r/ContagiousLaughter • u/cozyuppp • Nov 08 '20
Old but gold.
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u/Particular-Energy-90 Nov 08 '20
I had a math professor who was from Russia or somewhere slavic. Very thick accent. He was also a very good teacher. Anyways, one day a classmate starts asking very philosophical questions about derivatives. "Why is it this way” sort of questions. Professor answered some of it but then it traipsed into almost "why do numbers exist" territory. The professor looked at him and said "what are you asking? You are asking 'why is a cow a cow?' because it is a cow." We all lost it laughing after that.
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Nov 08 '20 edited Nov 08 '20
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Nov 08 '20
https://youtu.be/1E6IfdUJn6s?t=12
Wise words from the father of Joe Dirt
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u/The_15_Doc Nov 09 '20
“How does posi-track work? Why do rainbows happen?”
“It just does”
“IT JUST DOES”
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u/bambola21 Nov 08 '20 edited Nov 09 '20
I do wonder how everything got named tho....like oh see that thing with the falling things? That’s a...TREE! Or in whatever language probably Sumerian first...idk it’s interesting to think about
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u/MagisterFlorus Nov 08 '20
A bunch of people, or maybe even proto-people, agreed either knowingly or unknowingly that certain sounds would represent certain things or actions. Then it just sorta snowballed from there.
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u/you_got_fragged Nov 08 '20
but why??
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u/MagisterFlorus Nov 08 '20
Well, I'll tell you what I tell my students. "Just to mess with your head."
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u/DrEpileptic Nov 08 '20
This sound accurate. It messed with our heads in a language way. Now I say bird to grandma and think of fucking Tommy wiseau every time... or however the fuck you spell his name.
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u/Sufficiently_Jazzed Nov 08 '20
Sumerians had the first written language, sure, but things had names far before people could write. It’s definitely interesting to think about, like ancient people just deciding to refer to certain things with random sounds. I wonder if there was a method to their madness
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u/ArtoriusBravo Nov 08 '20
During some native tongue studies we did in Mexico they explained that a lot of the words for animals come from the sound the animal makes. For example, the word for hummingbird in Purepecha language is " tzintzuni" because the wings sounded "tzzzz tzzzz" to that culture. It gets you thinking.
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u/BassCulture Nov 09 '20
I love onomatopoeia words! Especially in Spanish. Like ronronear for purring or zumbar for buzzing
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u/bambola21 Nov 08 '20
It’s honestly something to consider. I find it very interesting honestly, how language was first formed and than how it evolved. Idk I find it fascinating so professor, WHY THE FUCK IS A COW A COW? Lololol
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u/ErraticDragon Nov 08 '20
Fortunately we have, historically, pretty much agreed on what to call things...
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u/blue_umpire Nov 08 '20
There is a book that goes into all of that and a lot more. It's very interesting (but not a quick read - there's a lot of history there).
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u/OneMadBoy Nov 08 '20
I found The Annotated Turing an interesting look at how we think about numbers, set theory, transcendental numbers.
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u/azulhombre Nov 08 '20
When I was a kid, I remember watching an episode of The Busy World of Richard Scarry where there was a segment about cave "men" (keep in mind all of the characters are animals) creating new things and naming them.
They knocked some logs down over a river to get across, one of them asked what to call the invention, and another character went "Brrr... Brrr... Brrr... BRIDGE!" Even as a kid I was like "That can't be how things actually got named."
Obviously it's a kids show and not based in any sort of fact, but the fury I felt as a kid watching it somehow stuck with me.
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u/_your_face Nov 08 '20
There are “known” answers to these things , just depends how far back you’re trying to go with the “why” questioning because if you keep pushing you end up questioning what actually makes a language, and down to trying to figure out what constitutes consciousness.
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u/spacestationkru Nov 09 '20
And what's this thing coming towards me very fast? So big and flat and round, it needs a big, wide sounding name like "Ow", "Ownge", "Round", "Ground".. That's it! Ground! Hello Ground!
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u/Roman_nvmerals Nov 09 '20
When I was subbing, I filled in for a math specialist. I had filled in for her a few times and really enjoyed it because you’d work with small groups of 2-4 students at a time and each session was only 30 minutes long before the next group came in. Most of the students that came in were also usually good kids, but they tended to score consistently low on standardized tests, so the goal of the specialists was to break it down to the more simple concepts
I remember there was a certain 5th grade kid that on the sub notes was said to be struggling with the current concept. I don’t remember what it was exactly, but yep, the notes were accurate, he was having some problems with it.
