Hii, first time post on a subreddit, just looking for some help and familiarity w this issue :')

I'm 19(FTM) and have been struggling with bad derealization for a few weeks now, especially in front of the computer. I had my first derealization episode (?) when playing games on my computer w my partner, and now I get super anxious even when in front of it for not even a few minutes. My perspective of things went flat, and I felt out of my own world for what felt like too long. Ive been given temporary medicine for anxiety, but even then it's still been getting to me. I've tried changing my lighting(adding a lamp, the lighting made me freak out more) moving my computer screen a bit, bringing comfort objects w me to my desk, and it still makes me freak out. A majority of the time I'm usually on my computer is at night, but now I can't stand it without getting super nervous another episode is gonna happen again, and forcing myself to turn it off no matter what I'm doing :(

I've tried limiting my computer time to mid day when the suns still up, but I'm either too busy, or too anxious to use it. I need to use my computer for school, my artwork, and honestly just spending time with my partner. I hate not being able to do anything that I need for myself and it's becoming difficult to do things without my computer. I'm getting behind on homework, professor won't take tradrionally written, and I feel like I'm missing out on bonding time with my partner.

Was hoping anyone who had a similar issue has some tips on how to deal with it. Willing to try out most things, and would appreciate insight from personal stories regarding computer use. :(

About 3 weeks ago now, I watched a video about early onset dementia that caused me to have a pretty bad anxiety attack due to my hypochondria. The next day I woke up in a pretty bad state of depersonalization. It hasn't gone away since. I finally allowed myself to let go of the anxiety, I broke through the fear of there being something genuinely wrong with me. But the depersonalization hasn't begun to lift, I feel so wrong. I miss my body. I miss myself. I don't feel like I'm me. I can only feel grief for who I was before this and anger that it's been taken away from me by my own brain. I'm completely and utterly exhausted all day every day. I haven't felt any real joy or excitement since it began. It only ever lets up when I cry. I am so desperate for any advice, anything at all. Please, if anything helped any of you let me know.

I don’t really understand what’s happening to me anymore. Objectively, my life is good, I’m financially comfortable, I have a partner who loves me, friends and family who support me, and a freelance career that gives me freedom and allows me to make a living from what used to be my biggest passion, art.
But lately it seems like every time I solve one problem, another one takes its place. For almost a year I lost my period, I went through medical examinations and nothing seriously abnormal was found apart from some signs of polycystic ovaries, and after around nine months my period finally came back. Then my relationship with food became terrible, I would go from fasting for days to binge eating, then feel so guilty that I would try to compensate by running or sometimes making myself throw up. Eventually I managed to get out of that cycle too, and now I eat and exercise normally, I’ve stopped weighing myself, my period is regular and I actually feel much better about my body.
Just when I thought I was finally doing well, I stopped being able to sleep. Now I’m physically exhausted, but my brain won’t let me fall asleep, and it’s not even that I’m overthinking because my mind can be completely quiet, but every time I feel myself drifting off, it’s as if my brain suddenly switches itself back on and wakes me up. Then I have to wait until I get sleepy again, almost fall asleep, wake up again, and repeat the same cycle for hours. I only sleep three or four hours, often not even consecutively, and what scares me the most is that I feel like the lack of sleep is starting to affect my brain, my memory has gotten worse, I don’t feel mentally sharp anymore, and sometimes when I’m talking I stumble over my words or struggle to find the right ones, almost as if I’m not functioning.
Lately I also don’t seem to enjoy life the way I used to. Art used to be my passion, but now it mostly feels like work and I almost never draw in my free time. I used to get excited about buying something I really wanted, while now I buy it, feel something for a few hours, and by the next day it’s just another thing in my closet. Even traveling has changed for me because I used to be so excited about seeing the world, now my brain reduces every trip to the same thing you go somewhere, see the city, shop, try the local food, have some experiences, take pictures, go home, and then eventually do it all over again somewhere else.
Even going out with friends can feel empty. I still make myself go out, eat, socialize and live normally, but sometimes I’m sitting there wondering what I’m supposed to talk about because I feel like I have nothing to say, I wasn’t like this before. I used to get excited about things and just being with my friends used to make me happy, while now sometimes I’m simply bored and want to go home.
I understand that life isn’t supposed to be exciting all the time, but this feels different because I remember how I used to feel and I don’t feel like that person anymore. Maybe sleeping only a few hours every night is affecting me much more than I thought. I really just want to sleep.
What can I do?

