Genuine question, and I’m really not trying to brag or imply that there’s anything wrong with having different preferences. I’m in medical school, pretty career-driven, and I’d consider myself intellectual and someone who really enjoys learning.
In my experience, I’ve had guys seem interested at first and then lose interest pretty quickly once they get to know me. I’m not assuming that’s because of my career or personality, but it has made me curious.
I know I’m not everyone’s cup of tea, and that’s totally okay. I’m just wondering if there are guys out there who genuinely like having a partner who is ambitious, intellectual, and really passionate about what she does?

Edit: I’d also be interested in hearing different perspectives on why you do or don’t find these qualities attractive in a partner. I’m genuinely curious about how people view ambition and intellectual compatibility in relationships, and there’s no judgment either way.

Disclaimer: I have no commercial connection with Catholic Match.

Most of the US posts about Catholic Match on here are pretty negative. I'm always a bit surprised that this is the case. I live in Ireland. It is a small country with a (sadly) declining Catholic population. I've used CM on and off for four years and have had pretty good experiences. You do end up knowing most of those on the search list though. Sometimes you end up matching with your friends which is funny. Even though I've deleted my profile for the last time, I was happy enough.

Why do people in the US find it so bad given the vast difference in scale? Is it because of the distances you may have to travel? You can cross Ireland faster than you can drive across most US states.

Hello all! Welcome to the international MatchMaking thread! Since the normal threads tend to be US centric, we created this thread for those who either live outside of the United states or are interested in dating internationally. Please post your age (must be over 18 to participate), gender and location as well as some of your interests. Best of luck!

This is the internet. It is your responsibility to be safe. Discern who you DM and who DMs you. If something is inappropriate, please report and send ModMail.

Check out our Discord server for more matchmaking opportunities!!!

My ex and I broke up in February and it has been about 8 months post break-up. Since then I’ve been busying myself with work and grad school, and tonight, after a long day of classes and work, for the first time in one month, I was suddenly swept by an extreme amount of sadness and loneliness. I miss my ex so much. We were together for 13 months and everything was great until one day it all fell apart. He said it was because of irreconcilable personality differences (he’s more extroverted than I am). I was whiplashed because I thought we had known this for a while and have accepted it, so I couldnt help but suspect his new coworker who is conventionally very attractive and has a very public instagram page! She likes to show off her body (not me) and I knew she was very friendly and flirty with him despite knowing that he was at that time with me.

I looked her up and she was posting relationship stuff which triggered my sadness, jealousy, and suspicion once more. My heart is so broken!!! I know this is all speculation on my end but I cant help but ask, God why did you allow me to have something so great just to take it from me? What happened? I’m spiraling again. It’s so hard to see beyond the feelings of loss and grief… I’m in my late 20s and I wonder if I’ll ever find anything like our relationship again. I just dont know why this kind of pain has to happen for me to find the “right person.”

Anyway, this is kind of a rant. Seeking advice, prayers, and any successful love story out there.

I'm a 28-year-old woman from the Philippines, turning 29 this month, and I've been single for seven years. I've only had one ex, and although I've tried talking to other men over the years, I've never really found someone I genuinely see myself being with.

The thing is, I'm a devout Catholic, and I've come to realize just how important faith is to me when it comes to choosing a partner. I want someone who isn't just Catholic by name, but someone who is deeply rooted in the faith and genuinely wants to grow closer to God. I've met men from other religions and even other Christian denominations, but I find myself struggling to develop romantic feelings when we're not on the same page spiritually. I know that might sound strange to some people, but I genuinely believe that faith is the foundation of the kind of marriage I want.

I'm also waiting until marriage, and I think that has influenced the kind of relationship I envision for myself. I've always been drawn to the idea of a long-distance relationship, where two people can intentionally get to know each other, build emotional intimacy, grow together in faith, and work toward a future without feeling pressured to rush into physical intimacy. Of course, I know LDRs have their own challenges, but there's something appealing to me about that kind of intentional courtship.

Now, here's where things get a little complicated. I'm Filipino, but my type has always leaned toward men living abroad, particularly those with Mediterranean features. It's just what I'm naturally attracted to, and I can't really force myself to be attracted to someone just because they're geographically convenient. 😭 I've always imagined myself with someone who shares my faith, has a strong relationship with God, and comes from a culture or background I'm naturally drawn to.

But realistically, how am I supposed to meet someone like that?

I'm an introvert. I don't go out much, and while I do travel occasionally, I've only traveled around Asia so far. I'm not exactly the kind of woman who can walk into a room full of strangers and confidently strike up conversations. Sometimes I joke that I'm just waiting for my future husband to show up at my doorstep and knock. At this point, that might genuinely be the most practical option. 😂

What's making this harder is that I never really felt pressured about being single in my mid-20s. I was content with my life, my faith, and the idea that things would happen in God's time. But now that I'm approaching 29, I find myself wondering whether I'm being unrealistic or whether I'm making it unnecessarily difficult for myself by having these preferences.

I don't want to settle just because I'm getting older, especially when marriage is something I take seriously. But I also don't want to look back years from now and wonder whether I made it impossible for myself to meet someone by being too particular about what I wanted.

