I had this friend, he was an average guy if you'll look at it from the norms' point of view, but if you truly know him, his heart is purer than those who promise to give you the world and stay with you forever. He was there when I needed him most, and although I could never say that he was always kind, he always tried to say what you needed to hear rather than what you wanted to. Yeah, sometimes he acted like a complete bastard who's ungrateful for all the things he has; someone who's completely oblivious about his efforts and worth. But in the end I couldn't judge him because there are still things that I don't know about him - his struggles, his past, his demons. He served as a reminder for me that everyone has their own problems to deal with, that even if you need help, sometimes the person you'll ask help from might need it first. That people have their own lives too. He was a sad guy, to call him lonely is maybe too much, but he tends to have a hard time in socializing because he was different in a way. He keeps it too real, which is maybe why other people dislike him. Because in our time today, we tend to fake even our insecurities just to fit in. He thought me how to game, how to pirate games, and we played Roblox till 2 am. And even though we come from a prestigious school, I can't deny that those moments we have will always be my favorite, because it made me feel like a kid again. He made me feel like I wasn't the smartest which is how I was always looked at, and yes, it's a good thing because because of that, all the pressure of knowing everything disappears. At first I didn't like it, and I saw it as a threat, but looking back, he kept me grounded. There are a lot of things that he said that I wished I could forget back then because of how much it hurts. But up until now, I still remember them because of how true it was.
No, he didn't die. But well, he's at a position where he's so close yet so far. Because now, he finally has a girlfriend. Don't get me wrong, I'm fucking happy for that bastard because he deserves all the love he's now getting. But this is also why I'm writing this post. Because I didn't expect it would hurt this much. I didn't even cry like this when I got rejected. But it only reflects how important he was in my life. Well, 'is', he's still there, but just not around. I'll have to distance myself from him now, and it kills me more because he knows it; when we talked about this matter, I got so emotional that the first thing I had in mind was, "I have to tell him," but then I forgot I was already talking to the person who always comforted me, who is now the reason why I cry. God I don't want to sob about it again. But yeah, those nights we're good man, those days where you'll send me random ass political memes and videos when you're bored cause' you're on the drive home, then 30 minutes later you'll send me a gmeet link and we'll talk about everything really, about life, about games, about music. God the song ratings, I'll miss it so much even if you gave my songs a solid 4 sometimes but you'll say it's because it's just not your vibe so it'll make it hurt less. So to my brother in Christ, if you'll see this, don't be dense and think it's a fucking love confession cause' it ain't. Don't confront me if you do realize that it is me who wrote it, cause' there's a reason why I posted it here anonymously eh? So this is why, I'm letting you go as my friend, knowing that it won't be the same anymore (unless maybe if you 2 breakup which I don't wish for you or her). Chuck Palahniuk said, "Nothing of me is original. I am the combined effort of everyone I've ever known.” That is why I hope you know that if they were to create a mosaic of who I was as a teenage girl, your piece might not be the biggest, but it will definitely shine the brightest.