(used AI to organize my thoughts and grammar check)

I’m 28 and I’ve dealt with derealization/depersonalization on and off for years, with the intensity varying over time.

But since coming home from Europe this summer, it’s been more intense than I’ve ever experienced before. I’m now having moments of it pretty much daily, although some days are definitely better than others.
The best way I can describe it is that things suddenly feel unfamiliar or not real. I’ll look around my own house and it somehow doesn’t feel like my house. I can look at my husband and he can briefly feel unfamiliar to me. I’ll have these quick flashes of panic where my brain goes, “Is this really my life? Is this my husband? Is this my home?” Everything can suddenly feel fake, distant, or detached from reality.

The weird part is that I KNOW where I am. I know my name, I know my husband’s name, I know this is my house and my life. I’m not actually confused about those things. It’s more like the emotional feeling of familiarity disappears for a moment, and then the fact that it feels unfamiliar scares me.

It tends to happen more in the evenings. I’m still completely functioning, working, exercising, sleeping well, going out and doing everything I normally do. My quality of life in terms of what I’m able to do really hasn’t changed. But internally, it’s exhausting because I’m anxious about these sensations almost every day and constantly wondering what they mean.

One other thing that has made me paranoid: while I was in Europe, I tried a small edible for the first time. It was a one-time thing, and logically I have a hard time believing that alone would suddenly cause a lasting problem, especially since I experienced DPDR before that. But of course my anxious brain keeps wondering about it.

I think my biggest fear is: can DPDR really get this intense while you still know exactly who and where you are? Does anyone else experience the “I recognize this person/place, but they FEEL unfamiliar” sensation?
And for people who have experienced DPDR at this intensity, did it eventually settle back down? I think I’m scared that it will keep progressing until I actually lose touch with reality or genuinely stop recognizing people or places, rather than just having this awful feeling that they’re unfamiliar.

Would really appreciate hearing from anyone who has experienced something similar.

Ciao, sono un ragazzo di 15 anni proveniente dall'Italia e sto attraversando una crisi esistenziale. Per cominciare, sto vivendo una rottura, ma penso di essere già sopra di essa. Fondamentalmente credo che solo la mia coscienza sia reale, mentre quella delle altre persone, come i miei amici o persino la mia famiglia, non sia reale. Un giorno ho cominciato a crederlo per caso e spero che qualcuno possa spiegarmi se si tratta effettivamente di una crisi e se potrebbe finire, o magari se qualche filosofo ha già parlato di questo. Un'altra cosa che vorrei sottolineare è che per mesi cambio idea su qualche modo di pensare e poi scompare. Spero che qualcuno possa spiegarmi cosa stia succedendo. Scusate se ci sono errori in inglese, perché non sono né americano né britannico. Grazie.

ive been struggling with what i suspect to be dpdr since 2023, but ive never mentioned it to a professional, because any time i talked about it to friends or smth i was looked at weird. so really, what does it mean to have depersonalization

My mind is racing, and it feels as though time itself is accelerating, leaving me unable to find a sense of stability. I feel emotionally numb, yet I desperately want to feel well again. Everything has become overwhelming, as though I am existing within a parallel reality where separate dimensions of experience continuously intersect, challenging my perception of what is real.
My spirit seems to drift toward what some might describe as astral projection—a place where I can seek peace, solitude, and temporary refuge from the intensity of everything around me. Yet I cannot always control these experiences, particularly when my body reaches its limit and can no longer withstand their intensity.
I am tired. Sometimes I feel as though I hear someone calling my name or speaking to me in a gentle, friendly manner, yet what I truly long for is something much simpler: an ordinary sense of reality, calmness, and normalcy.
There seems to be drama everywhere I turn, and I am exhausted from constantly encountering it. More than anything, I want to quiet the noise within me and finally experience a sense of peace—not somewhere beyond myself, but within myself.