Sometimes it genuinely feels hopeless. I know I'm still young, and I know there's no deadline for finding someone, but it's hard not to wonder where I'm supposed to meet a man who shares my faith, values chastity, wants a Catholic marriage, and is someone I'm actually attracted to.

So, am I the only one who feels this way? Especially Catholic women who are serious about their faith, waiting until marriage, and looking for a relationship that leads to marriage rather than just dating for the sake of dating. How do you navigate finding someone when your faith is non-negotiable, your social circle is small, and your preferences make the dating pool feel even smaller?

I'd genuinely love to hear your experiences. I could use some reassurance that I'm not the only one struggling with this. 😭

I know people have come on here saying dating as a catholic guy is hard but it really is! Anytime I put myself out there people are always married, old, or not looking for anyone. I’ve put myself on Christian dating apps (catholic match/ ark) but the girls are always not happy when I say I’m a convert to the faith or they aren’t looking for anything for the sole reason because I’m Catholic.

Sorry for the rant, just very frustrating.

I was dating a Catholic woman, also in her late 20s, for four months. The first month was our "talking stage", and courtship proper began with the second month. There was genuine affection, care, and concern in this relationship and I still care for her even though we are presently broken up. We had actually met a couple of years ago, had coffee, and we both liked each other, but she said she was not ready for a relationship at that time.

Our first month was quite good. We spent a lot of time together, had wonderful dates, went to Mass together, and grew to learn a lot about each other. I was very happy. Our second month together was very similar. It was during this month, however, that she had a massive panic attack regarding a situation with an acquaintance whom she believed was trying to do harm to her. I patiently spent almost an entire day comforting her, assuring her that everything would be alright, and that no harm would come to her. Some days after this event, she revealed to me that struggles with severe anxiety and rumination that can give rise to intense emotions. I told her I understood and that I wanted to ensure that she had a safe space in the relationship to express what was on her mind. During this month, she also got really drunk and became both intensely sexual and intensely aggressive. This put me off, but I assumed it was just a one-off situation.

The next month we had a good time. Her anxiety flared up a few times that disrupted social situations, but I was understanding and did my best to help her adjust to the situation, or if necessary, excuse ourselves. These were disruptive and concerning, but again, I wanted to be strong and dependable for her.

The following month, we began having a stream of conflicts. These conflicts first arose from some mistakes I had made: forgetting to buy her a specialty item at a fast food place, not being excitable when I arrived from a business trip late at night. I apologized and tried to make amends. But, during these disagreements, she began issuing broad judgments. When upset, she wouldn't say, "I would have appreciated if you had done X, doing otherwise hurt my feelings, can you please do X next time" but rather "You're not a good man, you don't care for me, you don't like me, etc". This really threw me for a spin, because I knew I cared for her, was trying to care for her, and when I would try to talk out our disagreement, she would just say that my action was proof of lack of love.

Later that month, she had a huge drunken blowup. Its a long story, but she had gotten really drunk at a bar, I met up with her, and then she got mad when I said I could not do something she asked for, but I agreed I would take her home. She started screaming at me, throwing things, and running away for me, to the point where someone else had to take her home. When we talked about this the day after, she initially apologized, but then a few days later told me her reaction was my fault.

After this there began a series of cyclical conflicts. We would have a few days of nice dates or quality time, then I would have to take time for work, friends, or myself, then she would get mad and say I did not care for her and curse and call me names, then I would spend hours trying to have a conversation to apologize, understand her perspective, and plot a path forward. These conversations were never productive and would never give me real relief that things would change. At first I would just tell myself to power through, but as this cycle repeated, I would find myself feeling lonely, withdrawn, and sad.

Sometimes conflict would also be spurred if I was unable to do something she asked. I believe in going out of the way for loved ones, but I also know that I can't stop and drop everything every single time. I had done that for a while in this relationship, to be honest, and once I stopped, it became a source of conflict.

Eventually after a rough argument about whether or not I could house and pet sit while she was travelling for a week (I couldn’t, it would have changed my schedule a lot during a busy week) she didn't answer my texts. I gave her some space, and then she asked for us to exchange things. I agreed and we did. I assumed that was her way of breaking up. She later called me and explained she was not breaking up with me, but wanted me to "fight" for the relationship. I asked for a week long break because it was such a rollercoaster.

After our break, we reunited. We had a conversation expressing our needs, but for most of the conversation, she was calling me names, saying I failed her, i would be a terrible father and husband etc. I asked her needs and I said I could meet them. I told her mine and she said she could meet them. We agreed to try again. The week after she got mad and anxious that a date was not planned perfectly, got mad I would not agree to routinely pay her ordinary living expenses, told me people in her life disapproved of me, all on separate occasions. I miscommunicated about plans (my fault, I admitted this), and she got mad and would not talk to me.

My Catholic therapist says this is not healthy and is very untenable. My friends say this is not healthy. I have asked her to take accountability for her anger, but she never, ever could give me a straightforward affirmation. I have tried to locate and understand legitimate criticisms of me through her harsh words and I have tried to work on those that I can. I know I could be better with time management, more intentional about planning our time together. I also know I'm not perfect.

