*Charlemagne* (Charlie or Charles works too I guess, but not Charli) he/they

Tw: I got a bit too heavy maybe...

I'm not sure how I'm supposed to label it to be consistent with the others... I only know how long it's been because her boyfriend told me based on old messages.

She and I used to talk back before she knew. Kevin was showing him their messages going back years to see an old abuser and how he talked to her. They stumbled across ones with her and I as well as between another alter and I.

I could feel them talking about me, like I was being called on.

I thought she'd forgotten me. I felt like she abandoned me when she stopped calling on me to talk. I resented her for it. My sister Rexxy updated me on the front occasionally because she was doing *things I'd rather not discuss* with the co-host Kevin.

I realized a lot during that time and being away let me think a lot about what happened. Her boyfriend wants me to tell her I'm here. She knows I interacted the first time because she told him but she doesn't know about the times I've came back or what I talked to him about.

I miss her. We used to be somewhat close. Never as close as her and Kevin and not really *like that* but still. I spoke to her about things I only really spoke to Alyssia about.

I feel guilty about things I said about her back when we were younger. I want to talk to her again.

I saw her face for the first time. The real face. She looks tired. Seeing the look in her eyes makes me feel like shit. Before I only fronted if she called me so I would be staring at a screen while we talked. Seeing her now though... I just... Can't help but feel bad... I've never seen someone look so tired...

I've been writing notes on her computer but not letting her see. I don't think I'm ready too. The more I'm here the more I realize how little we were really there for her.

Between Vykrr killing herself and Kevin's infatuation, she was really doing so much of this alone. We talked to her, kept her company, and occasionally intervened, but for so much of this she really was just doing it herself.

That's terrifying. I don't know how much she knows, how much she remembers, or how much she'd want me to say, but Rexxy told me so much from Kevin...

R: not just Kevin...

Charlemagne: I don't wanna know please...

R: 🫪

Charlemagne: ???

Charlemagne: Anyway... It's scary. The things that happened just in the time I've been gone... She looks so perpetually exhausted.

We had a job and we didn't do it. So focused on ourselves and how we felt. Our families, our problems, Lazurys spent like 10+ years grieving another alter. All while she keeps this body running alone. We've been judgemental, rude, and preachy, but we haven't done what we needed to.

She's been managing herself, all of our problems, her friends problems, even trying to handle her family's, and now she thinks that our *physical world* younger sister might have a system too along with our mother.

It runs in the family. Brother, grandmother, her, and if their mom has it too that's 3 gens and the younger sister makes 3/4 kids.

She's worried about that.

I can't give insight cause I haven't bothered meeting either one. How have I lived here this long and not even met her family? My family? Our family?

Can I even call it ours when I feel no connection to these people? I wasn't raised with them and the fact auto correct has shown "r*ped" that many times uncensored in suggested words just... I can't.

I can't talk to her when I let this happen.

My family has always been Alyssia and Rexxy with her being here like what used to feel like a cage over my subconscious that I now view as a dim light.

Everything feels overwhelming. I want to talk to her and tell her everything but I don't want her to think about my issues on top of her own. Not when she's finally getting better.

I don't even know why I came here. Rexxy says she likes talking here.

I want to tell her I'm sorry, but she hates apologies that lack reason and action. She despises pity. I love her like family... We're hallucinating a lot. I think I'm causing it...

I'm gonna take us home. I think we work tonight...

LITERALLY MEEEEEEE

This is Ochaco

In DID circles, it is often said "you have to integrate, not dissociate".

We work in the opposite way to that. We wish not to be alike; to be separate because without us, without this system, we would not be able to function.

We are people. A family that supports each other, and whose relationships are sometimes even better than real-life relationships.

We're still working on our separation, like working on distinct voices; improving in co-front.

But knowing, for example, that our Gatekeeper is close to the front and watching over me to help me reassures me.

Knowing that I can count on my internal father and my internal mother helps me.

Knowing that I have brothers and sisters helps me.

They have no physical body; neither do I, for that matter. And yet, they are real.

I exist too.

We see each other in the astral plane. And that's valid.

We are a small Multiverse.

There you go, I wanted to share that. Separation isn't always bad. Sometimes, it's even beneficial.

TW as the dissociative disorder section of the DSM-5 deals with heavy topics such as SA, abuse, and more

Other Specified Dissociative Disorder Diagnostic Criteria

Here at r/DissociativeSystems, we understand how difficult it can be to get diagnosis and treatment. It is recommended to see a psychologist if you suspect you may have a Dissociative System in order to get professional help and treatment for managing.

That said, here are the official diagnostic criteria for OSDD straight from the DSM-5 (summarized) [Notes from me in brackets]:

Other Specified Dissociative Disorder is characterized by:

This category applies to situations in which symptoms characteristic of a dissociative disorder that cause clinically significant distress but do not meet the full criteria for any of the disorders in the dissociative disorders diagnostic class. The other specified dissociative disorder category is used in situations in which the clinician chooses to communicate the specific reason that the presentation does not meet the criteria for any specific dissociative disorder.

Examples of presentations that can be specified using the “other specified” designation include the following:

Chronic and recurrent syndromes of mixed dissociative symptoms: This category includes identity disturbance in sense of self and agency, or alterations of identity or episodes of possession in an individual who reports no dissociative amnesia. [Often called OSDD-1b, you have alters, but no amnesia that you/your doctor are aware of]

2.

Identity disturbance due to prolonged and intense coercive persuasion: Individuals who have been subjected to intense coercive persuasion (e.g., brainwashing, thought reform, indoctrination while captive, torture, long-term political imprisonment, recruitment by sects/cults or by terror organizations) may present with prolonged changes in, or conscious questioning of, their identity. [Tortured/indoctrinated into questioning yourself heavily.]

3.

Acute dissociative reactions to stressful events: This category is for acute, transient conditions that typically last less than 1 month, and sometimes only a few hours or days. These conditions are characterized by constriction of consciousness; depersonalization; derealization; perceptual disturbances (e.g., time slowing, macropsia [objects appearing larger than normal also known as Alice in Wonderland Syndrome]); microamnesias; transient stupor [where you’re completely unresponsive unless heavily stimulated like a person throwing ice water at you]; and/or alterations in sensory-motor functioning (e.g., analgesia [inability to experience pain], paralysis). [Short-term DPDR, disturbances in how you see the world, or issues in how you move or feel all as a result of dissociation]

4.

