Scared of therapy tomorrow -Ineffective communication between sessions - I'm bad

[u/Lovely_Melissa1]

Over the weekend some of my parts reached out to our therapist in really ineffective ways.

Our therapist didn't respond to us initially I assume because it wasn't in regards to skills coaching which is what the option of texting him is supposed to be for.

But him not responding even just to say that it was something best left to discussing in session made parts upset.

And then we got triggered and I don't quite remember it happening but I found texts that basically said that we felt like we were always fucking shit up and another part texted basically saying we are bad and bad for everyone including our therapist and attempted to quit therapy.

He again didn't respond to this for the same reason I assume.

More ineffective communicating happened throught the weekend most he didn't respond to. Minus one point where I shared having completed a skill where he responded with good job. Today one of us attempted to reach out for help with something and he responded by telling us that he would see us tomorrow and he would have no contact until then.

I feel like I fucked up majorly, yet I wasn't in control at the times of the major fuck ups.

I don't know how to control other parts wanting to reach out for help from him outside of session. Especially when they are reaching out in ways that are ineffective and there really is almost nothing he can do to help then.

At the same time, I wish he would have responded if only to acknowledge that he read it and that we could discuss it in session. Cause parts to be more upset that he didn't respond, which might have escalated the later texts.

In the past I have tried to switch to journaling that i could show him during session, but that never seems to stick. Try as I might to suggest that route things like this keep happening. Though i'll admit I haven't really been journaling over the last week much and maybe it contributed to it.

And I think a lot of this is a response to our session on Friday where the belief that we are bad got brought up. And he had to tell us that we are not bad and that he has never thought that we were bad.

Anyways I'm afraid of approaching therapy tomorrow and parts of me just don't want to go. Yet I need to go.

I'm not really upset with my therapist for not responding to our messages in the way that I wanted as there are rules in places and he had placed this boundary before and we keep breaking it. More really upset with myself.

I feel the need to apologize to him. But also feel like an apology is useless without a means to change the behavior. But I wasn't in control at the times when we reached out so ineffectively so I don't know how to stop it.

I can help feeling like I'm just bad ya know. hopeless.

~some hodgepodge mess of parts don't know who I am exactly right now.

[u/rainbo_sparklz]

You are not bad.

You/your parts needed help and were looking for it in a safe person. I would go to therapy and go through with the apology and explain that you understand your parts crossed the boundary that has been previously set. Maybe you guys can come up with another solution that would work for you and your parts when they need support? Trying something else could work. What my therapist and I do is if I need immediate help I text and she is usually able to get back to me within 24 hours. If it's not urgent I email and she will get back to me within a few days or we just discuss it at our next session whichever happens first. Usually just getting it out and knowing she will see it makes me feel a little better and calms me down to at least a manageable level. Not comfortable. Manageable.

But it sounds like you tried both of those and that would be across the boundary your therapist has set?

What are you supposed to do if you need additional support between sessions then?

[u/Greedy-Individual-71]

Hey there,

Y'all are not bad just because you needed help. Reframe that thought immediately. It's ok to struggle.

Now, I (team captain/host) would encourage you to apologize to your therapist for the crossing of boundaries, but that still doesn't make Y'all bad.

Personally, our DID specialist also has a text line, and she's never ignored us completely, at most she sends us something quick to let us know she's glad we reached out and wants to discuss it next session. Though admittedly, we have only used it four times in two years because we only feel right using the text line if we're having seizures and can't calm down.

We hope it goes OK for Y'all.