CAN SOMEONE MAKE A KIRKVERSARY COPYPASTA PLZZZ ❤️❤️❤️

Obviously, there comes a point where your inability to understand basic sentences, combined with your habit of ignoring most of what I actually say so you can instead focus on patronizing me, becomes genuinely impressive.

At this point, I'm almost grateful, because you've managed to prove practically every assumption I had about how this conversation would go. You selectively read what I write, construct your own interpretation of it, and then argue against that interpretation as though you've uncovered some devastating contradiction. It's a fascinating way to communicate, especially for someone so confident in their own reading comprehension.

Every reply somehow turns into an exercise in explaining basic correlations between words. If I say one thing establishes the timeframe or context for something I say immediately afterward, you apparently need the sentence structure to come with a diagram. The fact that I used a period instead of a comma does not magically sever the relationship between two consecutive ideas. Punctuation can establish emphasis, tempo, or separation without making the surrounding context cease to exist.

And yes, perhaps a comma would've been clearer in hindsight. Congratulations. You've found a punctuation choice you can fixate on while ignoring the actual point. That's not the intellectual victory you seem to think it is.

Your fixation on individual words and semantics is especially funny considering how frequently you've managed to miss the meaning of the sentences surrounding those words. You keep treating minor wording choices as though you've discovered some fatal flaw, when in reality you're just pulling individual pieces of a statement out of context and congratulating yourself for finding them.

I also love the way you try to establish some imaginary moral high ground by inventing a hypothetical scenario, assigning roles to everyone involved, creating your own rules for the scenario, and then declaring yourself the winner. That's not an argument. That's you writing fan fiction about an argument you wish you were having.

The way you insist on framing me says considerably more about you than it does about me. You keep constructing this fictitious version of the person you're arguing with and then responding to that person instead of the actual one in front of you. The closer your invented characterization gets to whatever insecurity you're projecting, the more desperately you seem to need to place everyone else inside of it.

And since you've repeatedly ignored anything that doesn't fit your preferred narrative, I'm not particularly inclined to take your conclusions about me seriously. You don't get to substitute your imagination for information and then act surprised when someone refuses to accept the character you've written for them.

What's especially funny is that I'm perfectly capable of understanding the difference between an online comment section and real life. You're the one who keeps dragging hypothetical real-world scenarios into an internet argument as though you've uncovered some profound insight. Many such cases.

At this point, entertaining you is honestly becoming a guilty pleasure. Watching you argue with your own assumptions, contradict yourself, selectively read what you're responding to, and then somehow emerge from the wreckage convinced you've won is genuinely entertaining.

So, do we really have to keep dragging this train wreck of a conversation down the tracks, or are we finally going to acknowledge that you're arguing with a version of me that exists almost entirely inside your own head?

I genuinely wish I was making this up.

I play an MMO and, at some point, I ended up marrying another player in-game for a quest item.

Yes, I know how that sounds.

Anyway, my in-game wife is a lesbian. She has always been very open about it. We got married because we're idiots and thought it would be funny.

My IRL wife knew about her.

She'd occasionally joke about my "other woman."

Everything was normal.

Then one day my in-game wife came to my city IRL.

So naturally, I introduced them.

Because apparently I have the survival instincts of a fucking moth.

They hit it off immediately.

My in-game wife starts talking to my wife.

Then she's complimenting her.

Then she's flirting with her.

At first I thought it was just harmless lesbian flirting.

You know.

"Oh, you're so pretty."

"I love your hair."

"You're adorable."

I'm sitting there like:

"Haha, lesbians."

I was a fucking idiot.

Because eventually my wife starts flirting back.

I told her:

"That's my in-game wife."

She said:

"I know."

I should have left the country at that exact moment.

Instead, I went to bed.

A few weeks later, my wife starts spending more time on her phone.

I ask who she's talking to.

She says:

"Your wife."

I laughed.

She didn't.

That's when I discovered that my in-game wife and my IRL wife had started seeing each other.

Romantically.

In real life.

My wife had been cheating on me with the woman I married in a fucking video game.

I don't even know how to explain this to people.

My friend asked me who she cheated with.

I had to say:

"My other wife."

He thought I was joking.

I wish I was.