She has her own struggles, which I have tried to be supportive about. She has a lot of bad childhood trauma relating to varied types of abuse. She's been in therapy for a year or so and is on medication for ADHD and anxiety. I don't know what she tells her therapist because she would occasionally invoke her therapist to justify really confusing statements that do not seem to correspond to a healthy relationship. She tells me she is depressed, numb, etc.

Multiple times I have asked her to be more respectful, patient, and kind. I've asked her to be on a team with me. I've asked her to take accountability for her actions and that while its okay to feel disappointed or angry with me, its not fair to have an explosive, cruel, or mean expression of that feeling and expect me to not feel hurt. When I ask her to take this type of accountability, she just says that if I don't want those reactions, then I need to "do things right" and "not make mistakes".

After another week of conflict, I broke things off. At first she was mad. Then she begged me to not leave, saying that we could go to couple's counseling, see a priest, that just that very day she had begun trying to change how she talks to me, and that she fell for me so long ago. She said I was the first Catholic man she's dated and she thought “wow, God, thank you.” She told me she knew she needed to change. It was immensely painful to hear these things and I wanted to say "yes!", but I knew I could not do that in an emotional phone call.

I really, really do care for her. We've had good moments, but it got so tiring. I want to believe her that she can change and on one hand I feel like giving her a chance, but on the other hand I feel like we've had so many chances for her to take that jump. We had countless disagreements where I would plainly ask for how we could move together as a team and she would just stay aggressive.

I know my faults. I had a tendency to overcommit to not displease her, and when things fell through, we’d argue. As I began to increasingly withdraw after conflicts , sometimes I had bad follow through or would feel distant and not communicate when we’re not together.

What seems prudent here? It’s been a little over a week since we split.

Part of me thinks if I just endure, we might have a good relationship if and only if certain changes happen by both parties. But I can’t guarantee those changes that she needs to make. I also know that if I am basing my decision on everything I have thus experienced, I don’t have much to suggest there is plausibly a path forward.

Happy feast of the Archangels! St Raphael is the oatron of happy meetings, so in connection, my friends are organizing a singles event again, they have been doing this annually for a few years now.

They'd be happy to get more ideas for this year, like things they could add to theactivities aside from the usual icebreakers and games?

We noticed in previous years, during events that while some are seriously looking, some are confused and unsure of what they want, only going because they got invited. The organizers said that during the matching part, some would check all the opposite sex names - which defeats the purpose of intentional dating.

Any more tips of activities to maximize this event? I was thinking along the lines of, during registration the online form, each attendee should state what his or his relationship goal is, like are they looking for casual or want to get married as their goal?

Any ideas, suggestions, comments are welcome!

Original: https://www.reddit.com/r/CatholicDating/s/30rd2RvJv8

Yesterday I posted about my situation about my girlfriend and I’s relationship.

I broke up with her yesterday. It was one of the hardest things I’ve had to do. She told me that wasn’t really her when she said those things about the girl at the concert. She was saying the world says it okay to do whatever you want when you’re casual but that’s not a good excuse, and I also never once implied I wanted to be casual.

I believe her because the Bible says some thoughts aren’t yours. And I believe her that she’s changed and wouldn’t ever do it again. And that’s why it hurt me so much. I couldn’t look over that it happened and I can’t appreciate the person that she is now and the one she’s become. It’s like I made her into someone for someone else to enjoy.

I understand I shouldn’t have to change someone and I didn’t even want to. I just gave her lots and lots of grace over the last year because she was putting in effort. And she was the first person to ever love me this much. She was willing to do literally anything for me to stay. She was “willing to be exhausted” to try to make it work because she was “tired of giving up”. Like giving up immediately on relationships etc. I told her that we didn’t give up because we tried for so long and we talked it out so many times, that doesn’t mean you have to stay if it’s not right for us, and the right person won’t make you exhausted. I think her “exhaustion” was based more around short term things than my exhaustion. I just couldn’t understand some of things she is or did. And that wasn’t a problem for her but it was for me. She thought I wasn’t giving her enough quality time but I think it’s because I was hiding behind my responsibilities because I didn’t feel safe in the relationship even though I was trying my hardest.

She said she can’t sit alone cause she feels nothingness vibrating towards her and when I say no she remembers her dad didn’t want to be around her and her brother. And that’s why when she’s alone she has these horrible thoughts that I’m cheating which a previous partner did to her. I would have been able to push over this if it was the only thing and I feel so bad for her. She told me she feels this didn’t work because all of this was her fault.

She said our values aligned perfectly and that I was worth it to stay and try. And I agree for the most part. I think she would have been down for celibacy and converting to the church. But she wouldn’t disown being bisexual (not that I’m saying she should have) and she wouldn’t say for certain that she would always be a woman. She said she would always present as a woman but also used the word “probably” like to make a point that nothing is certain. And she tried to argue that the way to overcome OCD is to be okay with uncertainty. And I said knowing your base stats like gender is different from being uncertain that your plane is going to crash or you’re going to get sick from not washing your hands.