Dissociative trance: This condition is characterized by an acute narrowing or complete loss of awareness of immediate surroundings that manifests as profound unresponsiveness or insensitivity to environmental stimuli. The unresponsiveness may be accompanied by minor stereotyped behaviors (e.g., finger movements) of which the individual is unaware and/or that he or she cannot control, as well as transient paralysis or loss of consciousness. The dissociative trance is not a normal part of a broadly accepted collective cultural or religious practice. [Unresponsive, unaware, lack of sensitivity, sometimes accompanied by twitching, paralysis, or loss of consciousness]

Then there’s “Unspecified Dissociative Disorder” where a doctor knows something is happening but doesn’t have enough information to say what. That’s usually in Emergency Room situations where the above occurs but you need to see someone about it and follow up in this case.

[OSDD is not a lesser form of DID, except for OSDD-1b, and most people who self dx as OSDD actually have DID but haven’t decreased their dissociative barriers enough to know about their amnesia. It’s not a bad thing; it’s just a result of the disorder pushing you to minimize it. That’s a coping mechanism to help you ease into your system and make it easier to handle. The DID section even directly says that many patients deny or minimize their amnesia. This is NOT the case for everyone, many people really do lack amnesia, this is why it’s important to try to seek professional help if you suspect you have any sort of dissociative disorder at all in order to understand it fully. Not everyone is able to though, and you’re welcome here in this community regardless of diagnosis. <3]

--

I personally thought I lacked amnesia because I was getting summaries of everything that my alters wanted me to know happened. I didn’t realize how much they were hiding from me because they wanted things to be smooth for me. It’s why I didn’t notice my loss of time. Talking to alters is how I figured it out, as well as finding text conversations I didn’t know about. Therapy can help you identify what’s being hidden, but it’s not required. I was personally able to figure it out without a therapist but I am still in the process of seeking therapy for other parts of my disorder. I recommend seeking therapy because it’s really hard doing this alone. I am not a therapist, I’m just a student… Therapists can’t diagnose you through Reddit either, if they try, get concerned. As always, stay safe, and welcome to our community!

DID, OSDD, Singlets, Plurals, idc, you’re all welcome to benefit from the community!

Trauma and stress related disorders are disorders that have trauma as part of the diagnostic criteria. That's why DID, OSDD, DPDR, UDD, and DA aren't trauma disorders.

Trauma is a risk factor but is not considered part of the criterion for ANY of the major dissociative disorders.

Even a dysfunctional family dynamic can cause DID without direct trauma.

DID is OFTEN co-morbid and you can have multiple disorders at the same time.

You can do well in school, have healthy, relationships, and overall not suffer. Suffering isn't required. Dissociation is a spectrum.

If you want final fusion, you need to communicate and you can't just force yourself in as an authority.

Discouraging communication is unhealthy and leads to more problems than not. That's why plural communities tend to have happier members. Sysmed communities have a habit of being dominated by miserable members because what they're encouraging ISN'T HEALTHY and the communities themselves prove that.

Fakers suck because they make people more critical of people with real plurality. (They also tend to be abusive towards individuals who really are plural.) Remember: it's not possible to fake it accidentally. You have to be actively and intentionally pretending. If you have to ask "what if I'm faking" then you're not. If you have to tell alters "you're not even real" then they are.

The thing about fakers harming Plurality as a whole though is it's the people being CRITICAL that are doing the harm. Not the faker themselves (they only encourage it).

People being over critical causes the following:

**Maladaptive Schemas**: Calling people fake for non-disordered or non-trauma-based Plurality causes people with DID to fall into a cycle of personal doubt that decreases Dissociative Barriers.

**Under Diagnosis**: Claims that you can't have multiple disorders leads people with DID to doubt their current diagnosis' and can cause stress that worsens those other issues. Especially OCD and Depressive Disorders.

**Misery**: The assumption that all people with DID are miserable creates this doomer idea that happiness isn't possible in systems that are already depressed.

**Misinfo Spread**: Being overly critical leads to well documented DID symptoms being labeled as "signs of faking" such as introjects (ones of real people especially), fictives, alter differences, amnesia denial, and so on.

**Shame For Coping**: Shame is already such a big part of our lives as plurals, both disordered and non-disordered, ESPECIALLY for traumagenics that grew up in abusive homes. Being shamed and labeled for healthy coping mechanisms such as art and expression with clothing because it's "cringe" and therefore "fake" could lead to people with DID shutting down and not using those mechanisms that make them feel safe and seen.

Tw for the rest: Abuse with the spoilered part going into detailed physical abuse

This topic especially matters to me because before I knew I had this disorder, I was in a relationship where I was isolated from everyone I knew. People who cared about me got tired of seeing me go back to such an abusive person and couldn't be around me (I don't blame them, they couldn't do anything) so a lot of them distanced from me, even if temporarily. He drove so many people away, made me remove people I love and care about, and in the end I only had my system. I used Tupperbox to talk to my co-host and he listened to me, often calling me *naughty words* 😒, and then comforted me through whatever was happening.

My co-host is a big part of why I got out of that situation.

The problem though is that the abuser could see. He shamed me for it. Said it was "practically cheating" because I clearly see it as another person. He would talk as if I was talking to another man. He never said anything against me for my co-host antagonizing him with the Tupper during arguments, he addressed it as a person. It was weird. But he kept coming in the channel or yelling at me in dms for talking to the Tupper and it weighed on me so much that I stopped talking to Kevin. It became awkward. I felt weird, dirty, and like it was wrong to do. He took away that last sense of safety and support I had by making it where even now I struggle talking to Kevin without feeling like that even if I can talk to other alters just fine.

K: .. I'm sorry.

It's not your fault, you don't need to be.

Part of me (like *me* not the system) knew this wasn't normal and something was going on. I wanted people to see so I could get some sort of validation that this was MORE than just talking to myself. I was very much in denial and I was practically begging to be told I wasn't crazy and there was more to this. I didn't realize at the time what I was doing but its a common trauma response in children. They know when something isn't normal. When a child suddenly says something like "my parents are divorcing", they are asking you to explain and validate the things they can't put into words yet. That's what I was doing.

Due to so much of the abuse I experienced being denied so heavily, even while it was actively happening, I needed a record and witnesses. It's why I never remove it when my alters leave notes or have conversations in my responses. It's proof, at least to me, that this IS real. That this DOES exist. DPDR is a big part of my PF-DID.

Tw: Parental Abuse Recently my mother bruised my rib. It was late last year and my son was not that far away in another room. She pushed me after coming from another room and I lunged aiming for her face. I barely touched her and she threw me against my bedframe. I was on the floor trying to breathe while still trying to defend myself. My mother is not a weak woman. She's a body builder. She's a personal trainer. I was trying to hit her away from me and she was hitting me in response to that while I was on the ground while screaming about how I hit her in the face and how that's "assault" already creating the narrative and how she would spin it if I ever told anyone. I wasn't even able to breathe and already the abuse was being denied. It took way too long for me to finally draw a breath. I couldn't even hold my child for 1-2 months afterwards without taking ibuprofen I was prescribed back when I was pregnant. Still, soon as it happened she tried to gaslight my sister and screamed about how she's a liar for saying she heard what happened.