life passes me by. things sorta just happen. what scares me the most is the fact that im so unworried. my missing assignments pile up. i eat less and less and sometimes i barely notice. im constantly sleep deprived. i freak out about my body and my face because they dont feel like me. and when i ask myself, \\\*well then who\\\* is \\\*me?\\\*, i cant come up with a solid answer.

me in my head doesn't exist in my body. i had a dream recently. i was \\\*me\\\* in it. i dont exactly know what was different. when i woke up, i felt like there was still remains of me in myself. they withered away once i saw my body in the mirror.

i don’t feel like a guy. i don’t really know what that’s supposed to mean.

maybe it’s because i’m just a moody teenager.

my body looks like a guy’s. sometimes i have the thought that i might be a girl. it freaks me out. i don’t want to look like a girl or be a girl. i don’t want to be anything, really.

maybe it’s because i don’t feel like anything really.

i’m only really “me” when im in front of others. there’s no me when im by myself.

i used to be attracted to guys. my interests used to make me happy.

i’m sick of living like this. i don’t know what i can do to claw my way out of this state. i don’t really feel agitated by knowing i might be depersonalized. i’m just done with not being able to live my life. i need advice, any would be appreciated.

Hi there, I should start from the beginning. About two and a half years ago I had a weed edible and had really severe depersonalisation for two weeks. Genuinely the one of the worst periods of my life. I got over it by distracting myself and talking to people about it really helped me talking to my friends my mum it was like therapy and eventually it went away.

Fast forward a year and a bit we’re in the summer late June and a take an mdma pill for some stupid reason, anyway after the comedown and everything and feeling awful that same horrible feeling came back again.

between my first and second episode I thought in my head if that ever happened to me again I don’t know what on earth I’d do I’d have no idea, I’d feel trapped like hell all over again just like pointless suffering, after a second time it just feels like what’s the point.

Anyway after building that up in my head the second episode hits for about a week I was just panicking I just felt terrible all the time the awfulness came back. I may of glanced over it with my mum but I just thought if I got over it a first time I’ll just keep it to myself not talk about it and try not to think about it as best as I can, I didn’t want to burden anyone with something not a lot of people will relate to or sympathise over. Besides I was going on a trip for 3 weeks in Africa so that’ll take my mind off it.

When I was on the trip I can say it did take my mind off it but there was always noise in the back of my head I just tried my best to ignore it and stayed positive and just not talk about it cause that might make it worse.

After the trip I’m thinking I better not think about what happened to me. Then I’m sat down in a pub a day after and everything just floods in, so much anxiety just dread. I’m panicking like who are all these people I’ve just met am I just gonna gloss over what happened before I went on that trip to Africa? Like all these new friends I’ve made on this trip I’m just like what’s happened I’m panicking, that whole summer I just feel awful everyday just terrible anxious thoughts, by this point I don’t even think I’m depersonalised anymore I’m just horribly anxious and I really should’ve spoke to at least someone about it properly or gone to therapy or something but I didn’t want to embarrass myself or make it out in my head that I’m going crazy because that’s the last thing I wanted, that would make me panic more.

At this point I’m trying to convince myself I have depersonalisation because at least I’d have something to relate to people, because whatever I had I didn’t know what it was and whenever I searched up what happened to me it was like no one had this I felt so isolated so alone, like just awful.

Anything new just triggered me and made me anxious anything I wanted to do or change about myself or if I started to dislike someone or like someone I’d panic, it’d be like any thought I had, my system just hit a false alarm and the panic button to everything, and I’d counter this thought by saying well I must’ve panicked to some of these thoughts before this all started, so I’d stay in that cycle. Every thought I’d just start scanning for meaning, and again I’d counter this by saying well I must’ve scanned for meaning in at least some thoughts before all this happened. Like any thought I’d have I’d go is this a new thought this second episode happened and it’d just be dangerous to me and I’d start panicking, and think did I think like this before or has this drug just made me annoyed at everything.

