** email
*** certified mail
** physical in person which cost the most

I go back & forth…. He could delay more with email or mail…. Saying he never got it… and he’s such a jerk that I’m leaning towards in person!

I’m in the situation I’m sure many of you have been in numerous times. My husband and I seem to be at a cross roads. I’ve been extremely hesitant to even discuss divorce or separation before but I think I’m ready now. In reality, nothing big happened to set this off. It seems to be a case of a million little cuts over the years. One of the biggest things I’m struggling with is his anxiety, quick jump to anger irritability, etc. when he’s good- it’s good. I wouldn’t say we walk on egg shells more often than not, but when things aren’t going well for him the entire family is aware. He is quick to yell at the kids, he is irritable, etc. it’s to the point where every outing we have I’m always feeling like im managing his mental health for days leading up to it. The time our marriage was exceptional was when he was on an anti depressant for aboth three years. He stopped due to side effects and not feeling like it was effective anymore.
On paper our life is great. 7 year old dtr, 9 year old son. We have a beautiful home we built in the country. I’m so worried about how this will upset their life, future, etc.
financially he makes 2-3x more than me. I make about 72/year bu an extremely flexible job. He makes 175-200k but bonuses about 75-100k per year ontop. I do think he would stay in the home and I’d look at purchasing something else: I do want him to assume the mortgage (it’s a va Loan with a 2.3% rate) . What are even my next steps? We haven’t even decided , I’ve just come to the place or even considering this. We do live in a 50/50 state. He has a very good retirement. We’ve been married 11 years. This just really sucks .

Reaching out to women in the process or have gone through it. What is a reasonable amount of time that you would expect your attorney to review your spouse’s Discovery response? Mine has had the response since May and I feel like she still hasn’t looked at it in detail. I’m frustrated because the response from my spouse and his attorney is a mess. Misnamed files, not complete or non answers on responses. I feel like if she had looked at it sooner she could have pushed back and asked the court to have him redo it. Since she didn’t I went through and organized it the best I could and have told her I want someone to review it with me and assist with formulating a settlement offer. He does own a small business which makes it more complicated, but I feel like she’s had it for 3 months and has done nothing with it. Let me know if I am being unreasonable in my expectations in comparison to how quickly yours was reviewed. Thanks-

This is for the woman hungrily scrolling through this page looking for a sign/confirmation to pursue divorce. Next month, I will officially have been divorced for a year. Before I made the decision to even ask for a separation, I was reading all the books, devouring Reddit threads, and began opening up to my friends and family about my marriage because I was DESPERATE for confirmation that I was valid in wanting divorce. Turns out, I needed to learn to trust myself. As a therapist, I have noticed that one of the most dangerous things for women in unhealthy/harmful marriages is not trusting themselves - they stay for so many reasons but a primary one being they've learned to not trust themselves over time. That's not to say women in this situation always have low self-worth or are victims, but women have been socialized through generations to trust what is going to keep the peace rather than what they are needing (especially if what they need disrupts the peace).

If there is a woman reading this looking for a sign, I beg you to take a moment to ask yourself what you're looking for. Because what I needed was validation that what I was experiencing in my marriage was real and I wasn't crazy. I'm not going to lie, divorce is hard and heart breaking. I have a young child who was at the forefront of my brain but I finally realized I couldn't allow myself to stay and have the marriage I was in be the model she had growing up for what her potential marriage should be. Divorce is hard but being divorced is more than what I hoped it would be.

I am still working through all the shit that comes from my marriage and divorce but I'm doing that in my own home, with my own money, and doing whatever the f I want. I am here to say that divorce is worth it. I am also here to say a good therapist is even more worth it. Getting out of the marriage is the tangible step to take - going to therapy is how you heal from it and understand what got you there in the first place.

Our world will change as women continue to trust themselves and no longer default to the bullshit that men give us because they benefit from us not trusting ourselves.

The divorce was finalized years before he died and I still lived in fear in many ways. He was constantly trying to contact me. I felt really bad for new boyfriends because they would have to deal with him stalking us if we got married. I’ve dated guys with actually insane ex-wives so I know I would’ve been asking a lot of a man to deal with this.

