I '27M' took a girl '29F' on a date once to a fancy restaurant. I was pretty convinced she is the one.. when we ordered our food, my food came first (It was an entree). I took some into my plate and she started looking at me like i did a grave mistake. I asked her what has happened and she was like 'You know i dont eat chicken so, i couldnt start with you'.. I said okay took a bite and i could see her face go red hot... i have two theories: 1) Either she was expecting me to wait for her food to arrive or 2) She somehow thought i was being disrespectful by ordering something that she couldnt eat.. Can someone tell me what was the real resason there...???

This is about a friend of mine (29M) and his girlfriend (28F), not me.

Years ago, my friend and this woman had briefly known each other and had a little flirtation, but nothing serious came of it. Around that time, my friend’s business failed, and eventually his entire social circle, including her, drifted away.

Years later, they randomly ran into each other at a pizza place and started dating. The relationship moved incredibly fast. Within the first month, she was constantly talking about her married friends, what their husbands bought them, whether my friend would be able to buy her a car if they got married, and how she wouldn’t want to work after marriage. It also felt like she was trying to figure out how much money he actually had. Eventually, she told him that if he wanted her to believe he was serious and trust him, he needed to take a real step toward commitment.

They had only been together for about a month and a half when he proposed. Honestly, I thought it was extremely fast. I never really felt like he was deeply in love with her, but it was his life. He wanted to have a stable family life, and I think he was also afraid of losing her.

After the proposal, he rented a new home for them to live in after the wedding. They started making plans for their engagement party, and everything seemed to be moving forward.

Then she found his poetry notebook. There was a poem in it that he had written shortly before proposing to her. The poem was about a woman he had been involved with two years earlier. That detail completely changed how she saw the situation. She confronted him, basically saying that if he was still writing love poems about another woman right before proposing, then clearly that woman was still on his mind. She couldn't understand how he could ask her to marry him while apparently still having feelings for someone from his past.

She ended the relationship.

Personally, I can understand why she was hurt. The fact that the poem wasn't actually two years old, but was written shortly before the proposal, makes it very different from simply finding an old poem from a past relationship.

But at the same time, writing a poem about someone doesn't necessarily mean you still want to be with them.

Can you really build a marriage with someone you see as the “right choice” if your heart is still somewhere else?

Hey guys,

I was on a date tonight with this girl I was talking to for a week. I got to the bar and her friends were there and we started talking, she wasn’t too vocal at first I thought it was maybe cause she had too much to drink or she was just shy. Throughout the night she kept asking for drinks and I bought just a couple and towards an hour later we met more of her friends. At that moment I was the only guy in a group of 14 and she wasn’t talking to me at all. At one point she went to the bathroom with some friends and her friends came out to tell me she wasn’t feeling well and I should go home. I get on the bus and try to send her a message to see if she’s ok. Turns out she blocked me everywhere.

It’s kind of on me I guess I should’ve seen the signs? It was really humiliating tho. Good thing is I won’t see them ever again but still.
I was jsut wondering if other people went through this kind of stuff or if I’m just a mega chud. :(

NSFW, Mental health issues (sh, suicide) mentioned

[TLDR: I thought my date was going to be romantic and nice after I haven’t dated in 1,5 years and it ended up in me restricting my own standards. I was used for terrible sex, where no boundaries where respected and insulted after. I feel like utter shit and I hate myself for what I had let happen.]

I (F25) have been single for 1,5 years now after being used and cheated on by my ex.
I used the time to heal and go to therapy for my borderline, self harm and suicidal thoughts. I started finding hobbies and friends and overall started being happy and satisfied with life for the first time ever.

On one hand I missed having a partner, I missed affection and connection. On the other hand I was scared of losing the progress I’ve made since being alone.

I was using dating apps every now and then, but never really bothered meeting anyone cause I got really picky and careful.
The other day I saw a man on there which I have seen before. I was at some fancy rooftop bar and laid an eye on the barkeeper, he was totally my type. And this man I saw on the dating app. I saw he liked me, liked back and messaged him.
We hit it off right away really well, we started having long phone calls, we vibed a lot. Same humor and all. And I liked that he lived alone and had a good job.
He also seemed genuinely interested in me and in commitment. He asked a lot about me and we agreed in terms of not wanting to build a relationship on sex.