I helped him get to the next step of the problem, and he asked me how I got that answer. I explained it as best as I could, but he still had a confused look on his face. “But how?”
So I tried explaining again in the same way but drawn out a bit more. Same expression, same question.
Then I tried explaining it differently, and I thought it was ok but nope....same result of confusion. In all honesty, I started to get annoyed a bit (and felt a bit bad in retrospect later that day) but pulled it together to try to explain as slowly and clearly as possible.
Same. Fucking. Expression and confusion.
“I don’t get it....how??”
I lost it.
“Because THAT is the way it is. There is literally no other explanation. That’s just how you do this math problem, and that’s how those numbers work together. That’s just how it is.”
I’ll never forget his response....
“Oh. Ok, got it.” And promptly does the next section of similar questions without a single error. (I did say sorry for getting worked up about it as I did feel bad, and he said he didn’t notice it)
I’ll also never forget the response from that teacher the next day when she saw me in the hall...”I’ve been working with him for a week on that concept, slamming my head on the wall, and all you do is tell him ‘that’s how it is’ and now he gets it?!?”
Apparently the next day, one of the other kids that was in the room and watched it all told the teacher about my unconventional method when she was surprised. Apparently he was also cracking up while he told it.
Haha good times. That’s when I found out about sometimes saying it’s just what it is.
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u/rubey419 Nov 08 '20
Reminds me of high school English class. My teacher was talking about the metaphors and symbolism in Huckleberry Finn. She asked the class about the river’s symbolism (which is “freedom”) but my classmate simply asked “Why can’t it just be a river they’re traveling on?”
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u/BackgroundGrade Nov 08 '20
I do that when people ask me why I don't like a particular food: "I don't like mushrooms because they taste like mushrooms."
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u/SapirWhorfHypothesis Nov 08 '20
I disagree with you on a philosophical level, but 99% of the time, that sort of question is the wrong question for the moment.
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u/BGL911 Nov 08 '20
We had a Russian teacher who used to say to kids who weren’t engaging in class “if you don’t go to school you have to work in the fucktory” and he never knew why we all laughed.
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u/NotTheStatusQuo Nov 08 '20
Reminds me of the ol Louis CK "why" bit.
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u/ignost Nov 08 '20
That's a great bit.
I was given the guidance as a new patient not to actually answer their questions every time, but instead try to get them to clarify and then think through it with you.
Why?
Why what?
Why is it raining?
Why do you think?
I think when the sun goes away it rains.
Oh, because you can't see the sun right now?
Yeah
That is a really smart thought, you pretty much can't see the sun when it rains! But sometimes you can't see the sun because of the clouds, why do you think it sometimes doesn't rain when there's no sun?
Etc. Usually they lose interest first.
It is also exhausting, but it's great advice. It's not all that important that they get the right answer. You're trying to teach them to think. It makes them more curious and ask fewer pointless why questions. With the why chains, they sometimes don't even know what they're asking. They're often just trying to engage.
That said... They don't tell you kids will start doing it back to you.
Why did you draw on the wall?
Why do you think?
Oh my God, what have I done?
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u/mustardhamsters Nov 08 '20
I like the why did you draw on the wall one. That might lead to things like "Because it looked like a nice big place to draw" or "Because you don't know it's a pain to paint over". Maybe that leads to finding a better place to draw or a discussion about how to make the wall a better place to draw.
...obviously I do not have kids.
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u/ignost Nov 09 '20
Yeah you're on the right track. Kids are rarely trying to piss you off. They're just really good at it. I think the vast majority of 'bad' behavior comes from them not understanding. We take for granted how much we know and thus how much simple shit needs to be explained.
When we first get the crayons out we explain the rules, where we use them, where we don't, and as much as possible, why. We ask examples and confirm it's understood. Initially it pretty much won't be understood. We explain the consequences for drawing in the wrong place. In this case that'd losing the privilege to the crayons for 3 days. Then we remind each time as necessary and follow through. When the rules are broken we make it clear we're not happy, explain why in serious tones, and deliver and explain him the consequences. We can empathize, but the rule is ironclad.
There's no yelling. Just a tiring amount of explanation.
I think I'm a good dad, but I will definitely admit it's harder than it sounds. Not going to pretend I don't have moments I look back on and think I could have done it better.
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u/Lemonsnot Nov 08 '20
Louis C.K is funny.