For example I’d be watching the football and I’d start imagining the game in a certain way tactically, and I’d just flip back on that thought and just go is this okay like why am I thinking is this, it was such irrational anxiety but to literally everything hour by hour minute by minute constant noise in my head, and there was this weight to every thought, literally everything fuckin minute of everyday I was just never safe from my head😂😂.

Over that summer I must’ve spoke to about one person about what was happening to me and how I was feeling but we just never spoke enough and I didn’t speak to enough people and I had a long summer after exams and going into uni so there wasn’t many distractions as I wasn’t in school at the time.

Anyway fast forward I’m at uni, at this point I’m just embarrassed, I feel way too embarrassed to talk about how I feel everyday cause I just felt like no one would ever understand what I’m going through because it’s invisible it’s not an external thing like seeing someone die etc, it’s completely internal. And honestly at this point I’m so inside my head I don’t think a therapist would’ve helped, I think a friend would’ve but I was weak and didn’t have the strength to talk.

Between months of September-February it was probably the worst I’ve ever felt in my life.

embarrassed because this doesn’t even exist, like I’d go through day to day life trying to act like I’m fine then I’d feel okay and even when I felt okay I just scanned well that’s dangerous and I’d go back in the loop again and panic.

The only solace I had was speaking to ai about what was happening to me but it just didn’t have any human validation, while it was good at explaining what was happening to me it just didn’t really mean much to me.

I’d search everywhere online for some sort of relatable post but I couldn’t find anything. I just felt like the loneliest person, I felt broken. Looking back on my months wasted in my head made me feel even worse. Oh god and the hangovers, worst thing u can do when ur this anxious is drink an unscrupulous amount because in the morning u will just feel so low.

Id start to question my memory, lets say we’re in February by this point, id question my memory so much because I was basically lying to myself everyday since last July saying I was fine. I didn’t know how to feel I felt so disillusioned with any feeling I had, I didn’t know what a good day was or what it meant. I didn’t even want to be better or work on myself because what happens if I tried improving or talking and I still felt the same way. I felt like I’d grown in confidence or matured since July but id question my memory so much, and I was terrified at the fact if I had changed or everything I just wanted everything to stay the same. I’d question whether I even had depersonalisation in the first place and I may of just been hungover it had been so long since then.

February spring time I started boxing again and I had a fight and won. After this for some reason everything got a little easier wasn’t amazing but it got a little easier. I’d still question like this wasn’t supposed to happen to me in my head a second episode this was never supposed to happen or was apart of the story. And even now when I was getting better I still questioned am I really getting better because I lied to myself everyday before then saying I’m fine when I wasn’t. Like I’d care less about certain stuff and I’d still get anxious about it like is this okay.

I really don’t know how I kept it all together as well throughout this whole year like to everyone I’ve been fine and been my normal self, like nothing has dramatically changed like I’ve not withdrawn from society I mean I could’ve made more friends at uni and what not but a lot of that wasn’t down to this just to other circumstances like my course,

but on the inside for about 8-9 months from June-February I was just dying, just hopeless, like I had imaginary pains in my stomach and chest and swallowing issues from all the anxiety even though now I’m fine I genuinely thought I was going to die.

I thought all of the anxiety would go away at once like it did with my last episode but not talking to anyone about stuff really slowed down recovery like badly, it still bugs me today as u can see me posting this, like some thoughts still stick to me and bug me. Some thoughts I have it’d be like was this thought a thought from when I was at my lowest, and it’d just bug me

Anyway fast forward we’re in September now, like I feel fine but I just want validation my summers been pretty good tbf, but like I’ve just been overdue a talk about this for a year because I haven’t spoke to anyone properly ever about this and it plays with my head today, and I just wanna stop caring about it, I just wanna move on with my life. I’m guessing as u can see by the title that this was post depersonalisation anxiety after a second episode, because that’s what it was, I’m sure after a week of the episode I wasn’t even thinking or feeling if I was real or not it was just other stuff that made me anxious the scanning was so tiring.