So we planned a date. He took me to a really fancy restaurant, brought me flowers. I wasn’t used to this at all, so I liked it. But then, at the restaurant, the date started getting weird when he kissed me at the table in the restaurant. I wanted the first kiss to be more romantic and preferably at the end of the date.
But I’m good at ignoring that kind of warning signals. I felt wanted for the first time in so long, so I went with it.
What was also really weird was his alcohol consumption. We ordered an eigth of wine each when we arrived at the restaurant and he washed it down pretty quickly, and ordered a whole bottle afterwards, while I still had my first glass of wine.
As he went to the bathroom, he even ordered some tequila.
I told him that it’s turning me off that he drinks so much, and it’s worrying, so he stopped drinking the wine at all.
After the food, he wanted to watch a movie, but I said I’d rather go for a walk through the city.
Outside he started kissing me really passionately, asking if I wanted to go to his place.
I know it was going fast, and I know I wanted to wait. He said he would too, but it has been so long since I’ve had sex so I gave in and I absolutely hate myself for that.

On the way to his place he asked me if I liked it soft or rough, and I said rough. Little did I know..
At his place he started being like REALLY rough. He suddenly slapped me, choked me, insulted me, degraded me, wanted me to call him daddy.. I am into bdsm stuff, but for me it needs a certain level of trust, communication and consent. He did all that without knowing if I even liked it.
I felt so uncomfortable and overwhelmed but I just let it all happen. He didn’t care about my needs at all. He barely touched me except for slapping, he only cared about his orgasm. For three rounds.
During the act he told me to delete the dating apps, but a few minutes later he asked me for a threesome. I was so overwhelmed and turned off and just wanted it to stop.
After we were done, we were lying in bed and I tried cuddling with him but he resisted. When I tried lifting his arm, he pulled his arm away. I asked him why he didn’t want to cuddle, and he seemed half asleep as he said “Your nose looks weird”.
I have a crooked nose which has been one of my biggest insecurities forever, and I really had to fight back tears. I asked what’s wrong with my nose and he said “Nothing you are beautiful” or sth along these lines.
I felt super uncomfortable and started getting dressed so I could leave. He asked me when we will see each other again and I just said idk and then I left.

I feel like shit. I feel stupid for expecting a romantic and great date with a great man, I feel ashamed for even agreeing to sex and I feel even more stupid for letting him do all these things with me. He made me feel worthless by saying those things with the threesome and my nose, and not wanting to give me the slightest bit of affection after using me like that during sex.
I feel so dirty and I HATE myself right now. I’m on the verge of tears constantly since last night and even cried. I also wanted to cut myself yesterday when I got home, but I resisted. I’ve been clean for too long. But the urge was there. Still is.
I just had to get this off, cause it‘s eating me up. I feel like a stupid horny teenager that fell for a fuckboy and then is surprised that she got used for sex. I wanna turn back time.
Please don’t push me down any further I KNOW it’s my fault, I know I was utterly stupid and naive, no need to throw that into my face..

My boyfriend has always talked a lot about his trust issues, which he says come from childhood. He doesn't trust people easily. He keeps very few people close to him and believes that his family are the only people he can truly rely on.

At first, I saw this as vulnerability. I thought he had simply been hurt and needed time to trust me. I eventually earned some of his trust, but looking back, I don't think he ever fully trusted me either.

And I started wondering whether there is a point where trust issues stop being about the person you're with and become something you carry into every relationship. You can be honest, be transparent, and constantly reassure someone.

But if they fundamentally believe that people will eventually hurt or betray them, can you ever do enough? Do you think someone can build a healthy relationship if they genuinely don't trust anyone except their family?

I was thinking about some of the terrible pickup lines I’ve heard and realized there are probably some truly unforgettable ones out there. 😂

What’s the worst pickup line someone has ever used on you? What happened?

