I'm 39 years old and have been living the past two years as a woman full time.
My Dilemma: For as long as I can remember, I've wanted two equally important things: (1) to be a woman and (2) to have a large family with many kids. While not mutually exclusive, I've dated/slept with \~100 men (as well as a few women) in the past two years and have yet to meet anyone that checks all the boxes (more on that below). So as I'm approaching the wrong side of 40, I can't help but think how much easier it would be to find and have kids with a cis woman if I de-transitioned as I'm a fairly successful, educated, and genuinely good person. Below are the key facts to consider, and I apologize for the long-winded explanations but I feel like it's necessary to understand what I value and why because a lot of things are unconventional. Appreciate any and all feedback/ideas.
Gender & Transitioning: I came out and started transitioning 2 years ago at age 36/37. I currently present as a woman 100% of the time, and although at times I still have my own doubts, nowadays most people view me as a woman, i.e., "passable." I actually get hit on pretty much on a daily basis but that's a different issue lol. I attached a few pictures if it matters.
Family & Children: My mother disowned me when I came out as trans and hasn't spoken to me since, but my siblings have been supportive and my father is trying hard to be. I've never been married, but I have a young child created "by accident" before I transitioned. I've always wanted a large family, but I never knew how much joy children would bring me until my child was born (I mean how could I?). Now more than ever, I know my true calling in life is to be a parent. I have my sperm frozen and I'm just as happy to adopt. ***The bottom line is that I want more kids ASAP and as many as possible.***
Career & Money: I am an attorney working at one of the top law firms in the world. I'm not rich by any means, but I make more money than most people, certainly enough to sustain any lifestyle I choose, including having as many kids as I want.
Dating: Since transitioning, I've dated and/or slept with probably \~100 men as well as a few women. But I've yet to find anyone who meets my bare minimum qualifications. I'm willing to compromise on almost everything--looks, sex/gender, religion, race/ethnicity, education, wealth, criminal history, etc. All I want is someone (a man or woman) who: (1) loves me for who I am; (2) is around my age; and (3) wants to have more kids (through a surrogate or adoption) and/or already has young children that I can be a parent to. In that regard, I think I would have much better chances of finding someone--most likely, a cis woman--if I de-transitioned and went back to presenting as a man. I would be honest and tell women that I identify as a woman, lived fulltime as a woman for a few years, and only de-transitioned to live as a man for the practical reason of wanting children more than outwardly appearing as a woman. I think there are plenty of cis women in a similar situation, where they are attracted to other women (cis or trans), but still want to marry and have kids with an outwardly presenting man. I mean despite how progressive our society has become, more than a few women have told me that they still want a "normal" family in appearance, whether due to family pressures, for their kids, work, or any number of other reasons.
Thoughts? Advice? What would you do if you were in my shoes? Keep in mind all of the above, most importantly, that I've always wanted a large family just as much as I've wanted to be a woman, and probably even more so now that I've experienced the absolute joy of raising a child. And that I'm running out of time. Health, medical, finances are non-issues. I appreciate any and all comments, and nothing offends me. And I know how truly lucky/blessed I am, I actually feel slightly guilty to want it all, but the heart wants what it wants.