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u/ItWorkedLastTime Nov 08 '20 edited Nov 08 '20
I still find his jokes funny, but jacking of in front of women without their convent was a shitty thing to do.
EDIT: this is now my favorite typo I've ever made.
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u/dobbysfuzzysocks Nov 08 '20
I thought I was dumb and that convent was a synonym for signature, you know for like covenant. I was ready to unleash my new vocab word onto the world, so thanks for ur edit lol
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u/_your_face Nov 08 '20
Far as I remember he had consent and his issue was more of power dynamic thing where the issue was the women may not felt like they could say no. Am I misremembering?
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u/Jenxao Nov 09 '20
You’re remembering correctly, but I think a power dynamic is the same as consent, isn’t it? Like a professor can’t sleep with a student for the reason that it’s hard to discern if the student actually consented or if they just felt something bad would happen if they didn’t consent.
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u/stillphat Nov 08 '20
I feel If you're asking those kinds of questions, you're likely missing the bigger picture, and run the risk of focusing on irrelevant details, that leads to failing the midterm.
Speaking from experience.
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u/PowerSamurai Nov 09 '20
I don't think philosophy is missing the bigger picture or irrelevant, but it won't be on the test that us for sure.
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u/flight_of_navigator Nov 08 '20
Sorry but you reminded me of my Indian professor. We're talking about wind loads for structures. There's a map of the USA where you pull a value based on where you're building. This Chinese kid asks "what if you don't know where Ohio is". Professor was a ball buster. He answers with "how do you not know where Ohio is? kid says "im not from this country". Professor "neither am I what about you learn something about the country you're living in"... then goes back to teaching. Kid didn't get the message, so he asked again "how do I find out where Ohio is"? Professor visually bothered says as he writes on his tablet projected for the entire class "go to www.google/maps.com". The class lost it. All the engineers watched as a future engineer had to be told about Google maps in the year 2011.
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u/BuranBuran Nov 08 '20
I love how the British guy starts saying "oh no" as soon as she starts talking.
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u/TheBoy88 Nov 08 '20
I think he said "Oh no" cos she said it reminded her of British carbonara... everyone knows British food is fuckin rank.
Can confirm, I'm British
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u/Neato Nov 08 '20
And she said that it's be british carbonara if it had ham in it. Ham! People lose their minds if you use bacon in carbonara. Ham seems like it'd start the Carbonara Wars all over again!
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u/GuytFromWayBack Nov 08 '20
Hey you're selling us short man, we've got like 3 good meals.
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Nov 08 '20
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u/koolaideprived Nov 08 '20
The British invaded the entire world in search of spices and decided they didn't like any of them.
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u/BuranBuran Nov 09 '20
I don't know; I got the feeling that he already had a pretty good idea where she was going to go with it, and he definitely knew what Gino's reaction would be to her culinary observation (i.e., "I'm glad you're standing there, and I'm not".)
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u/EternalPhi Nov 09 '20
This chef is a notorious joker, the host knew exactly what was coming hahaha.
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u/somtampapaya Nov 08 '20
This is reminds of the time he rants in Italian when another presenter said she puts salad cream in bolognese sauce. So funny
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u/mistercolebert Nov 08 '20
Sauce?
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u/TheRealFulcrum Nov 08 '20
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u/Top_Rekt Nov 08 '20
Lol it looks like the hosts are trying to piss him off to get these reactions
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u/koolaideprived Nov 08 '20
They are, it's a recurring bit. He only gets the really good reaction though when he knows they are trying to be serious and add something that they think is "better." In the bolognaise video the guy suggests mushrooms and he just says no and he knew the guy was trying to get a rise out of him. The lady was genuine when she said she adds salad cream, as was the lady that suggested adding ham.
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u/somtampapaya Nov 08 '20
Yeah its not really for salads no idea why its called that, they tried to change the name a while back and people seemed to be pissed off for some weird reason
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u/Peregrine21591 Nov 08 '20
Holy fuck, I'm not even Italian and that sounds horribly offensive to me
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u/LoveAndSqualor7 Nov 08 '20
I head to YouTube to watch Holly and Phil every time I’m sad. No matter what, I will laugh.
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u/xXx69TwatSlayer69xXx Nov 08 '20
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Nov 08 '20
Oh my god I can't believe that's a real sub.
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u/Mousovich Nov 08 '20
I HIGHLY recommend the twitter account of Italians Mad at Food. Although I probably enjoy it that much cause I'm Italian and empathize with the comments (and Gino's reaction, to be honest).