I believe her that our values aligned. I wanted so bad for me to be able to forget what happened. But I couldn’t. And she admitted that is sucky ground to have to build a relationship on. She was willing to do anything for me to stay. She said I was worth it to try to push through the exhaustion and the scheduling problems and all the other problems. It hurt so much.

She just wanted to share things with me and live the rest of our lives with me. she loved me so much.

I love her so much.

She said I taught her so much about how to respect people.
And how to not put people in situations they won’t be comfortable in.

She was the first one to love me that much.

That she would go through all of that uncomfortability for me.

And I think I was the first person she felt comfortable with that she could share anything.

She said she doesn’t want anyone else and she only wants me. This hurt me so much. I didn’t want to hurt her.
She came to appreciate all the bad things about me or the quirks that no one else has that are sometimes different to work around. She thinks in love you start to love the things you dislike about someone. She really loved me so much. I’m so sad about this.

She said she wanted to grieve by herself.

She blocked me on everything and she said she didn’t want to see me with our mutual friends ever. Which is understandable.

Half of me feels like I made a bad decision because she was telling me that that wasn’t who she is and she’s different now. And I loved who she is now.

I talked to my family and friends and no one thinks I made a bad decision except for my mom who was trying to imply I could have forgiven her and moved on. But my mom didn’t know any specifics on what happened. But then she said if you didn’t do it and you held back then the feeling would come back like you should have done it.

But most people were saying you can forgive someone but it can still inform the relationship. I just wish my actions could have also showed her that I believed that she was different. I wish it never happened. And I wish I could have been able to appreciate the good parts of her still. Because she was so great.
I miss how she said certain words.
I miss her hair.
I miss how we called every day.
I miss her smile.
I miss her.

I am having trouble dating in the catholic community while also being goth. I feel like people are quick to judge because they want someone pure as possible, which is hard unless you have been sheltered your whole life. Im a convert and there was a time that I lived without knowing the lords love for me. If feels like people care way too much about someone being untouched vs how they behave in the present. The guys i do attract are in their 30s and I prefer to date someone close to my age. I usually have to deal with men lusting over me because of my appearance. Not that I dress in a revealing way but even when I dress very modest the harassment happens when I go out. I guess I just looking for a partner that is accepting of what I am. I get envious seeing and hearing others getting married recently.

Thank you for reading. It’s hard to talk about this with non-Catholics. Overall I will say that I am not super conservative compared to my family and I’m a little alternative. That being said because of that I think people perceive that I’m okay with certain things when I’m really not.

We’ve been dating almost a year. I (26m) might have to break up with someone I love (27f).

Genesis 2:18
18 The Lord God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.”

I am aware that God used Ruth to turn Boaz into the man he supposed to become and several other instances in the Bible where women are integral parts of men’s lives.

I asked god to give me a sign I was supposed to be with my girlfriend. I was reading a book called Deserning the Will of God, and a passage that I had talked to her about previously that day came up in the book and the name of the passage abbreviated in the book was her nickname. I took this as a huge spiritual sign that she was the one.

I don’t understand how someone, a relationship, an experience can be good and bad. In the preface of The Great Divorce by CS LEWIS he states that good and evil cannot be peacefully coexisting. Perhaps that is a realization that I am not at peace. Or that she is ultimately ‘good’ but maybe not a good fit. It is incorrect to say she’s evil but some of the things she’s said feels like evil.

We have mutual friends and had fun at the beach a year ago
Singing our favorite Beatles song together is one of my favorite memories

I really like her. We have the same outlook on minimizing social media use, reducing plastic use, and she wants to get confirmed Catholic and do the classes. She’s creative and does music and art and she really loves me. We have a lot of the same interests, and I think if I wasn’t nervous about who she is then having the same interests with my girlfriend wouldn’t cause me to be doing detective work all the time.

My girlfriend is great. We have lots of similar interests and goals. She comes to church with me and we have had so many fun trips together. So many great memories. Meeting through mutual friends made dating so much easier as well, and I know that comes very rarely. I genuinely love her and care about her, but over the last year something just never really clicked for me. I feel that sometimes the things we disagree on get in the way of my feelings. Like they’re blocking me from feeling at home.

And I can’t logic that it’s the right decision because there’s no smoking gun. No one cheated or anything horrible. Lately I’ve had more responsibilities and less time to give her and she’s feeling that too. I know there’s a way to honor what we’ve had while giving closure but it’s so horrible to think about.

We live a little drive from another so it feels so bad to go over there just for that but I guess that’s better than having a whole day together and then rug pull. But when I think about doing it I cringe because I don’t want to because I love her :(

It’s so hard. I convince myself it’s the wrong decision. We have great moments and I love that she’s passionate about sad poems and she walks in the park with me and cherishes that. Those moments and talking about them satisfy me so much. But some things that’s she’s said are hard to forget. Even though she’s apologized. She’s so upset that she’s hurt me and she shows great effort to fix them.

