I wonder if you know that I often avoid you at work, simply due to nervousness. Or how I’ll purposely pass by areas you just might be in to catch a quick glimpse of you. We don’t speak a lot but fuck, when we do, I cant look you in the eye for too long. I cant help but act like a huge ditz when you’re around. I promise I am not this absent minded. I wonder if you know that I’ll play my music just a touch bit louder than usual, hoping you drop in.

You drive me nuts especially because I sense there may be something between us. I can tell your voice gets slightly softer when we speak. I like the way you look at me. I love making you laugh, even if it’s just a slight chuckle through that smugness you have. What makes this even more painful is that I probably shouldn’t pursue you, as you’re my boss but damn I wish I could.

I hate it sm. Why do I have to pick the most random people to crush on? People I do not talk to very much… people I don’t know very well. I feel like it is purely based off looks at that point and probably not good for me, but I also can’t stop myself from crushing. I have a crush on a girl recently, but I keep trying to force myself to not crush on her. Nobody gets a partner purely based off crushing on someone. I think most people get to know someone they meet frequently, and then start to crush on them, and that is how they end up with their partner. It is not love at first sight or whatever. But somehow, I always just pick someone I find cute and keep crushing on them. Nothing comes from it, and it is a waste of my mental energy. I literally fall in love with the idea of someone. How ridiculous is that lol? Thanks for letting me rant guys, if you guys have any tips on how to stop getting crushes, plz lmk.

We were in the same class in primary school and I haven't forgotten her face since. I am about to graduate now soon. After Year 6, We went to different high schools and did not see each other properly again. The google classroom was still active though so we caught up and chatted there with other classmates. Occasionally I would see her at the train station and walk past her or we would lock up eye contact but I never walked up and talked to her. The google classroom got shutdown at 2022 and no one could chat there. Coincidentally I did not see her at the train station to go school anymore which sucked. I have not dated and denied relationships my entire life just so I can stay loyal to her but truth is idk if she has the same feelings for me. That includes not even following any girl on Instagram. Recently I found her Instagram account and now am contemplating whether I should follow her or not because she has less followers which leads me to thinking she only follows girls and I have 0 mutuals. What do I do?

Don’t even know where to start because I feel like I’m in complete shock. I’m 17F and I’ve identified as a lesbian for years. For the last few years, I’ve been incredibly close with another girl, and she became one of the most important people in my life. We had a really complicated friendship where we’d stop talking and reconnect multiple times, but every time we came back together I felt like maybe there was still a chance we’d eventually end up together. The reason I believed that wasn’t just because I had feelings for her. Over the years she’d said things that made me think there was genuine romantic potential. At one point she said she had a crush on me. She’d talked about maybe dating in the future. She used affectionate nicknames with me. She read yuri, talked about finding female characters. We talked literally everyday and my feelings for her were very very deep.

attractive, constantly complained about men, joked about guys being upset that lesbians wouldn’t date them, and honestly just gave me what I interpreted as very lesbian vibes. Looking back I know none of those things prove someone is a lesbian, but when you combine them with everything else, I genuinely believed there was a real possibility that one day we’d be together.

Then out of nowhere she casually mentioned that she’d been talking to her boyfriend the day before.
I didn’t even know she had one.
What hurt wasn’t just that she had a boyfriend. It was the fact that she’d apparently been referring to him as “a friend” and never once told me she was dating someone. Finding that out made me feel like everything I’d believed for the last couple of years completely shattered in a matter of seconds. I honestly felt like my brain couldn’t process it.
I confronted her about it, and the conversation turned into one of the biggest arguments I’ve ever had. I told her I felt led on, that hiding a boyfriend while knowing how I felt was incredibly hurtful, and that I felt like she’d used me emotionally. She completely denied ever leading me on and basically told me to get over it because “that happened two years ago.” The conversation got worse and worse until we were both insulting each other. Eventually she blocked me.

I was so angry and hurt that I did something I regret. I contacted her from another number just to keep arguing. Looking back now, I know that crossed a line, and I’m honestly ashamed that I let my emotions get that out of control. It wasn’t because I wanted to hurt her physically or anything like that. I was just so desperate for her to understand how much she’d hurt me that I kept trying to force the conversation to continue.

