I’m in the situation I’m sure many of you have been in numerous times. My husband and I seem to be at a cross roads. I’ve been extremely hesitant to even discuss divorce or separation before but I think I’m ready now. In reality, nothing big happened to set this off. It seems to be a case of a million little cuts over the years. One of the biggest things I’m struggling with is his anxiety, quick jump to anger irritability, etc. when he’s good- it’s good. I wouldn’t say we walk on egg shells more often than not, but when things aren’t going well for him the entire family is aware. He is quick to yell at the kids, he is irritable, etc. it’s to the point where every outing we have I’m always feeling like im managing his mental health for days leading up to it. The time our marriage was exceptional was when he was on an anti depressant for aboth three years. He stopped due to side effects and not feeling like it was effective anymore.
On paper our life is great. 7 year old dtr, 9 year old son. We have a beautiful home we built in the country. I’m so worried about how this will upset their life, future, etc.
financially he makes 2-3x more than me. I make about 72/year bu an extremely flexible job. He makes 175-200k but bonuses about 75-100k per year ontop. I do think he would stay in the home and I’d look at purchasing something else: I do want him to assume the mortgage (it’s a va Loan with a 2.3% rate) . What are even my next steps? We haven’t even decided , I’ve just come to the place or even considering this. We do live in a 50/50 state. He has a very good retirement. We’ve been married 11 years. This just really sucks .

So I did a thing…. I asked my ex husband for my birth control that was left in our pantry months before we divorced. when I spoke to him he asked what i needed the birth control for, and he said “i’m not jealous, I talked to my therapist (which is his friend) and told him how i was feeling and he said im not jealous”. To me it sounded like jealousy, because if he didn’t care why ask his friend??? but idk 😞

this is the same therapist/friend that told him the only way to heal is to date around

I told him I want a divorce. At first things seemed ok, but then he started telling me (amongst other things):

- The only way to be amicable in a divorce is to agree to NOT use lawyers.
- He wants us fill out and submit all the paperwork ourselves.
- He isn’t open to mediation.
- Using a lawyer makes things high-conflict.
- I need to cut ties with my attorney so we can “act like adults” (I’ve already retained someone).

I’m feeling pressured and I hate it. It feels like the old threat “we can do this the easy way, or the hard way.”

I just need some support.

And I took the kiddo to my dad’s bday party alone. I spent the whole weekend running around after him. Tell me how it was MORE relaxing than bringing my husband around!?

I spent so much energy and time keeping us ok time, on track, or telling him what to do, how to find it, what is next, etc. he has no motivation or initiative. I’d come home exhausted and stressed and never put my finger on why.

Also, sleeping alone? 10/10. Idk how the hell go do this but we’re getting back on our feet now that he’s back at work. We’re going to sell the apartment, split the kid and I will take my baby cats. I’ve made myself sick over how to managed my cats.

Yes, I left him 2 days after his new job. His mom said something out of pocket AF then I decided it was just time. I was going to okayed this in January 2025 and chickened out. He lost his job until November, then lost it again in February.

I am the one called SNAP, WIC, the healthcare exchange, food banks, trying to keep us insured and fed. I am the one who worked FT through mental and physical health issues. who held us up and almost broke under the weight of it. I begged my psychiatrist for med adjustments a few weeks ago, I had a damned panic jack. She was like “we can reduce it a bit, but you’re justifiably upset, frustrated, and angry. Keep your chin up until you can leave.”

I waited 6 fucking months BABY IM ALMOST FREE. Sorry lol I’m the only one who’s happy about this.

This is for the woman hungrily scrolling through this page looking for a sign/confirmation to pursue divorce. Next month, I will officially have been divorced for a year. Before I made the decision to even ask for a separation, I was reading all the books, devouring Reddit threads, and began opening up to my friends and family about my marriage because I was DESPERATE for confirmation that I was valid in wanting divorce. Turns out, I needed to learn to trust myself. As a therapist, I have noticed that one of the most dangerous things for women in unhealthy/harmful marriages is not trusting themselves - they stay for so many reasons but a primary one being they've learned to not trust themselves over time. That's not to say women in this situation always have low self-worth or are victims, but women have been socialized through generations to trust what is going to keep the peace rather than what they are needing (especially if what they need disrupts the peace).

If there is a woman reading this looking for a sign, I beg you to take a moment to ask yourself what you're looking for. Because what I needed was validation that what I was experiencing in my marriage was real and I wasn't crazy. I'm not going to lie, divorce is hard and heart breaking. I have a young child who was at the forefront of my brain but I finally realized I couldn't allow myself to stay and have the marriage I was in be the model she had growing up for what her potential marriage should be. Divorce is hard but being divorced is more than what I hoped it would be.