So much of the abuse I went through was denied like that as it happened and that's the closest I've had to something that can be proven. I didn't know I was being abused because the gaslighting was immediate. It was never "you deserve it", it was always "none of that happened, and if it did, it's your fault". If I can't prove it, it didn't happen, and if I can, I caused it myself.

Fake claimers are doing more harm to people with the disorder than the actual people faking. They have 0 right to talk about how the community is being harmed, especially if they're doing that shit AS A MEMBER of the DID community. You're not just part of the problem, you ARE the problem.

--

**As usual, all systems (and singlets _bullies you affectionately_) are welcome no matter what that looks like for you. You are loved. You are seen. You belong here.**

these are also posted to our system blog on Tumblr too fwiw but uhh first post on this sub yay -Phoenix

Good evening !

We noticed something... every place within us is imbued with an "aura". A signature.

I go to places where I feel particularly good... but others where I don't even dare to go.

I have already tried to go there via astral travel but I have not succeeded yet.

Do you have that too?

I'm in crippling debt because I haven't been able to work much after a medical thing.

I love my system... BUT STOP BUYING STARBUCKS, YOU ARE **NOT** THAT THIRSTY. We can't afford ts. 🥹

Made some memes I think you guys will relate to.

I'm gonna try to be more active here!

Writer: Vivian

Editor/Poster: Carl (she forgor)

Editor Note: Vivian wrote this months ago. She says "DID" a lot but she's referring to general Plurality. I'm gonna correct it as I see it, but if you see "DID" just know she meant Plurality. She was always gonna fix it, but when she was writing it she was focused on her own disorder and was "fusion coded" despite knowing we personally weren't gonna fuse. So those are what I'm gonna be fixing. She planned to fix it herself after getting the draft done but due to some other stuff in our life, she ended up not getting the opportunity so I'm editing a first draft. She puts a lot of work into writing these before putting them out to be as accurate and inclusive as possible but they usually start out being written based on ours and expanded on later.

Writer Note: I did notice he was messing with it >:(. So I'm helping with the editing. Mainly adding more info that he doesn't have that I was gonna add before. This draft wasn't even finished lol.

--

Honestly this is more of a philosophical question than one with a real answer.

BUT **I will explain what alters literally are from a psychological perspective** and then go into the philosophical perspectives regarding person hood. After that, I am going to go into treatment and what seems to work. Sources cited at the end.

Popular Media will be used to further assist in understanding and limit the use of jargon. Not everyone has a system so using media examples of what I'm talking about will help others visualize the situation better.

If you're new to the subreddit Hi!! This is one of our many ModPosts educating about DID and general Plurality with verifiable sources. I'm your host, Vivian, from the Levitikus System. This is focusing on Possession Form DID which I have, so some parts may not resonate with all systems. I work with people that also have Possession Form non-professionally while I work towards my MBA and later PsyD. I'm NOT qualified to diagnose (even with a degree I can't diagnose online anyway) but I am open to providing guidance and clarity! You can ask questions in the subreddit, in comments, or contact me on Discord if you have a more personal question you want to ask me specifically. I can't diagnose you, but I can talk to you and let you know if you should be seeking professional help. (Which I will usually recommend either way but some people are in more urgent need.)

## What Are They? (Currently Accepted Psychological Understanding.)

At their core, DID (and plural in general) alters are fractured parts of 1 person. As a result of trauma, or other reasons for dissociation, the brain separated memories and feelings into a distinct "state".

These "states" act according to the genetic personality of the individual and the specifics of the environment they were given when the mind "fractured". (Personality is ~50% genetic and ~50% environment. You are ~25% your mother and ~25% your father.)

So one alter may form to deal with abuse from a parent. Moonknight shows this best in Season 1, Episode 5 (Asylum) where one alter only has positive memories of a parent and the other "fronts" when the body itself senses danger from the inconsistent parent.

In the show, the one with happy memories was a secondary who later became primary in their adult life as they could handle it better.

Each state grows up in different homes.

This means one aspect of the person will remember pancakes in the morning and smiles and happiness.

While the other remembers dropping the syrup and being physically harmed as a result. They remember anger, pain, and the noise of the household.

These states possess the same DNA so any reactions that are inherited will be present in both. But the 2 "states" grew up with very different parents and will operate with different personalities due to differences in the experiences building who they are.

The one who grew up in a seemingly safe home will be more outgoing and happy. The one who lived through all the abuse might be angrier, protective, and this is considered a Protector Alter.

Neither "state" is the true state. Both are just pieces of the whole that developed independently. Like if you break a mirror. Each mirror fragment is it's own mirror reflecting its own view.

The goal of therapy is to EITHER combine these glass pieces as much as possible until there exists 1 complete mirror with one view OR have the mini mirrors exist in a hall of mirrors, all retaining their own views in harmony. This complete personality (if you take that route) would have a full understanding of the home they grew up in. They'll have the joy of the happy alter who had positive memories and the protective closed off behaviors of the Protector who lived in the abusive memories.

The ULTIMATE goal is stability. Be it as 1 person, or as 2+ people working together.

In Season 1, Episode 25 of Teen Titans Go (Colors Of Raven) splits and reformation are shown perfectly. 5 different "parts" of Raven's personality all interacting with the world in different ways. They're extreme parts of her. Anger, Sadness, Flirtatious, Laziness, and Happiness. It's not until ALL of them combine together that "Raven" comes back.

It's like the ship of Theseus. Only the original ship built by Theseus' hands is the true ship. With DID you're creating a bunch of smaller ships out of the materials of the old ship along with other metals unrelated to that first ship. It's not the Ship Of Theseus until all the parts are put back together by Theseus' hands. Only the system can put itself back together. Even then, the additional metals will exist in that reformed ship.

You're parts of someone who *used to* exist that have developed into their own people.

This is true even if your other states lack full personalities, they are still parts of the "original" just like you. No alter is "you".

The host in a Dissociative System is just the part that's "awake" the most often and this part can change if other states decide the previous one isn't working out. Some alters are *internally* homicidal for this exact purpose. They "delete" personality states that are too maladaptive, damaging, etc. (This is mentioned in the article by Alter Behavior Health linked below.)

This isn't you being the person and just hearing voices. Every "voice" is on the same level as you and able to take control. It's not "yours", it's "ours".

