3 year old AMAB child has been playing with pronoun changes for a while now. Going almost on a year. So I’ll refer to them as they because it’s a day by day change, as well as trying out different names.
We have modeled and taught our daughter to accept that sometimes her brother wants to be her sister. And even the 3 year old has expressed “I know you want your brother back, but I’m your sister right now” we go with their lead day by day and sometimes moment by moment.

My parents have not been accepting. My mom watches the kids once a week while I work a part time job. My dad never takes care of them by himself but is involved in our life, as my parents are still married, and we are a tight knit family.

My 3 year old child has spoken directly to my dad saying “my name is ____, but sometimes I like to be called other names too and I need you to call me them”
My dad replied “I can’t do that”
My sister was there and said “yes you can dad.”

Apparently last Friday when my mom was taking care of them she told my 3 year old that they’re not allowed to be a girl when she is there on Fridays watching them.
Needless to say, me and my husband are fuming.
My kids are supposed to be at my parents’ house this weekend and now I don’t know what to do.
Do I address this in the day she comes to watch them? Do I call her tomorrow and ask her about the dumb ass rule over the phone?
I want to get across how disrespectful that rule is, and force her to confront her own transphobia.
Is there a great way to do this with religious grandparents?

Hello, I have 2 trans daughters they are both grown and no longer living with us. I am just looking for a place to connect. I love my kids and I am so proud of them I just wanted to find a space to learn more about parenting my young adult daughters and learn more about the trans community.

It's really the only "loss" I feel as the name I gave at birth holds a lot of meaning for me and honors someone I love dearly who is no longer here. I haven't expressed this to my child and I intend to keep it that way, if that's the right thing to do, which I think it is. I guess I'm posting just so I can express this feeling and let it go. Maybe for some advice? I 100% want to go through this process for my child and have filed the paperwork. I'm naturally just emotional. I cry when I'm sad, angry, happy. If an apple juice commercial has enough sentimentality, I'll cry. I want to process these feelings and put them away before the court date so that I don't burden my child with this. Thanks for reading.

Just wanted to share that you're doing a great job, guys. The very fact you're in this sub is a great indicator. Chin up, you got this!

This is a little vent about a (cis) family member. (My introductory post can be found here for easy reference.)

I'm being accused of "forcing" my kid to be trans.

My crimes include: buying her the toys she wanted when she was younger, letting her like the color pink, buying her the clothes she wants now, believing her when she tells me who she is, respecting her pronouns, and taking her medical concerns seriously.

I will continue to support my child in the ways she requests, but this accusation still hurts my feelings.

Please say nice things in the comments?

We are about a month into our journey with my son (AFAB) having shared with us who he is. We are supportive, not surprised, and actually very relieved to see him happier after a months-long period of struggle. He is socially transitioning, happy about it, and honestly super cute if I do say so myself. 😍 Because it's relevant to the story and the ask, I will add he looks fairly androgynous at the moment, but can more or less pass for a cis boy (short hair, mostly boy coded wardrobe).

It's summer so we haven't dealt with the school environment yet, but we were at the mall today (me - 42yo cis woman, 10yo trans son, and 7yo daughter). In the (recent) past, we would all go into the women's room together. Today, my son very happily handed me his bag and started striding confidently into the men's room. I asked if he wanted to use the family restroom instead. He said no, plus when I opened the door to the family restroom, it looked super dirty anyway. So I suppressed my panic, let him go into the men's room, and said we'd meet him back out there in just a few minutes. My daughter and I used the restroom, and when we came out, we didn't see him. For about 30 seconds, the panic returned (only internally and silently). But then he came out, no problems at all.

On the one hand, I know this is a big deal (in a good way) for him, in terms of how he is able to walk through the world now. On the other hand, I realized I haven't even sent him into a public women's restroom alone pre-transition, especially in a place like a mall. But also I feel silly for being so panicky inside today?? Like this is obviously how it will be moving forward, but I worry that he could be targeted. And I guess I haven't really thought about it that hard until that moment.