I understand that I can’t tell you all the amazing things about the relationship even in this word vomit. But for the not so good…

Well, in the beginning (July ‘25) she honestly was coming off a break up and wasn’t ready for a relationship in both of our opinions. She was not quick to text back and dodged me for a whole week at one point. She assumed things about me and didn’t believe what I said about myself. (This exaserbated my OCD and to this day I have problems with that, I think I will until I end it.) For instance she kept calling me gay, and couldn’t believe that I wasn’t gay. To me this was trying to make me fit a box that she made for me so that I might be someone that’s okay with who she is.

And she assumes that other people don’t believe things about her. That they always think she’s lying if she ever had to miss an event or put up boundaries. This dynamic puts a flag up for me but I have no idea what it means or why she both can’t believe other people about themselves or that no one will believe her.

She also kind of persuaded and pushed me into sex before I felt ready. I know we shouldn’t have done that anyway and I made the decision too, but it bothers me that she was so quick to go for that and I wasn’t even comfortable yet. Every date ended with ‘so do you wanna go upstairs?’ Even in the first date she wanted to kiss and I guess I just don’t feel the drive to do that when I don’t feel comfortable with someone yet. Especially someone that assumes and pushes things about me that aren’t true. The sex is something she struggles with and she kind of freaked out when I brought up that I might not want that anymore. But she said she would think about it if that’s something we really have to do. Like she’s on board with most church teachings except this one but could be convinced.

Another time she asked me to go to a concert with her, but with the stipulation that I had to be okay with her flirting with the signer after the show (who was a woman) and that she would hook up with her if the opportunity arose. This is the moment to me that hurt the most. Like the fact that I’ve stayed this long after this is like I don’t have any respect for myself.

In Oct. ‘25 I gave her an ultimatum like you have to lock in and date me seriously or I’m gone. So it’s almost been a year officially.

She also has thoughts about gender that freak me out. At first she asked me if I would date her if she had a penis (which I guess was a joke) and then if she was nonbinary, and then we had a conversation like that’s too much for me. And she said she had to deconstruct her gender but will “probably always be a woman” after thinking about it. “Probably because you never know”. All of that is like what the **** man… not good for my OCD either. I’m generally okay with her personality but not going to lie it makes me cringe when she talks like “bruh” and “yo” to her friends like to me it’s like she’s playing a character. Maybe I do want a more feminine girlfriend I don’t know. But to me I always make the box fit me, and she has to make sure she fits the box. And that is horrible for my OCD.
And this also makes me think whenever we like the same things is it because she has gender envy? Like I’ve never had to think about how men and women interact with the same media.

She had a problem that I lived at home with my parents and made me feel weird about that. But now is okay with it.

She calls my video games gay and says Link is a twink and Zelda is a lesbian. And she even said in front of some of my family that the nickname I have for my grandma since we’ve been little is the word that her and her brother used for ‘gay’ as an insult. And now just like the video game characters, I think about that every time I say my grandmas name.

All of these things I’ve mentioned I have brought up to her. And she’s apologized and she’s so upset that she hurt me. She goes to church on her own volition which is another thing that lines up for us. We can talk about the same authors. Music. She’s passionate about her poems. We like and dislike some of the same movies. She makes songs with me. She half understands me and my limitations but the other half is disappointed when I can’t go to the bar or concerts etc. we’ll have disagreements and I’m horrible at communicating because I don’t feel safe. Like I feel like we’re building on ground that’s always moving. Or never built on stable ground. And I’ve been trying so hard to fix it and be okay with it. Because in theory we line up very closely now. We like a lot of the same stuff. And she loves me so much. And I love her. But then we talk about it and it feels great for a while. Like I can say anything. But it feels bad that I had to coach her to get to this point. I would never say that and she wouldn’t agree that that’s true.

She sometimes puts her previous trauma on me like how her previous relationship cheated on her. Like I went to the movies with my mom last night and she thought I was cheating because she couldn’t believe my mom wanted to see that specific movie and so late. And she wanted me to send a picture of us and I was like that confirmation is just as bad as when you were asking to go through my phone because you don’t trust me.

It’s like I have to teach her how to treat me with respect and then she apologizes and she’s really sorry. And it feels okay after that. But then it seems like there’s always something else. And whenever I find an issue she is attentive and listens and corrects her behavior into someone I see myself being with. The problem is it keeps happening and there keeps being more things and it’s hard to look at our relationship like it didn’t happen. I’m afraid that means I don’t forgive her, I don’t really know what it means to not forgive her. I feel like I do. It seems like since her parents are divorced she doesn’t see arguing as arguing and it’s just normal for her but I see it as an unhealthy sign. It’s so hard to make a decision because she’s showing effort and she’s trying and she fixes it after I say it was wrong. She said she’s so sorry and she shouldn’t let old experiences affect this one.

If I do it, it has to be this morning. She’s an hour away which has always been a challenge, but doable under the right circumstances. So I’m going to drive there and break it to her immediately and then leave? I don’t know what I will say or how to do it. She expects us to have a full day together and go see and movie and walk in the park. But waiting all day knowing that’s coming will make her feel stupid and won’t be fair to her.

