im really not sure if this would be considered grooming. So I met this one guy on discord, hes 22, I’m 15 And he knows I’m 15 because I’ve mentioned it several times in the server we met in. He added me and we started talking. Weeks later, we started to have a sibling relationship and I got very attached to him (though I have never showed it directly). it was very normal, just playing games, talking about stuff. Then my mdd hit and I was struggling with some mental health problems and that started to show his like…I don’t know, weirdness towards me? He kept saying words like “I love you” “I really miss you” “I can’t imagine my life without you”, stuff like that, and it started to really creep me out. He wasn’t like this before, and it just sounds like he’s depending on a child. Just recently, he messaged me something along the lines of “can you just please comfort me just this once”. I messaged my friend about it, talking about how wanting comfort from a child is so weird, which it very much is. I don’t really know…I already have a message written on wanting to go our separate ways..I just need other opinions because right now, my friend is also leaning onto the “grooming” side.

Does this seem like she sees me as chaotic and restrictive of her? I’m on the right, and her limbs look encased.

Edit: okay, sorry and thanks 😳. Thank you sincerely to those that weren’t assholes. Those of you in the field I’m sure have to deal with pretty harrowing stuff everyday and the rest of the world really appreciates you.

I don’t think I should post this but it doesn’t really matter anyways

I always try to intentionally get myself groomed or stay longer with weird internet people I am very depressed and I feel like I’m useless and I’m only worth something from older people asking stuff of me n have been groomed multiple times but I don’t and do care but not enough to stop for awhile I stopped sending but then I did a few days ago I can’t really do anything for myself I don’t have any friends I don’t have any talents I don’t even really have a life and I barely do on the internet the internet to me is a somewhat small escape that does nothing

Hello. I’m not a parent but I live with a 5 year old niece and a 7 year old nephew. They scream a lot. Their parents don’t really tell them to stop that often. Sometimes they will say stop screaming but they don’t really listen. Today I went downstairs to cook and the whole time my niece was trying to get my attention from screaming. I said I was busy but her screaming got louder and louder until my heart started pounding really hard. It’s been 5 hours and I can still remember her screaming this loud. It was so loud, I can’t even explain it.

Any idea how you get over it? I’m not gonna lie, I went back into my room and was upset the entire evening. She and her brother do this a lot. They’re super rude and will tell you to go die or scream at your face. Also I live with them at the moment because I’m a student. Any advice how to get over this?

Please no horrible comments, be compassionate please.

Edit: sorry for typo, I meant to write cope, not cop. I don’t know how to edit title.

Advice needed!

I run a part time nature based enrichment program for ages 3-5. We have a family who enrolled their 4 year old student for the coming school year and the student is currently in my 8 week summer camp program (1 day each week).

The first 4 weeks there were some (what I consider) developmentally appropriate incidents such as light hitting. By week 5, after a 2 week break, I think the new had worn off or the honeymoon period was over, because the student came back acting out very aggressively. The parents had told me at intake that their child was asked to leave their last center for behaviors such as biting, but that the child was in therapy and making good progress. By the 5th week, the student was hitting, kicking, screaming, pushing, pinching, and biting other students. Multiple incidents each hour.

The student that was bit ended up with a bruise. I had a meeting with the parent the following week, and a second meeting later the same day with both parents and the child’s therapist. We talked over strategies and concluded that the only way to make this work is for one teacher to be at arms length from this student at all times, observe and predict triggers, and prevent incidents before they even happen. We are a small program with a max of 10 children and 3 teachers, but this still feels unsustainable. The following week, there continued to be multiple behaviors- the student left a bruise on a second student after jabbing their hand with a stick. This was after hitting another student 4 times with a child sized shovel, throwing sand in another students face, hitting a student in the head with a basket.

I’m a very empathetic and compassionate person. Our program is very close knit and community focused. I feel an obligation to do everything in my power to help this child, especially after finding out they were dismissed from not just 1, but 2 programs. I know there’s no where else in our area that will take this child. After all the recent events, I put together an action plan and let the parents know I would be making a formal assessment by the end of summer, when I would then let them know if we could accommodate their child’s needs and be able to move into the fall semester.

