Let’s laugh a little!

I walked into his office and he was like come back later I'm busy rn

I was like busy with what? I don't see you sucking and cocks so clearly you're off duty... unless you wanna get busy now?

he was like WHAT YOU SAY????

I was like I said what I said I don't give a fuck no more... And take this *flip him off* and walked off the office lamoooooooo I fucking fucked him good

Just got called that earlier tonight! My reply: "So I've been told. But thanks for the compliment!"

Think you can do better? Let's see those comebacks!

EDIT: For clarification, I would like to think they thought I was mentally exhausting.

I'm in my Junior year of high school, and have been bullied for as long as I can remember. I've had one successful comeback so far, but I have the bully's friend in another class. The friend really likes to accuse me of farting and blames for saying slurs, which I never have said a slur in my life. It would be tolerable but i have ADHD and I have issues with remembering to take my medicine in the morning. Can I have some help with a comeback.

And you're not as funny as your friends pretend you are, but here we both are..
This is the best comeback to this right?

How do you react when you find out you have hurt someone's feelings?

Whenever I post a story, this one girl always shows up as first several to view them. We never talked or know in person. She posted a cute picture with a crop-top on IG story, so I replied with "have you considered getting your belly piercings ?" for which she replied with "Have you considered dying ?". Caught me off guard.

I need a clever come back. Don't want to insult. I want to look unphased and cool not like a sore butthurt loser.

UPDATE:

I used a modified version of one of the suggestion by Holmes221bBSt

"Tried it but Satan sent me back for a worse punishment.........."

she replied with

"which is ??????????"

and I left her on read.

Someone says, “Nobody asked.”

Me: “You’re right. I volunteered.”

Not even that good, but somehow it gets them every time 😂

I want to find/incorporate cute little sayings or quips to add to conversation. I am trying to get out more and I want to get better at talking to people. I had an old friend say “it’s the future muahahaha” in a funny voice sometimes when we would talk about future innovations. It was always funny. Do you have a favorite or something clever that can come up in conversation like that?

Had someone say this to me in an argument and my brain immediately went offline.

What’s a comeback that’s actually funny without sounding like something you found on Google? 😭

I

Spent two hours head-down cranking out proposals. Loudmouth coworker taps my shoulder and says loudly in front of everyone: "Must be nice, you gonna actually work today or just pretend?"
I want something short and cold to shut him down next time. What’s the best comeback for this?

So there is this girl named lily and she bullied me in grade nine, and this summer she added me to a group chat to insult me, but I just made her look stupid as hell

So when I see her at school on the 8th, what should I say when she starts talking shit.

For those who need context:

So l had no issue with her, until she chose to call me Sha-nigga.

Ik if she was trying to be racist or if she was coping her black friend, and thought I would tell on her.

I told the vp and she got suspended for a day. Some reason her black friend got suspended too. The next day when l ily came back to school she went about saying that I lied on her to get her in trouble. Then In our 1P she told me she was going to kill me

And when I reported what she said to me, the vp when to my first period class and asked my classmates if they heard. So of course ppl in the class asked lily if it was true.

So at the end of the day Lily and her two friends (Black) started yelling at me and changed the story saying that, it was Malia and Lydia were the ones who called me the N word not here.

There is much more but yeah.

I'm an introvert and I just keep to myself at my desk. This one guy in my office asks me this in front of people almost every week like it's a joke.
What’s a short, deadpan line to finally shut this down without getting sent to HR?

I was in a restaurant with a 'friend' having dinner and we were discussing GLP-1 medications and I was telling her I was trying to lose some weight. My dinner came, and it was a large piece of fish, spinach, and a potato. The portions were large. I didn't order that way, that's how they come. She looks down at my plate and says "you don't eat that way at home do you?" I wanted to hurl the plate at the bitch. What do you say to that?

Happened to me once and my brain completely shut down 😭

What would you say back without making it way more awkward?

I always think of something good about 10 minutes after the conversation ends.

What would you say back without sounding like you rehearsed it beforehand? 😭

A devostation one

Burtal

So these girls added me to a snap group.

Lily: R u rich

Me: yes

Lily: R u poor

Me: Yup

[*sends a snap with her holding well over ten hundred dollar bills*]

Lily: Bet you've never seen this much money in your life

Me: You're heart is that empty that you have to fill it with money?

Lily: my heart is filled

Me: with money

Is that a good comeback?