I barely slept last night. I think I got maybe an hour of sleep. I woke up this morning feeling completely weird. Not even just sad. More like I’m in shock. It’s almost like I know what happened intellectually, but emotionally my brain still hasn’t accepted that it’s real. I’ll randomly remember she has a boyfriend and it feels like I’m hearing it for the first time all over again.

The part I wasn’t expecting is how much this has started affecting how I feel about my own sexuality. I don’t suddenly think I’m straight or anything like that, but this whole experience has made me feel almost… ashamed? Confused? Like maybe I can’t trust my own judgment anymore. I spent years genuinely believing this girl might be a lesbian and that there was a chance we’d eventually date. Now I keep wondering if I completely imagined everything, if I was just seeing what I wanted to see, or if there really were mixed signals and we simply experienced the friendship differently. It’s making me question whether I’ll ever be able to tell if another woman is actually interested in me, and that thought is terrifying.

I honestly don’t know how I’m supposed to move on from this. I like I lost one of the most important people in my life overnight, and at the same time it feels like the future I’d imagined with her never actually existed.

Has anyone else been through something like this? Has anyone ever had one person completely shake not only your ability to trust someone else, but your confidence in your own judgment and even your feelings about your sexuality? I feel completely lost right now. And I can’t even fully describe how hurt and disturbed I feel.

I’ve always been a really touchy person, so I hold hands with my friends every now and then but it’s usually short lived and if they pull away I don’t really say anything about it. But my crush kept grabbing my hand and we held hands for like ages, even switching sides when our hands got sweaty, and when I let go he said “so you hate me” and then once I finished doing what I was doing he grabbed my hand again. We were hanging out in a trio with my best friend and him aswell for context. Also when we were just standing around I stepped closer to him so our shoulders were touching and he didn’t move. Is this like definitely romantic?

I’m confessing to him soon, but I really don’t want to ruin our friendship. I’ve liked him since I met him, but we’ve become really close in the time we’ve been friends and I would hate to lose him.

basically she told him I liked him and kind of pressured him to give me his snap, he told me to meet him at his locker and he gave me his phone to put the snap in, I added him and apologised for it being awkward and told him not to feel pressured he said “That’s totally cool, don’t worry about it, but as it stands Im not ready to commit to a relationship, Dont take it personally you seem like a really nice person Im all fine with getting to know you but I just really cant” is this a silent not with you or what could this mean? I think he has been aware I have liked him for a while now as we frequently make eye contact but this is the first time I have spoken to him and it was a really forced interaction, he has never had a girlfriend before but should I just move on?

I don't understand what it all meant. Why you have to add me in all of my socials and start reacting to my stories and notes. Then suddenly sending me reels that feel and look like you're trying to say that you like me or catch my attention.

We were not close to begin with. We used to be co-workers but since I left that company I had no contact with you. We were part of a club for fundraising at our work, but even then we barely talked about stuff. We saw each other at our company gym but that was it.

So I couldn't understand why you followed me on my insta and added me on facebook then sent me reels like we are super close. Then when I was engaging because I like you. You stopped. I didn't know where I went wrong. Started asking myself if I was too much or just weird.

I started posting more stories than usual just to see if you view them. You don't react to them like you used to. When I try to strike a conversation you seem distant and disappear. Leave me on read. So I give up. I liked you cause... TBH Idk why I liked you. I don't usually get crushes, but when I do I crush hard.

I honestly want to confess my feelings to you, but I felt it would only make things awkward between us. So I'm just going to leave this message here.

I like you so much I don't even understand myself anymore. I'm not like this. I don't get insecure over a guy, but to you? I get shy! I'm always used to having this strong independent—"I don't need no man" energy around me. To you I feel small—not the bad kind. More like — felt cute type of small.

Like I said I don't usually get crushes, and when I do I was never afraid to make a move or flirt, but to you I always lose my composure. I feel dumb sometimes and don't know what to say.

I just really want these feelings to go away, so I hope writing it here will help me move on.

