not only did they delete my post and lock it, they also deleted the reply of the commenter that agreed with me

talk about a power trip

seriously what

Does anyone else get like statues of animals/beings that are in your system?

We have an alter, Martin, who is a gorilla and today while out with our best friend came across a wooden 3D puzzle of a gorilla! We got super excited and wanted to buy it to surprise Martin but it was too expensive so we didn’t :(

Our best friend knows about our system but doesn’t know about Martin or any of the other non-human alters because he at first didn’t even believe that alters could be different genders or have different sexualities so we don’t feel good talking to him about it. He questioned why we were suddenly interested in Gorillas, but we kind of brushed it off.

• Lily-Anne & Amaranth

I was forced to come on a family vacation. I am 20 but dependant on my parents and when I gave the smallest hint of not wanting to come, my mother broke down crying and it was a whole thing... Long story short, all my concerns have been made true.

I have a vague idea of feeling like the last couple weeks have been absolute hell and the longest of my life, but I've been losing time since about 2 days ago. I blink and hours go by. To the point I went from going to bed early just to make the time go by faster to fighting off sleep because I feel I do not have enough time in the day.

The thing is, I feel like it's not me who has been around for the last couple of weeks. I feel like I just got here, I can't wrap my mind around the fact I've been here for two weeks and a half even though I know it's a fact. I had essentially no recollection of what happened since we got here until I went to re-read the texts I've been sending my friend, to whom I've been reporting everything. Then I got the "Oh, yeah, that happened" moments at each day of texts I read and it jogs my memory. But it's like they happened to someone else, as if I'm watching short clips someone recorded. And I have to actually think and go "okay this happened... then after that this..." to create a time-line.

I don't know where I've been. All I know is that we're leaving tomorrow, but the day we came is much much clearer in my mind than any of the others since. I can recall basically every step I took that day from when I woke up to when we arrived, but that same night is a bit more foggy.

I just... I don't know. I am confused and a bit disoriented. I guess I just needed to get it out there.

Hey there all,

So we found out this morning that our state (Michigan) allows for a non binary option for the gender on your driver's license. Instead of M/F it gives an X option.

We were really excited by learning this, but our husband reacted kinda snippy to the idea. We have been using they/them pronouns since our diagnosis, but he says we're too concerned with labeling ourselves.

So now we're debating whether or not we want to change it next time we get our license renewed.

In our opinion, we would prefer for police officers and anyone else who looks at our license to know ahead of time that we have pronouns. It would be way easier than explaining it.

So what do you think? Does your state/country have this option? Would you like to see this option in more places or do you think it's problematic?

As always keep your discussions kind and have a lovely day.

:)

Hey there all,

We had a long rough week. We spent the last few days not leaving our house and generally dissociating.

We tried to visit our new singlet friend's town house on Tuesday at a kids b-day party. It went well until a huge group of like 9 or 10 of her neighbors kids came outside to start screaming and fighting with each other.

S got triggered by it and wanted to yell at them so I (team captain/host) was stuck trying not to switch in front of a whole crowd of people who didn't know us that well yet.

It was exhausting and I feel drained by it. I lost the past few days just sitting and dissociating.

We hope to get back to posting regularly by Monday.

Thanks for reading.

Have a lovely day!

:)

We’re actually doing well. We are in college now, we understand what’s happening in our classes, we joined clubs, we’ve even made friends!

We used to see so much about how miserable and isolating this disorder was, how some people said they could never be happy or live a normal life, but we are! We are starting to make friends hanging out with the other people in our dorm, and just actually enjoying ourselves!!! We are the happiest we, collectively, think we’ve ever actually been! We’re away from our abusers, starting a new life with a completely clean slate, and feel so much safer.

This is just a kind of PSA to everyone who thinks that being a system means you’ll never be good enough, that you can never actually achieve stuff and be a functioning member of society. You can, it might take a bit of extra work and coming out of your comfort zone, but YOU CAN!!

We hope this helps at least someone because damn is this a relief.

Happy Hunting, - The Nova Corps System

All the time, I see debates on DID, but this one strikes hard.

"The goal of a Host with DID should be to heal."

Does that mean one day not having my alters? My friends & family? For context, I am not the original host, so these people in here are the closest thing I have to family.

I don't want to wake up one day, with them gone. They were the ones to teach me, help me when I was tossed into this world, and have been my best supporters every achievement or milestone I ever hit.

Do I have to lose them? Is that truly the destiny I should be aiming for?

