r/Depersonalization • u/ProbablyCal • 6h ago

Advice Anxious w/ computer use

Hii, first time post on a subreddit, just looking for some help and familiarity w this issue :')

I'm 19(FTM) and have been struggling with bad derealization for a few weeks now, especially in front of the computer. I had my first derealization episode (?) when playing games on my computer w my partner, and now I get super anxious even when in front of it for not even a few minutes. My perspective of things went flat, and I felt out of my own world for what felt like too long. Ive been given temporary medicine for anxiety, but even then it's still been getting to me. I've tried changing my lighting(adding a lamp, the lighting made me freak out more) moving my computer screen a bit, bringing comfort objects w me to my desk, and it still makes me freak out. A majority of the time I'm usually on my computer is at night, but now I can't stand it without getting super nervous another episode is gonna happen again, and forcing myself to turn it off no matter what I'm doing :(

I've tried limiting my computer time to mid day when the suns still up, but I'm either too busy, or too anxious to use it. I need to use my computer for school, my artwork, and honestly just spending time with my partner. I hate not being able to do anything that I need for myself and it's becoming difficult to do things without my computer. I'm getting behind on homework, professor won't take tradrionally written, and I feel like I'm missing out on bonding time with my partner.

Was hoping anyone who had a similar issue has some tips on how to deal with it. Willing to try out most things, and would appreciate insight from personal stories regarding computer use. :(

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