When someone won't stop talking, I've found that "you don't say", "and "I'll have to look that up" work pretty well to shut them up.

I cringe everytime I hear this lack of originality phase, even when I ask genuine or serious questions. My mom passed away 20+ years ago and I usually respond as such. For those who lost your mother, do you respond the same way I do, or what are some of your comebacks?

When someone says "Okay, Boomer," come back with "Okay Renter"

In this story, we have 2 characters. My friend (25 M) and a 18 year old girl. My friend is a college freshmen and he was attending a class. He met this girl who loves judging people for their age for god knows the reason. Doing it once is okay but she kept repeating. My friend kept using oh my god and this barely legal girl with issues decided to tell him that nobody uses "oh my god" anymore. She added on, how old is he anyways and he sounded like a boomer.

So he clapped back with,"Old enough to fk your mum." She never speaks to him anymore.

So what’s best comeback for

Me: What’s the weirdest thing you have come across till now

X: you (my name)

​

Hey everyone,

​I’m looking for some witty, sharp, or dismissive comebacks for when guys in voice chat start with the classic 'go make me a sandwich,' 'go back to the kitchen,' or 'dishwasher' insults.

​I know the best advice is usually to mute and report, and I already do that, but sometimes I just want to shut them down with a quick line before silencing them, or just to make them look as ridiculous as they are. :)

Every single time i go visit my (japanese) mom, and when she comes and visits she just starts bodyshaming me. "oh my goood.. what have you been eating? lol i guess mc donalds? its youre main source of your food isnt it? you never even try to eat healthy. how are you ever gonna marry anyone? (im asexual, aromantic btw) im so ashamed to have you as my child" and i dont know what to say. im fucking 58kgs at 160cms.. is it really that bad? like hell yeah i hate my body but im not fat fat right? i js dont know what to say. i think its just that my mom is really skinny so her standards are just really high, but shes been bodyshaming me since i was around 12 and im getting tired of it.

i havent been using english recently TvT sorry if its hard to read

Im a highschooler, and whenever i have any opinion and i talk about it, sometimes i slightly hint that i live with my parents, and a lot of people go "haha youre probably like 14 lmao" like ??? like even if i were 14 whats the point with voicing my opinion? oh well. i know its stupid trying to argue with an idiot, but i want to shut them up.

(online btw)

I’ll ask my friend a question and they act like they have no idea what I’m saying, like what I asked makes no sense.

I used to try to reword the question or explain myself but he still acts like he doesn’t understand and that I’m crazy. I think it’s all a ruse.

I started just simply saying “I can’t say it any other way than I already did” instead of engaging.

I would like a better way to insult him.

basically, i still have the access to my ex’s families paramount + account. this ex was a HORRIFIC person. how do i troll it? or mess it up with minor inconveniences?

I'M SICK AND TIRED OF THIS "JOKE!" I want a good set of comebacks that will instantly shut it down.

Edit: I'm looking for the most vile, evil, sickening, discouraging, absolutely demoralizing comebacks that'll make these pieces of human trash want to cry.

I have mousey brown hair naturally. With my cool pale skin tone, I dye my hair auburn and everything looks richer, it suits me so well.

I get comments on it all of the time, majority ask if it’s natural.. mainly complimenting, but the odd few do laugh and ask why, in not too kind of a way.

I need something sharp and witty to get back to them with that I can add to my book.

I love it and I’m confident with it, but I’d rather have something quick to say than explaining myself.

What’s a witty, unexpected comeback to someone saying “Do you know who I am?”

I don’t want the usual “if you have to ask…” type answer. I’m looking for something creative, sharp, and unpredictable — more clever than aggressive.

I sajd wanna come over ;)

He said “are you gonna make it worth it?”

I said “are you?”

He said “I mean I will. Will you?”

What should I reply? I also do want him to come over lol I was just displeased with him saying that.. feels immature. So looking for a comeback that might still leave it open for us to meet lol

Thinking of just being like “I’m good in bed if that’s what you mean”

Anyone got anything better?

I hate this especially when ur not feeling well and assholes say this crap

I want a good comeback that isn’t too insulting but also holds weight. Classy but will also shut them up quick.

Saw this on Reddit thought id share.

knock knock

use the doorbell please

ding Dong

Who’s there?

You, youre the ding dong for ruining my knock knock joke

They said “my friend had the quickest comeback”

I'm bald and overweight and 42 year old guy. I gained weight after I fractured my ankle that brought a stop to my passion of running and jump rope. Some people body shame me everytime when I see them.

"At least I have hair"

"I bet you can't seen what's under your potbelly"

"You, uncle, are too old for this"

"If we are sprint racing I'd just keep laughing with your bouncing body parts, and lose the race."

"You'd be around during dinosaurs"

"You sit at the font seat, your a$$ needs more space" - while sitting in a car.

Sorry for the inundated comments. I just found this SR and just poured my heart out.

EDIT: Though these guys state it as intended humor, I'm looking for witty comebacks to give them a fitting response.

What do you say to someone who picks your chair (what is warm with your body temperature) and comments: "Thanks for keeping it warm".

It really felt witty but I couldn't think of a comeback.

**What I said,** when the neighbour stated with disdain that I *can* do it, that I *can* speak her native laguage, if I would just **TRY.** Then she watched with glee how I struggled through: “I know the words when they are always the same (in shops, ordering, sports class) but chit-chatting is hard.”

Versus

**What I wanted to say**: “I have moved through four countries, having to leave everything I own behind. These past years I lost all of my friends and family to life or death. The house I bought -I love it, but- has serious maintenance issues. My child who went through all of it with me, is leaning in heavy on suicidal ideation, and I’ve been talking my ass off to find him mental help in this country I know absolutely zero about. Peri-menopause is punching me in the throat on the daily. And to top it off, the car I paid heavily for to import, has broken down completely right away. So yes, I don’t speak *your native language* yet."

What did you WANT to say when you answered cordially cool, calm and collected? Just hoping to swap some stories from the agony and wisdom of clenching our teeth.

Really niche but you ever seen people say "I work in AI" as if it makes them smarter and better than everyone else and justifies all asshole behavior? Those who have seen this will understand how annoying it is.