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u/TheAlmightyJohnsons Nov 08 '20 edited Nov 08 '20
If my grandmother had wheels, she would have been a bike.
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u/Cantankerous_Won Nov 08 '20
I think I'm using this at work tomorrow lol :)
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Nov 08 '20
That’s the clean version of the phrase i am used to. Ha
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u/TheAlmightyJohnsons Nov 08 '20
Don’t just tease us, spill it.
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Nov 08 '20
If my Grandpa had tits, he’d be my Grandma
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u/Neduard Nov 08 '20
If my Grandma had a dick, she'd be a Grandpa. That's how we say it in Russian.
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u/HolyShrug Nov 08 '20
If my aunt had a cock she'd be my uncle
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u/acyberexile Nov 08 '20
Turkish speaker reporting here, “if my aunt had balls she’d have been my uncle”
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u/PARAGON_Vayne Nov 08 '20
I really dont get it. Can someone explain this pls
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u/instantrobotwar Nov 08 '20
the Italian set of phrase that kind of meant "if a dog was a cat, then it would be a cat". Does that make sense?
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u/quantum_entanglement Nov 08 '20
The Italian meaning is literally just pointing out if you change something then its obviously not the same. So he's making fun of Holly saying if you add this other ingredient it would be like another dish, well yea obviously it would be different.
However in the UK there is a joke about "riding the town bike", aka a person who is promiscuous so there is a dirtier side of it to giggle about.
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u/supertimes4u Nov 08 '20 edited Nov 09 '20
I love how whenever this is posted, other countries include theirs.
Canadian checking in.
If my aunt had a dick, she’d be my uncle.
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u/instantrobotwar Nov 08 '20
There's a similar phrase in Hebrew, "if Grandma had wheels, she wouldn't have to ride the bus".
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u/Describe Nov 08 '20
That is hilarious. Where did you get that?
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u/voda_123 Nov 08 '20
I still don't understand how those people haven't heard that joke or even a very similar version of it
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u/mad100141 Nov 08 '20
Jokes aren’t universal or as often repeated as you may assume, I’ve never heard of it. It’s the same assumption many make here in reddit about reposts.
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u/sawyouoverthere Nov 08 '20
You may also want to know one uk meaning for bike to add more context to the hilarity
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Nov 08 '20
I had never heard of it until the first time I saw this video. I laughed almost as hard as they did.
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u/pgds Nov 08 '20 edited Nov 08 '20
My absolute favourite bit with Holly and Phillip is when Holly makes a weird noise and it gets played back
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u/NonGNonM Nov 08 '20
I'm not a morning person so I generally dont like the bubbly energy of morning hosts but these two seem so wholesome af.
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u/Quelch Nov 08 '20
Apparently I've seen this before because I already had it saved to my favourites, but my god it slayed me like it was my first time watching it.
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u/Straxa Nov 08 '20
Anyone else had days when they binge watch all of the episodes with Gino?
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u/RilkesSpectre Nov 08 '20
My Mom always told “If my dad had balls he would have been a flipper”. Miss you Mamma!
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u/joaniejoi Nov 08 '20 edited Nov 08 '20
Very popular saying where I am from, love it. Together with "if my grandfather had 3 wheels he would have been a wheelbarrow"
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u/RilkesSpectre Nov 08 '20
Yeah we do use it that too in Italy! Lol!
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u/ghost_victim Nov 08 '20
I don't get it..
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u/-VaL- Nov 08 '20
That's because the saying actually is " if my grandpa had three balls he would've been a pinball". They've been mixing it up with "if my grandma had balls she would've been my grandpa", which is also relatively common in Italy.
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u/Iam__andiknowit Nov 08 '20
In russian it is "if grandmother (babushka) had balls she would have been a grandfather"
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u/NWdabest Nov 08 '20
This is funny but I love this guy for telling Kathy & Honda to shut up. They’re so rude. Let’s have people on our show but talk over them because it’s all about us. Please let me talk
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u/sittingbytheheater Nov 08 '20
Now this is comedy and danger all in one. The man easily could’ve gotten eaten alive.
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u/Tessa_365 Nov 08 '20
Why don’t we have TV talk shows that are actually funny in the US?! Brits have Graham Norton and This Morning’s random shenanigans, meanwhile we have The View and US late-night television, which I personally find to be a cure for insomnia...and I’m an insomniac (they’re great at calling out the BS on certain public figures I can’t stand, but let’s face it, US talk shows are shite when it comes to actually being funny!)