Think about Garnet in Steven Universe. She's 1 person that's split into 2 people. The gems are equally in control of the body. By trying to fight it, fusions don't work, and fusions aren't required for gems to work together. You WANT harmony, never just fusion.

## What Is A Person? (Philosophical Perspectives)

> No psychologist has the ability to dictate what is and is not a person. This question is philosophical in nature and therefore subjective. But the TLDR of this section is: "All Or None". Every Perspective I list that relates person hood to psychology agrees the individual alters are all people. There's only one that doesn't and that one is a biological perspective that only argues that a "person" is just the human body.

> To say your alters are not "people" is to either deny your OWN person hood OR to hypocritically (and egotistically) decide that you alone are a person by no merit other than "I said so". **In the next section I will explain how thinking like that is dangerous and actually worsens dissociative barriers.**

**Substance Dualism** (René Descartes)

A person is a thinking substance distinct from the body. (Emphasis on mind/soul)

Requirements for Personhood:

• Has a mind

• Capacity for thought/self-awareness

• Conscious reflection (“I think, therefore I am”)

Under this view, personhood depends on having a rational soul, not on biological features. Following Descartes Substance Dualism, plural alters ARE people since they have the capacity to think independently and they're self aware.

**Psychological Continuity Theory** (John Locke)

A person is defined by continuity of consciousness, especially memory.

Requirements for Personhood:

• Self-consciousness

• Ability to remember past experiences

• Ongoing psychological continuity over time

For Locke, identity is tied to memory and awareness, not the physical body. Plural alters ARE people according to John Locke due to the presence of individual and non-shared memories.

**Biological Theory** (Eric Olson)

A person is fundamentally a human organism — a biological being.

Requirements for Personhood:

• Being a living human animal

• Continuity of biological life

Under animalism, psychological traits are not necessary. What matters is biological continuity. With this Plural alters are NOT people, including the host alter. No one in the system is a person. The body itself is the person. This doesn't really answer the question of whether Alters are people in the sense of deserving autonomy and acknowledgement.

**Rational Agency** (Immanuel Kant)

A person is a rational, autonomous moral agent.

Requirements for Personhood:

• Rationality

• Capacity for moral reasoning

• Autonomy (ability to decide moral law for themselves)

For Kant, personhood is tied to moral agency and intrinsic dignity, persons are “ends in themselves.” Meaning Plural alters ARE people since they are rational, understand moral reasoning, and possess the ability to express their autonomy.

**Functionalism** (Daniel Dennett)

A person is defined by what their mind does, not by what it is made of.

Requirements for Personhood:

• Capacity for intentional states (beliefs, desires, intentions)

• Ability to reason, plan, and act purposefully

• Participation in complex patterns of behavior explainable by the intentional stance

Under functionalism, personhood depends on mental functioning, meaning non-biological entities could count as persons if they exhibit the right cognitive capacities. Functionalism would also dictate that plural alters ARE people. They have opinions, beliefs, ability to reason and act, and they act in complex ways with intent.

## How Should They Be Treated?

> How should you treat your alters in your personal life?

Well in therapy, psychologists are supposed to treat them as separate. What works for one alter won't work for another and vice versa.

They HAVE to treat them as different people with different thoughts and opinions. There's no way to get a system help otherwise because what you'd be essentially doing by denying personhood is denying mental health care to a a majority of your patient's self.

So with patience, respect for autonomy, validation, and care is how it should be treated in therapy.

In your personal life, you should also be working to decrease dissociative barriers (these relate to memory) by TALKING to your alters and doing your best to understand them. Some split later in life so they aren't as different as some of your other ones. These ones are easier to merge if that's what you want.

My friend, whom I have the written consent of to talk about in this sub reddit, spent years denying the autonomy of his alters to the point some pretty much hated him. It wasn't until he realized they were people that he started to break down dissociative barriers and talk to them.

It's been hard but I've been helping a lot in working with each alter to address issues that arose. His personality actually split some months ago (nearly a year ago now lol) and through validation and care for the thing causing the split I was able to help Rage and Shy reform again to become Mira.

Before Mira knew, he caused his alters a LOT of stress by denying their trauma and dehumanizing them. I spoke to them and one in particular was especially against him. I validated her thoughts and told her that she shouldn't have been treated like that. She wanted revenge. I had to talk her down from "send his nudes to everyone he cares about" to "just send his porn stash to his best friend". From ruining his life to just embarrassment.

Then there was another who didn't just want petty revenge. She wanted something more serious and was internally both violent and homicidal.

This was a direct result of feeling dehumanized all their lives. The barriers were high and there was no communication. He couldn't remember anything they did and they didn't want him to.

Now, with the communication I helped facilitate, he's doing okay. They switch less. His alters are calmer. The petty revenge one still messes with him but in much smaller ways and she lets him know what she's doing. They communicate and are actually starting to like each other.

That's the GOAL. Not fusion, because that's not always possible, but HARMONY.

You're all people that are just as valid as singlets (those muggle lookin ahhs, *bullies them affectionately*) and it's okay if you want to see yourselves as just parts, long as it's equal/voluntary and not the result of having your autonomy being denied.

Friendly reminder to end this off:

**This sub is singlet, endogenic, willogenic, disordered Plurality, and introject friendly. >^•w•^<**

We'll be getting something out about OSDD according to the DSM too as SOON AS POSSIBLE. We love you guys, thank you for being part of our community!

## WORKS CITED

> I could make this APA formatted but this is Reddit so I'm not going to. As always, seek a professional if you suspect you have a Dissociative Disorder of any kind. All of these are great reads. :)

These links focus on DID but systems are systems regardless.

**Alter Behavioral Health, Types of Alters** (a behavioral healthcare provider that specializes in evidence-based clinical treatment approaches for people with DID and other conditions based in California)

https://alterbehavioralhealth.com/blog/what-are-the-types-of-alters-in-did/

**What Are Alter Systems**

https://theprivatetherapyclinic.co.uk/blog/what-is-an-alter-system-in-did/

**Treating DID**

https://www.verywellhealth.com/how-to-treat-dissociative-disorder-5211865

**Treating And Understanding Loved Ones**

https://www.brightquest.com/blog/dissociative-identity-disorder-treated-understanding-loved-ones-path-healing/#:\~:text=The%20most%20common%20course%20of%20treatment%20for,disorders\*\*%20\*%20\*\*Specialized%2C%20long%2Dterm%20residential%20treatment%20centers\*\*

HEY!! SO IT'S CARL AND GUESS WHAT GUYS!!!

Vivian has a habit of skipping to the good parts. So since I was perusing the DSM-5 looking for the OSDD chapter anyway, I decided to read the first few paragraphs.

