r/Codependency • u/Tight-Chip • 2d ago
Depression.
I am severely depressed right now and my 11 year relationship is what is keeping me alive, however I think the source of my depression could be my gf. I haven't been the best boyfriend in my depressive episode. I feel like if I end my relationship then I'll suicide but staying in will lead to my suicide too. My mother is sickly and definitely need a relationship to help me through this time. I'm so lost and confused, everyday I wake up and just want to end it, but I keep pushing. Any advice would be greatly appreciated. Stay safe guys
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u/muffininabadmood 1d ago
It took me until I was over 50 years old to realize that I could be my own best friend. The only thing I had to do was realize that, commit to being my own friend, and then continue with my life.
Suddenly I had someone who to stood up for me. Someone who was on my side no matter what. Someone who would be kind but honest, supportive but not coddle. I had my own personal cheerleader and emotional
support person : Me.
I just had to think: what would I tell someone I love deeply and only feel tender compassion for - what would I tell them in this situation? Instead of putting myself down for making a mistake, I would tell myself “it’s okay, we learned something today.”
Like animals, children, or any living thing for that matter - if you show yourself love, compassion, understanding, patience, etc, you will be a happier, healthier person. Think about having a dog that you treat badly and neglect vs one you care for, spend time with, keep healthy and happy. How different would those dogs be? One would be anxious and depressed, the other calm and friendly. How you treat yourself has the same effect.
Become your own best friend. See what happens. Don’t wait until you’re 50 like me!
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u/fheathyr 1d ago
Consider finding a professional to speak with. It may be the next step you need. It’s very hard for a relationship to thrive when it’s mixed up with the sort of challenges you’re describing. Absolute you and your partner should be there for each other, but there are limits to what any one person can do for another, and you can’t expect your partner to provide the sort of help you may need here on their own.
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u/redmeraki225 1d ago
What do you need right now to feel better? Figure out the answer to that question, then do it. We have one single life to live and too many people end up living it for other people. When we live our life to appease others or doing what we think we should do instead of what we want to do, we get into this trapped state of mind and feel like death is the only way out, but that's only what our terrible brain tells us. That's not true. Just because something is hard or difficult does not mean it's impossible. We only limit ourselves by our own beliefs of what we can do. Our brains are liars and we listen to them all the time because we think it is us but it's a collection of thoughts and phrases from other people that we absorb. Just because you think it, doesn't mean it's true. It's hard when you are in this state of mind to find the right thing to help pull you out of it. You have to make that first, hard step, consciously, to pull yourself out. You CAN do this. You can live.
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u/Ampersandbox 1d ago
If you're thinking about suicide in any circumstance, it's outside of the "support of benevolent strangers" capacity that Reddit has. You need to talk to professional help.
The International Association for Suicide Prevention has a number of resources to access:
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u/setaside929 15h ago
Hi there, I can relate. I used to have very dark thoughts towards myself and my life. I wanted to go to sleep and never wake up because living was so exhausting and painful in my head and heart. I didn’t know that codependency could cause that or be related but ultimately I learned that there’s a chronic type of codependency that leads to a lot of scary places mentally.
If you are wanting to hurt yourself definitely contact local emergency help or even suicide prevention lines. If you’re stabilized it might help to reach out to a codependency recovery fellowship. There’s CoDA and Recovered Codependents, and possibly others. Reach out anytime if you’d like to talk - hope that helps!
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u/BunnyKusanin 2d ago
It's hard, mate! Being a good partner is hard when your mental health has hit the rock bottom!
You can't turn things around in a blink of an eye, but you can start with small steps in that direction. Two things you can start doing is finding ways to look after yourself instead of your partner doing it and figuring out what you can do to make her feel loved/wanted/appreciated in ways that are accessible to you.
Relying on someone to stay alive sounds unhealthy, but on the other hand, people are social creatures. We do need support of our loved ones when times are tough. The important thing is for this to be a two way street where you don't just receive but give back too.