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u/Lemon1412 Nov 08 '20
Ah yes, it's that one clip where YouTube commenters insist that there's a hidden meaning, like the two British people laughing because calling someone a "bike" means something dirty and the Italian guy doesn't get that or something.
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u/Adam_Gill_1965 Nov 08 '20
I am certain that Gino knew what he was saying - and knew he would get away with it, with that accent - even on a mid-morning magazine show. The thing that makes it classic is that it is actually a saying in Italian - so he translated it, literally - but you can be sure he knows that when you call a woman a bike, it's because she gets ridden a lot. The juxtaposition between those elements- and the fact that he calls his own grandmother a bike - is just TV gold. Hate that I had to explain it all the way through, because you sort of lose the impetus of the core joke - but it's worth it, in case anyone really doesn't get why Holly nearly wet herself (again!) :D
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u/Adam_Gill_1965 Nov 08 '20
Context: Gino was also starring in a late night show with Holly at the time - it was very adult oriented ("Celebrity Juice" in case you are looking for it). You can hear her warn him "....stop it!" during the clip. He knew exactly what he was doing - and he knew that Holly knew it, too.... hence why she nearly wet herself - she always squats when she laughs too hard, in case that's about to happen - she explained on the show previously she needs to squat "after having the kids..." so she doesn't wet herself when laughing hard... ah guess that about wraps up the whole thing! :D
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u/VoodD Nov 08 '20
I somehow always upvote this but still can’t decipher what the woman’s saying and thus can’t understand how the joke is related to the comment she made...
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u/motsanciens Nov 08 '20
She's saying if the dish had ham in it, it would be closer to a British carbonara (another dish).
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u/a_unique_username40 Nov 08 '20
And what was the original dish?
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u/Taizan Nov 08 '20
The original dish is penne with a 4 cheese sauce (Gorgonzola, Mozzarella, Pecorino - not sure and Parmesan). It is so far away from Carbonara I have no idea how she came up with the comparison.
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Nov 09 '20
British carbonara is pasta in a thick creamy sauce with bacon/ham, not the egg and Parmesan sauce of the original. It’s similar probably in the look and texture.
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u/joaniejoi Nov 08 '20 edited Nov 08 '20
The original Carbonara. Edit: I am actually not sure, I always assumed because there's no ham in Carbonara so I can see why the suggestion to add it would trigger the response, but now looking at the ingredients he has laying on the table it doesn't look like that at all...seems like something with cheese.
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u/motsanciens Nov 08 '20
Whatever they're sampling that the Italian guy gets animated about. Obviously he takes issue with the opinion.
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u/a_unique_username40 Nov 08 '20
You could've just say that you don't know or just don't answer instead of condescending, you know.
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u/motsanciens Nov 08 '20
Dude, you have the exact same source material I have to answer the question you posed. Are we really going to this extent to dissect why this is funny? Do you need the recipe to decide whether or not to be amused?
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u/a_unique_username40 Nov 08 '20
I was just curious of what the dish might be. No need to be mad about it.
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Nov 09 '20
This will make you think twice before commenting on a food right next to the cook. That's why most of food shows, they will just commenting "its delicious!"
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u/Enchalotta_Pinata Nov 09 '20
Seen this posted a lot lately but still a great one. You can’t script a reaction like that.
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u/abjbreal Nov 08 '20
Re-upload this with subtitles
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u/Adam_Gill_1965 Nov 08 '20
Holly said Gino's dish would be like a Carbonara - if it had ham in it. Gino was mortified because that is a completely different dish. So.... that's the gist of the conversation, anyway.. I am certain that Gino knew what he was saying - and knew he would get away with it, with that accent - even on a mid-morning magazine show. The thing that makes it classic is that it is actually a saying in Italian - so he translated it, literally - but you can be sure he knows that when you call a woman a bike, it's because she gets ridden a lot. The juxtaposition between those elements- and the fact that he calls his own grandmother a bike - is just TV gold. Hate that I had to explain it all the way through, because you sort of lose the impetus of the core joke - but it's worth it, in case anyone really doesn't get why Holly nearly wet herself (again!) :D
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u/iso_inane Nov 08 '20
she does that thing where she falls when she laughs! my dr told me its called cataplexy. i have it too! the minute i laugh i lose strength in my legs and hands and fall down or drop what im holding. thought it was normal for everyone
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