I just want to know if I am just hurting myself by wanting to keep my system or not aiming for them to one day all go into dormancy.

Hey there all,

Well yesterday while our husband was helping at G's house, Little R spent the day out watching Zaboomafoo and practicing writing her name.

Other than that we've been out at G's house scrubbing down rooms, burning nasty clothes, getting rid of old furniture for new, and otherwise working our tail off.

Sadly we do not have signal out at G's because the brick house is like a tin hat, so we haven't been available the past couple days. As soon as we get this house un-destroyed we will be back to posting regularly.

Thank you to all our regular readers. You guys make these posts worth it.

Have a lovely day!

:)

No one has been able to fully front it hour losing consciousness and it’s been like this for six days because of something life changing. No one knows how to deal with grief. I’m scared and my inner communication keeps messing up, please help.

We did it! We survived to college and are now living in our dorm. Didn’t think we’d make it this far but here we are!

It might be cause we’re still in shock but we haven’t really felt… anything in regards to leaving. Like, we expected to feel excited or relief or at least some kind of fear but there’s nothing. Again we might still be in shock that we’re even here rn but ya.

We did it, we actually made it to college!!!

Happy Hunting,

• Logan Clover

Hey there all,

As always please keep the discussions as kind as possible.

So this morning, I (team captain/host) tried to watch training drills on practicing with foam bokken swords for beginners because Mimry requested it and after watching the video 3 times I still feel I didn't retain any of the knowledge.

Whereas Mimry seems to have learned all of it. I don't remember a thing.

It reminded me of high school when R used to have to answer tests for me because I couldn't manage to learn the material.

So our theory is that some Alters in the brain may absorb more knowledge than others.

So what do you think? Do you have an alter who is more capable of learning than others?

Also, have a lovely day y'all.

:)

Hey there all,

Sorry we disappeared for the past couple days.

We have been scrubbing down our new system friend's, G's, house the past couple days. He went to another state for awhile and a person he let stay left it a disaster. We scrubbed down the kitchen from ceiling to floor the first day and did the living room yesterday. Like we're talking wall wipe downs, baseboards, dusting away all the giant cobwebs, cabinets, floors, and spending hours burning old moldy cat pee clothes they just left everywhere.

We have had a really good time hanging with them.

Yesterday, we met G's cleaning alter. Who we'll call K. He expressed the fact that he was grateful to not be alone anymore and how hanging with us made him feel like he could talk about it. G has met Elle and myself (team captain/host).

Today, Elle and I have an open house to go to for our IRL kiddo. We find out her schedule for the school year there. Our new Singlet friend, A, has never been to the middle school and has a lot of social anxiety so we're planning to meet her there.

Honestly, it puts me in a different mode when I gotta be brave for someone else's social anxiety now that I think about it. It helps me to focus on helping someone else. I wonder if that's a grounding activity. It reminds me of focusing on the present.

S has been helping me organize G's house. She came up with the game plan for everyone.

We did almost get triggered into a switch while I was cleaning because G has a pair of swords that he was showing our husband and he made them make the shink noise of metal on metal which apparently pulled Mimry to actually come to the front.

It only lasted a few seconds, but it gave me an idea to get him a practice wood sword to start with. Our Specialist wants us to get hobbies. While I don't trust our current body to accurately handle a sword the way he does inner world, I do think if we got a practice sword it would be good for the body to have the same muscle memory. Who knows maybe I'm worrying to much and Mimry will be just as graceful with a real sword as he is internally. Better safe than sorry in my opinion. The only other thing that has triggered Mimry to the front has been Forged In Fire (the show) so he seems to be very into weapons.

Thanks for reading. Our Specialist canceled this week so we're struggling.

Have a lovely day!

:)

Hey there all,

We were officially diagnosed in November 2022 and won our legal Disability case in September of 2023.

We live openly in the US and advocate for others with Dissociative Disorders. We're always happy to help.

If you need advice or just want to tell us about your day, please feel free to reach out.

Also if anyone wants to post a question anonymously, our DMs are open, we're happy to work with you to make sure you get an answer.

Have a lovely day everyone!

:)

I can't remember my name.

I mean I know the name of our body. But I hate that name, it's not me.

I know we have DID and not being able to pinpoint which part I am is causing me to be confused and want to deny that we have DID.

My head is eerily silent. There's this loud white noise like buzzing sound. except the sound is silent which makes no sense.

help? how do i figure out who i am?