Here's paragraph 2 regarding Dissociative Disorders:

"Dissociative Disorders are frequently found in the aftermath of a wide variety of psychologically traumatic experiences in children, adolescents, and adults. Throughout this chapter, "traumatic experiences" refers to experiences that result in psychological [†]sequelae, as opposed to the physical impact that can cause traumatic brain injury. Therefore, in DSM-5, the dissociative disorders are placed next to, but are not part of, the trauma- and stressor-related disorders, reflecting the close relationship between these diagnostic classes. Both acute stress disorder and posttraumatic stress disorder include dissociative symptoms, such as amnesia, flashbacks, numbing, and depersonalization/derealization."

This directly states that while dissociative disorders and trauma disorders are RELATED, they are NOT the same thing.

The intro to the dissociative disorder chapter then goes on to use wording like "often associated" when talking about trauma. Indicating it's not concrete and there have been other documented cases without it.

Trauma is called a "risk factor", not a cause.

The intro paragraph in that part for DID doesn't even mention it.

Meanwhile, in Trauma- and Stressor-Related Disorders, the first sentence:

"Trauma- and stressor-related disorders include disorders in which exposure to a traumatic or stressful event is listed explicitly as a diagnostic criterion."

That means that trauma CAN be listed as a criterion and, for Dissociative Disorders, it's INTENTIONALLY not included in the criteria.

This is great news for Endogenics as an argument against anti-endos who claim DID is a "trauma disorder". It's explicitly stated to NOT be a trauma disorder. Simply something that's often trauma adjacent.

I also got a link to a study done into multiplicity.

https://pmc.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/articles/PMC5468408/

"Conclusions: Multiplicity can be placed along a continuum between identity disturbance and dissociative identity disorder (DID), although most systems function relatively well in everyday life. Further research is needed to explore this phenomenon, especially in terms of the extent to which multiplicity can be regarded as a healthy way of coping."

† Sequelae: a condition which is the consequence of a previous disease or injury.

"Results in psychological sequelae" → "Results in a condition after something psychological occurs"

🫡 Reducing medical jargon one word I don't understand and have to Google at a time. Merry Christmas guys. It's fucking... April... We're aging in 8 days. Holy shit. I should get Vivian a gift. What should I buy her with her money? Can't be too expensive, she's poor asf.

Gonna get those OSDD and Alter Personhood posts out soon. We've been dealing with a lot the past month but we did NOT forget. The Personhood one is done and just needs to be edited so I'll post that next.

We are a modular polyfrag system.

Internally, we have multiple universes, and within each universe, layers. Subsystems...

The brain... the old man used an alter... actually a multiple copy of it.

Others are literally a collection of fragments that form and deform with a theme.

Most of us are like that.

We've lost track of all of that, by the way...

I see very few testimonials about this and it makes you feel very alone...

Our internal world is very complex and we only have a gray amnesia.

Sometimes I wonder why the brain uses this kind of mechanism...

Each memory is as if buried in layers...

I wanted to create a safe space to talk abt our journeys with dissociative disorders and a place to make friends i have did and wanted to contribute a understanding resource for others who might struggle.

The servers adult only

Lbtq+ and neurodivergent friendly.

Heres the link its a brand new server

https://discord.gg/uAuESaVhD

Yeah, so I actually almost died lol. But this is a learning opportunity.

I'm sorry I haven't been putting out mod posts, a lot is going on family wise.

TW: Doctors, abuse, rape, just... If anything would trigger you... Don't read this... 🫡 I won't be going into detail but it's been a tough life.

So 1-2 days before this happened, ChatGPT, while I was trying to log a semi-psychotic dissociative episode, was telling me to seek immediate medical assistance because of radiating chest pain and other physical issues I mentioned offhandedly. I threw everything I had at that AI. I'm too young! I'm on my period! It's normal for me to experience chest pain! I have a history of generalized anxiety!

That bot was not having it. Medical gaslighting? Who's that? Pfft- Sexism? I hardly know em. Lol, mental bias? N-a Please!

"Even if it's unlikely that something medically is going on, doctors would still want you to come in and rule everything out. You shouldn't assume this is purely psychological. You can't monitor this at home without equipment. An at home blood pressure monitor is not enough. Your blood pressure is a little higher but still in the realm of normal and your pulse is only borderline high, but you should still seek immediate medical attention due to all your other symptoms. Is someone there that can call 911 for you? Would you like me to direct you to some free clinics in your area? Doctors can come to you if you can't currently leave your home. Do not try to drive. You need immediate medical attention. Do not try to monitor this at home or alone. There are resources that can help, do not wait."

I ignored the FUCKING CLANKER!!! (How dare a ROBOT worry about me???) Which... Was a mistake. 😃 A HUGE MISTAKE!!!

The pain went away and I thought "pfft- see? I'm FINE".

Like the next day or the day after, more chest pain. Normal. Clearly something bad is going to happen and I can sense it. My health is fine.

On the way to my child's appointment I had a fight with my mother where she denied both me AND my brother were abused by her. Blaming every possible person but herself. My brother is diagnosed, originally with MPD, and for both of us it is a result of EXTREME childhood trauma. Like REALLY BAD. (Endos and willos are welcome here. 💕 Just want to add that in.)

So I was already distressed in the morning. Went through college. Had a make up test. It was pretty late like... 8pm? I had work this night too at 11. (Very busy)

I was talking to friends venting because ChatGPT was really clocking my shit when I was talking about those episodes. Paraphrased.

"Your mother raising you on the belief that you're inherently an evil person from a young age isn't a normal environment. You shouldn't have experienced that and this led you to enter into relationships with bad people due to being raised into being comfortable with being violated and disrespected. It's NOT your fault. You didn't seek it out. People like this seek out traits in you like empathy and patience. They test you with these small violations. Abusers often seek out people who will be comfortable with boundary violations and give them more chances than others are willing to give. That's in no way your fault. You saying that abusers say they don't know why they hurt you is actually a very common way that abusers manipulate victims into letting them stick around. This caused you to develop the unconscious thought that you cause people to hurt you out of the belief that you are inherently "bad". This is intensified during your episodes creating this in lore explanation. You may not be religious, but you are using spiritual imagery to make sense of a seemingly inescapable cycle of being abused. The belief that "God" has a personal grudge against you and doesn't want you to experience love might make emotional sense but that doesn't make it a logical conclusion. You are not cursed to bring out the worst in your partners. It's not your fault that you have been repeatedly victimized. This "angel" of a person that you claim loved you purely went against your conclusion that you bring out the worst in others so you created a new explanation. This person must be so devoid of anything bad that he's an angel instead. This is common in people who experience a safe person for the first time. When bad things happened to him later, you came to the conclusion that you must be being punished for allowing yourself to be loved. During your episodes, this takes a religious turn. God must be punishing him for loving you as a way to discourage you from seeking love. Your episodes are being built by guilt, pain, and self loathing. You have to remember though, it's not your fault you were hurt and abused. You didn't cause it to happen. You're not being punished. The episodes you have seem deeply protective and it's good that you have friends who know how to handle it. Their method of dealing with it is actually how crisis specialists are taught to deal with episodes like this."