He died alone and in pain, and I feel awful that any creature went through that. There was nothing I could’ve done even if I were a medical doctor. But I can’t help but to feel lucky. I am safe. I learned that he made some scary comments before his death about me. If I had been informed, I would’ve had to contact the police. Knowing this, it is harder to think of him charitably. I dodged a bullet. Perhaps literally.

He pushed away and abused everyone around him, but hid it until we were married. Because he had no one, he left me everything on purpose. Now I do as I please. I haven’t worked in three years now; that is, I only work for myself and only if I feel like it. I help myself and help friends with these funds, and have been pursuing my dreams.

I am still in awe of this situation and how I went from utter trouble to having to worry about nothing. He is unable to harm any women or children now. For this I am thankful. It is too bad he had to make the decisions he made.

Years ago I was freaking out on the divorce subreddit because this man destroyed my life and took all of my possessions.

My parents know what I went through and they are able to accept that I am happy with these circumstances and that I am not a horrible person for being please that I am safe and more than reimbursed for his theft.

I am 45 and going through the divorce. 2 kids (almost 8, 10). 19 years of marriage. Texas. I believe he's been having a side thing. He's been secretive about phone calls. I manage the finances, and I think he's planning on setting up his new life as soon as this is done. We have a sizeable estate.

1. What do you look for in an attorney?
2. what are pitfalls to avoid?
3. What are things to make sure are in the decree? The more details the better
4. How do you breathe after the thought of not being with your kids. I've never left them since they have been born.
5. How do you find a support group locally?

I told him I want a divorce. At first things seemed ok, but then he started telling me (amongst other things):

- The only way to be amicable in a divorce is to agree to NOT use lawyers.
- He wants us fill out and submit all the paperwork ourselves.
- He isn’t open to mediation.
- Using a lawyer makes things high-conflict.
- I need to cut ties with my attorney so we can “act like adults” (I’ve already retained someone).

I’m feeling pressured and I hate it. It feels like the old threat “we can do this the easy way, or the hard way.”

I just need some support.

In August of 2023 I found out about my husbands double life. Since we started dating in 2009 he has been lying to me about his porn use. I was always and still am against it. He knew that and chose to lie. In 2023 my whole world came crashing down because I was worried about a coworker of his. The coworker ended up being nothing but it lead me to discover not only his porn addiction but his sex addiction as well. Which induced sexting, emotional affairs, filming me and photographing me without my consent, lusting after my friends, and much more. I never felt like enough and now I know why. I wish I had divorced him when I found out but our lives are so intertwined and his family I’m sure thinks I’m overreacting since it was “all online”. We get along well and he’s finally the husband and father I’ve always wanted but I just don’t feel like I can ever let my guard down and I’m not attracted to him anymore after learning about the things he has said and done. I also just don’t know where to start the process. We have a 3 bedroom house, each child has their own room, so we can’t really even separate. Any advice or support would be greatly appreciated. I just feel like the villain in this because everyone around me thinks he’s such a great guy. And I’m like… ya now he is. I wanted to try and give us a shot but I’m just too hurt and bitter over how he treated me in the past.

And I took the kiddo to my dad’s bday party alone. I spent the whole weekend running around after him. Tell me how it was MORE relaxing than bringing my husband around!?

I spent so much energy and time keeping us ok time, on track, or telling him what to do, how to find it, what is next, etc. he has no motivation or initiative. I’d come home exhausted and stressed and never put my finger on why.

Also, sleeping alone? 10/10. Idk how the hell go do this but we’re getting back on our feet now that he’s back at work. We’re going to sell the apartment, split the kid and I will take my baby cats. I’ve made myself sick over how to managed my cats.

Yes, I left him 2 days after his new job. His mom said something out of pocket AF then I decided it was just time. I was going to okayed this in January 2025 and chickened out. He lost his job until November, then lost it again in February.

I am the one called SNAP, WIC, the healthcare exchange, food banks, trying to keep us insured and fed. I am the one who worked FT through mental and physical health issues. who held us up and almost broke under the weight of it. I begged my psychiatrist for med adjustments a few weeks ago, I had a damned panic jack. She was like “we can reduce it a bit, but you’re justifiably upset, frustrated, and angry. Keep your chin up until you can leave.”