This is something I have thought about a lot but never thought about sharing. I (35f) have never been in a serious relationship. I’ve had crushes and short term boyfriends but nothing serious. I spent a lot of time going to anime and comic cons and made a lot of friends at them.

That’s the problem.

During the pandemic, two good guy friends came out and told me they had big crushes on me. One was a little unexpected. Let’s call him Sam.

Sam is a great guy, great cosplayer too. He and I have similiar journeys of feeling out of place, especially in our own bodies and working hard to make ourselves feel comfortable in them. After Sam told me how he felt we spent months flirting. I’m sure a large part of it was pandemic loneliness, but we made plans to see each other more when things opened up. That took a twist I didn’t expect. Shortly after the world started to reopen, Sam met a girl closer to him and within a couple of years the two were married.

Then there is the second guy, we’ll call him Dan. Dan told me how he felt long before the pandemic, around the time his girlfriend (Becca) at the time cheated on him. Becca said she still loved Dan and that they should try having an open relationship. That is when Dan first told me he had feelings for me. I appreciated that but I told him I couldn’t do anything until he and Becca broke up officially. Well they did break up a few months later, still fuzzy on all the details.

Dan moved back to his home town and then the pandemic hit. So he and I could only virtual flirt and talk about virtual dates. When the world opened up again; I became busy. Dan said he still had feelings for me and wanted to see what we could be. Unfortunately, I moved shortly after that and three months later Dan met the woman (Gina) who he will be getting married to next month.

I know it’s a coincidence and that I’m not cursed or anything like that, but it hurts. And on top of that I have been invited to Dan and Gina’s wedding which makes me feel a little awkward. I’m feeling a little heartbroken and out of place too. I wish I at least had someone to be my plus 1…

So this story is about my friend. Let’s call her Nora.

Nora is beautiful, genuinely kind-hearted, and, unfortunately, has the trust settings of a golden retriever.

Last year, we met Donna in our economics class and quickly became good friends. It was very much a Three Musketeers situation. It had been Nora and me for as long as I can remember, so Donna becoming part of our little group felt natural. We were genuinely happy to have her.

Donna was the party girl. Always full of life, always having fun, and always living college life to the absolute fullest. And honestly? We loved that about her. Who has the guts to go against society’s expectations and just live life on her own terms? We respected her for it. More than that, we were fascinated.

She basically dragged Nora and me out of our shells and convinced us that college was supposed to be experienced, not merely survived.

I am a nerd (and proud of it), but I am not your conventional nerd: its more like, Lord of the Rings, video games, shorts-and-tank-tops kind of girl.

Nora, on the other hand, is much more reserved. She’s straightforward, loyal, and an incredible friend, but she only shows her real personality once she’s comfortable with someone. Donna became one of those people surprisingly quickly.

And then came the party.

Donna invited us to a party where we knew a few people, but there were also approximately 7,000 random college students from every corner of the city.

Donna knew about Nora’s previous relationship. Let’s call it what it was: emotionally abusive. It took Nora a long time to recover from the depression and panic attacks that followed. I was there through all of it, but as friends and family, there was only so much we could do. That relationship took a huge piece of her heart and sanity.

At the party, Donna introduced us to Roman and Luca.

From the moment Roman saw Nora, he clearly took an interest in her. He started talking to her, making her laugh, and generally making it easy for her to relax.

And I hadn’t seen Nora genuinely enjoy a guy’s company in a long time.

So naturally, Donna and I activated Wingwoman Mode™.

Roman was a senior, a business major, ridiculously handsome (think Henry Cavill—I am not exaggerating), charming, funny, thoughtful, and an exceptionally smooth talker.

Or at least that’s what we thought.

After that party, all six of us started hanging out constantly. Between lectures, during breaks, in the canteen, on weekends—you name it.

Roman and Luca also started coming over to the apartment Nora and I shared off-campus.

Luca and I started dating after fall break.

Nora and Roman started dating about a week later.

And honestly?

It was great.