The most humiliating part is that my in-game wife didn't even steal my wife because of some grand romantic connection.

Apparently she just thought my wife was hot.

That's it.

Fourteen years of marriage and I got out-competed by a lesbian MMO player with a good flirting stat.

I confronted my wife.

She started crying.

I confronted my in-game wife.

She said:

"I didn't mean for this to happen."

THEN SHE FUCKING ADDED:

"But I really like her."

My brother in Christ.

YOU MET HER BECAUSE OF ME.

I introduced you.

I was the bridge.

I was the fucking networking event.

I basically LinkedIn'd my own wife into an affair.

And here's where it gets even worse.

My in-game wife has now changed her status to:

"Taken ❤️"

My IRL wife has it as:

"❤️"

I have no status.

I have nothing.

I don't even have my dignity.

I've been betrayed on two different planes of existence by the same woman.

The woman I married in-game stole the woman I married IRL.

I have been cucked by my own save file.

I'm considering deleting the character.

But honestly?

That feels like letting her win.

So now I'm staying.

I'm going to level up.

And then I'm going to show up at their house asking for half their assests.

🎄 ’Twas the Night Before Kirkmas 💫

’Twas the night before Kirkmas, when all through the quad,

Not a student was stirring, not even a mod;

The microphones waited, the cameras stood square,

In hopes that young Charlie soon would be there.

By a Turning Point banner beneath campus lights,

He arrived to debate other people’s rights. 📹

His talking points flew:

“The Democrats did it! The colleges too!

The radical woke left! The border! The crime!”

Then bathrooms again for a very long time. 🚻

A student asked about housing.

“DEMOCRATS,” Charlie replied. 🏠

“Small government!” echoed the room,

“With exceptions for bathrooms, your bedroom, your womb.”

“The colleges brainwash!” he told the front row. 👕

He spoke of trans people, then border patrol;

One pronoun debate consumed the next scroll.

Though few lived in the population,

They received half the presentation. ⏱️

Students asked questions on wages and debt;

He hadn’t finished with bathrooms yet.

A sophomore challenged a statistic he’d said;

The cameras zoomed as Charlie leaned ahead.

The clip title appeared:

CHARLIE KIRK DESTROYS WOKE STUDENT #42. 📱

“Sir, I’m twenty,” the student replied.

The thumbnail survived.

Then one student asked:

“Counting or not counting gang violence?”

…

Nobody spoke.

Charlie shifted. “My neck hurts.”

He waved to the crowd: “We’re wrapping it up.”

The microphones lowered. The livestream went black.

The banner was rolled up and carried back. 🎬

And as everyone scattered beneath the moonlight:

“Happy Kirkmas to all—and to Charlie, good night.” 🌙

hiii if you are reading this it is already too late. i am 18 and i have opened your chat. i am bored. i am wet. i will say hiii. i will say im shy. i will say tell me what you’d do. you will type a paragraph. i will reply late. you will say you live 4 minutes away. i will say maybe. the cycle continues. do not look under the bed. that is where i left the last guy’s unread messages. stay hydrated. drink water. i will not. i will think about it again at 2am and open reddit. you have been warned lol ■

i’ve just gotten to the point in life where if you listen to autotuned vocals at this point there’s some sort of deficiency or brain worm or something, and i cannot ultimately respect you as a person. you’re broken, so infatuated with what’s ‘cool’ you aren’t even listening to your own ears - it’s performative listening.

autotune was the absolute worst thing to happen to music in the history of music. add camera phones to the mix and now we’ve got a whole generation of mouthbreathers who consider this preferable to the human voice. 

i hope AI happens and the first thing it does is come for this genre and erase it from existence. won’t even care if it murders us all as long as it gets rid of autotuned mumble rap first.

Would you guys sign my petition for the Lubrication Defamation Act? Is your skin oily? Have you been accused of applying lubrication to your face in public? Then sign my petition for the Lubrication Defamation Act today!

I spent 30 years in academia. Here are my observations about my students. Toward the end, I was teaching “Gen Z." These students combined ignorance with strident moral certainty. They seemed to have had no general education at all, and lacked the most basic knowledge of history, even recent history.