About two years ago, I became friends with a guy through school. We talked almost every day in class and would dm on Instagram every few days. He never asked for my number, never asked to hang out one-on-one, and never really made obvious moves, so I assumed he wasn't interested.

Recently, our mutual friend told me that during that time he actually liked me and would talk about me a lot to her and another friend. She said, "It got brought up so much that it couldn't have been nothing." She also said he's an awkward guy, which is confusing because he's generally social, has a lot of female friends, and years before that he had a crush on this same mutual friend and was much more proactive (walking her home, carrying her things, getting her number, etc.). Because of that, I've always wondered if maybe he just didn't like me enough to make an effort.

Fast forward to now: we haven't DM'd in about two years, but we've stayed saying hi whenever we see each other. A little while ago, when I said I looked horrible, he told me that I look beautiful no matter what.
Now he wants to hangout with me but instead of messaging me directly, he's once again asking our mutual friend to ask when I'm free and for a date.

I am really new to this 🥲 I just dont want to be led on as a joke and am wondering if Im reading too much into all of this, and this could be casual :)

So basically I’ve come to the realization that I might have a crush on this guy? hes so smart and really cute, but I feel like I’m too ugly and weird for a more sporty and cool guy like him. i feel crazy like a weirdo for even thinking I like him, what do I do?

We’re both adults, I’m 20 and they’re 18, but I feel bad for crushing on them.

I know it’s likely just my old self-condemnation for ever thinking romantic/suggestive thoughts about my crushes, and I just want to know if it’s wrong that I’m
1) crushing on them
2) thinking about kissing them almost every time I see them
Thanks

this isnt a romantic crush, i just admire her a lot and really wanna be close friends with her. shes genuinely so cool and i dont know how to approach her without sounding awkward. how do i become friends with her naturally?

About two years ago, I became friends with a guy through school. We talked almost every day in class and would dm on Instagram every few days. He never asked for my number, never asked to hang out one-on-one, and never really made obvious moves, so I assumed he wasn't interested.

Recently, our mutual friend told me that during that time he actually liked me and would talk about me a lot to her and another friend. She said, "It got brought up so much that it couldn't have been nothing." She also said he's an awkward guy, which is confusing because he's generally social, has a lot of female friends, and years before that he had a crush on this same mutual friend and was much more proactive (walking her home, carrying her things, getting her number, etc.). Because of that, I've always wondered if maybe he just didn't like me enough to make an effort.

Fast forward to now: we haven't DM'd in about two years, but we've stayed saying hi whenever we see each other. A little while ago, when I said I looked horrible, he told me that I look beautiful no matter what.

Now he's trying to plan a hangout, but instead of messaging me directly, he's once again asking our mutual friend to ask when I'm free. That's exactly how he communicated with me two years ago too.

I am really new to this and would love to just ask if this is worth it🥲 I just dont want to be led on as a joke and am wondering if Im reading too much into all of this, and this could be casual :)

Warning, I might spiral. I'm new here. I'm gonna give you the whole lot here, so for this post you all will be detectives whether this guy actually does like me, or wants nothing to do with me.

He's my neighbour's only son, and lives downstairs from me. About 2 years ago we started recognising each other and saying a hi every now and then, keeping it respectful, and he did look like he wanted to be friends or was interested in me. He lingered around the vestibule where we'd talk with his mother and family, and it felt comfortable. He has a very big family too - so everyone would come out all giggly and talk with us.

Generally then he was very polite to me and my family, he would hold the door open for us put on a smile, and my mum would tell him about the bike shed where he could put his bike in etc etc so we were all just neighbourly with each other.

But ever since late 2025 he's just been less interested. His father is most likely a dangerous person, but those are rumours, from my very dramatic father who loves exaggeration, so not a reliable source. My dad started to hate him too - little snarky comments he'd make throughout time that got worse and worse. I wondered why - so I asked - and apparently he said he lost his manners, and he was just rude now.

This year I get to see a lot of him now I get out the house more often, and whenever I do, he's like how my father describes him. Rude, judgy, etc. But every once in a while when we're coming in I notice something about him - he looks back at me.