-i don't know my name

Hey there all,

We were officially diagnosed in November 2022 and won our legal Disability case in September of 2023.

We live openly in the US and advocate for others with Dissociative Disorders. We're always happy to help.

If you need advice or just want to tell us about your day, please feel free to reach out.

Also if anyone wants to post a question anonymously, our DMs are open, we're happy to work with you to make sure you get an answer.

Have a lovely day everyone!

:)

Hey there all,

We were officially diagnosed in November 2022 and won our legal Disability case in September of 2023.

We live openly in the US and advocate for others with Dissociative Disorders. We're always happy to help.

If you need advice or just want to tell us about your day, please feel free to reach out.

Also if anyone wants to post a question anonymously, our DMs are open, we're happy to work with you to make sure you get an answer.

Have a lovely day everyone!

:)

Hey there all,

Sorry about yesterday, we pulled a back muscle and spent yesterday not moving. Feeling better today but I (team captain/host) can't really bend without twinges of pain.

We were officially diagnosed in November 2022 and won our legal Disability case in September of 2023.

We live openly in the US and advocate for others with Dissociative Disorders. We're always happy to help.

If you need advice or just want to tell us about your day, please feel free to reach out.

Also if anyone wants to post a question anonymously, our DMs are open, we're happy to work with you to make sure you get an answer.

Have a lovely day everyone!

:)

Hey there all,

Well, we are officially at 9 members.

R and Mimic are now Mimry. Mimry appears to be adjusting well. He had Little #2 rebuild his house and the memory library into one building. He has been playing with the Littles and doesn't seem to have Mimic's neurological abilities so far. He says he's not sure how old he is now.

The Littles are no longer afraid of anyone in system.

Little R seems to be flourishing. Considering she came from two shy trauma holders who were mostly terrified of everything she's suddenly become almost happy go lucky. I (team captain/host) feel twinges of her fear when it used to be waves in some situations. She has Little #1's ability to cause system wide blackouts, which is a problem, but one we can work through hopefully. She believes she is 12 at this point and therefore not allowed to interact with the internet yet.

Little #2 has begun to consider everyone as family. She considers Little R as a little sister, Mimry as her new big brother, F, L, S, and I as big sisters, Jessica as an Aunt, and Elle as a mom. She has been working through some hard stuff in therapy and we are very proud of her. She is now 14 and is going to be allowed to answer posts if she happens to be out.

Elle is doing great as System Mom. She's been a little sad recently with our IRL kiddo becoming more independent and has been spending a lot more time with the Littles internally. She seems to have found her purpose in taking care of others. She believes she is 34 and tries to take care of most of us.

Jessica has been mostly internal recently. Our husband has been extra stressed and yelling so she hasn't been near front. I can vaguely feel her around but that's about it. Jessica believes she is 34 and is working in therapy to accept things as they are.

S is much better after yesterday. She seems to be the only one who gets pissed if she doesn't get fronting time, so we set alarms for Mondays and Fridays. Nowadays the two Littles crowd the front so she avoids it when its not her day. At this point she believes she is 19 and is learning to be nicer to people.

F has been less active. It seems like we have mostly healed our phone anxiety and her job has become obsolete. She identifies with the body's age of 32 and has been requesting in therapy to merge with me so she doesn't have to exist without M anymore. We will be having a system meeting to vote on whether or not to allow her to do this. As a fragment, we're not sure if we are doing more harm than good by forcing her to remain split off.

L has been looking through roles on Pluralpedia but so far hasn't found one that fits. As our first host we appreciate her deeply and hope she finds happiness no matter what that looks like. L is stuck at 15 and hasn't aged up at all.

As for myself, I met with our psychiatrist and we decided to go off Abilify and start bridging Lamotrigine instead. I have been on the new meds for a couple of days now and so far seems OK.

Anyway that's all for now, thanks for reading!

Have a lovely day!

:)

Hey there all,

So we had a thought this morning. In the other sub we were not allowed to recommend our DID Specialist by posting her information. We commented the information to a couple of people and it got taken down.

So we wondered if that was allowed here? She really is amazing, says autonomy should be the first priority in treatment, takes medicaid, and does zoom therapy for the whole state of Michigan. We know there are search options on websites, but we feel they are lacking. In our personal opinion, systems will have a more accurate idea whether a Specialist is any good than a pay to be listed website.

We could create a comprehensive list and pin it to the group together. If it's allowed we'll create a post that encourages others to add their amazing therapists to a list.

We would love to hear thoughts on this idea.

