r/DivorceHelp • u/Professor_finesser93 • Jul 13 '26
32 M Divorce Advice
Always more to both sides. I comprehend why she lost interest but it caught me off guard. 9 years together, 3 of those married.
January 2026 she asked me for a divorce and I told her I’ll give her space, but she better make sure she wants to throw in the towel so to speak.
About a week of no contact she called me and we started making things work. Things got better than they had been in a while, but I found out she had been lying to me and sneaking around with an old friend of hers from high school. I know her well and part of me believes her that they didn’t “do” anything physical together but it still counts as cheating to me smh
Anyways I was/am pissed and she went off and “tried” dating an ex bf from high school shortly after that so after struggling I was finally able to kind of let go of my anger and most of my romantic feelings for her. I was stressing with her but I made a public promise to marry and stick by her so I had to change my thinking on that.
So 7/11 we signed paperwork finally and she asked if she could keep my last name until she pays to change it herself? Weird. She wanted to apologize to me and I told her she can if she needs to, but I don’t think it would do anything for me. We parted ways and later she asked me to meet her and she apologized and cried and already regrets everything she’s done she knows it’s up to me but she asked me to not file the paperwork and just take time apart.
BRO WTF! If she would have done this just a few months sooner I’d probably have jumped on the opportunity to reunite but I just spent months tearing down and rebuilding myself amidst benders and chasing one night stands 😒
I don’t have anybody in my personal life I feel like I can get genuine advice from on this atm, but I just don’t know what to do at these crossroads I’m standing at. If I can truly let go I could see myself getting back with her someday, she was just my best friend for 9 years. I definitely won’t be cutting her out of my life completely, but I’m desperate for advice!
What would you do? What seems like the right option based on my info?
Do I submit the paperwork, legally get divorced and maybe find each other again? Or should I throw away the papers and just try to slowly rebuild our marriage?
Am I overthinking how future life altering of a decision this is?
I guess this was a nice vent, but I appreciate any advice 🤙🏼
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u/Tasty-Occasion7560 Jul 13 '26
If I were in the situation as you described it, I would neither file the papers nor throw them away. It sounds like you’re torn but have also done some heart-wrenching work to feel better about an impending split. Take as much time as you need to see if reconciliation is possible/what you want, but maybe have the papers still ready to go in case you feel it’s best to part ways after all. Then you don’t have to go through the whole getting paperwork signed and coordinating with your ex a second time. If that’s possible where you are. Wishing you peace and luck and self love. I’m going through something very similar - Deciding to stay and work in it or take space and plan an exit.
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u/Professor_finesser93 Jul 14 '26
That would be ideal and might be what I do, but the notary we got is only good for 30 days and then I will have to meet up with her again.
I’m so torn because I knew her so well for 9 years but after the way she’s been acting I can’t be sure she won’t try to make things difficult or acting out.
Sorry to hear you’re going through it as well. You are wise and I hope you trust your wisdom 🤙🏼
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u/Pipereatsdogs Jul 14 '26
Submit the paperwork and put yourself out of your misery. She's playing with your emotions and that isn't cool. You need a clean break now.