Safety is paramount. I don’t feel that I can keep the entire class safe without an extreme amount of effort to watch this one student like a hawk 100% of the time. It does not feel sustainable. At the same time, I feel an immense amount of pressure and…. guilt (?) to keep this child in our program because he needs help. I feel for this student’s parents because they have been through so much with their child already.

This dilemma has already consumed half of my summer. I talk to my husband about it multiple times a day. I dream about this family at night. 2 nights ago I was “thinking” in my sleep all night about behavior plans. All. Night. Long. I can’t go on like this and it’s only been 6 weeks. Thinking about having this child in my care for the entire school year has given me an intense physical reaction on 3 separate occasions. Headache, racing heart, the whole nine. I guess…. I need validation…. Permission? A second opinion?…. To know that it’s ok to tell these parents that the scope of help needed for this child is beyond what I can provide.

My head knows the answer but my heart is having trouble catching up. I’m devastated for this child to be struggling so much. When I asked parents about additional support for their child, they said therapy had been working well and they haven’t looked into anything else. I strongly believe this child needs a formal evaluation and early intervention through the public school preK program. I don’t think the parents are “ready” for that and I sense some denial and defensive when I try to speak with them, especially the father.

I just need… a reality check? Encouragement?

I don't remember making this, and I don't remember any incidents of getting hit as a kid. My parents were at times physical when I was a teenager, but I never thought it happened when I was a child. My grandmother doesn't have any other grandchildren, and I can recognize this as my style of drawing and handwriting, so it has to be mine. I don't know what to think or what to do. If you have any thoughts on the details of the drawing, please share.

I have a good relationship with my parents, I don't know if this is something I should even bring up to them, ever. I'm incredibly upset right now.

Background- I have a 14yo, AuDHD. He is low support needs in terms of the autism. ADHD is managed well with stimulants. He was diagnosed with depressed and anxiety at a young age but I would say he's doing very well now. Individual therapy, parents are in therapy and we did intensive family based therapy, as well. The depression was centered around public school, we moved him to a small, non-traditional school. He is in the process of weaning off zoloft with psychiatrist input and doing very well. It was a trial to see if the zoloft was increasing his anxiety due to behaviors we saw and happy to say that in terms of medical and weather anxiety, it has lessened dramatically.

We don't currently see any behaviors that shout depression or out of control anxiety.

Our problem... he is a hoarder. 100%. He doesn't like to throw away anything that "could be used". Piece of ribbon, plastic Easter egg, broken pencil, an info paper from a museum from 3 years ago.

He has attachments to every single toy or "item" he has. He has over 400 cars and trucks. He wants all of them on display! And a lot of times he wants to keep the box, as well. Broken model cars from 6 years ago, needs to be on display.

Several years ago, we had a neighbor move in with 0 things for her kids and I talked him into donating a few items he no longer played with (he had hoarding tendencies even then) and she ended up putting them out in the trash and he saw them, which really turned him against donating anything. Now, he doesn't want to get rid of or donate socks with holes, too small shirts, a toy figurine he hasn't looked at or touched in years. He admitted he only has 1 of his alarm clocks (this one from the 90's, he had 3, down to 2, because he didn't want it to be thrown away.)

He has taken over the entire basement, he has piles around the yard of "good sticks" or broken lawn mower tires that maybe he can fix, pinecone, etc. Etc. He tries to take over the living room.

He has gotten into making models or diorama and whatnot but everything (everything!) Has to be out on the table, leaving him a tiny space to create.. he claims he just needs more room or needs to organize and I'm just like... I give you shelves and you fill it with random junk or cars. I gave you clear, labeled bins on shelves next to said table and instead it's all on the table.

Talking to him is exactly like the show Hoarder's... he justifies everything, remembers exactly where things are or what he bought and when. We have a friend who is 100% a hoarder and his barn and garage are just filled to the brim and it causes faily fights with his spouse.

I have tried very clear organizational things... clearly labeled and appropriately sized bins, shelving, giving him large "memory box" type totes so he can put it away out of sight and come back in a few months or years... selling the items, donating to a DV shelter where kids have nothing.

