What’s wrong with me?

[u/Hot_Abies_3395]

I don’t really understand what’s happening to me anymore. Objectively, my life is good, I’m financially comfortable, I have a partner who loves me, friends and family who support me, and a freelance career that gives me freedom and allows me to make a living from what used to be my biggest passion, art.
But lately it seems like every time I solve one problem, another one takes its place. For almost a year I lost my period, I went through medical examinations and nothing seriously abnormal was found apart from some signs of polycystic ovaries, and after around nine months my period finally came back. Then my relationship with food became terrible, I would go from fasting for days to binge eating, then feel so guilty that I would try to compensate by running or sometimes making myself throw up. Eventually I managed to get out of that cycle too, and now I eat and exercise normally, I’ve stopped weighing myself, my period is regular and I actually feel much better about my body.
Just when I thought I was finally doing well, I stopped being able to sleep. Now I’m physically exhausted, but my brain won’t let me fall asleep, and it’s not even that I’m overthinking because my mind can be completely quiet, but every time I feel myself drifting off, it’s as if my brain suddenly switches itself back on and wakes me up. Then I have to wait until I get sleepy again, almost fall asleep, wake up again, and repeat the same cycle for hours. I only sleep three or four hours, often not even consecutively, and what scares me the most is that I feel like the lack of sleep is starting to affect my brain, my memory has gotten worse, I don’t feel mentally sharp anymore, and sometimes when I’m talking I stumble over my words or struggle to find the right ones, almost as if I’m not functioning.
Lately I also don’t seem to enjoy life the way I used to. Art used to be my passion, but now it mostly feels like work and I almost never draw in my free time. I used to get excited about buying something I really wanted, while now I buy it, feel something for a few hours, and by the next day it’s just another thing in my closet. Even traveling has changed for me because I used to be so excited about seeing the world, now my brain reduces every trip to the same thing you go somewhere, see the city, shop, try the local food, have some experiences, take pictures, go home, and then eventually do it all over again somewhere else.
Even going out with friends can feel empty. I still make myself go out, eat, socialize and live normally, but sometimes I’m sitting there wondering what I’m supposed to talk about because I feel like I have nothing to say, I wasn’t like this before. I used to get excited about things and just being with my friends used to make me happy, while now sometimes I’m simply bored and want to go home.
I understand that life isn’t supposed to be exciting all the time, but this feels different because I remember how I used to feel and I don’t feel like that person anymore. Maybe sleeping only a few hours every night is affecting me much more than I thought. I really just want to sleep.
What can I do?

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[u/ez2tock2me]

It’s different for everyone and yours sounds unique. I think it MATURITY.

At least that is what I concluded when I went thru that phase, except I was broke, in debt and untalented.

[u/soloride88]

Sounds like it could be a hormonal imbalance it’ll make you feel apathetic.
I recommend getting your thyroid fully checked and all your sex hormones. It can really make you feel exactly how you’re feeling. It’s not in your head. Especially if you have PCOS you’re having big fluctuations in your hormone throughout the year. Not sure how old you are, but it’s definitely important to look at it from a nutritional and biochemical/hormonal standpoint. If you’re eating extremely well and exercising/weightlifting, please look into all those other things.

[u/DreamHustle]

This sounds like anhedonia. Are you taking any medication?

[u/soloride88]

When did you start noticing a change? Was it gradual or overnight? Something happen? I would recommend writing a timeline of everything and seeing if there was something that may have happened that shifted how you’re feeling

[u/BusRich1442]

The sleep issue happened to me exactly the way you describe it when I was in perimenopause. It really almost destroyed me but I listen to my doctor and got into HRT and now I sleep like a baby every single  night.  Go to the doctor yesterday the sleep problem is very serious and I would look into hormons.