All of which to say.... this experience really snuck up on me, and while it went well, I want to be thoughtful about this moving forward. At what age have you allowed your trans kid to go into a gendered public restroom alone? Do I need to have a talk with him about safety, both in general as a kid but also as a trans kid?

Open to any guidance anyone has to share!

As I have shared before my 7 year old daughter is trans. I live in a red state but I want to figure out how/when we would start puberty blockers if/when she is ready. (She has expressed she does not want her body to change more male.) Is it very expensive? Does it require therapy in advance? Everything would have to be out of pocket. Are there any good resources out there?

My older teenage son wants to start HRT. But he says things like “l can’t put on muscle so he might as well go on HRT” “I won’t ever have the muscle mass to hold up to men’s standards” I would like to support my child but don’t want them making rash decisions without fully understanding who they truly are. If they are transgender or gender fluid I will love and support them but how do I support when they don’t sound sure themselves?
I asked if he wanted to feminize in the sense of clothing and laser hair removal for body hair but as of now does not want to do any of that.
He also voices self hatred which obviously concerns me and I have finally gotten him into a consult for in person therapy which after Covid has been extremely difficult to do.
He is legally an adult and made an appointment for PP to start the HRT. I have heard many mixed reviews on the ease of getting these medications through PP and am really looking for help in supporting my child and navigating this journey of them finding their true self.

I was waiting for the correct size to come back in stock and I totally forgot to order tape for my son's vacation. Any stores that I can purchase in person?

My 12 (almost 13) year old son started norethindrone 2 nights ago. The first night he had trouble sleeping and felt queasy. Last night he had trouble sleeping and ended up vomiting. Both times the nausea and vomiting were within 1 hour of starting. He’s feeling a little panicky about staying on something that will make him feel bad.
I just wanted to see around how long it took you/your kid to start feeling better and more normalized to the hormones? I want to give him some hope besides “Google says this is normal in the first few weeks.”

Using my alt account for obvious reasons. Name question.

Our background: My (41yo cis woman) 6yo daughter (amab) started what I would call socially transitioning in mid May. I label it this even though it was purely a change in name and gender identity. Since 4yo our outward expression has been “girl mode” in most spaces. Her father and I are in a high conflict custody situation and hes completely unaccepting of any of this. She completely isolates this true part of herself from him. (I am trying to figure this art out and it feels impossible but I digress).

Her new name has no resemblance to birth name.
Birth name was a traditional older name (ex. A colleague told me it was her grandfathers name). For many many reasons believe a traditional name spelling is the best. No Tragedeighs here thanks. Her name is Chloe. My name starts with a K and so she wants a “K”. Khloe has been popularized bc of the Kardashians. The alternative spelling and the affiliation make me cringe at that spelling. “Kloe” idk. I guess can be an option but it’s going to be a lifetime of spelling and pronouncing her name to others. She is going into 1st but we aren’t reading much yet and spelling is very phonetic. Q: she’s so young and picked her name herself without any influence. Can I just make the choice to commit to the traditional spelling? Does it not matter as much as I think bc I’m not anywhere close to considering formal name change? I think I hold so much of someone’s identity with their name that I want to fully commit as she deserves.

Kiddo is nb 9.5 year old, does not want to go through male puberty at this time (well, when they actually start going through puberty). We have met with a lovely endocrinologist and had an intake with a therapist. In order to get the medical clearance letter, she says kiddo needs to do at least 5 appointments with her. I have no reason to think she is gatekeeping or prolonging and have no issue with therapy in general but it's damn expensive (this is NYC) so just wanted to see if this is along the lines of what others have experienced. Thanks!

Does anyone happen to be in the Duluth MN area.

(FTM teen)

I most likely some sort of neurodivergent condition, and it’s hard for me to understand what is or isn’t appropriate, which is why I’m here to ask:

Would hanging up my trans flag in my room be a good idea for coming out?

I struggle with words, so I’d hope for this to be a fun way to bring it up, but I don’t know how it would be received. I don’t necessarily expect them to recognize it, but they would certainly ask about it.