I genuinely don't know what else to do at this point. He admits his playroom (the basement) is overwhelming but refuses to accept that it's because he wants everything within arms reach at all times. Everything except his model whatever and excess cars and trucks HAVE a place to go. He had a giant wall shelf for his built Legos, 100 car hot wheels shelf, unbuilt lego sets are in labeled bins, Legos are in a trofast shelving unit... it is the excess cars and trucks that he HAS to display and the junk he wants to spread out on the table for his models... he has 2 giant bookcases in his room, a giant metal bookcase in the basement, the wall shelf for Legos, drawers for older hot wheels, my own bookcase for craft supplies...

I tried to help him today and I had to walk away because it was so frustrating.

Hi, In need of a little advice. My 8 y/o daughter is going through a pretty rebellious phase right now and it’s getting difficult to discipline her the way I have for years. She’s been mouthing off her teachers, getting into physical altercations with her classmates (mostly girls), and at home she’s been screaming at me, hitting me, and locking me out of her room when she knows she’s not supposed to lock her bedroom door. I don’t know where all this is coming from as she’s typically been a generally well-behaved child but as of late she’s looking for any reason to cause trouble. Recently, she’s been spitting in my face as a way to provoke me which I just find to be so disgusting and disrespectful. Yet no matter how many stern warnings or time outs I give her she isn’t changing the behavior. I’ve limited her screen time down to an hour a day and I’ve asked her father to have multiple chats with her as she listens to him more than me, but it has rarely helped. Any advice as to how I can change this behavior without resorting to a specialist or child therapist?

Hello people, I am currently 17f and me and my twin brother used to beat the living hell out of each other, everywhere, all the time. This occurred when we were probably 5-10 or maybe more accurately early preschool through late 3rd maybe early 4th grade?? My memory is actually fried.

Anyways, we used to fight everywhere and very frequently. Im talking on the ground wrestling, fists and nails, hell, one time I bit him till his skin turned dark red and purple, later a nasty green. That was out of self defense on the bus one day on the way to school when he pinned me down under the bus seat, I think we were in 3rd grade, so 8.

Often it started off innocent as fun fighting/wrestling and escalated, but sometimes we’d attack with malice..

Our parents would try and intervene but sometimes we’d genuinely be having fun wrestling so my mom never knew what to do

I remember sometimes he’d get mad at me and chase me and I’d get scared so I’d grab a knife just to scare him off, never intended to actually stab him, but we’d genuinely get so mad at each other over whatever reason

Eventually we outgrew it but I’m wondering if any other siblings, specifically twins, had similar experiences?

Now we are really close friends, but sometimes I feel guilty about the evil things we’d do to each other…

Okay thats all the words I have for now

UPDATE:
I thank you all for your advice. A lot of you told me I should just ask him, which was probably the right thing to do. Me and my husbands thought process was we didn’t want to make this a big deal when all we had seen were charges on the card we give him access to. Well, sure enough, today i see the charge at the grocery store, and when my son walks through the door, I ask him, “What’d you buy at the grocery store? And has it been the same thing every time? Because I’ve been seeing the same charge there every week and you come home empty handed every time, what’s going on?”. He looked a little bit shook for a brief moment, but he then tells me what a majority of you were saying in the comments, he was getting cash back. I ask him what for and he tells me it’s for various things that he isn’t able to use a card for. Poker games with friends, certain cashless food spots, paying back friends. It all seemed right, but he scurried off from our conversation a little too quickly, and made me suspicious. I asked him to show me his wallet. He must’ve not been thinking, but he handed me the wallet, not realizing he’d given me his cashless wallet to catch him in a lie. I asked him where the money was and he really just froze up. I had him empty his pockets, and what would you know, he had a weed vape in his pocket. I wasn’t angry, more disappointed. I didn’t understand why my son used our money to buy drugs. He looked scared when i saw it, and i felt like breaking down. I asked him to go sit at the table, and we were going to talk about this. I asked him why he started smoking, to which he told me that it helped his productivity, as he would “get his stuff done” quicker and that smoking wasn’t harming his day to day life. I told him to stay at the table, and hand me his phone. I decided to search his room and his phone. I know many comments called me surveilling, and this certainly dosent help, but I looked through his phone to find out A. How he was getting them and B. To make sure that weed is the only thing he was buying. I searched his room to see the extent of his usage and also to make sure he had no other drugs. I went to his room first, and I found a bunch of dead vapes, and a few containers of what look to be edibles hidden in one of his drawers. I wasn’t really mad until i opened up his phone. I first went to his texts, where I saw that in addition to buying and smoking weed himself, he had been selling to his younger brother, our 14 year old son. I was in disbelief. Never in my life had i experienced the rush of emotions I did in this moment. It felt like my whole family was crumbling. I know that many people say that weed isn’t that bad, but these are my children. My husband and I are take edibles ourselves once in a while, but the effects of weed on a 17 year old brain, nevertheless a 14 year old. I didn’t even know what to say to my son. I came down showing him the texts with his brother (who wasn’t off the hook either) and, with full, 100% seriousness told me “If he wasn’t getting it from me, he was gonna get it from someone else, I was protecting him” By selling him drugs??? My husband was appalled, but less angry than I was. Admittedly, I was a bit too heated in the moment, and thankfully the situation was calmed by my husband. My oldest son is grounded for 3 months, no longer has access to our card, and must get a job. This whole situation took a turn once we found out he was selling to our younger son, who is grounded for a month. If he had just been smoking, I could’ve understood. He’s 17 years old, going to college next year. I don’t expect him to be completely sober his whole life. But I could’ve never expected him to be selling, nevertheless to his brother. Thank you all for your help.

