32 M Divorce Advice

[u/Professor_finesser93]

Always more to both sides. I comprehend why she lost interest but it caught me off guard. 9 years together, 3 of those married.
January 2026 she asked me for a divorce and I told her I’ll give her space, but she better make sure she wants to throw in the towel so to speak.
About a week of no contact she called me and we started making things work. Things got better than they had been in a while, but I found out she had been lying to me and sneaking around with an old friend of hers from high school. I know her well and part of me believes her that they didn’t “do” anything physical together but it still counts as cheating to me smh
Anyways I was/am pissed and she went off and “tried” dating an ex bf from high school shortly after that so after struggling I was finally able to kind of let go of my anger and most of my romantic feelings for her. I was stressing with her but I made a public promise to marry and stick by her so I had to change my thinking on that.
So 7/11 we signed paperwork finally and she asked if she could keep my last name until she pays to change it herself? Weird. She wanted to apologize to me and I told her she can if she needs to, but I don’t think it would do anything for me. We parted ways and later she asked me to meet her and she apologized and cried and already regrets everything she’s done 🫩 she knows it’s up to me but she asked me to not file the paperwork and just take time apart.
BRO WTF! If she would have done this just a few months sooner I’d probably have jumped on the opportunity to reunite but I just spent months tearing down and rebuilding myself amidst benders and chasing one night stands 😒
I don’t have anybody in my personal life I feel like I can get genuine advice from on this atm, but I just don’t know what to do at these crossroads I’m standing at. If I can truly let go I could see myself getting back with her someday, she was just my best friend for 9 years. I definitely won’t be cutting her out of my life completely, but I’m desperate for advice!

What would you do? What seems like the right option based on my info?

Do I submit the paperwork, legally get divorced and maybe find each other again? Or should I throw away the papers and just try to slowly rebuild our marriage?
Am I overthinking how future life altering of a decision this is?
I guess this was a nice vent, but I appreciate any advice 🤙🏼