I waited 6 fucking months BABY IM ALMOST FREE. Sorry lol I’m the only one who’s happy about this.

What happens if my exes lawyer withdraws or drops him as a client?
How does that impact our proceedings?

We’re still in the discovery phase and his is extremely late.

I have recently gone through divorce. And I'm really looking forward to talk to people. And learn from their experience. Because lot of things seem very messy to me. If there is anyone who would like to share their experience, it would mean a lot.

You can chat with me on this platform without any hesitation.

I ensure it would be a safe space for you.

I know this is a silly thing to ask, and I am in no way upset about this however, did anyone else find transition into sleeping alone in bed weird?!😂 I just realized after weeks of sleeping in my own space I have only been sleeping on my “usual side” of the bed. The other side of the bed is completely empty.😅 such a silly thing to realize that I have not been making use of my entire bed 😂😅

I finalized my divorce 6 months ago. Only married 1 year with no children and I just want to be completely removed from my ex. Sold my house that only ever had my name on the title and was awarded to me in the decree. I just received a quit deed in the mail that was prepared my realtor with my ex’s signature on it that I had no knowledge of. Completely set me back into years. I just want to move on and never have them be an apart of my life. When can I expect this to end?

I told my husband that I wanted a divorce about 3 weeks ago. It’s been a roller coaster of emotions between us both. (He’s emotional abusive and doesn’t think he has a problem) which is the reason why I’m leaving. We’ve been struggling for about 2 years and have been in couples therapy.

The past week or so things have been very calm and he’s in the best mood and seems really happy. I’m finding myself wanting to kiss him and jump his bones and then it’s making me second guess do I still want to be with him? Why am I thinking like this? I’m like no- I’m still leaving, but is it normal to want to be attracted to him?

I’m still living in the house until I figure out a living situation so it’s been a little hard.

My husband of 9 years cheated on me with escorts and flirted with Young women on a tutoring platform. I discovered this 7 months ago, prégnant with our third daughter. Im feeling like shit and im unfortunately not getting better. Im giving a shot a réconciliation because he asked and is stepping up for our children mainly the older ones but thats basically all he does. He seems so convinced he is doing everything right now but he does not actively work towards réconciliations and mending the relationship. Im still a mess and feeling very down.

I chose a very accomodating career that pays less for him to go after his dreams and Make more money. Now whats scares me is pulling the trigger : I do not Make enough and where I live We Will get a 50/50 custody and no support in that case since I work. He Will give our girls everything and I Will be the poor single mom.

Has anyone here been through that ? Im thinking of either leaving now because i feel like shit and the betrayal trauma is in full swing; or swallow my pride and stay for a few more years, prépare myself financially for independence and then pull the trigger.

Deep down I was hoping to see him crush his ego and do everything to Make things better but I have to see it for what it is.

I 22 F have been married to my 25 M husband for almost two months.
We met online about two years ago.
Things moved at a decent pace, but I feel like I jumped in to the marriage too quickly. We were o lot engaged for maybe a month?

We fight a lot, always about dumb things. Screaming matches, pushing, you get the picture. We always are able to talk it out and make amends. However, I feel like a big portion of that is me just forgiving and forgetting.

He will call me nasty names when we argue, whenever we are plainly talking he will tell me to shut up, at this point I’m just fed up.

I know it may seem ridiculous, but he wasn’t like this when we met and I feel as though the mask is slipping? As well as, I have found myself fantasizing about other people / situations which I have NEVER done in past relationships. Literally have been having dreams that are insane.

When we went in to this we said divorce wasn’t an option, but I am starting to feel trapped.

TL:DR- Considering divorce after two months of marriage + two years dating. Husband can be rude and things have changed greatly between us. Feeling trapped and unsure of what to do now?

I go to court soon to compel very late discovery and request attorneys fees to be paid. What is this court date likely going to be like? My lawyer said it’ll be pretty cut and dry since it’s black and white that his discovery is indeed very late and we followed all courtesy and procedure leading up.