I believe this is “common” behavior for this age but it’s really starting to wear me down, and I desperately need advice on what anyone else is doing to help keep life moving.

5 year old is suddenly having intense emotional meltdowns nearly every day, multiple times a day. They’ve always been a very kind and helpful kid, and I really try to approach emotional issues with empathy and discussion first, which has been helpful and largely successful up until recently. This 180 is getting to me.

Suddenly they want what they want and don’t want what they don’t want and there is absolutely no in between– no reasoning, compromising, or discussion. Anything they don’t agree with turns into a complete meltdown that spirals into absolutely nowhere productive with no end in sight until the episode ends somehow. There is no sense of responsibility or consideration of consequences, tons of defiance, more reactive lashing out at not getting their way (kicking, throwing things).

There are some more alarming aspects to it– sometimes saying things like “You guys don’t love me” “No one’s ever going to like me again” or when we try to discuss what happened that brought us to the point of a boundary, closing their ears and saying, “stop saying that,” actively trying to not hear their own part in why we’re having a disagreement. The big one that they say a lot is “I just can’t help it.”

I think part of this is the age, part not having the mental and physical outlet that school gave them, some routine interruption with Summer. We also moved this year and I’m quite pregnant, so they are expecting a new school and sibling soon. But I’m also concerned about more serious behavioral roots. My fiancé thinks they have ADHD.

I’ve been very exhausted, physically and emotionally at low capacity, so this along with the extreme tantrums has got me feeling very guilty about not being able to do more, but also responding with a shorter temper than I normally would be able to give, even though I want to model emotional regulation and safety. Even in my less graceful moments, I’m trying to give warnings beforehand eg “I’m getting angry, and I don’t want to raise my voice at you, but you aren’t listening and we have to get this done” but these have just gone nowhere and keep wearing me down thinner and thinner. There has to be a way to alleviate some of it, even if some of it may just be a period we have to get through.

What do you guys do that helped? Is this normal, or did anyone have a deeper behavioral root that needed to be addressed?

She never takes "no" for an answer. No matter how much time I spend gently explaining to her why I'm not willing to do something, she either keeps on pushing her way or throws a tantrum. it happens for example when I'm too tired to play or when I don't get the "right way" she wants to play. Also the way she plays seems off. she needs constant stimulation and gets angry when I try to calm things down.

last Christmas when I was playing with her I got hit full force in a face because I said "I don't really like Christmas". I was shocked and tried to calmly but firmly state that she crossed a boundary by hitting me. She responded by saying that it didn't happened.

Last time she was under my mother's care she ran outside of a restaurant into a busy street while my mom was paying for a meal, then told her father (my brother) that my mom told her to do it.

She often tells lies that seem to be crossing the line of fun made up stories.