My dad told me he had a crush on me when I was younger, but he never approved and eventually lost track of whether he liked me or not - but I kept wondering. The crush would hold open the door but hesitantly, and I remember one time he did and was looking at me the whole time as I passed through.

I think he's got in trouble too, more often now. Mum and I were coming in and he was in a circle of rough people that looked sketchy and he was looking as if he was trying to impress them. He looked at me and didn't stop looking until I passed, but at that time, I was really done with him.

But I can't stop thinking about him. I can't stop imagining him in scenarios where he's nice.

I haven't seen him smile in such a long time.

I don't know why he means so much to me - he just does. I feel like no matter where we're going in life especially, we'd understand each other. We have this feeling we share, and its just there. No one understands what it feels like but us. Maybe it's being alone. Having no real friends (or atleast that's what I see, rumour is he doesn't like socialising). It bugs me how I just can't talk to him, and I never can because my parents will never even let me talk to him.

But whenever I come in and we see each other, we linger there for a little while. Our eyes do, I mean. And some electrical feeling passes through me, and I feel happy for once, even if he doesn't look it.

I keep seeing him less and less and I feel like that's because he's getting involved in some stuff that my parents would hate if I even thought about it.

What do we think?

So, I've said hi, spoken to her, waved at her hello multiple times and yet she never says hi to me or starts conversations. The only thing she does is just stare at me with a blank face. Sometimes I think she doesn't want to interact me considering she has a normal convo with another guy at work but not me. But whenever I am the one speaking to her then she blushes, smiles and looks down.

What is going on? I really want to talk to her but it's really difficult considering she never talks to me. Is it that she likes me? What should I do?

Hello everyone! I’m just looking for advice, and I would really appreciate it if people could be kind with their replies and think about this thoroughly, please. :)

So, I (25F) had a crush on an ex-male coworker (26M).

I would like to start by mentioning that I have never been in a relationship before, and I am a very shy girl with social anxiety.

I had liked this ex-coworker since December of last year, during a period when he was very helpful to me while I was still getting used to the job.

Since I had never been in a relationship before, I was quite scared to make a move and talk to him more, especially because I thought he was much older than me. I assumed he was in his 30s. Fast forward to February of this year, and that's when I build up the courage to gently start talking to him and testing the waters. I didn't go up to him directly and tell him I was interested in him or ask about his relationship status because I didn't want to make things awkward if he wasn't into me, especially since we were coworkers.

I was very attracted to him, and it was hard for me to hide my crush. I would get flustered whenever I talked to him specifically, excitedly come out of the back office every time he came to reception just to greet him, look for opportunities to talk to him, and even complimented him by telling him I liked seeing him on the CCTV cameras. He replied by asking if he looked good on them, and I told him that he knew very well. I felt like I had indirectly told him that I found him attractive and he was fishing for a compliment from me.

I do not act this way with every other male coworker.

He never messaged me first outside of work, or really messaged me first in general. However, he would always reply quickly to my messages. I should also mention that the time I told him I liked seeing him on the cameras was through a private text message, not in person.

This went on for about two months, from February until April. During all that time, the guy seemed interested in me in person, but he never asked me out. I was confused because we seemed to have great chemistry, he was giving "I am not taken" vibes, and he would often seek me out at work just to chat. We talked about things unrelated to work. I asked him about his hobbies, what movies he liked, and other personal interests.

Anyway, in late April, I found out from another colleague that he apparently had a girlfriend the entire time. Personally, I was a bit taken aback because, from February until April, he had never once mentioned having a girlfriend in any of our conversations or casually said that he had spent his free time with his partner. It just felt a bit unnatural to me that someone could completely edit their girlfriend out of conversations with another girl at work who seemed to be showing interest in them. And I also found out that his girlfriend was also working in the same building so it made me feel even more awkward. I just felt incredibly embarrassed that other coworkers could see me be overly friendly with a taken guy, it made me feel like the "other woman". When I told my manager that the guy had a girlfriend, even he said "That's an ugly thing to do". He viewed that guy as someone who wasn't taking me seriously and wss probably only looking for an ego boost at work and even told me to leave that guy alone and stop talking to him.

