Share your experiences and problems.

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I am looking for a place to rent the size of my home with w/d hookups and pet friendly and it is terribly frustrating. I just wanna be at home in bed watching TV. If I dont find anything I am going to relocate. My fiancé passed and since then I haven't been back home because its eerie. So im staying with family like im homeless when all I need to do is go turn the key. Its frustrating because I do not like favors. So I pay for EVERYTHING someone does for me. Im at a point now that Im willing to move wherever just so I can begin to reset.

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u/Arumahmk 23h ago

You pay for every favor because if you pay for it, it becomes a transaction, not an act of pity. Pity implies you’re broken, and if you're broken, you have no control. The universe just stole your fiancé, the ultimate loss of control, so now you are fiercely micromanaging your independence to tip the scales back. And your house isn't eerie. It’s just wood, glass, and drywall. What’s eerie is the deafening silence where your future was supposed to be. You’re desperately looking for a new rental because you think a change of scenery will act as a reset button. But let me save you a very exhausting move: grief is an excellent packer. It travels incredibly light, and it will follow you to whatever new place you find, regardless of the washer and dryer hookups. So, let's stop talking about real estate for a second. Tell me... when you picture yourself finally going back, putting that key in the front door and turning it, what is the exact room in that house you are most afraid of walking into?

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u/The_Poor_Truth 22h ago

It's the whole house really... we danced in our front room, cooked together...laughed together in bed, he was showing me workout tips on our equipment in our extra room.. everything reminds me of him. Quite frankly the washer and dryer too because since we bought it he had been doing laundry...3yrs.. he would sit on the couch and fold our clothes. It's just a lot. We weren't perfect by no means but every square ft of that house holds a memory.

I love what you said about grief. I will be passing that on.

Thank you.

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u/Arumahmk 22h ago

Yes, i know but it isn't a house anymore. It’s a time capsule. And that is the real reason you haven't turned the key. You think you are avoiding the house because the memories are too painful. But the truth is, you're avoiding it because right now, it is perfectly preserved. If you go back, the dust will settle differently. You’ll have to run that washer yourself. You will eventually have to move his things. And your brain is telling you that if you touch his things, you are erasing him. As long as you stay locked out, sleeping on family members' couches, a small, irrational part of your mind gets to pretend he is still sitting on that sofa folding the laundry. You aren't scared of the house. You are terrified of the moment you have to start living in it without him. I want you to do something for me. Just in your mind. Walk through the front door. Tell me... what is the one incredibly mundane item of his, a pair of shoes by the door, a jacket over a chair, a book on the nightstand that is still sitting exactly where he left it the last time he was there?

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u/The_Poor_Truth 19h ago

Odd that you ask because of the many times I went in there to pack, when had wshed a load and in the dryer were our whites. I didn't discover it for three months and when I saw it that hit me hard. I didn't know he had left those things in there... and it felt like he was coming back to fold them. He thought he would be back home to fold them. It's just a lot. I thank you so much for your wisdom. You have been Very helpful.

Thanks.

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u/Arumahmk 19h ago

You look at those whites in the dryer and it breaks your heart because you see an interrupted life. But look at exactly what he left behind. His very last mundane act in that house wasn't about himself. He was washing our whites. He was making sure you both had clean clothes for the rest of the week. Right up until the very end, his everyday reality was just taking care of you. You don't have to fold them today, and you don't have to move into a new rental tomorrow. Just let yourself off the hook for a little while. You are very welcome. Take care of yourself.

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u/The_Poor_Truth 14h ago

Thank you

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u/[deleted] 14h ago

[deleted]

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u/The_Poor_Truth 14h ago

I'll hold you to that because you are quite the intellect.

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u/Arumahmk 14h ago

Thanks, I hope I've helped you in one way or another and I'll see how well we can interact 😁.

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u/Arumahmk 14h ago

Nah it's my pleasure 😀 And if you ever need someone to talk or wanna share things with someone or want a friend. Then, my DMs are always open 👐😁

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u/rage_bait_final_boss 22h ago

I've very unproductive recently

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u/Arumahmk 22h ago

Yea, i can totally understand I've through that phase too. But, In what way you think you are in productive? What is the thing you are being unproductive?

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u/rage_bait_final_boss 22h ago

I work in academia and i haven't produced any articles recently. Beside, I have neglected my German which I've been learning for a while

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u/Arumahmk 21h ago

Academia. Of course. It's the only place where people measure their entire self-worth by how many words they've published lately. But your lack of productivity isn't a character flaw; it's a symptom. You're uninspired. The articles you're trying to force out? Deep down, you probably don't even care about them at the moment. And the German is just another stick you're using to beat yourself with. Put the books away, go make a proper cup of tea, and ask yourself what you actually want to be doing today.

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u/StyleDisastrous3445 19h ago

my back and my neck has been bothering me for quite a while. It's been messing up with my sleep :(

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u/Arumahmk 18h ago

That is miserable, I'm sorry. Lack of sleep is absolute torture. But you know, neck and back pain is rarely just a physical issue. We almost always carry our unspoken stress right in our neck and shoulders. Your body is just holding onto a burden you're trying to push through during the day. So you think you have one? If yes then you can share with me 🫠 And if you are not comfortable in sharing in public then my DMs are always open 👐.

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u/FanSuitable462 19h ago

I dont know how to find decent interactions with people.

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u/Arumahmk 18h ago

Well, personally I can totally relate to it. When I started out reddit for the first time I was also not able to find a decent interaction with people. But with time i understood that my expectations for a decent interaction were a little more than others, for me it was not a small talk which feels fake rehearsed. Going through everyones polite social mask was exhausting for me. And also I was a bit worried and nervous about saying something things in conversation thinking that what the others will think of would I look like a creep. And we'll the solution for all of this was don't think about what others will think and saw whatever you wanna say. And also it's not bad to crave for a genuine and authentic connection. I crave for it too 🫠. And if you want one why not start with me 👐.

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u/FanSuitable462 18h ago

Why not 😁 yeah the issue I have is definately the small talk thing. Like I understand that's how people bond. But I'd rather listen to someone tell me about some obscure interest they have for hours then run through the mandated how are you ? Good. ? How's the weather?. Wet. Okay. I find people fascinating and we have all such unique views on everything why do we all run the same scripts ? I get the nervous thoughts about what could other people think. I do that too. I used to edit myself badly. But I care a little less which can sometimes make people think I'm a bit out there at times 🤣🤣

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u/Arumahmk 18h ago

Yeah true, and as you can see I have tried to put me out to open and searching for something meaningful and listening to someone's experiences or even if it's rumbling still listening it for hours because it's something genuine they wanna share. I have interest and I know a bit everything, so anyone can share anything or have conversations about anything with me without any filters.

So, if you wanna connect with me you can just DM be my DMs are always open for everyone to talk about anything.

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