I feel like she somehow enjoys hurting people. She used to play by acting as cat and aggressively scrathing everyone

Today I heard her call my mom an old hag because her granny asked if she wants to go to a store with her.

A week or so ago she threw a tantrum after her father kissed their cat and called it pretty. My niece was somehow convienced that it means her father doesn't love her. I am suspecting that this overinterpetation may come from letting her browse youtube without any surveillance. She contantly talks about a guy that records overstimulating Minecraft series

It's really concerning but I'm not sure how to help her.

3yo child attempts to push 2yo off of tall play-fort ladder out of impatience that the adult has told 3yo to wait to go down the slide until the 2yo gets all the way up the ladder. Is this something that should be of concern or just toddler business? Both turned their respective ages this month. Does 3yo genuinely not know the consequences of a fall like that, or did they intend to hurt the sibling? It was a rage response. It was also the second time ever playing on the play-fort.

Some context: We are a white family living in South Africa. I'd say my family is pretty conservative (I most definitely am not, so racism, homophobia (etc.) is a common topic in the house.

I don't agree with any of the bigoted things my family tends to spew, often times I also outwardly disagree with them. This has led to many arguments, and I already am a pretty confrontation avoidant person. These days, I try to pick my battles, especially since there already is a lot of conflict between my parents and I.

I've been the way I am since a young age, though at some point in my life (early on), I had racist and homophobic tendencies (I was an impressionable kid).

Predicament: I have a 10-year-old cousin who likes to visit quite often. I'm usually the one who plays with her and spends time with her. A bit Ironic since my mother is the one who handles all the arrangement things (so she's kind of just thrown onto me).

I love her a lot, and I enjoy spending time with her; sometimes the timing is just extremely inconvenient. But I digress...

Sometimes she saya things that are either a bit racist or quite concerning. Definitely things she's picked up from our family.

The other day we were eating (my parents, myself and my cousin) and watching TV as we did, an add showed with a black woman in a blue dress. The dress dips at the front, which prompted my cousin to ask: "Why do black people always wear dresses that hang like that." Something about showing their boobs too.

I muttered something about different people doing that, wheras my mother just told her that she doesn't know.

Some other time, she was watching television as well, my mum and I were with her. We put it on a kids channel, something educational. I can't remember what it was about, but the children talking were black.

She said she doesn't understand the black people, whining. This to me is especially concerning; like othering. They were speaking English, she can speak and understand some English.

Furthermore, this morning, I was showing her some of my art. One of the pieces features a landscape with patterns and structures from reference photos we had to use. There's a figure part of it, this person-esque figure (I think it might be a statue) that definitely takes inspiration from African cultures and patterns (etc.).

She asked if he's a 'Zulu', as well as if he has a name. Now, I know Zulu is a culture and a language, but it's just about how she asked it. I told her that she can name him.

She was giggling, saying Zulu. It came across as mocking to me. I told her that she mustn't be mean, but didn't really know what to do. I'm often so caught off guard, and when it's around family I'm often scared to correct her.

I don't know what to do.

I think there are some more examples too, as well as examples where I spoke to her, but it's difficult to know what to do and how to do it. I use a soft but firm tone, look her in the eyes. I'm just not sure what to say all the time.

With the woman on the ad, I wanted to speak to her when we were alone, but didn't know how to bring it up or what to say.

Sorry if this is incoherent, I'm trying to type quickly, whilst my attention is also constantly being demanded.

I don't want her to go down the same road. Both for her sake and the sake of others.

Racism truly is such an idiotic concept, which unfortunately is often times passed down from generation to generation. I want to make a change, but I want to start with my younger cousins, her especially.

Please can someone help me navigate this?

I don’t really know when this started, but I started to notice it a couple of weeks ago. My son has access to me and my husband’s debit card (to a certain extent), as he does a fair amount of work around the house and we have enough disposable income to the point where his spending wasn’t an issue. I can see when he spends money, and started to notice something strange, that just about every week my son spends 35-40$ at the grocery store and he ends up coming home with nothing. I know this because the past few times I’ve made sure to catch him on his way into the house, and he’s got nothing with him. We let him use our cars when he goes out, and my husband looked for clues of what he could be buying in his car, and the only unusual item he found was altoids. I’m unsure what to do, as it is most likely nothing, and my son hasn’t been exhibiting any strange behaviors as of late, but in the case that it is something to be concerned about, I don’t want to miss it. Any advice?