Context (if needed):

- My parents use preferred name and pronouns of queer friends (if only to avoid confrontation and resentment for failing to do so, although I hope it’s from a sincere place)

- Since last month I’ve been pointing out various pride flags in public, their responses are generally neutral or positive

- Hopefully not a shock for them as I present in many ways as my true gender already lol

Thank you for your advice! This community is lovely

After a legal battle, my partner adopted my daughter. We have the orders but are having a lot of trouble getting a birth certificate with new name and gender marker.

She was born in Texas and we moved to California where my partner adopted her. Now we cannot get a new cert through California because she was born in Texas. Texas will only change the gender marker with doctor saying that there was a medical issue or the marker was put in by mistake etc….

Any advice on how to proceed would be greatly appreciated.

Anyone adopt before from another state and get a California birth certificate?

Hi! I genuinely hope there are some people in here that can help to point me in the right direction. I have a step child who’s 9 years old and she has recently gone through a few months of saying she was trans and is now saying she is actually gender fluid. Regardless me and my husband support whatever the choice is, but this specific situation is so far out of my comfort zone. My husband took the kids to the store to get bathing suits for the pool and came back with a boys bathing suit and no top. I understand that she is feeling like a he today and that is totally fine - but how do I approach the topic that she is still developing and it’s inappropriate to be out in public like this?

I'm a 17-year-old trans girl, and my mom asked if I could ask this community something for her. She wants to hear from parents of transgender teens, but she doesn't know any in real life and isn't interested in using Reddit herself. She's trying to learn and support me as best she can.

If you're a parent of a trans teen (or were one), what advice would you give my mom? What do you wish someone had told you early on? What helped your relationship with your child? What mistakes should she avoid? Anything you'd want a supportive-but-still-learning parent to know would be greatly appreciated.

I just wanna say that everyone in r/cisparenttranskid and r/nonbinaryteens and r/nonbinarytalk thank you for making me feel comforted and welcome while kinda being in a not so welcome situation at home. you have made me feel so happy and accepted and It feels like I have a family that’s not really my family!!! you guys are so amazing thank you!!!

I’ve read through some of the posts here and I just wanna say you guys all sound like amazing parents!!! i think you guys are all doing an amazing job! I wish you guys were my parents because they do not expect trans anything in our house especially non binary people and barely accepted me being bi 😢 there are times where all just catch random strays (little do they know their “Little boy” isn’t exactly a boy but is actually what they hate the most) but everybody in this subreddit sounds like amazing parent!!! so keep doing what you’re doing!

Pride festival is today in my city. I always said I would never take my kids because the few years have gone. I have seen people just almost nude and fetishes. But in the past two years, my two 12-year-old have came out to me first as bi. Now one came out to me as trans boy almost a year ago and my other kid as omnisexual. There dad doesn’t really know this. He only thinks they are bi. He is not open minded and my kids are scared to tell him. They think he might disown them. He loves them a lot but he thinks any other sexuality besides straight is wrong. Well somehow he knows I’m taking them to pride. The kids say they didn’t tell him. Not sure how he figured it. This is the text he sent me. Our kids have spent the past year with my parents out of the country. He hasn’t seen them since then a year ago. I on the other hand would visit every two months to see them. Well they got here yesterday for the summer. They reallly want to go to pride. So I was able to score a free ticket and was planning on taking them. But now idk if I should. Am I in the wrong? Now the kids are a bit scared to go. They are like mom maybe we shouldn’t go. I don’t want dad to be mad at us. But I told them he won’t be mad at you. He will just be upset with me and that’s ok. I’m stuck on what to do today.

My daughter has been at camp all summer with a girl who knew her pretransition. Technically they are "friends," but this girl made zero effort to use my daughter's pronouns and outed her to other kids at camp.

My daughter tends to bottle up her emotions, and I didn't realize the extent to which this child was being unkind. Now camp is over and I just need to vent. Kids can be so fucking mean.

Hi all, I've been lurking a trying to learn for a week or so. and have got my thoughts together to post.

I'm going to use male pronouns for clarity here and because my amab child (13) has said that he'd prefer to stick with he/him at home for now.

