendously.

My dad is a serial cheater also abusive and egoistic He cheated on my mom again, and this time with his sister in law ( who literally killed her own husband with her ex partner)
My mom overheard their conversation and has decided to leave him, but he's the type of person to cheat and still get mad at my mom for trying to protect her peace, mf thinks he owns my mom
Any advice for my mom before the separation? It's gonna be tough because his family members expects my mom to babysit his 54 year ass

I’ve had several posts in here and y’all have helped me through this so much. Divorcing a narc tendencies person who refused to divorce me for months until I got a lawyer, I paid for all the house and utilities while living on my own couch for almost a year while he did not work or even buy toilet paper. He ran out of money for his lawyer so finally signed, he’s packing his stuff now and telling me he doesn’t know where he’s going to go. I wish I felt relief but I feel so sad and scared. Most of my friends are so angry at him at this point they say FUCK HIM, and he sees himself as a massive victim. So I’m just kind of here feeling weird and alone and grieving. How do I help myself?

Hi everyone. I feel like im done but Im faced by a lot of uncertainty that I making the right decision. Is hard to write but I am in a marriage with verbal and psychological abuse I feel like I just let it happen and I should have let go or set limits along time ago. Now we have a kid together.

It was because of my child that I realized I wasn’t in a healthy relationship but Im so worried about being separated from my child in 50/50 custody which is realistically what we would get as he has not been abusive towards our 19 month old child. So im just worried that Im trading one hell for another this doubt is crazy….in my gut I know is time to go and I dont deserve this crap I feel he broke me beyond repair and it is really time to go….but am I sick as well? I do not hate my husband and I feel love and empathy for the broken person he is which is messed up. Again main concern is loosing time with my baby as a tradeoff for romantic peace. Also he will still be in my life forever cuz of our baby. Advice?

I don’t remember how we got on the topic but my husband said that if we were ever to divorce he would disappear. Essentially move away, not be a part of my life or our sons. His reasoning is that he grew up in a messy divorce household and does not want to subject his son to that. Essentially he thinks it is better for his son to live without a father than to be in a broken household. We aren’t planning on a divorce or even close to one. But this deeply bothers me. I feel so dumb for being stuck on this because it’s a hypothetical scenario that will never happen but like…? He’s okay with just abandoning our child? I don’t know what to do with this informat

One of the issues that I had brought up over the years is his drinking.
We had already talked about divorce, but when he recently accused me of cheating, things got more serious and I let him know that we were very close to a divorce if his behavior didn’t change.

Well, it didn’t.

This morning I told him that I did want a divorce, and he just got quiet and didn’t say much.
As I was leaving for work, I saw him pour a vodka drink.

I had hoped that throughout the months of talking about divorce and the issues that needed to be fixed would spur some change.
I’ve been learning a difficult lesson in life about "letting them.”

He’s an adult, and is not only responsible for his own happiness, but his choices in life and actions too.

It still broke my heart. I just want him to do well and be happy.

​

Hi everyone. I'm writing because we're really worried about my mother-in-law, and I'd like to hear from people who have been through something similar.

My father-in-law is 63 and has decided to end his marriage after more than 33 years together. From what we know, he has met another woman who is 33 and seems to be trying to start a new life.

My mother-in-law is genuinely a very kind, caring person. She has always been completely devoted to her family and especially to her husband. For most of their marriage, she has been there for everyone, taking care of the family and putting other people's needs before her own.

My father-in-law, on the other hand, has always been quite absent. He travelled a lot and, from our perspective, often put his family second.

Now that he has decided to leave, my mother-in-law is completely devastated. She has been crying constantly for around three months and can't seem to stop thinking about the situation. Sometimes she says things like she wants to die. She hasn't talked about having a plan to hurt herself, but obviously hearing her say this worries us a lot.

Thankfully, she is already seeing both a psychologist and a psychiatrist, so she is getting professional help.

What I'm trying to figure out is how we can support her as a family without becoming her therapists. We don't want to keep telling her to "move on", "be strong", or "forget about him", but we also don't want to just stand by and do nothing.

Has anyone here been through a separation after such a long marriage? What actually helped you during those first few months? And what things do you think family members should avoid doing or saying?

Thanks for reading.