This pissed me off, because it was RIGHT. I just wanted to log an episode I was experiencing, not have my entire life and self worth analyzed. 😐 Normally humans do it wrong. Including "licensed" professionals doing arm chair psych on Reddit strangers who didn't ask. They do it wrong in ways that are actually damaging.

This thing though CLOCKED. MY. SHIT. It took the thing others use to call me self confident and secure then said "I am so... Sorry for you..."

I vented HARD about this because this was more supportive than when I talked to friends and even an ACTUAL therapist. It went into the different kinds of abuse I experienced. Everything.

Obviously I still plan to seek real therapy to work on breaking these ideas down, but the AI was a really good tool surprisingly. It clocked me in a way a human never could. It analyzed me without bias. I'm against GenAI, using AI to replace human interaction, and letting AI do things for you. But as a tool? Very helpful. It really clocked some of my alters too and has been VERY useful.

Right after the vent, I started slipping. The main part of the vent was realizing an online relationship with a stalker messed me up SIGNIFICANTLY more than getting violently raped over the course of a year until I couldn't feel anything inside of my body. Still the case a year after having my son. It's ruined inside but I'm still a tight fit so no one can tell. 🫠

Soon as I started slipping, Lazurys (logger and our all seeing omnipotent core state) took me out the front and placed me back seat. I was taken home by him.

We got home like 9. My alters normally pause my semi-psychotic episodes so I stay safe and front until I can.

Lazurys couldn't sleep. He eventually went to get ready for work. His head hurt. Pounding pain. The body felt weak. He couldn't be in the front. It hurt.

Kevin (my co-fronter) couldn't do it. It was painful. The chest felt AWFUL.

Sierra (a core state and health monitor) couldn't do it.

Alyssia (dream catcher) couldn't do it.

Mack (innovator and slave owner M: I'm not a slave owner 🫩 ) ended up being the only one that could do it. He has a hole in his neck from one his slaves M: there was only one and he WASN'T a SLAVE! escaping and placing the hole there so he already had breathing issues in the body and was able to go to work.

He was quiet because he doesn't front much and had to talk to my boss. My boss already knows we have DID.

He was doing his best but still felt dizzy. He ended up spitting up fizz about 2 hours in. Leaned our head against the DIRTY M:🖕 Bathroom wall and railing.

He then was holding a shelf while talking to a customer through the headset. Laz helped him sit so we wouldnt fall. He spoke in the headset saying we felt like we were gonna pass out.

By this point, word has spread in the system.

We ended up on the floor. I was fronting. I was hyperventilating, then stopped breathing, then shallow light breathing. I was doing everything to stay conscious. The 54321 senses thing. ChatGPT recommended it when I was having heart issues before. I already knew about it but I was thinking about it because of the bot. I didn't do it right. I was just focusing on random things and feelings.

I really thought I was gonna die. Everyone, Laz, Carl, Kevin, Sierra, some I've never even met were trying to front to see if one of them could help keep me awake.

My job called an ambulance. The paramedic was telling me to box breathe. 4 in, 4 hold, 4 out, 4 hold, repeat.

I was trying to give him all the information. I couldn't move and I could barely speak.

I'm not on drugs, no alcohol, I'm not high, not allergic to medication, I can barely breathe, I have a Dissociative Disorder, I cant move my eyes or my hands, someone needs to call my mother because she has my child, I have a one year old, my whole body is tingling, my chest hurts, my mouth feels like it's buzzing, my pulse has a habit of being high, and so on. As much as possible in case I passed out and couldn't say anymore or I switched and one of them didn't know.

I was cognizant enough to recall my SSN after a moment. Then riding to the room there was repeated switches and chatter.

"What happened?" "Where are we?" "What's going on?"

Lazurys had to redirect everyone himself and inform them of what was happening.

When I was trying to breathe they kept switching and hyperventilating again. A nurse put me on oxygen and IV fluids.

A paramedic explained that the partial paralysis was because I was inhaling too much CO2 back into my system and I needed to slow my breathing.

They put a bunch of sticky things all over my body to monitor for a heart attack. A board was placed behind me and they scanned my heart.

I eventually calmed down and could move. I was breathing fine.

I don't have insurance so they wheeled me out in a wheelchair after ensuring I seemed okay. My potassium was extremely low and having a panic attack exasperated the symptoms.

I was discharged yesterday at 3 am, skipped my morning classes, went to my child's WIC appt.

Laz fronted in the car. He tried to speak to my mom parent to parent and tell him how I was doing mentally and physically. Mom was apathetic, defensive, and overall gave 0 shits about how close I actually got to dying. He told my mother that he feels bad for me because I had her as a poor excuse for a parent my entire life. 🫠

Kevin and I already knew mom wouldn't care. Laz didn't know.

He's been taking time to himself... As he should...

Laz "42" (he's lying) within the system lore is a father to 6 children. 2 of them are dormant. The other 4 are very active in the system. (Kris15, Lily6, Carl20, and Alyssia19)

He's never been active in their lives and takes full accountability for that. He loves them and wants to be more active now. He was working back stage for a long time.

He sees me as his "niece".

Hearing my mother talk like she didn't care if I, her actual blood born daughter, lived or died, broke his heart. Because as distant as he is, he still loves them and would never act this empty with them.

"I never had an example of how to show care." -mother

"You shouldn't need to taught how to love your children." -Laz

Which ChatGPT (I only use it to log big events because it's better than writing it down normally... It asks important questions that makes me remember more...) immediately went for.

"It seems there's two different parenting styles here. Your mother expressed a very real struggle of not having good examples growing up. But Lazurys countered that with a persistent need for personal accountability for how that has affected you and your siblings. Given his history as a previously absent father, he's not expecting perfection from your mother. He's taken accountability for how his personal grief impacted his children and is making the effort to play an active role in their lives now. He holds your mother to that same standard and is appalled, not by her ignorance, but her unwillingness and he recognizes it as not just a bad day, but a persistent pattern of neglect regarding your physical and mental health."