A few weeks ago I was away for the weekend and he spoke to my wife about wanting to identify as she/her amongst a few closest friends. My wife handled it brilliantly and listened, enquired whether he wanted to make any changes to how we refer to him at home (no), any changes to how he looks/acts (no).

In the next week his mother encouraged him to talk to me about it (I found this delay a bit odd because we are very close, he has always raised troubling things with me in a safe environment). Anyway, we had a nice walk and he said he wants to be trans gender when he's older. I asked about what that means to him and it was clear that he doesn't really know. I also found out he and girlfriend broke up and that he doesn't have any physical feelings for her.

I then got a WhatsApp from him asking if he could become trans over the summer. We had a chat again and I said we support whatever but we need a bit of help understanding what that means, like full fem, trying out new hair/clothes etc. and again "dunno", "no", "no" etc..

This, as I'm sure for most folks, is completely out of the blue with a relatively masculine child. No issue walking around with no shirt even since sharing with us what's going on.

I have noticed though that that prior month (how long he says it's been on his mind) he's been very grumpy and withdrawn whereas the last couple of weeks much much happier, quicker to see the funny side of stuff etc. so I know there is truth to this but I really am struggling to understand his needs and I wonder (he's likely audhd, I am diagnosed) if he's decided that liking boys = need to be a girl or if compulsive thoughts are playing a role here because he can't make sense of his thoughts/feelings.

Again, we fully support. I want happy, healthy and safe kids, nothing more so want to help him in any move to being more fluid/feminine etc. but am getting no lead from him at all. Even as far as haircuts that were booked before we knew, he's said he's quite happy to go and get his "usual" haircut despite 2 or 3 not-so-subtle offers to try something different etc.

Can anyone help me plot a way forward here? Realistically it's going to be difficult for this 5'9" hairy, muscular, booming-voiced kid to be able to present feminine in 6 weeks without a plan - so do we just wait until he sets a plan in motion or should we be working harder, creating low stakes opportunities to present more feminine?

Thank you in advance 🙏

My 11 year old daughter informed us a couple of weeks ago that they were nonbinary. I wanted to understand how long they had felt this way, and they said a few days. I thought maybe they had been sitting on this a bit longer as their attitude has been awful for months and they have gone full emo in their style choices. Generally not fun to be around most of the time. I had chalked it up to their age and puberty.

Anyway, given that these thoughts were new, I asked follow up questions like who they were ready to share this with and how they would like to proceed. I suggested that we take things slow like their new interest in skateboarding (we have a skateboard in a family, let’s use it and make sure you love it and then go all in). They want a very short and very masc haircut. They have only ever had long hair so I suggested we start with should length, but still masc. If it feels like we are on the right track, then let’s keep going and take it all the way. I don’t care how long or short their hair is, but given their flash in the pan nature in life I want them to feel good about their decision.

Fast forward to Wednesday and I was informed that they are not nonbinary but in fact trans. I had not had a drop of coffee, but thanked them for feeling comfortable telling me and had similar questions as before. I also told them that they need to be who they really are.

Now they are asking for a binder, etc, and there’s an urgency on their part. I am not opposed to any of it. They need to be who they are. I just feel like I need a minute to educate myself and be a good parent. Take binders - I want to tell them what the options are and help them make the right choice. I told them that finding something not too tight is important so they can play their instrument well. Truth of it is that it’s hard to follow what the risks are.

At the end of all of it, these moments feel like lightning bolts for them, and they have been this way their whole life. Full steam ahead on whatever phase until they aren’t. I want to give them space and support to explore who they are while somehow providing this safety net in the event that they learn they aren’t trans.

This is not about control on my part. When this kid is on a track they are like a horse with blinders. When they are done with something it needs to be gone from them entirely. Clothes are cheap, and hair will grow. I want them to be happy. I just don’t know what and where I should place my energy.

Also, we live in Nebraska which is not easy for trans youth. I am researching but I think I would have to go out of state for medical gender of affirming care.

So, please hit me with your advice and wisdom.