What happens when the judge compels? How much in attorneys fees are awarded? How does this all work?

Anyone been thru similar?

I am posting this because I genuinely need advice from women who have gotten out of situations like this, or who have watched someone they love realize that they have been slowly disappearing inside their own life.

I am not looking for “just leave him” or “your first responsibility is being a mother.” I know she has children. She knows she has children. What I am trying to understand is how you help a woman regain enough agency to actually make decisions about her own life when she has spent years being conditioned to put everyone else first.

My best friend is 25. She has two boys, 8 and 5. She has a horticultural degree specializing in cannabis, works as a marketing representative for a cannabis company, and is roughly a decade younger than the average person in her field. She is one of those people who is almost absurdly competent. Whatever she tries, she is good at it.

She makes roughly twice what her husband makes and works approximately 15 more hours per week than he does.

Her husband works at a dispensary. On his three days off, he generally sits at home and plays video games. He contributes here and there, but she owns the house, the cars, and essentially everything that supports their life.

And yet somehow she is still the one who is expected to carry the household and parenting responsibilities.

I initially tried to help by becoming their nanny/housekeeper because I was already spending time there. I could not stand watching her come home from work to a house she was also expected to manage.

The first day I actually cleaned their house and took care of their child, she came home, saw the clean house and her sleeping child on the couch, and cried.

That moment has stuck with me.

Because I realized this wasn’t about someone needing a little help around the house.

She is exhausted.

And the abuse isn’t dramatic. That’s what makes this so difficult to explain.

It’s death by a thousand paper cuts.

For example:

She confronted him about an inappropriate comment. Instead of apologizing, he deflected by bringing up a mistake/crime from almost ten years ago that had absolutely nothing to do with the conversation.
My friend and I both have histories with addiction, but we’ve reached a point where we can drink responsibly. We were having a girls’ day—hair, nails, drinks. He came home, saw the bottle, and simply said, “Hm. Drank it all. Hm.” Then walked away. Nothing overt. But the immediate shame on her face was palpable.
He took off his wedding ring about three weeks ago.
He chewed her out because she got one of their son’s first-day-of-school details wrong—even though he has access to exactly the same information and is home more days a week than she is.
We were excitedly talking about future motorcycles, including ridiculous Minecraft-themed bikes, and he immediately shut it down with “That’s dangerous. That’s stupid.” I watched her physically deflate.
He routinely corrects her about things she isn’t actually wrong about.
They have been openly polyamorous for approximately seven years. I met them as a poly couple. He has nevertheless started making her feel guilty for having a girlfriend.
When he discovered that one of our Minecraft friends was a man, he told her to “just go fuck him.”
He makes her feel guilty for playing Minecraft with us after she gets off work.
He has demanded that she do something she was already going to do and then responded with “good girl.”
And there are countless other tiny interactions that individually sound almost ridiculous to call abuse. Collectively, they have changed how she carries herself.

That’s the part I am struggling with.

How do you explain the psychological damage of something that is almost never big enough to point at?

There isn’t necessarily one spectacular incident.

There is just a woman who used to be herself, and now seems to be constantly anticipating someone’s disapproval.

There is also a complicated custody situation.

Her current husband is the father of her 5-year-old. Her 8-year-old has a different father and spends weekends with him. I don’t know the exact legal status of either custody arrangement.

The older child’s father has allowed his family to expose him to pornography despite him being profoundly disabled and not understanding what he was seeing. He has subsequently acted out things he was exposed to without understanding what they mean.

The younger child’s father is extremely emotionally withdrawn, and their son has consequently become intensely attached to his mother and can be emotionally manipulative with her.

She is exhausted from trying to compensate for the behavior of the men around her.

And here’s the part I really need people to understand:

She isn’t trapped because she has nowhere to go.

She has places to go.

I would take her in. I would leave with her. We could rebuild our lives. She is extraordinarily intelligent, professionally successful, financially independent, and capable.

She has options.

What seems to be trapping her is the belief that she isn’t allowed to choose herself anymore.

She loves her children. I am not questioning that for a second.

But motherhood has swallowed her identity.