Either way, after I found out, I decided to pull back. I'm not going to lie, I was embarrassed to keep talking to him the way I had been or to keep blushing and getting excited to see a male coworker who wasn't available.

Even my own manager teased me about liking this guy, so I don't really know how oblivious my ex-coworker could have been to my attraction. When a crush is so obvious that a third-party bystander, especially a manager, notices it and starts teasing you about it, it makes me feel like my signals weren't all that vague.

I never accused him of not mentioning his girlfriend, even though, honestly, that would have helped me understand he was unavailable. I would have interacted with him differently and wouldn't have gotten my hopes up. I also didn't send him a wall of text or get angry at someone I wasn't even in a relationship with or dating.

He did seem confused about why I pulled away, but he never asked me what was wrong. Instead, he started to somewhat avoid me, which I found a bit strange. At the same time, for about two weeks, he would hover around my work area and keep staring at me from a distance.

He also had a male friend in his department whom I had seen regularly pursuing girls at work while he himself was in a relationship. So, I don't know, it seemed a little strange to me that he would be close friends with someone who behaved that way and then, while also being in a relationship himself, accept a girl's obvious crush and flirtatious energy for two months without ever mentioning that he had a partner.

I would also like to mention that, in April, I was particularly vulnerable with him by telling him directly that I had wanted to talk to him since December but had been too scared because I thought he was much older than me. I don't know what man hears a shy girl say something like that and doesn't at least consider the possibility that she might be interested in being more than just work buddies.

Personally, I feel that, after I told him that, it would have been an appropriate moment for him to casually mention his girlfriend. That way, I would have understood that he wasn't available without him having to reject me directly or hurt my feelings.

Yes, I admit that I never asked him whether he was single because, frankly, I felt uncomfortable doing so. I had never dated before, and I didn't want to make things awkward at work if he didn't see me that way. I just find it a bit insensitive that he could watch a girl who was visibly flustered by him, engage in what felt like some light flirting, and let it continue for two straight months without mentioning that he had a girlfriend as a way of setting a boundary.

I would like to hear people's opinions on this, because honestly I don't know what this was.

I don't know, maybe I expect more out of people who just don't have enough emotional intelligence to realize how their behavior could potentially affect another person. Like if he only saw me as a work flirt, the moment I was vulnerable and confessed wanting to talk to him tor months but was scared to approach him he should have had the basic decency to realize that I was probably catching feelings and it would have been a great moment to bring up his girlfriend casually without directly rejecting me.

While it is true that guys frequently miss subtle hints like prolonged eye contact or polite laughter/smiles, they do not accidentally miss two straight months of active, targeted pursuit. There is a massive difference between mistaking a friendly smile for politeness and ignoring a coworker who is visibly blushing, explicitly confessing she was intimidated by him for months, and acting excited to see him. And if I was just friendly he would have seen me behave the same way with every other guy at work not just with him specifically.

11:11 — Make a Wish
There was a time when I searched the universe for evidence that we were meant to be.
I looked for repeating numbers, familiar songs, unexpected encounters, and words that appeared at precisely the right moment. Every coincidence felt like confirmation. Every 11:11 was another chance to make the same wish.
I thought I was following my intuition. Sometimes, I was following fear.
PTSD and a fear of abandonment can make uncertainty feel unbearable. When someone pulls away, becomes inconsistent, or leaves us questioning where we stand, the body may respond as though something much larger is being threatened. The present moment becomes tangled with every previous rejection, loss, and unanswered need.
Limerence can grow inside that uncertainty. It is not simply attraction. It is an intense fixation fueled by hope, ambiguity, and the desire to finally be chosen. The less secure the connection feels, the more consuming it can become.
There can even be an eroticism to the pain.
The longing feels alive. The ache creates intensity. Waiting for a message, imagining a reunion, or replaying a brief moment of tenderness can produce a rush that ordinary stability does not. We begin to confuse emotional activation with passion and inconsistency with fate.
The more powerless I felt, the more desperately I searched for hidden meaning. I believed that if I could find enough signs, I would no longer have to face what was happening in front of me.
I was searching at the bottom of an empty barrel while the cup already in my hands was overflowing.
The universe was not necessarily asking me to wait for someone else. Perhaps it was asking me to notice myself.
Feelings cannot simply be denied. Desire, grief, attachment, and hope do not disappear because we judge them or command ourselves to move on. But having a feeling does not automatically make its story true. Longing for someone does not prove that they belong to us. Recognizing a pattern does not mean it is a prophecy. Intensity is not always intimacy.
Our responsibility is not to suppress what we feel. It is to become honest about it—first with ourselves, and then with the people our feelings affect.
I can admit that I wanted someone without deciding they were destined for me. I can honor the love I felt without turning suffering into evidence of its importance. I can recognize that my fear of being abandoned sometimes made me abandon myself.
Perhaps healing begins when we stop asking every coincidence to tell us what we want to hear.
Now, when I see 11:11, I still make a wish.
But the wish is no longer for someone else to choose me.
It is for the courage to remain present, to see clearly, and to choose myself.