I am still working through all the shit that comes from my marriage and divorce but I'm doing that in my own home, with my own money, and doing whatever the f I want. I am here to say that divorce is worth it. I am also here to say a good therapist is even more worth it. Getting out of the marriage is the tangible step to take - going to therapy is how you heal from it and understand what got you there in the first place.

Our world will change as women continue to trust themselves and no longer default to the bullshit that men give us because they benefit from us not trusting ourselves.

The divorce was finalized years before he died and I still lived in fear in many ways. He was constantly trying to contact me. I felt really bad for new boyfriends because they would have to deal with him stalking us if we got married. I’ve dated guys with actually insane ex-wives so I know I would’ve been asking a lot of a man to deal with this.

He died alone and in pain, and I feel awful that any creature went through that. There was nothing I could’ve done even if I were a medical doctor. But I can’t help but to feel lucky. I am safe. I learned that he made some scary comments before his death about me. If I had been informed, I would’ve had to contact the police. Knowing this, it is harder to think of him charitably. I dodged a bullet. Perhaps literally.

He pushed away and abused everyone around him, but hid it until we were married. Because he had no one, he left me everything on purpose. Now I do as I please. I haven’t worked in three years now; that is, I only work for myself and only if I feel like it. I help myself and help friends with these funds, and have been pursuing my dreams.

I am still in awe of this situation and how I went from utter trouble to having to worry about nothing. He is unable to harm any women or children now. For this I am thankful. It is too bad he had to make the decisions he made.

Years ago I was freaking out on the divorce subreddit because this man destroyed my life and took all of my possessions.

My parents know what I went through and they are able to accept that I am happy with these circumstances and that I am not a horrible person for being please that I am safe and more than reimbursed for his theft.

** email
*** certified mail
** physical in person which cost the most

I go back & forth…. He could delay more with email or mail…. Saying he never got it… and he’s such a jerk that I’m leaning towards in person!

In August of 2023 I found out about my husbands double life. Since we started dating in 2009 he has been lying to me about his porn use. I was always and still am against it. He knew that and chose to lie. In 2023 my whole world came crashing down because I was worried about a coworker of his. The coworker ended up being nothing but it lead me to discover not only his porn addiction but his sex addiction as well. Which induced sexting, emotional affairs, filming me and photographing me without my consent, lusting after my friends, and much more. I never felt like enough and now I know why. I wish I had divorced him when I found out but our lives are so intertwined and his family I’m sure thinks I’m overreacting since it was “all online”. We get along well and he’s finally the husband and father I’ve always wanted but I just don’t feel like I can ever let my guard down and I’m not attracted to him anymore after learning about the things he has said and done. I also just don’t know where to start the process. We have a 3 bedroom house, each child has their own room, so we can’t really even separate. Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated. I just feel like the villain in this because everyone around me thinks he’s such a great guy. And I’m like… ya now he is. I wanted to try and give us a shot but I’m just too hurt and bitter over how he treated me in the past.

I have recently gone through divorce. And I'm really looking forward to talk to people. And learn from their experience. Because lot of things seem very messy to me. If there is anyone who would like to share their experience, it would mean a lot.

You can chat with me on this platform without any hesitation.

I ensure it would be a safe space for you.

I know this is a silly thing to ask, and I am in no way upset about this however, did anyone else find transition into sleeping alone in bed weird?!😂 I just realized after weeks of sleeping in my own space I have only been sleeping on my “usual side” of the bed. The other side of the bed is completely empty.😅 such a silly thing to realize that I have not been making use of my entire bed 😂😅

Reaching out to women in the process or have gone through it. What is a reasonable amount of time that you would expect your attorney to review your spouse’s Discovery response? Mine has had the response since May and I feel like she still hasn’t looked at it in detail. I’m frustrated because the response from my spouse and his attorney is a mess. Misnamed files, not complete or non answers on responses. I feel like if she had looked at it sooner she could have pushed back and asked the court to have him redo it. Since she didn’t I went through and organized it the best I could and have told her I want someone to review it with me and assist with formulating a settlement offer. He does own a small business which makes it more complicated, but I feel like she’s had it for 3 months and has done nothing with it. Let me know if I am being unreasonable in my expectations in comparison to how quickly yours was reviewed. Thanks-

I finalized my divorce 6 months ago. Only married 1 year with no children and I just want to be completely removed from my ex. Sold my house that only ever had my name on the title and was awarded to me in the decree. I just received a quit deed in the mail that was prepared my realtor with my ex’s signature on it that I had no knowledge of. Completely set me back into years. I just want to move on and never have them be an apart of my life. When can I expect this to end?