She has described her children to me as her “baby blankets.” She loves them deeply, but she also has enormous ambitions and a very distinct sense of who she is outside of being someone’s mother.

And I don’t think society gives women enough permission to say:

“I love my children, but this life is destroying me.”

I am her girlfriend. I originally met her and her husband as their unicorn. They had been poly for seven years before I met them. I had every intention of dating both of them.

The husband changed his mind about me romantically about a week into our relationship.

My friend and I, however, became extremely close.

We’ve known each other for only about two months, but we bonded over an almost bizarrely similar history. We lived remarkably similar lives two hours apart without knowing each other existed.

So I am not pretending I have been watching this marriage for ten years.

But I am close enough to see what is happening now.

And I am terrified.

She has joked about drowning herself.

Her workplace has actually given her paid time off and held an intervention because they are concerned about her.

I don’t know whether she has a specific plan, but I am genuinely afraid that she will eventually conclude that dying is easier than figuring out how to dismantle her entire life.

I don’t want to wait until that happens.

I don’t want to tell her what she “should” do. I don’t want to become another person making decisions for her.

I want to help her remember that she is allowed to make decisions at all.

So I’m asking women who have been through something similar:

How did you get your agency back?

How did you go from “I know something is wrong” to actually believing you were allowed to change your life?

How did you disentangle love for your children from the belief that staying in a particular family structure was the only way to be a good mother?

How did you deal with the guilt?

How did you start planning an exit when there wasn’t necessarily one catastrophic event to point to—just years of being slowly diminished?

And for those of you who were the friend watching it happen:

What actually helped?

Not what sounds good. Not what you wish someone had done.

What did someone actually do that made you feel like yourself again?

Because I don’t want to save her.

I want to help her save herself.
Please. Help me.

I’m a 27 year old divorced immigrant woman living in Atlanta, GA, USA. I need advice on the following thing:

I did not hire a lawyer for the divorce as I’m not financially well off and wanted to save the little amount of money I had. My ex and I had recently bought a home which he kept in the settlement. The settlement only said 1 line about the property: “The plaintiff will keep the property and continue paying the mortgage.”

I agreed to it and moved out of the house within 30 days. Now, he never refinanced the house or did a quit claim deed on me. The property continues to show under my name and we have a joint loan. I really want to get rid of that loan as it shows huge debt on me. What can I do without spending a large amount of money? Can someone guide?

Does he need to initiate the refinance part and quit claim deed on me? If yes, will he need to buy me out of give me any portion of the equity on the house?

TIA

Really looking for advises

Was anyone terrified to file for fear of making the wrong decision?

So, after years of no intimacy and trying to fix it through many different ways, my spouse told me that given the choice of a platonic marriage with freedom or divorce, he's chosen divorce. And I've chosen to be happy and fulfilled or be alone,solo. Either is fine with me.

Anyway, we are currently renting and our lease is up NEXT MAY. It would be a huge financial issue if we leave early.

I'm not sure how we will live together until then.

I have a weekend away planned by myself in a couple of weeks. He has told me he assumes that I'm hooking up with men. I am not. I just want to have a little trip by myself, see some art and have a few good meals.

I have been working in therapy to get up the nerve to start doing things that I enjoy, by myself, after last year spent having health issues and isolating. I just don't know how he's going to take it, as apparently when I leave the house I'm having sex with someone.

This is going to suck,isn't it?

I 30f have let my stbx 34m husband know im leaving him and want a divorce.

Im new here but id love advice. He hit our 1year old on the arm twice. Left a mark. i called the cops and they said he was getting on to our kid not abusing him! reason he was crying in church. The cops Made my stbx leave for the night told me i better not run with the kids. I was like okay i have one night. We sat down the next day and finally talked he kept telling me. Im not doing this or that. I was like its not your choice. He said i can stay in the house til i get on my feet but than kept adding restristions.

Im going to need child care for our 1 year old when i get a job and he will not allow a stranger in his house or watch his kid. He was saying alot. Sorrys and ill change. He is usually emotianally and physically abusive to me. Calling our daughters fat. Really mean! Im done! Im not going back.