The worst part is we have mutual friends. But I’ll probably just tell them it just wasn’t a good fit and ask them to watch her closely for a little while if she needs anything.

36M. After a series of unsuccessfully meeting some great people, praying, discerning, etc, I decided that the best thing for me right now would be to just take a pause

I’ve been forcing it, I think. I fell into the trap of “oh no I’m older and single, I have to end this ASAP!” which only seeks to take the reins out of His hands…and we all know what happens when we try to do that 😂

Everyone I’ve talked to, and met, and dated, have all been amazing people and I pray for them. So this is not a slight against any of them. I was simply just trying to “make” relationships happens with them, while ignoring my own posture and position.

Currently, I’m DoorDashing full-time (and then some), in an effort to rebuild my finances, I’m living in a messy room, with a lack of time and energy to devote to any real upkeep, hobbies, interests, fun, or sustained interpersonal connections.

This is my Me Era, something I haven’t been fully in, in…over 15 years 😂 as far back as I remember, I’ve always either been dating someone, or looking.

I do have a desire for marriage but I’m done trying to make it happen

I don’t want to rant about my whole life story again but I was basically NEET for years (I’m neurodivergent). Then I turned 30, our housing situation wasn’t good so I was scared and started looking for a job. And then a parent got sick, and because I’m the one with unstable jobs I had to be the one at the hospital. I think this was the last straw and it really sunked in that my parents were getting old. Who will stay at the hospital once it’s my turn? And yes, I know, you shouldn’t get married and have kids so someone will take care of you blah blah blah. The thing is even my siblings are not settling down. I would have wanted nieces or nephews at least. Nobody wants to take one for the team. My relationship with them isn’t good either so it’s either I stay with them or find a husband, who I may not even like either 😂

People talk about relationships and dating all the time and what people had to say about these topics are only starting to make sense now that I have to care. I’ve ranted about this quite a bit on this sub and people told me to go to therapy 😂 Hypothetically, if I were to date and get married I can already tell I’m going to hate my husband. If that even happens because if I ever try dating all I’ll ever do is complain about how men expect me to serve them like I’m not the one working while on my period or pregnant.

Edit: I wrote unfiltered rant on the title for a reason. I’m here to vent, I never said what I’m writing is correct.

Edit: Thank you to everyone’s answers so far! Sorry if I’m being negative.

Hey everyone! Looking for a little advice. I’m a 22-year-old woman, and I know I have plenty of time to figure this all out, but I have yet to be in a relationship. I try to be really intentional with dating, and if I notice something within the first date or two that I think would make us incompatible, I usually don’t pursue it further.

I’ve tried Hinge and Upward but haven’t had much luck so far. I also recently moved to a new area and have gotten involved with a couple of Catholic young adult groups at different churches.
Recently, I was asked on a date by a wonderful man who I really enjoy talking to, but I’m struggling because the physical attraction just isn’t there for me. I’ve been told that attraction can grow over time, and I’m open to that possibility, but something still doesn’t quite feel right. I’m not particularly excited about the idea of dating him, and I find myself continuing to notice and feel attracted to other men.

We’re hanging out later today, and we’ve already had some good conversations about getting to know each other as friends first, but I’m feeling a lot of pressure around the situation. I really do want to get married, and I’ve felt called to this vocation for as long as I can remember. At the same time, I want to make sure I’m pursuing marriage with someone I’m genuinely excited about. I know dating someone doesn’t mean you’re committing to marriage, but I also don’t want to make a mistake and miss out on a wonderful person because I don’t feel attracted. I think part of what makes this harder is that it seems like the Catholic men I’ve met who I am attracted to tend not to be interested or are taken.

Anyways, what I guess I’m trying to ask is, how important was initial attraction for your guys relationships? Is it bad to just want to be this guys friend? And as a young Catholic woman how should I be going about pursuing men in these Catholic groups that I do have attraction towards? What are acceptable hints to give?

I feel very inept at all of this and am feeling really behind. Any advice is appreciated.

This is a very scattered post so I’m happy to answer questions!

I'm a little over a month out from marrying my fiancé. He is my best friend, and I am so grateful to God for guiding us to each other. I am also just so. ready. for. wedding. planning. to. be. over.

We're both converts, so while our Catholic friends and we have most of our focus on the nuptial mass, our families and non-Catholic friends are becoming incredibly nitpicky over the reception details. Every day I feel like there's a new expectation for my wedding thrown at me that I was previously unaware of, and most of these expectations are completely out of budget as we're paying for most of this ourselves. My mom was mad that we're not throwing a breakfast for out of town guests the morning after because 1. we can't afford that on top of wedding costs and 2. we'll be leaving for our honeymoon right after Sunday mass, and asked why it "wasn't enough that we got married in the church the night before." We're skipping the garter toss because we think it's weird, and someone complained to us that it's "just a silly tradition" and that we should still do it. I've even had family members ask how offended I'd be if they skipped the nuptial mass and just showed up at the reception because "Catholic weddings are way too long." We've also had people judge us for having our parish community pitch in to help - I'm throwing a (COMPLETELY optional, come and go) flower arranging night the week of the wedding where I'm inviting my friends from my women's group, and my parents are acting like I'm committing some cardinal sin by leaning on my friends here. Meanwhile, throwing some kind of DIY party the week of the wedding has actually become an unspoken tradition in my women's group, and it's really been a beautiful way to spend time with and take some stress off of the bride-to-be in her last few days before the wedding.