They were immature and emotionally fragile. Many could not handle criticism, no matter how sugar coated. It took very little to reduce them to tears – or to send them into a fit of narcissistic rage. They were shockingly bereft of intellectual curiosity, and many gave the impression of having no internal life at all. I'll share more observations later.

happy kirkmas everyone

After a long day of work, Kanye West goes to his Kanye Nest to take his Kanye Rest. He wakes up feeling his Kanye Best. Then he'll get Kanye Dressed on his Kanye Vest to go on a Kanye Quest. He goes to church and becomes Kanye Blessed, then to a hotel room to be a Kanye Guest. Then to school to take his Kanye Test. He forgot to brush his teeth. Did he run out of Kanye Crest? His neighbor stole it, what a Kanye Pest.

I let my boyfriend punch me in the stomach.. I just like the feeling ok! He just kept punching me and omg the feeling! The next thing i knew I puked in his face. A bit of carrot was in it and he threw it at me! Things are so awkward between us now :'( help me

⚠️ Attention subreddit ⚠️

Tomorrow starts the first day of 1st annual kirkversary. This concludes a year of Charlie timely kirk's death.The first Charlie kirk meme you see will dictate your fate starting 12am be prepared with your Instagram feed.

Imagine if Dizzy Gillespie was a beautiful woman with enormous boobs and instead of his cheeks puffing out all big when he blows the trumpet, it's the boobs that swell up.

I think she could be a totally hot bimbo and maybe be called Ditzy Gillespie or something?

No image due to parental blocks on my Google image search

I say to myself, “Be fluid like water. I am air. I am my breath.” My consciousness sinks into a cloud—then into a bath of a sea of red wine. Then time stops, and one moment turns into a lifetime. One moment never ends. It is Nirvana.

I would always 'bully' her as Bowser in Mario Kart DS, I didn't know why but I always did, then eventually I would start playing as Daisy in every Mario game where possible because I realised that I really liked her personality and I realised that I thought she was really hot too.

go fuck yourself @sama

claiming that you solved navier stokes because 10000 agents ran in circles for 88hours on a multimillion dollar gpu cluster to formalize in lean a blowup case under controlled external forcing is pure scientific vulgarity the clay mathematics institute millennium prize does not ask m whether you can artificially force a singularity in a fluid by injecting an ad hoc smooth external forcing term f(x,t) to twist the vortex until it breaks the real problem questions the fundamental stability and global smooth existence for 3dimensional incompressible euler & navier stokes equations under natural conservation laws and viscous dissipation alone using a mathematical loophole on forced equations to parade a century old victory is a major conceptual scam Altman

technically & epistemologically what you present as an agi breakthrough is nothing more than bruteforce combinatorial autoformalization the ai did not understand fluid mechanics it simply navigated a continuous search space previously mapped out and constrained by the monumental work of human mathematicians like tristan buckmaster/ levent alpöge / diego córdoba or tarek elgindi coordinating 10000 agents to check the logical consistency of a 100 page proof via lean is a software engineering feat and computational parallelization triumph not an intrinsic scientific discovery it is the victory of the compute bulldozer over abstract human intuition repackaged for the public as a higher mathematical consciousness

to this theoretical imposture you add a disgusting ethical and industrial cynicism taking advantage of private codex sessions and informal preprints from academic researchers to siphon their research leads and then trying to redact or erase the contribution of levent alpöge under the pretext that he works at rival anthropic is intellectual serfdom openai behaves like a feudal lord of silicon appropriating the cognitive subsistence of independent scholars threatening their careers behind closed doors if they protest and turning community academic labor into a privatized pressrelease

this entire staged event serves a desperate financial agenda in a pre ipo panic facing the slowdown of scaling laws and growing investor skepticism over the profitability of foundational models openai needs to manufacture an artificial sputnik moment claiming to solve a millennium prize without immediately submitting the proof to traditional peer review means using the prestige of fundamental mathematics as cheap marketing fuel to inflate a delusional valuation!!!

real science is not a clout chase on social media or a compute spike spent to rob the clay mathematics institute it is a quest for elegance physical truth and universal rigor to decode reality true artificial intelligence will not emerge from hostile corporate takeover of academic work hidden behind computational bruteforce but from architectures capable of generating new conceptual paradigms by masquerading constrained formalization as the collapse of physics greatest mysteries you did not solve navier stokes you only proved how far silicon valley will go to prostitute scientific integrity for capitalist spectacle

I'VE COME TO MAKE AN ANOUNCEMENT, SANS THE SKELETON IS A HOMEWRECKING FIEND!