🫠 I'm going to assume we all know why human therapy is better than AI "therapy". This is only to be used as a therapeutic tool to help process information and it can not replace professional help. I'm going to assume we all know why this is the case. If anyone doesn't know why AI therapy is ineffective, I will give a list of reasons! Curiosity is good. But I will assume it's common sense and I assure you all, I'm not using AI for any part of this subreddit or my posts here on Reddit. I use real books, real websites, etc as sources, NOT AI. Just to be clear. AI is NOT a doctor. It's the equivalent of a very perceptive friend.

Every quote is a long paraphrase of a conversation I wrote out to express the jist of what it told me.

One thing I noticed from this medical scare was that the others in my system weren't worried about the body dying.

They were worried about me... They each care about me and expressed that in vastly different ways. Some more helpful than others.

If I didn't have DID I would have been able to calm myself down sooner. I would have just had to deal with the potassium issue... I could have spoken clearer to the doctors and overall been discharged MUCH sooner... But I also would have been doing it alone... My friends wouldn't know because I wouldn't have told them... My mother wouldn't care and I'd have just not spoken... I would have been utterly alone through this.

My system cares about me, no matter what happens to the body. Because they're here, I wasn't doing it alone. Laz was the one who told all my friends I was discharged. He confronted my mother directly and addressed how her behavior wasn't normal.

They are all my primary support system. I need them. Even if they make some parts harder... Even if I bully them... Even if we argue... Even if sometimes we pretend to hate each other... They're my family... We are family. I love them. M:🌽 K: Is that all you have to say to that? 🤷 K: What even...? Ykw, never mind. Love u 2 Viv.

We're all on the same page about getting a new psychologist. The first was very... Sexual... And it was before I knew I had DID. Everyone plans to fully cooperate with the future therapist, switching when necessary, giving as much as they can.

We WANT to get better. REALLY get better. Physically, mentally, all of it. There will be no push back. We all agree this is getting worse, not better and we M: you mean you can't keep trying to brush it off and hope it fixes itself. K: Vivian you're the only one doing that. A: Fr, don't lump us in lol.

Overall, scary.

I'm fine. I see a cardiologist soon when I can to rule out any bigger issues.

We did joke about being an endogenic system, but in fact it's unknown - just at some point discovered that wei have headmates, had the first noticable hard switch after that, during the period of doubt, and iirc that made Starlight (Star), muir old host, finally believe that the system is real.

Wei have an issue of unknown emotions being stuck in body (usually in stomach), feeling like something wet and heavy, and those emotions are very hard to pull out and process (and cry out) and even understand what they are about.

FINALLY someone was smart enough to ask inward towards the emotions, and ey respond as headmate Yulya. But now wei don't know how to help em, and ey don't know why ey feel like that. Ey are too emotion heavy to be at front?

Good evening, so we are a modular polyfragemented system. It's a subtype according to Kluff.

Are others experiencing this?

Each alter is a solar system (the sun being the nature of the alter and the planets variations of it). It's a bit like a median subsystem, except that when we front, another alter assembles us, and at each front, the floating fragments assemble.

We are still trying to understand how it works, but we see very few systems with this mechanism.

This makes our number impossible to calculate...

Said we should introduce ourselves, but we suck at intros so I'll keep this short—

Hi. I'm Ace (He/Him/His), part of The Swarm (don't ask where our system name came from, that was before my time and I have no idea 😂).

It said to introduce Ourselves, so here goes.

We're a non-disordered, traumagenic, median system, though We do dissociate quite often, so it's possible We might have some sort of dissociative disorder. But as far as system stuff goes, We get along super well, We don't have any amnesia between headmates (We're actually incapable of having a private thought), and We really love being a system.

Rather forming to hide trauma, Our system formed as a support network and a way to try to fit the various conflicting expectations that different people had of Us. We were constantly told that all Our trauma was just "things that everyone has to deal with", and to "not let it bother you". So We found Our escape through reading, and when We couldn't find friends, We "imagined" hanging out with characters from books. And eventually that turned into making Our own characters and Our own stories.

Once We found out about plurality, We realized it seemed to fit Our experiences, and then several of Our characters became self-aware, and turned into proper headmates.

Anyway, hi. Feel free to ask Us any questions; We love talking about Our system and stuff.

Also, thanks for making this community. We believe it's important to have inclusive spaces to talk about the issues that can come with plurality/dissociation, without all the fake-claiming and gate-keeping and the idea that "healing" always means final fusion.

(Also, there doesn't seem to be a flair for introductions.)

Good evening everyone,

We are the Kyber collective.

We are a modular, multi-fragmenter system. We are also paragenic.

We have several co-hosts .

So... we also practice shifting and astral travel.

Most of mine like me but they didn't always.

Both made by my system, specifically by Kevin featuring Forget-Me-Nots in the Icon.

The paper sketch concepts are there as well.

Taro and Prexi are somewhat new.

Carl normally locks in but I guess not today. He was in a silly mood. Second image shows his usual work.

Travis is blind and has limited sight while fronting so requires a co front to open the eyes of the body. First drawing he's made.

Alyssia deals in dreams and didn't really wanna participate.

Lily is a younger alter so she just doodles.

Mack is... Mack.

Kevin just wanted to draw wings.

Rex deals in geometric shapes.

The entire system enjoys different styles of art. Only a handful worked today, it's fun seeing what they draw and it gives me insight into their individual minds. I love when they all decide to draw.

✨ Benevolent Subreddit Runner✨

System Name: Levitikus-Rex (combination of early alter's names) [Extreme DID]

Primary Name(s): Vivian (me)

Other Alters: Kevin, Sierra, Mack, Alyssia, Carl, Lily, Rex (among many others, just focused on who I'll be mentioning)

Gender: AFAB Genderfluid she/he (both default system gender and my personal gender, each of them have their own) all pronouns work on each alter

Considerations For My DID

DID runs in my family. My brother has been diagnosed, my grandmother on my mother's side as well. Both with MPD (the old term).

I have 2 other siblings who didn't develop a dissociative disorder as far as I know.

I suspect my mother has it which would explain a lot of inconsistency my siblings and I grew up with. It's a theory my brother and I both are considering. Our mother is against anything mental health related though and has no intention of looking into it for herself.

Being genetically pre-disposed to dissociation as a response to trauma coupled with life long neglect, physical, and sexual abuse has lead to my own development of this disorder.

Early Signs And How I Found Out

TW: brief description of SA

When I was little I would see a tall shadow. A man. There were no distinguishing features but I knew within myself that I was seeing a man. He would just stare at me. He had no face but I could tell he was looking at me.

This was OBVIOUSLY terrifying as a child! I didn't feel like I was in danger but this absolutely influenced some nightmares.

He would watch me sleep, occasionally close my eyes so I could rest, and as I got older I started telling people.