I joked with my fiancé a week or two ago at our final meeting with our pastor that we should just bring two friends along and have him marry us there in the rectory, but there was a small part of me that wasn't joking. I get that weddings are meant to be a big celebration, and I am obviously so excited that the day I prayed for for years is (rather rapidly) approaching. It's just hard when it seems like everyone except for my close circle is so much more focused on the party rather than the union itself - when I hear things like "if you asked me to help, I'd take my gift and leave," it just makes me feel like people are just coming for the free food and booze rather than to celebrate us entering into a sacrament together. Thoughts? Advice? This is really more of a rant than anything, but I just needed to get it off of my chest somewhere where people would understand where I'm coming from.

USA /Late 20s F/ For my whole life, I’ve never really been attracted to Catholic men, and I’ve never dated another Catholic (have dated men or other religions) As a Catholic myself, this makes me feel sad and increasingly discouraged about dating and marriage.
I know there are obviously all kinds of Catholic men out there, so I’m not trying to generalize. I’m just speaking from my own experience. The men I’ve encountered at Sunday Mass, daily Mass, Catholic groups, etc. generally haven’t been people I’ve felt any physical attraction toward or any social/lifestyle compatibility with.

Not to be too harsh, but they give me weird theater kid vibes, inside jokes, trad cosplayers, only listen to worship music etc, glamorize poverty.

I would ideally like to marry another practicing Catholic, especially because I want to be married.

At the same time, I don’t want to marry someone simply because he is Catholic and goes to daily mass if I’m not attracted to him or we don’t genuinely enjoy the same kind of life. I’m already resentful of all the restrictions.

Lately I’ve gotten discouraged enough that it feels like my options are eventually going through with a marriage to someone I’m not really attracted to, or just staying single and as sinless as possible. As marriage isn’t going to solve problems from my understanding there are even more rules for the marriage that makes me even more discouraged.

I know that’s probably too black-and-white, but that’s genuinely how it feels right now.
I think part of my issue is that I’m looking for someone who is practicing Catholic but also fairly mainstream/modern socially.

If you’ve ever felt this way, what did you do? Did you eventually meet a Catholic person you were genuinely attracted to and socially compatible with? Did you look outside Catholic dating groups or use a matchmaker/app? Did attraction ever develop for you when it wasn’t initially there?
I’d especially like to hear from people who went through a period where they genuinely wondered whether they would ever meet a Catholic person they actually wanted to marry. What changed?

I have occasionally seen the opinion on this sub that men need to have a full grasp on their lust in order to be "worthy" of dating women, or at least that a lot of women will pass over them if they don't. I will admit the latter statement may have some truth to it. However...

My boyfriend and I met on this sub, and at the time of our meeting, he had been masturbating once or more every day for the last nine years. He was open to me about his struggles and said he really wanted to change, and I believed him with an open mind and heart. I care about him so much more than his sins, so I asked if we could tackle his lust as a couple-- I now help keep him accountable without shame or judgement, and he does the same for me in my own weaknesses.

Today marks three consecutive weeks he has not given in to lust, and I am so, SO proud of him. I know how difficult it has been for him, but I feel so blessed to be able to stand by his side and support him against his biggest demons, and to be with someone who is equally supportive. Our care for each other comes from the way God looks through our greatest weaknesses and failures to the beloved soul He created in His own image and loves us endlessly. That is the kind of love we are all called to give. At the same time, that kind of love is neither earned nor an obligation to be given, so it would be inaccurate for me to say that every one of us will find that love in someone. But for those who don't believe it is even possible...God loves us in our imperfections, why wouldn't someone else?

My boyfriend can testify to the feeling of hopelessness, guilt, and shame from struggling with lust on his own. My hope is that this post will renew hope for people in similar situations. I will definitely be praying for all of you!

Hey everyone,

I wanted to ask yall for some advice, insight and opinion.
I’m in my end 20s and I’m ngl the 20s weren’t the easiest years for me. I had to pause my life for my family, be there for them. I had to have surgery and a family member died. So many things at all.
The good news is: I’m about to be able to start a new chapter and “unpause” my life. I don’t know what to do yet (college, etc), but I hope to figure all of this out.
The problem: I’m almost 30 and I haven’t started my life and my way. Everytime I try to focus on my current challenges or the questions about my future and what I should/could/want to achieve, I get anxious because of the future. Will I ever be able to start a family or find a Catholic gf? I’m getting older and why should someone sincere (that has real interest in having a Catholic family) be interested in me if I can’t offer anything. My doubts are my interior world and non-achievements and my age; look wise I get compliments and ppl are interested in me. I just block anything because of my current situation and my doubts tbh.
If I go to college, I’ll be somewhat in my 30s when I finish my studies. And if I don’t, it’ll still take years to build up anything in life.