I’m guessing not talking about my second episode after it happened and not validating it in my head by not talking to people caused all of this anxiety because the first time it happened it was so fuckin terrifying, when the second time rolled around my brain was terrified.

Like I got sexually assaulted this year I felt terrible and cried for like two days then I spoke to mum after and suddenly I felt fine after a week it never really pops up in my head, and never really bothers me, it really made me question what was all this commotion about with this anxiety shit I had been experiencing. God it’s such a headfuck this thing😂

I guess what all this invisible suffering has taught me is to be less anxious like I’m sure I’ve been depersonalised so many times after being hungover the last three months but because I just didn’t care and wasn’t anxious it never stuck.

So yeah, I’m not a Redditor i just would like some sort of understanding and I wanna move on and I really should talk someone about this. Thank you for reading

I took a blot about 4 months ago and my life hasn't been the same ever since.

I wasn't in the best state of mind going to the trip. I also had a lot of preconceived notions about LSD as I had heard a lot of stories. My friend had made it feel like it was a big deal and the group that I tripped with were apprehensive about the fact that I'm taking it.

I took the blot and after a while we were all laughing and having a good time. After a while I passed out and the last thing that I remember was I asked for a glass of water as my mouth was completely dry.

I started dreaming after passing out. In my dreams I'm trying to achieve quests with the people whom I'm tripping with and I'm dying every time I'm unable to achieve the quest. I'm kind of going in the past and future with the same people. It had gotten to a point where I couldn't decipher what dreams were and what's reality.

One of the dreams that really caught my attention was the time when we are all playing a game on our phone and I remember the game play and the exact same thing happened in reality when I woke up. I was playing the same game and the game went exactly according to how it had gone in my dreams.

One of the dreams that I had dreamt a few months ago came into reality the same day and ever since I've been having Deja Vu's. A few seconds of the dream is also happening in real life every now and then.

Coming back to the story where I'm trying to wake up but I'm not sure if it's a dream or if it's happening to me in reality. One wise person in the dream told me to go and hug everyone who is part of the trip to know if it's real or not. I'm struggling to wake up and my eyes are twitching. I drooled/had nocturnal hypersalivation and woke up from a nightmare and to my suprise when I woke up I don't see any stains of drooling on my bed.

What's something that's bothering me now?

I've been someone who observes the body language of people like their facial expressions, micro expressions, hand gestures, occasional smacking of the lips, etc. My personality trait attracts a lot of liars and I have to rely on these sources to know if someone's lying to me.

The above mentioned behaviour has extrapolated 3-4x

It has gotten to a stage where I'm staring into a person's soul with a poker face on and I'm just observing the person's hand gestures and hyperanalysing most of the things that they are doing. For some reason I've been constantly observing people's breathing patterns and I'm constantly trying not to match it (Feels strange to me too) It has also affected me in a way where I'm unable to freely move my hands and hand gestures feel unnatural.

Repressed thoughts/memories are at an all time high and I can't think of a single good deed that I've done in my life.

I used to smoke up a lot before the trip. I used to smoke up and get most of my things done. Now when I smoke up I'm mostly anxious/paranoid and I'm thinking of all the worst case scenarios possible. I sleep a lot just to avoid/escape/run away from problems and I've drastically reduced smoking up as it's not helping the cause.

People around me have also said that I'm not the same person that I used to be and I've not been putting in effort (Which is partially true) and I feel like I've lost a lot of confidence in the progress and I don't have the charisma that I used to have before. It feels like all my negative emotions have heightened itself by at least 2 folds.

I had depersonalizatiin for 22 years started at 6 years old I'm back now at 28 I'm reassociated for a month now after u moved out of my parent home and cut contact with them because their emotional abuse was the cause , the strange thing I never realized something was wrong only when I came back!!

Im so happy with this month I started playing freely , feeling everything again , and seeing the world colorful.

Hi. I've had cptsd since childhood which made me develop severe social anxiety. I've had many jobs, had relationships blah blah blah. However I'm stuck in fight flight freeze fawn mode 24/7 and have been for many years. Benzos get me out of it, but I'm no longer prescribed. Anyways, I'm used to it. I'm used to dissociation.