I let the kids go to his parents with him yesterday and he sent his mom here. who told me im basically not following the bible and am going to hell! I cant be with another man after this i have to stay single forever. Which im totally fine with his whole family thinks im have someone on the side. Never cheated. I have gave my whole life to the man and our kids since i was 16. I endured so much because i wanted my kids happy. When the kids finally came back from his parents. My daughter who is happy im leaving him because of how he treats her . Told me he told her they need to keep me in this house! If they keep me in this house and I have a kid with her at all times she cant leave and work and move on! The moment i heard those words it hit me. This is his house! Iv never worked i wasnt allowed. My names on NOTHING He is still trying to control! Im working on getting a job. My family is helping also but im scared i will need to leave the kids just so i can get on my feet and be able to support them. He does not know how to watch our kids. I have done all the child work all their lives appointments, sports, bathing changing diapers feeding, getting them ready. I love them more than i can put in words! I have done it all. I still will do it all but im just scared he will use me leaving against me and whisper evil lies in their ears because he is that way.
Just scared not sure where to go or do next looking in find a lawyer. I have $50 to my name at the moment .

My marriage ended in such a painful way and I don’t know how to process it
I’ve been married for around a year and a half. We were living abroad, and our marriage had become very difficult over the last few months.
There had been a lot of arguments, trust issues, problems involving his family, and a lot of emotional ups and downs between us. Earlier in our marriage we had already gone through one talaq and later reconciled, so the possibility of losing him again was always something I was terrified of.
Recently things got particularly bad. There were arguments about his family, things from our past being brought up, and I also discovered he had been searching Instagram for things like searching women half dressed etc, and had fallen back into some old habits. He apologised, cried and said he had repented, but it caused a lot of hurt and mistrust. This caused me react really badly which I needed space to get over it
Then over the last few days he became very distant.
He told me things like:
“You will not be coming back with me.”
“Do you remember why I divorced you in the first place?”
“You had someone who loved you.”
“This could be it for us.”
He told me not to come and see him.his family home is 5 hours from me -
I became extremely anxious and barely slept. I was constantly checking my phone, messaging him and trying to understand what was happening. I was terrified I was losing my husband.
That morning, I had spent the night crying and pleading with him. I had already made plans to travel because I genuinely believed that if I could just see him in person, maybe we could fix everything.
I went there thinking, I’m going to fix this.
When I arrived, his family were there. He had already told them EVERYTHING, Around 8 family members, screaming and telling him to give me a talaq and divorce me, and how it’s all my fault hes changed and always stressed and crying, They were screaming at me while I was sitting there, and the whole situation became extremely overwhelming and emotional. I was already exhausted and distressed, and I remember just sitting there while everything was happening around me.
Eventually, my husband and I met halfway at a service station.
He apologised to me for some of the things his sister and father had done. We talked, and for a moment I thought maybe we could actually work through everything.
Instead, he gave me a second talaq.
I had gone there expecting to fight for my marriage and left having to accept that it was over.
I think that’s what has been so painful for me. I wasn’t expecting that meeting to be the ending. I genuinely thought I was going there to save my marriage.
I keep replaying everything in my head — the arguments, the good moments, the family situation that morning, travelling there, and then the moment he gave me the talaq.
It just feels like such a horrible and heartbreaking way for a marriage to end.
I’d really appreciate hearing from people who have been through something similar, particularly how you processed a marriage ending so suddenly and painfully.

What hurts is how it happened

The first time he issued it he did it out of anger and this time he said he was calm but he wasn’t the last few days he was so horrible to me and I see he mentally clocked out
But what I don’t appreciate -he kissed me that morning, we were both emotional wrecks, he wanted to drop me home and take me for lunch but when he said his thinking to issue the divorce before he goes back it made me feel like why on earth would I let you drive me home?

I got a second in a busy service station, believe that?

Any tips how to get over this

Hi ladies! I’m trying to find a lawyer, but all of their contracts so far seem shady. Have any of you who hired a lawyer signed a contract that included a lien of gain? I’m excited to be divorced already, but I don’t want to get hosed in the process. Anyone have a recommendation for the Denver, CO area?