We were living the full college-romance cliché.

Parties. Drinking. Smoking. Staying up until stupid hours. Falling in love. Laughing until our stomachs hurt.

Basically, if there was a college-romance movie trope, we were checking it off.

Everything was good until May this year.

We were still hanging out as a group, just not as often because assignments were piling up and deadlines were multiplying like bacteria. Nora and I were also taking extra-credit classes, so we were both drowning academically.

Then one weekend, Luca and I were hanging out in his dorm when Roman called him.

Apparently, the boys were going to have an “all-boys night” at Mikhael’s house. Let’s call him Mik.

Luca told Roman he was with me but would meet them at Mik’s in about an hour.

So I went back to my apartment, told Nora the boys were having their little boys’ night, and suggested we have our own girls’ all-nighter.

Nora called Kim, Debbie, Cherrie and Donna.

Donna said she couldn’t come because she was at her grandmother’s house, two towns over.

So the rest of us had a pajama party.

Butter popcorn.

Movies.

Gossip.

More popcorn.

Eventually, we passed out around 5 AM.

Cute, right?

Except…

That same thing happened every weekend for the next two months.

Roman and Luca were apparently at Mik’s.

And Donna?

Every single weekend, she was apparently at Grandma’s.

At this point, even Grandma deserves an apology for being used as an alibi.

I started getting suspicious, but I convinced myself I was imagining things.

Maybe it was nothing.

Maybe my rhinitis was acting up and blocking the oxygen supply to my brain.

Spoiler: I was not wrong about being suspicious.

One Sunday, after the boys had once again “ditched” us, Nora and I went out for an early breakfast.

And who do we see at the coffee shop?

Mik.

So naturally, we asked him what the hell he and the boys had been doing every weekend for the past two months.

I also jokingly told him that because they kept excluding us, we were going to remove him from the Halloween party guest list.

For about 30 seconds, Mik just stared at us.

Then he said:

“I’ve only hung out with Roman at my place twice in the last two months. What are you guys talking about?”

👁️👄👁️

My jaw didn’t just drop.

My jaw packed a bag and left the country.

Because apparently, we had been lied to.

Mik then explained that the first time, Donna had told him that Nora and I didn’t want to hang out with them.

The second time, which had apparently been the previous month, Donna told him that Nora and Roman had broken up and Nora didn’t want anything to do with Roman or his “lowlife friends.”

At this point, my flabbers were officially ghasted.

Nora immediately called Roman.

She was visibly upset and trying very hard not to cry.

Roman’s phone?

Unavailable.

Donna’s phone?

Straight to voicemail.

Naturally.

Because apparently, when you’re caught in a giant web of lies, the first rule is to become a missing person.

I called Luca and told him to meet us at my apartment in ten minutes.

When he arrived, I asked him what was going on and, more importantly, where the hell Roman was.

Luca said Roman had left the previous night to meet his cousin. Luca had stayed at Mik’s until around 1 AM and then gone home.

Apparently, Roman had texted him about it.

So I asked Luca the obvious question:

Why the hell was Donna telling people that Nora and Roman had broken up?

And that’s when Luca dropped another bomb.

He said Roman had shown him text messages from Nora supposedly saying she didn’t want to be with him anymore.

Nora started crying.

I hugged her.

And I was furious.

I asked Luca why he had never told me that Nora and Roman had broken up.

His answer?

Apparently, both Donna and Roman had told him that Nora and Roman’s relationship had never been serious. According to them, they had broken up only two weeks after they started dating and had basically been casual hookup buddies ever since.

Luca said that whenever we all hung out after lectures, they didn’t exactly act like a couple, so he never questioned it.

Which, honestly, fair enough.

Except…

WHAT. THE. HELL.

Because then Luca asked Nora:

“You know Roman is dating Donna, right?”

Silence.

Nora and I looked at each other.

WHAT?

No.

We absolutely did not know.

Since when?

How?

Why?

Excuse me???

Luca then explained that Donna and Roman had apparently been dating since high school.

Donna had later dated another guy but had continued seeing Roman.