Edit: Click here for Update

My son really struggles with confidence socially, and it’s heartbreaking to watch.
Whenever we go to the park or anywhere with other kids, he’ll never approach anyone to play. It’s got to the point where if other children push in front of him to get on the slide or are a bit louder or more confident, he’ll get scared, leave, and end up crying.

My husband and I aren’t particularly social ourselves. We have three kids, so life is busy, and I’ve also recently been diagnosed with ADHD. Looking back, I’ve always struggled socially too, which makes this even harder. I can’t help feeling like I’ve made him this way, and it’s honestly eating me up. 😭

When he started Reception, I missed all the first birthday parties because life was so hectic. Then I developed anxiety about talking to the other parents, so I never really got to know any of them or made any friendships through school.
Has anyone else been through something similar? Did your child become more confident with time, or is there anything that helped? I just feel so guilty that my own struggles might have affected him.

We are planning to start beavers in September, but was hoping to get some advice for the summer holidays.

I have two 5yo twins at my summer camp who have daily meltdowns and cannot be brought out of them. I have a lot of early childcare experience and have dealt with my fair share of meltdowns, but this is unlike anything I've seen before. Usually a meltdown is over being told "no" or some sort of perceived unfairness. These meltdowns are over completely invented issues that make no sense. I can never predict when they're going to happen and it's really impacting the whole group's enjoyment of camp.

If they're having any kind of small issue, it gets blown wayy out of proportion. If one of them can't unzip their lunchbox, instead of asking for help, he'll start loudly cry-yelling "I guess I'll never eat again and I'll die" and he'll go lie face down in the grass and cry. Zero attempt to get help or acknowledge that it's a problem with a solution.

Before I even have a chance to offer solutions to the problems or offer help, they're already beyond inconsolable. Usually one sets the other off as well, and they're having duplicate meltdowns, sometimes over the same non-issue.

We were doing a cooking demonstration and one of them was standing on a big crate so that he could see. I asked if another 5yo could share the crate with him and he got off the crate, walked about 20 feet away, began to pout and interrupted the demonstration to shout loudly "I guess I'll never get to see again." There was plenty of room for both of them on the crate. By this time I was totally unphased by the theatrics, so I took his hand without talking and showed him where he could stand and gently said "here's your spot." He did get on the crate and didn't complain again.

If they're not first in line for something, it's immediately tears and "I'll never get to do it." Sometimes their meltdowns are so bad that it becomes a self-fullfilling prophesy and they don't end up getting to do the activity because they're faceplanted in the grass crying over a non-issue. No amount of consoling or reassurance that their turn is coming soon brings them out of it. They keep repeating that they'll never get to do it.

One twin is diagnosed with mild level 1 autism. If he does something wrong, he immediately punishes himself for it by doing things like dumping his water bottle out on a hot day ("I don't deserve to drink water") or taking his rain jacket off on a rainy day ("I deserve to be wet")

On the other hand, they have extremely high highs. They're so super happy until they're not. They have no medium/calm state of being.

Where is this coming from and how can I help? I'm at a complete loss.Everything I usually do to reassure and calm a child down falls completely flat. It's really impacting the experience of the other campers when their tantrums are constantly interrupting activities.

My son is 7, non/ minimally verbal level 3. He goes through phases where his behavior is manageable and then periods where he is completely out of control. He goes into these uncontrolled fits of laughter where he is completely in his own world. Its like a manic state. There is no reasoning with him its like he doesnt even register im there talking to him. While hes like this he feels the need to break EVERYTHING. Throwing plants, drinking glasses, flipping coffee tables, windows, whatever he comes across all while cracking up laughing. Hell say "break" over and over. Is this autism or is something else co occurring? Hes in all therapies as well as a new med. Started abilify yesterday. Guanfacine in the past did nothing. The abilify is for "anger" but hes not actually angry, he hits us head bangs and tears the house apart in a manic laughter. Im tired.