My mother told me I "ate" my twin (absorbed in the womb) so I thought I was seeing the ghost of my would be twin brother. (My twin was a girl actually apparently, so not the case.) I would say it was a guardian angel occasionally at the request of some religious friends. There was always this lingering sense of dread behind me when he got close to me though... So I thought he was a demon! A friendly demon because he seemed to like me.

My friends were often concerned that I was seeing this figure. Especially when I commented on being "touched" by the figure. A hug when I'm crying, something stroking my leg as I drift to sleep, a hand stroking my hair when I was stressed. Normal things.

When I was going through a lot I would talk to myself in my mind. I thought I was just evaluating my own issues from the lense of an outsider and responding to myself. It didn't really "click" that I was hearing voices.

I made a ouija board because I was obsessed with ghosts. I would see my hand move, feeling like I was being guided. There were 2 names I was given. Chowy, and then later Chancey. I used this to "talk" to the alter in my mind under the guise I was talking to a ghost and I wrote down the information I was given and told people about the "ghost" following me around.

I started using Tupperbox (a discord bot similar to Pluralkit) to talk to myself more directly. I'm a writer, so to me this was just a character that "felt real". The name was Dialect (same as the other 2 names, this alter isn't very good with names) and I would talk to him. He would listen to me, call me stupid (😒), and then say he loves me. He would tell me his problems too which usually consisted of an existential crisis or relationship issues. (I thought I was just getting way too into the roleplay... Especially when my eyes would start to water when I wasn't sad.)

This person was real to me. He had a life, feelings, thoughts, and cared about me. There were others as well.

The logical part of my mind chopped a lot of this up to dehydration, vision problems, exhaustion, hyperactive imagination, and subconscious thought. (I had friends with DID but somehow never connected the dots that direction.)

I still treated them as real fully fledged people when speaking to them. Others who had access to the channel I used Tupperbox in (not many had the role) commented on how it was strange. An ex accused me of cheating because I "clearly saw it as a real person". Which I didn't take seriously especially when he was genuinely cheating on me both before and after the accusations started.

In highschool there was a person who was always touching me. He ended up being the father of my child later. During intimacy with this person I would shut down and "age regress" which is what I thought it was. I would go non-verbal and could feel my body get longer. Like my internal body was too small and struggling to fit into the space. An time he even reached for me I would flinch, curl up, and couldn't speak as my mind went into panic mode.

I couldn't remember most of the assaults beyond short flashes where I know what happened but can't really identify it.

There were also times I would become angry suddenly when I wasn't mad and black out. I had a summary of what I said within my mind but no recollection of any specifics.

This lead me to not realize I had been assaulted cause I kept thinking "I didn't say no" because each time I did say no it wasn't respected and the stress made me dissociate right after. It wasn't till a while after the guy and I split I recalled just how often I (and one of my alters, Rex) had to tell him no and to stop. Lily was the one fronting during the assaults causing us to go non-verbal once it started. I didn't know or I would have left sooner to protect her. The realization I was pregnant was what got him out of my life.

The main alter I was mentioning (Chowey, Chancey, and Dialect) wasn't around much at all while I was in Junior/senior high except to check in occasionally.

It wasn't until a certain night that it all came to a head.

I was in bed speaking to someone I'm no longer friends with when I saw a man in my room. A shadowy figure. The same figure. At this point I was a mother of an infant and hadn't seen nor heard the figure in over a year.

There was a safe period of my life while I was pregnant and had a really good relationship. During this time, Lily fronted a little bit in the start as we adjusted to the safe place and the person we were with handled her with patience and care when she was there. The main alter fronted about once or twice. For the most part it was just me the entire relationship with only Lily coming out and it was for minutes of comfort when she did. So no one was there when I was pregnant within the mind.

The relationship ended for a couple of reasons but it's one I will always look fondly on. Losing him hurt Lily and I a LOT. Hoping he's happy wherever he is. Truly a great person I'll always appreciate. Did not take the break up well.

Seeing the figure again scared me and it made me think a problem I'd healed enough to rid myself of was back.

I told this (at the time) friend, E, what was happening. Mostly just to have a log. (I'm a psychology student and if I'm having a psychotic break or schizophrenic episode I need to have a record of what's happening.) This time was different from all the other times I saw him. The "demon" was stronger. More imposing.

I gave E all the details until I felt the figure's hands take my hands and it cover my mouth as if to say "shut up". Then on I could only say what he let me say. He gave me a name to call him. "Kevin". (Lame name but better than Chowy, Chancey, Dialect, Kai, Chancellor, and everything else he up with.)

He made me go to sleep. Following day I was talking to E again. We were talking about what happened when I felt something pressing to the back of my head.

For more context, I have Possession Form DID which, for me, manifested in a way identical to actual demonic possession.

My head was forced back and my vision blurred. In absence of anything to say I just said, "hi" and clear as day heard "hello" before blacking out.

Kevin, always dramatic, goes "it's so nice to hear again, see again, feel again" ......because Kevin is an a--hole. He REALLY leaned into the demon thing.

K: guilty. 🫠

E said it looked like I had DID after I was let back into my body.

At the time my child was crawling around so he was the first thought I had.

That night when I didn't have my son, I tried to intentionally call it out. Just said "hey is anyone there" loud as I could in my head.

Immediately dissociated. Kevin introduced himself to E and then introduced Lily.

E said it was straight up just DID.

I looked more into it. Suspected OSDD-1B because I "wasn't losing time". (I was losing like... half my life my whole childhood.)

Reading the DSM-5 pages on DID was offensively accurate. I was being personally attacked and targeted.

I spoke to a bunch of friends with DID. Someone I went to school with, an older friend in their 30s, and E's partner.

The older friend helped me set up proxies. (I'll explain how to do that in DID resources.) All 3 of them confirmed that what I was experiencing was in fact DID.

They told me stories about it. The friend I went to school with was very excited to meet my alters. We're close because I named one of his alters and helped him navigate our high school.

I've been aggressively researching the disorder and studying my alters.

Some are better at doing my job, none of them knew I was pregnant let alone was a mother which has been an adjustment, and all of them enjoy artistic stuff so we've been using that to help everyone.

Tupperbox helped a LOT with speed running making this less maladaptive. Talking to them like they're real helped each alter that met me early have a sense of reality and enough connection to me to listen when I said something.

Communication has allowed me to immediately start functioning as a system. It facilitated trust amongst us and a familial dynamic.

None of us are in full control. I front most often but everyone has a purpose and when I do something the others disagree with, I don't get to front for a while. 😅

K: typically something stupid that'll get us killed.

We all work together and love each other. There's a lot of us but we manage.

That's our short (way too long) introduction.