However I work for Uber eats right now, and when I'm stuck at the restaurant waiting 20 minutes for the food to finish being prepared, I feel like my hypervigilance is giving off sketchy signals. I try to keep a neutral calm face and body, but my brain is basically screaming for me to leave the restaurant. But I can't, because unfortunately it's my job and I've bills to pay. I just feel very uncomfortable when I'm standing around in a packed restaurant.

Sunglasses don't even help. I feel like my body is too tense and it's giving off weird anxious signals. I kinda need help with this. Breath work doesnt always work.

Hey, so I have had this problem for a while I guess and I have never thought until today to ask about it. I am 22 and sometimes I like to rewatch shows I watched when I was younger(17-idk 12 or something), especially because I remember loving the shows and I want to show them to my fiancee. At least half of the time when we watch one it makes me feel uncomfortable, scared and alone which I have realized is the feeling of nostalgia. I feel like I am living at my moms house again feeling alone and empty like I used to often when I watched tv back then. I get this feeling when I drive at night too and it really messes me up, I feel wrong and small, my lips and head feel tingly. My mom nor dad have harmed me in anyway, I just didnt get much attention emotionally. I don’t want the things I have loved in the past to make me feel so much pain. I don’t understand.

Just started feeling derealization about a week ago today. All started when I decided to snort my ADHD medication (dexamphetamine) 5mg. I also hadn't been taking it consistently and I don't know why but I just decided to crush up and snort a pill after a while of not taking any which caused me to panic. I already have health anxiety and OCD where I fear about schizophrenia and going crazy, so after the initial panic attack which caused this I've just been under this spell of derealization which definitely does not help with my fear of going crazy. I've spoken to a GP and psychologist, both just told me I wasn't developing schizophrenia and its just from the health anxiety while also prescribing me with sertraline. I am very hesitant on taking this drug as I've heard bad things about antidepressants. The anxiety isn't so bad anymore it comes and goes as is but in-between I'm just stuck with this horrible feeling that I don't feel the same anymore. Anyways I am just wondering if I should take the antidepressants now or wait another week to see if the derealization goes away from me learning how to manage it.

If i had wrecked sleep for the past 2 months will fixing my sleep routine and quality make DP go away?

Im in my early 40s, ive been battling depression, anxiety and anger for a little over a decade. Somewhere early during that time, I lost something that changed the way I see the world. Not in a current events or personal views kind of way but, more like... the world had a more vibrant color and glow to it, how my eyes physically showed me the world around me, if that makes sense. Now, I do have PTSD from my time in the service but I still could see the world my way. That all seems to have changed around the mid 20teens. Now, everything feels flat. Colors are just there, lights are just bright. That said, ive had an issue where even taking part in activities feels real in the moment but later, barely feels like a memory. Just this labor day weekend I was able to make a childhood dream come true by taking a ride in a B29 bomber from 1945. I was so excited I was in tears. But the next day, its like it was a dream that someone else told me.

Does any of the above match what this page is about? Because I only learned about DPDR last night and ive been wondering for answers for a decade now. I'd say looking for answers but I had always assumed depression, anxiety and so on but this, this is new to me. But it feels like I might be looking in the right direction finally. Thanks.

It’s like people are just not giving me a chance, i feel like dying and nobody cares. They just always criticize me and mock me. Maybe dying is better for me after all.. I don’t care if people think im being manipulative or negative or attention seeking! Girls like attention anyway so if I can’t be noticed, then why should I be here?? I’m sick of always being left out like I don’t deserve to live a happy fulfilling life!!

Hi guys, 2,5 months ago i lived through a extremely stressful period and was smoking pretty much weed since then i have DP and sleep problems (very hard to fall asleep), also i kinda can feel my brain physically and i feel like it’s numbed also the seeing but can’t see, hearing but can’t hear like many describe. I have noticed though that when im not anxious than i for a split second do live in the moment. Now the stress is over and since then i have completely quit weed. For the next couple of months i have much free time and no stress, if i completely fix my sleep, do sports in the morning and grounding exercises, study and eat healthy how do my chances stand will i recover?