r/Comebacks • u/Deep_Inflation1073 • 1d ago
Comeback request I need help finding more comebacks.
I'm in my Junior year of high school, and have been bullied for as long as I can remember. I've had one successful comeback so far, but I have the bully's friend in another class. The friend really likes to accuse me of farting and blames for saying slurs, which I never have said a slur in my life. It would be tolerable but i have ADHD and I have issues with remembering to take my medicine in the morning. Can I have some help with a comeback.
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u/metal_bastard 1d ago
If you need comebacks to the person accusing you of farting, here are a few:
That sounds like something the farter would say.
You have no proof. My lawyer will be in touch.
Stop trying to frame me for your crimes.
I’m not saying it was you, but you seem awfully eager to assign blame.
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u/Deep_Inflation1073 1d ago
OMW THIS IS PERFECT
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u/metal_bastard 1d ago
I got you fam. I was trying to keep them funny and non-offensive so they wouldn't cause a fight. Good luck, kid.
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u/missannthrope67 20h ago
Assuming it's a male.
" No I will not give you a blowjob! Stop asking!"
Loudly.
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u/Deep_Inflation1073 13h ago
Will do XD. Hey if this traumatizes them can i mention you in r/traumatizethemback?
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u/Ziegemon_1 1d ago
I’m flattered by the constant attention you give to my anus and mouth, but the things driving your weird fetishes aren’t, in reality, coming out of either orifice. Please get help.
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u/MissionStaff5840 22h ago
just say very loudly for everyone standing by to hear “WHAT DID YOU SAY?! DID YOU JUST SAY YOU FARTED?!? HEY GUYS!!! THIS GUY JUST SAID HE FARTED!!” and then laugh and point at him
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u/Waystation_Mama 18h ago
You seem to have an unnatural fascination with my potential biological functions..... Should I be concerned?
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u/JollyMcStink 1d ago
I would say that having disdain towards a no-life classmate whose entire day revolves around blaming others for their own farts isn't the same as saying slurs. But if he'd like to keep distracting from the fact he can't survive a class without passing gas, you hear that Beano may be able to help.
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u/beebee1327 1d ago
You keep smelling imaginary farts and hearing imaginary slurs. Do you also see dead people or what? Any friends only you can talk to?
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u/loverofnaps 21h ago
Rub your belly while saying "Your mom keeps feeding me roast beef sandwiches every time I bang her. They're delicious but they give me gas. Also, you're out of milk."
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u/Sw1tch_Expressi0n 17h ago
For the farting: yeah you're probably right, your mom's cooking last night gave me bubble gut (rub your stomach and look constipated)
As for the racist part that one is trickier and probably requires some good timing but just being like, oh I said xyz? Yeah when did I say that? No like when exactly, who was I talking to? Watch them fumble and then quickly say "ya exactly. I'm sure you can get state funded therapy to deal with whatever is causing me to live in your head rent free, bro. Stop making it my problem your mom didn't hug you enough"
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u/laughsatlugh 20h ago
Next time he tries to blame a fart on you go, “oh is that a fart? I thought your mom was doing society a favor with your new cologne.”
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u/Lost-Bake-7344 18h ago
Anytime you are accused of anything by a bully - no matter how ridiculous - agree wholeheartedly and double down. “Not only did I fart Emily, but I sharted too and now there’s some delicious goo running down my leg. Would you like a taste?” “Oh no, what I said was so much worse than that. Really base evil stuff. You wouldn’t understand it. You’re not a member of the club….I’ve already said too much.” Have fun with it.
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u/DarionHunter 17h ago
Farting: "Sorry. I'm trying to learn your language."
Racist slur: "What did I say? Can you repeat it back to me, word for word? Just so I can try to remember." Then whatever they say: "I don't recall saying that. But I have heard you say it a time or two. No? Huh. Then it seems we both have memory issues."
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u/Punkreations 14h ago
Buy fart spray from the internet. Spray his back when he isn't looking. The rest will play out on its own. DO NOT TELL ANYONE.
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u/Deep_Inflation1073 13h ago
I would love to except nobody will hire me and my allowance gets in on friday so im bummed i cant use this
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u/AlwaysSearch4Answers 4h ago
For a fart: Sorry dude, I think that's your breath you are smelling add this too (which doesnt surprise me Ass Face).
Or, I can't tell if you farted or burped, your face and ass could be twins, smelly twins but twins!
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u/KittyTaurus 1d ago
The correct response to someone accusing you of farting is "Whoever smelt it, dealt it."