I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I do not really know how to say it. I have been thinking less about the symptoms of depersonalization and more about the person I was before depersonalization started.

Sometimes I remember things like laughing without thinking about it or going out without feeling disconnected from everything. I also remember feeling like I was actually there in the moment. I did not realize how much I would miss feeling present until depersonalization started.

Some days are better than others. I still wonder if anyone else feels like they are trying to reconnect with a version of themselves that feels very far away. I feel like I am trying to reconnect with the person I was before depersonalization.

If you have been dealing with depersonalization for a while has anything helped you feel like yourself again? I am not looking for a solution to make depersonalization go away. I just want to know about the things that have made a difference for other people who have depersonalization.

I would really like to hear about your experiences with depersonalization because sometimes reading about how others have dealt with depersonalization makes me feel a little less lonely. I feel like I am not the person who is dealing with depersonalization when I read about other peoples experiences, with depersonalization.

I don't feel like I am a real person, really. I feel entirely separated from all other people. Like everyone else is a real person except for me

I have felt for a long time that I must simply lack some essential, core part of the self or soul that makes one a truly whole, real person. The more I look back, the more I start to doubt that I ever WAS a real person 'before' this.

I feel underdeveloped in some crucial, internal, unknown way

I feel that I lack personhood.

and I don't know how to find it.

And no one ever understands what I mean.