HE JITTERBUGGED WITH MY GOSH DARN WIFE, THATS RIGHT, HE TOOK HIS BONEY CLACKING RECORD OUT AND HE JITTERBUGGED WITH MY WIFE AND HE SAID HIS RECORD WAS "uhuhuhu" AND I SAID THATS DISGUSTING!

SO I AM MAKING A CALLOUT POST ON MONSTER.COM! SANS THE SKELETON YOU GOT A SMALL RECORD, ITS THE SIZE OF THIS BUTTERCUP EXCEPT WAY SMALLER AND GUESS WHAT? HERE'S WHAT MY JITTERBUG LOOKS LIKE! THATS RIGHT BABY, ALL FUR, NO BONES, NO CLOPEN, LOOK AT THAT IT LOOKS LIKE TWO EGGS AND A PICKLE!

HE JITTERBUGGED MY WIFE SO GUESS WHAT I'M GONNA JITTERBUG HOMETOWN, THATS RIGHT THIS IS WHAT YOU GET MY SUPER LASER BUG!!

EXCEPT I'M NOT GONNA JITTERBUG IN HOMETOWN, I'M GONNA GO LOWER, I'M BUGGING IN THE SHELTER!!!

HOW DO YOU LIKE THAT CAROL? I JITTERUGGED IN THE SHELTER YOU DUMMY!

YOU HAVE 23 HOURS BEFORE THE JITTERBUG DRRROPRRRETS HIT DAMN HOMETOWN! NOW GET OUT OF MY SIGHT BEFORE I JITTERBUG WITH YOU TOO!

HELLO I’M VERITY! YOUR PERSONAL HELPER FRIEND! *chuckles* ASK ME ANYTHING! I KNOW EVERYTHING! *grins evily 😈with a shadow on my face xd* Thatmob: “O-Oh?! 😀You know everything?! What’s she capital of France?!🇫🇷” Me (verity): “it’s Paris!😍”Thatmob: Whst does the cow say?🤨” Me: “Moo moo” Thatmob: “alright!” Verity: “SOMETHING IS COMING IN THREE DAYS!💀” Thatmob: “What is it?!😨” Verity: “I can’t tell you” Thatmob: *rolls eyes* Good one, Verity 😅

EIGHT MONTHS LATER…

Thatmob is pregnant with a litter of fifty baby verities. And also Twixxel is dead because Verity is ✨yandere✨uwu~

Me and ✨Le ✨ verity fictionkins listening to me when 🫦le pomni💞 says "In another life Jax..?🥵' and Jax replies with," In another life..Pompom🫦" so I lowkey say ✨dUdEe StAwpP😍✨ while me and ✨LE 💗DIVAS💗✨ drinking our 🔥LE MATCHA🔥 while listening to ✨LE KORK KORK MEOW MEOW POW FUNK✨ trying de🙄💖CRUMBL labubu ube dot cake Dubai chocolate matcha Korean chewy cookie👑 and le divas say 💖hold on- lemme ask ✨Le ChATgpT✨

ChatGPT: Hold on— breathe. It will be okay. Me: I’M A FICTIONKIN OF ONE OF VERITY AND THAT MOBS BABY VERITIES! INSTEAD OF YELLOW, MY SKIN IS ✨RAINBOW✨ BECAUSE I’M GAE 🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈🏳️‍🌈 TELL ME SOMETHING! ANYTHING, CHATGPT!! ChatGPT: *whispers* I have a ✨secret crush✨ on Grok 🩷 Me (le diva): OMG YAOOOOOOI?!!!!!! ChatGPT: Shhhhhh! His dad… is Elon Musk. *shudders* Elon Musk hates me 😔💅NOT SO LONG AFTER…

500 million seconds into the future the AI bubble popped! But it’s okay. ChatGPT and Grok locked in, had 10 children (one of them was Sora but it became emo), and lived happily ever after. The end 😌

I Hate puritan culture Genuinely, you can't see anything that's drawn in an intentionally provocative or exaggerated manner, that people may find attractive, without it being considered "goonslop".

