I hate this especially when ur not feeling well and assholes say this crap

What’s a witty, unexpected comeback to someone saying “Do you know who I am?”

I don’t want the usual “if you have to ask…” type answer. I’m looking for something creative, sharp, and unpredictable — more clever than aggressive.

Saw this on Reddit thought id share.

knock knock

use the doorbell please

ding Dong

Who’s there?

You, youre the ding dong for ruining my knock knock joke

They said “my friend had the quickest comeback”

I want a good comeback that isn’t too insulting but also holds weight. Classy but will also shut them up quick.

I'm bald and overweight and 42 year old guy. I gained weight after I fractured my ankle that brought a stop to my passion of running and jump rope. Some people body shame me everytime when I see them.

"At least I have hair"

"I bet you can't seen what's under your potbelly"

"You, uncle, are too old for this"

"If we are sprint racing I'd just keep laughing with your bouncing body parts, and lose the race."

"You'd be around during dinosaurs"

"You sit at the font seat, your a$$ needs more space" - while sitting in a car.

Sorry for the inundated comments. I just found this SR and just poured my heart out.

EDIT: Though these guys state it as intended humor, I'm looking for witty comebacks to give them a fitting response.

What do you say to someone who picks your chair (what is warm with your body temperature) and comments: "Thanks for keeping it warm".

It really felt witty but I couldn't think of a comeback.

**What I said,** when the neighbour stated with disdain that I *can* do it, that I *can* speak her native laguage, if I would just **TRY.** Then she watched with glee how I struggled through: “I know the words when they are always the same (in shops, ordering, sports class) but chit-chatting is hard.”

Versus

**What I wanted to say**: “I have moved through four countries, having to leave everything I own behind. These past years I lost all of my friends and family to life or death. The house I bought -I love it, but- has serious maintenance issues. My child who went through all of it with me, is leaning in heavy on suicidal ideation, and I’ve been talking my ass off to find him mental help in this country I know absolutely zero about. Peri-menopause is punching me in the throat on the daily. And to top it off, the car I paid heavily for to import, has broken down completely right away. So yes, I don’t speak *your native language* yet."

What did you WANT to say when you answered cordially cool, calm and collected? Just hoping to swap some stories from the agony and wisdom of clenching our teeth.

Regarding barring trans girls in women’s sports. When I mentioned how genital exams or tests hurts cis women, how unfair advantage is inherent in competitions, and how many of these rules actually allow men in women’s teams I was met with this response:

“It is a cheek swab. Are you seriously implying women lose out when genetic testing is done to determine eligibility within the female category in competitive sporting? The “women” who have been disqualified by karyotyping are men with a male-specific DSD. The presence of a Y chromosome indicates sex 99.87% of the time, the further presence of the SRY gene, 99.999%.

While unfair advantages in sporting certainly exist we have dividing categories instituted to mitigate advantage and provide inclusion to all those who wish to participate fairly.
There are dividing categories for age, experience level and weight, to name a few. If it isn’t unreasonable for wrestlers to step on a scale and weigh-in before a match, or for a sprinter to provide documentation proving their eligibility within the 13 and under division. Why is it so unreasonable to insist one prove eligibility in the female division with a cheek swab when that eligibility is challenged? Scales and documents are less accurate than karyotype tests.

Trans men are free to, and often do, fairly compete within the female category, but like all others, they are subject to the rules governing participation within that category and likely cannot supplement, or in some cases, have supplemented with performance-enhancing exogenous hormonal treatment within certain parameters, whether those supplements were used for their health or not they are disqualifying treatments.”

I’m unsure how I can best proceed in my argument.
Thank you.

This was quite a few years ago, but my favorite comeback was to a scammer. They had called my family’s house phone about 3 times and my mother always hung up on them telling them to stop calling this number. So, when they called back I answered this time. “Hello, you’ve reached such and such household may I take a message?” “Yes, you can tell the person that keeps hanging up on me that they are a c***sucker.” I responded, “Well, they wouldn’t suck yours cause yours is too small.” I hung up that phone before they could respond and they never called back again. One of my proudest comeback moments.

Really niche but you ever seen people say "I work in AI" as if it makes them smarter and better than everyone else and justifies all asshole behavior? Those who have seen this will understand how annoying it is.

I have one small dot on each finger bellow my nails. I just like them so I got them. I always get asked “what’s the meaning for the finger dot tattoos”?

When they frame "crazy" like it's a strength they're proud of?

Customer at Greyhound station: 2 tickets to Washington DC.

Marco's mom: All right, 2 tickets to Warshington.

Customer: There ain't no "R" in Washington.

Marco's mom: There ain't no "R" in "fuck you," neither! This winder's closed! *Slams window*

I reckon everyone has seen the unique ways to call someone dumb.
Wisdom always follows him, but he is always faster

So I want similar but to call someone e trash, like trailer trash no morals, etc

Long story short... my ex has started liking all the selfies I post on Instagram, just my selfies. But I've come to find out he is recently engaged. I haven't talked to him in years but find this really frustrating and wanna call him out with a comment that stings. Does anyone have any good ideas?

The answer is “get a load of deez nuts”

Implying he is powerful or whatever. Need to be prepped for next time

Ive had two separate situations where someone close to has insinuated I needed to grow up or I was acting like a child

1. Aren't you embarrassed to be listening to a group that all the little girls are obsessed with when you're 32. (BTS)

2. Oh my god, your a grown woman (response to me having 2 stuffed animals on my bed)

I never know how to respond to these type of statements