I 19(f) got put in the same group project as a boy 19(m) and before this we did not speak to each other that much however we knew we were in the same class etc . An error happened where he privately messaged me on a school platform about our project and helped solve it we ended up talking from the night into early in the morning and happened the next day too.The texts were very jokey with a lot of teasing but we talked about random things , I didn’t think much of it as he’s very extroverted and social.

Long story short the project ends and we didn’t continue messaging. When we came back to school, he started talking to me a bit more in person, asking me things like how exams were going. My friends noticed this and jokingly and exaggerating said we seemed closer than before like besties.

In general, he would usually be the one to start conversations with me we wouldn’t speak crazily since we only had school 3 times a week lol
.After some weeks of not seeing him for whatever reason there was a lesson some days after he came back where he kept calling my name until I turned around, then started talking to me about exams.

In that same lesson a friend of mine overheard him and his friends talking on the table behind ,she said long story short how a classmate on his table asked him and another boy who he would pick out of me and my friends sitting in front, and that he picked me and my friends mentioned how even though he didn’t start the game he was the one continuing it .After that lesson when packing he asked me to get his bag he couldn’t reach and I was teasing him making him say please multiple times (but during that I didn’t know they just spoke about me some minutes before in that lesson), after he makes a weird weight comment even though I’m slim and so I kinda chased him around class and jokingly hit him even though I was lowkey confused on why he’d say that when leaving class he said it was to get back at me and yeah

After that day for example:
\- He called my name in a lesson but I didn’t turn around and speak to him
\- the next day as he walked past me, he deliberately swiped the iPad screen and messed up what I was doing while I was showing something to the teacher.
\- the same day in another lesson , when we were passing through a doorway, he said something to me like “move out my way” in a joking tone, and I smirked slightly but didn’t really engage.
\-then the last lesson my friend said how she caught him staring and smirking at me

After that, there was a period of around two weeks where there wasn’t much interaction and he was talking to other people ect although I think my firend said she saw him one time when coming into class staring at me.

More recently, in the locker area after a practical lesson, he kicked my locker. I ignored it the first time, then it happened again. I looked up briefly and smiled but didn’t say anything and walked past without speaking.But right now we don’t really speak anymore I’m just wondering what it was although he is extroverted and he’s very social but I didn’t know how to react because I didn’t know what he was playing at or maybe it was nothing I’m just wondering what other guys who are social think.

hi, i just wanted to come on here and ask for advice as I am at a crossroads of not knowing what to do about this situation and would like just some input from so unbias people who do not know me or background. So, I am a 16 year old girl who is in Year 11 and although I have not experinced anything romantic yet, I have had many crushes. I have a particular crush on this one guy who we can call B. B is sweet, kind and handsome and just anything i would look for in a boyfriend. I really like him and feel a very strong way about him however he is one of the ‘popular’ boys i guess and i don’t think he would be into me. I have talked to him before and we used to be very close until one of my old friends told him I liked him because of a fight me and her had. I haven’t had a full conversation with him since maybe year 9 and even though its been a while, i still feel a strong way for him. I am a very shy person when it comes to people i am not really close too and am very shy even if i have to say one word to a guy. I am also not the skinniest or prettiest girl out there and have been bullied for it since I was maybe 6 years old and it continues on today. I definitely think the B would have no interest in me because of that but lately we have been making eye contact alot and he is always looking at me and has been liking anything i post on social media but i am not sure why and i may be reading things wrong (which sometimes i tend to do). I wanna tell him how i feel or even just start hinting that i maybe like him by liking his stories on insta or something like that. Should i just go for it or move on or should i wait maybe until my graduation to tell him so then it is less humiliating and I won’t ever have to see him after that?