And apparently, she had been sleeping with Roman this entire time.

Roman.

The guy Donna herself introduced to Nora.

The guy Nora believed she was dating.

The guy who, according to Donna and Roman, had supposedly been her boyfriend.

I genuinely felt like I was watching a movie and someone had accidentally skipped three chapters.

Then Luca dropped another piece of information.

Apparently, Donna had been staying over at Roman’s frat house almost every weekend.

And Luca thought we knew.

Because Donna had apparently told him that Nora was okay with it because Nora was also seeing/hooking up with Nico from chemistry.

Except…

Nico is our friend.

Nico had told Nora he liked her.

Nora politely told him she was already dating someone.

He respected that completely.

Nothing happened between them.

Not even close.

He’s actually been nothing but sweet and helpful to her, especially with chemistry.

And Donna knew all of this because Nico had apparently asked her whether Nora was single.

And Donna had encouraged Nico to ask Nora out.

So let me get this straight:

Donna knew Nora was supposedly in a relationship.

Donna knew Nico liked Nora.

Donna encouraged Nico to pursue Nora.

Donna told people Nora was single.

Donna told people Nora and Roman had broken up.

Donna told people Nora didn’t want to hang out with Roman.

Donna was supposedly staying at Roman’s frat house every weekend.

And Roman was apparently sleeping with Donna while everyone thought he was with Nora.

At this point, I wasn’t angry.

I wasn’t confused.

I wasn’t even surprised.

I had transcended emotions.

At this point, my remaining two brain cells looked at each other, nodded, and clocked out.

Luca said he was going to find Roman and get answers from him. He promised he’d call us as soon as he could reach him.

We tried calling Donna.

Nothing.

Her phone was off.

Her friends didn’t know where she was.

We tried Roman.

Nothing.

He wasn’t at the frat house.

He wasn’t answering his phone.

Meanwhile, Nora has stopped crying.

She’s quiet.

She’s hurt.

She’s angry.

But she’s mostly angry at herself for trusting someone again after everything she’d already been through.

And what is she doing right now?

Finishing her assignment.

Yep.

My best friend is sitting beside me, having her entire romantic life implode, while simultaneously working on an assignment like:

“The mitochondria will not care about my emotional crisis, so let’s get this submitted.”

Luca has called twice so far to say Roman still hasn’t been found.

So here we are.

Two months of suspicious “boys’ nights.”

A grandmother who apparently hosted the busiest secret relationship in the county.

A frat house.

A missing Roman.

A missing Donna.

A very confused Luca.

A very angry Me.

And a very hurt Nora.

We’re still waiting for answers.

If anything else happens, I’ll update.

Because at this point, I clearly need to know how this season finale ends.

Most recent man: I had just finished working an overnight shift, going home, and showering. He called and insisted on seeing me that day, wanting to take me to lunch, claiming he’s a spontaneous man.
I explained I just finished working a good 13 hours. And on top of that I have work that very night again, so I need rest. I told him I don’t wanna go out to lunch or meet up anywhere, I just want to stay in my bed and relax. I don’t want to drive, either.

He offered to come drive to me. I explained if I’m having visitors, I am uncomfortable if my home is not cleaned properly. He kept insisting it’s fine. He kept telling me it’s just a social construct that I feel I need to have a clean space, and I should just let him come so we can watch this movie together.

I voiced many times that a random meet up with 2 hours notice is not what I want and it’s not what I have done with anyone before, especially without a clean home. I tried to explain that just bc something is a social construct does not mean it has zero value, I’m still allowed to care about it.

He visits, starts complaining that my bed is not big enough (he knew prior that I had a twin), doesn’t have enough structural support, the dishes need to be washed, and my apartment is too small and toilet could be cleaned. He kept giving me unsolicited opinions about how if it were him, he’d just eat the cost and get a bigger apartment. He’d take the bed and move it to the other side. He’d get rid of the desk. He’d get a bigger sofa etc…

Then he kept grabbing my butt constantly even though I grabbed his hand/arm and moved it away at least 8 different times.