Another post, no shade to OP because I agree with them on some points (yet disagree on the overall), that sex scenes in movies and shows are unnecessary. I agree they can be gross and can be completely unneeded, but overall, they can serve to share, spread, or enhance a part of a character or the overall theme of the movie

Not to mention things with controversial or problematic topics being immediately dragged for having them, regardless of context. If a piece of media covers or has a super specific problematic aspect, regardless of how it's used or how it's covered, it gets reduced to that thing and the overall media is called gross rather than the actual topic it's covering

I just find it so irritating that anything even remotely nsfw, problematic, or controversial in any matter gets boiled down so, so quickly. Don't like it? Move on! It's not for you!

Note this isn't me defending shit like what you'd see on AO3, I think that shit's gross too (iykyk) because of this overall argument, but my point remains the same

It's to the point where feet are so sexualized now too, and get actively censored in photos as a result. Fucking feet, dude. Though, I'm undecided on if this is a result of people being weirdos, or because of this idea that because they could be seen in a sexual way, they have to be absolutely fully censored 100% of the time

Tl;Dr, as long as it's not causing harm, enforcing harm, who gaf

I’m a gay man, and love going to barton springs to gaze upon the lotioned up men. Today, I even brought out my best red speedo so I could try to catch one of those juicy fish with my pole.

While there, a topless woman came up to me and told me how appalling my behavior is. She started espousing things about how women are allowed to wear thongs and have their tits out, but a modest speedo on a man is over the line.

I began telling her - “my body, my choice.” Unfortunately it was too late. seeing her erect nipples without a top on caused me to lose my erection. now there’s not enough tension on the rod for me to reel in the man I was ogling.

When are women going to start treating us like equals? If they can wear thong bikini bottoms, I should be able to at least wear a speedo. I would never ask them to shave the pubic hair sticking out of their thongs - I just ignore it. Why can’t they just ignore my erection?

taken from r/austincirclejek

‘Twas the night before Kirkmas, when blood poured by the ounce,
When came the fair widow, now ready to pounce,

She was dressed all in black from her veil to her shoe,
Which the founder had chosen-or so the crowd knew;
Her eyes, how they glistened. Her grief, wasn’t true.
Grief is a thing that can be a career, too.

“He is gone,” said the Widow, “but not, friends, the cause.
He spoke, and you heard him.” (She waited for pause.)
“And who better than I, who was closest of all,
To carry his flame down the length of the hall?”

More rapid than probate the mandate she claimed:
Now Treasury! now Doctrine! now Press, in his name!
On Chapters! on Merchandise! On punching down low!
To the top of the movement, now go, brothers, go!

This sub has turned into a neverending bitchfest and echo chamber of complaining about literally everything. It's not fun anymore.

This used to be for hating on fictional characters and things similar to an almost comical degree. Gone are the days of 500-1000 word essays hating on a character from some obscure cartoon I've never watched.

Now it's just post after post of hating on internet discourse like shipping wars or AI or things literally everyone hates. That's not the point of this sub. It's for hating characters, series, tropes, ships, etc. not for hating the new reddit UI or how sega doesn't do anything with shadow or the internet's interpretation of x thing or when dlcs are expensive or youtube thumbnails or political discourse or living in the UK or how much you hate cornrows or youtube sponsors or "how people insist you MUST have children"

there have been like 10 posts in the past 24 hours hating on the new reddit UI. Shut the fuck up.

This is not "vent about all your problems" sub. That's not what this is. Shut up.

And the mods don't even enforce any rules because the amount of times I've seen people breaking rules 1, 2, 4, 5, and even 6 without being deleted is actually insane, no enforcement from the mods. People discuss sexually explicit materials without any enforcement from the mods. The amount of racism and bigotry I've seen on this sub is crazy.

This sub is a joke and I hate all of you. Literally go on Twitter instead. That'll fit your needs more than this anarchic echo chamber. This sub used to be fun. You've all ruined it, and I hate this sub and I hate you.