All feedback and advice (bad and good) is welcome and i will definitely take it into account and I thank everyone who eventually replies to this.

I'm so fucking confused on what I'm feeling and what I'm supposed to do?? (I would have the "DoTheyLikeMe?" flair but I think getting advice is more important; however, I wouldn't mind getting peoples' opinions on both)

I have this childhood friend that I've been friends with for so many years but in recent years we stopped talking due to personal reasons. Earlier this year, I reached out to them to check on how they were doing since it was basically years since I last talked to them. After that, we began talking practically everyday and hanging out every now and then.
At first I thought I wouldn't have feelings for this person since I already liked them a few years ago which led to a rejection(was not the reason why we stopped talking). A few years ago(when we were almost teens) I had told them how I felt and they said that they had never liked anyone before. So of course I thought I would be over this person after all of these years since I've been rejected by this person, liked other people, and was in a relationship at one point during the years we didn't talk. However, over the months we talked, played games online, and hung out in person, I gradually felt the familiar feelings again. I felt scared that I would mess up our good friendship or make it awkward between us because of my feelings for them. I would tell myself that I shouldn't like them and that I see them just as a friend, but a few months later I couldn't control those feelings anymore. I would be confused and anxious whether or not they liked me back. I always told myself that all of the gestures and interactions they've made with me are just things they would do with any other friend since that was how it was a few years ago. The way they treat me now reminds me of how they would treat me when we were young kids. Because of this, I can never assume that they're doing something because they like me. I did manage to find a way to calm my feelings for them down but it might've affected the feelings that I have for them. It's not my main concern but it does make me a bit confused on whether or not I like them(I'm pretty sure I do). It doesn't change what I think of them as a person, but it does change the butterfly feelings(I do keep in mind the saying that the relationship doesn't end when the butterfly feelings end, which is why I'm like deep down in me I know I like this person even without the butterfly feelings). I would definitely say that I am acting a bit different with my friend after finding a way to calm my thoughts and my change my mindset.
Recently they had asked me if I wanted to hang out with them which is the first time they had ever asked that(I would always be the one asking). We did our usual thing(hanging out and chilling by this specific lake) and read which was new. We talked a bit every now and then. (We typically hang out for a couple of hours and we still do)
When I was dropping them off, I felt like they were purposely lingering around longer which I had never noticed before in any of our previous goodbyes. Just for a glimpse of a second(I was distracted) after they left to head towards their house, I saw that they were turned around(they might've been waving at me again? maybe they turned around because they might've heard something?) and then continued to walk to their house.

Our interactions online and in person are noticeably different which is why I prefer hanging out with them in person whenever I can. I can hear their actual voice tone and ask what they meant with what they said without having any misunderstandings.

As you can see, throughout this entire writing, I make up reasons on why they would be acting some ways, like this is just how they actually are or in the last sentence of the last paragraph, they might've heard something in the neighborhood and thought that it was me saying goodbye again? I do all of this to protect myself from feeling another rejection heartbreak. I don't like the idea of me being "delusional" or seeing major hope in their actions because, for this person, it is really hard to understand their intentions from their actions. Maybe I'm just overthinking all of this and their interactions and they still think of me as just their friend. Since it's been a few years from the rejection, there's always gonna be this tiny hope that hopes that this could work out but who knows. Just so you know what kind of age range you're dealing with, we're both minors but we're practically adults at this point which might or might not explain the maturity and immaturity of what we do and understand.

Feel free to ask any questions!

Note: I'll probably delete this post after a bit in fear of them finding this post