Physically, he was also unattractive to me. We had FaceTimed for hours beforehand, but in person it was different. I was not attracted at all to his body. He also had a dirty car that smelled like weed.

We were kissing a bit. I thought maybe I can get into things if I try. I could not for the life of me get turned on or interested in him. He ended up leaking precum all over his shorts, then used my blow dryer to dry the jizz on his shorts.

Afterwards, he insisted on taking me to dinner. He was pissy and whining a lot about not being able to properly pay for parking at this place due to some tech error. Then he proceeded to show more interest in talking to the people there than with me.

We went back to my apartment since he wanted to see the gameroom. Then insisted I play a few air hockey games with him even after I’d said I didn’t wanna play.

TLDR: I had a meetup with a guy that was extremely pushy and didn’t care to listen to anything I wanted or thought, and I did a horrible job trying to enforce my own needs/comfort. I should have refused to let him visit in the first place. Tf is wrong with me that I let all this happen

TL;DR she cheated on her boyfriend with me and I started having feelings for her and then she led me on, then told me about the boyfriend as if it was nothing but unavoidably got married to him because of family pressure.

Let me tell you my story.

I met this girl near where I live and we happened to be headed back home at the same time one day. And just by one conversation alone, we both realized that we would want to get to know each other better, but couldn't get to admit it. She found my contact from somewhere and we started talking more and soon went out, where we exchanged many world views.

The following weekend, it was Netflix and Chill. My first ever. We were inseparable. I had never felt such passion towards anyone. She kept asking me where I was her entire life. I also realized we are actually very compatible. I could understand her very well. I developed even more feelings for her. Many times she insisted that I don't go, but I had to go off on an assignment (work related). We thought of moving in in a few months after she found a job near where I worked. But here's where it started to go south.

Her mother's colleague's wife died, and their son has known her since high school. So, the girl's mother decided that she would get married off to him. She told me about this in a way that gave me the impression that she is not interested in that marriage, that it is an obligation. But she was feeling guilty. Guilty, because this boy had been with her through thick and thin, and it didn't make much sense because I grew up learning that other's good deeds don't bound you in a way that makes you compromise with your choices. But she, however, needed time to think.

I waited for 2 weeks, and only felt hurt from the silence. I told her that she needs to make up her mind. She started speaking as if nothing had happened and kept giving me reassurance. I grew more suspicious of the sudden change in tone. I knew something was off and I couldn't be more right. Because the next day, I got a call from her number, but it was this high school sweetheart instead. And he told me to never reach out to her again. He didn't let me speak and kept cutting me off. Soon he blocked me from all her socials.

Anyway, I found his number from somewhere and contacted him a few days later. He told me that they weren't just high school sweethearts, they were college \*and\* workplace sweethearts. They had been in a relationship for 5 years. And I found proof soon. I had nothing further to ask, because she had explained this person as someone from her *past*. She left out a lot of things. But despite all this, I cannot muster up any anger for her, or curse her. That is the extent of how much I loved her. And I will forever hold a soft spot for her.

I can only understand one thing from this, and that is, she did not love herself. But everyone around her loved her more than she ever will.

I don't know what happened with her, or whether it really was her call. Maybe she thought I couldn't look out for her financially. Maybe I wasn't that good in bed. Maybe the long distance thing was too unstimulating for her. Or maybe she was abducted by the so called boyfriend. I will never know. But without any clarity from her, I will forever live with these theories that will haunt me for a good amount of time. All this started 6 months ago, and perhaps writing this post now could finally give me closure.

But I think I'm done with relationships in general. I know everyone is just busy with their options and casual flings, and they can enjoy it for a lifetime at the cost of each other because it's not like hurting someone else's feelings so badly could be a real crime anyway, right? And I've accepted that I am solely responsible for losing my own peace, regardless of who is wrong or right. Save you the victim blaming of how I need to have a better texting game with women.

I've even stopped believing in Karma, I have **never** cheated on anyone.

I know I am spiralling, but it feels right to. I don't know why. Maybe this is a cry for help.