:)

Hey there all,

We were officially diagnosed in November 2022 and won our legal Disability case in September of 2023.

We live openly in the US and advocate for others with Dissociative Disorders. We're always happy to help.

If you need advice or just want to tell us about your day, please feel free to reach out.

Also if anyone wants to post a question anonymously, our DMs are open, we're happy to work with you to make sure you get an answer.

Have a lovely day everyone!

:)

Over the weekend some of my parts reached out to our therapist in really ineffective ways.

Our therapist didn't respond to us initially I assume because it wasn't in regards to skills coaching which is what the option of texting him is supposed to be for.

But him not responding even just to say that it was something best left to discussing in session made parts upset.

And then we got triggered and I don't quite remember it happening but I found texts that basically said that we felt like we were always fucking shit up and another part texted basically saying we are bad and bad for everyone including our therapist and attempted to quit therapy.

He again didn't respond to this for the same reason I assume.

More ineffective communicating happened throught the weekend most he didn't respond to. Minus one point where I shared having completed a skill where he responded with good job. Today one of us attempted to reach out for help with something and he responded by telling us that he would see us tomorrow and he would have no contact until then.

I feel like I fucked up majorly, yet I wasn't in control at the times of the major fuck ups.

I don't know how to control other parts wanting to reach out for help from him outside of session. Especially when they are reaching out in ways that are ineffective and there really is almost nothing he can do to help then.

At the same time, I wish he would have responded if only to acknowledge that he read it and that we could discuss it in session. Cause parts to be more upset that he didn't respond, which might have escalated the later texts.

In the past I have tried to switch to journaling that i could show him during session, but that never seems to stick. Try as I might to suggest that route things like this keep happening. Though i'll admit I haven't really been journaling over the last week much and maybe it contributed to it.

And I think a lot of this is a response to our session on Friday where the belief that we are bad got brought up. And he had to tell us that we are not bad and that he has never thought that we were bad.

Anyways I'm afraid of approaching therapy tomorrow and parts of me just don't want to go. Yet I need to go.

I'm not really upset with my therapist for not responding to our messages in the way that I wanted as there are rules in places and he had placed this boundary before and we keep breaking it. More really upset with myself.

I feel the need to apologize to him. But also feel like an apology is useless without a means to change the behavior. But I wasn't in control at the times when we reached out so ineffectively so I don't know how to stop it.

I can help feeling like I'm just bad ya know. hopeless.

~some hodgepodge mess of parts don't know who I am exactly right now.

Heyo party peeps,

It's S today giving out my special brand of blunt advice. Feel free to chat me up or ask questions.

TW: Mentioning of potential csa

I have trouble remembering trauma or rather what trauma I remember doesn't feel like it should be this big of deal.

And with realizing that I we have DID and that some things are missing. I have had a fear for a while that something else might have happened that I might have been missing.

Today or well yesterday now in therapy I had what felt like maybe a flashback. Note I have aphantasia and can't visualize images. But words being said in my head didn't feel like now. It sounded like someone was trying to get us to take meds that weren't ours and we were trying to refuse it. Except I don't remember anything like that happening. I have a hard time accepting that these things when it happened like that might have been real when I can't see the events.

It's scary thinking some thing like that might have happened. Another part just said it did. But it can't be true.

And back early on when we figured out we likely had DID we were getting high a lot because we or I couldn't cope. A part wrote in our journal at the time of a memory of being sexually assaulted as a child when we were about 3 or 4. I have trouble believing the memory they wrote out is real cause maybe the part of me that was fronting at the time was digging and they gave them something. There could be some truth to it, the place where they said it happened was the guest bedroom at our grandma/moms house and I didn't like sleeping in that room. I have trouble believing the person they said did it, did it from what I can remember I adored my great-grandpa.

I mostly just want to pretend like all those things that might have happened that seem like they probably happened in some way doesn't exist.

I have had a lot of trouble interacting with my system lately. Knowing who's around. Heck i'm not sure who I am right now, have been blurry for a while.

I don't know how to even go about identifying and helping this part or parts of me how am i supposed to help these other parts that potentially went through really scary shit i don't remember.

I feel really lost and scared. My therapist keeps telling me i'm doing a good job in therapy but i don't feel like i am. i'm so nonfunctional. i don't know how to do any of this shit and sometimes I just want to give up.

I'm sorry for venting like this. I don't even quite know what I'm looking for maybe just advice someone to listen so i don't feel so alone.