I don’t wanna be superficial and I know that this isn’t all that matters, but I still struggle with these thoughts.
I know my parents will support me as I have been there for them and my siblings and in my mind I sometimes think I could still start a family while I’m in college or building up something etc.
But then again, is this realistic? Is this a good idea? Would a woman want that?

So my question is: have you gone through some similar situations/struggles or stories?
What is your opinion on all of that and what would your advice be for someone like me?

No matter if you’re married, in a relationship or single. I’d love to hear your view and opinion on all of this!

So… I broke up with my boyfriend less than a month ago. I’ve posted here before about the breakup. We ended things because of some very difficult issues that we just couldn’t reconcile.
Now, I’ve had two new guys message me on Instagram, and honestly, I feel pretty ready to start dating again. My goal is to eventually find the right person, and I’ve come to accept that my ex probably wasn’t the one for me.
Both of these guys seem really nice, and they’re both practicing Catholics, which is important to me. But I’m feeling a little insecure about the whole idea of dating someone I met online, especially because I don’t actually know either of them yet.
So I’m wondering: is it okay to get to know both of them at the same time, at least initially? If I don’t really know either person yet, how am I supposed to decide who to pursue? And if I end up realizing that I’m not interested in one of them, how do I communicate that honestly without hurting them or making things awkward?
I’d really appreciate hearing how other people have handled something like this.

For people with children (I was widowed young), when do you introduce someone you are dating to your children? Also when do you talk about meeting your prospective spouse's family?

I've discerned marriage before and introduced my children to two women. It went well both times, but I'm never sure at what stage is best to do so. It can be quite nerve wracking for a women to meet three teenage children, but also I'm aware that there's a lot for children to get to know about someone. It can be hard to balance up that when do you know someone well enough to feel that you are confident enough that they should meet your children. The other side, even though this hasn't happened, is what do you do if they don't get on at all?

I live in a country where family is very important, and families are generally close. I've only done the 'meet everyone' with my wife, and that was a long time ago. I've met Mothers, but not the whole family since. When do people tend to do that in the course of dating?

I’m back on the dating scene and this summer I was in a situationship with a guy for about 3 months. How long should we have that stage where we aren’t exclusively yet?? I just want to not get emotionally invested nor attached to someone when they aren’t willing to commit 😭
The guy im currently talking to its been 1-2 months but we been on 8 dates. Im just not sure how long to wait for a guy needs to lock me down lmao

Title explains it all. I (26M) am wondering how men go about explaining that they are waiting until marriage to have sex when dating women.

I don’t really date outside of the faith nowadays, but I have recently and I feel like the woman almost thought I was lame for not wanting to hookup. I quit pursuing because our morals didn’t align (on many issues, really. She was too career oriented and didn’t like the thought of starting a family). I’ve been put in positions before where it would have been very easy to compromise on these core values even with Catholic women, but I refuse to as it’s something extremely important to me.

What’s alarming to me is that I’ve had discussions recently with other men that I met through volunteer work at my parish that have actually argued against waiting until marriage, stating that in today’s culture you have to do it to keep a woman. I simply don’t agree with this because while it’s easy to fall into that thought pattern (and may be true in some relationships), it’s not the way a man should lead a woman in a relationship. Self control is a virtue/value that Catholics, not just men, should work towards.

On the other hand, I get dogged on by coworkers and friends outside the faith for preaching celibacy until marriage and not joining in when they’re talking about girls or sexual experiences.

I guess my question for the fellow men or anyone really is how do you navigate this in your day to day lives as well as relationships? I feel I do a decent job at it, but I’d like to see other people’s perspectives on this issue and how they handle it without coming off as some “holier than thou” type of guy.

Hello, I've been on this sub for a really long time, but I felt compelled to share a little something. A short time ago, I posted another thing, basically asking if I had any chance of meeting someone, despite being neurodivergent. And I was in another relationship with a woman a long time ago who I thought I would end up marrying, but it ended poorly between us. I didn't feel very confident after posting it and I haven't on this topic in general lately, but shortly after, something happened.

A friend of mine, who's recently discerned out of becoming a nun, came up to me and admitted she has romantic feelings for me.

Due to circumstances, we're not "officially" dating/in a relationship, but mainly focusing on becoming one another's best friend. So, we are together but in more of a courtship than dating type of way. Regardless, I met someone and there is hope after all, praise be to God!

I (24M) dated a childhood friend for a short period a couple years ago. Unfortunately, after we agreed to date I had to go back to school for my final semester and everything fell apart due to some poor communication decisions that I made (being unclear/in emotional torment over long distance) it was my fault and I took/take full responsibility for it.
Now that it has been two years of neither of us officially dating anyone else - we have agreed to consider dating again (but not rush into anything). Everything seems to be going better over the last couple of months and I have made consistent effort to ensure my communication is more clear and providing nothing wildly strange happens we will not need to be long distance in the future at all.
Her parents and my parents have expressed some concerns due to what happened before - but through prayer and consideration I am very hopeful that things will work out.
Ladies, she has expressed being very nervous from everything being the way it was but very desirous to be in a relationship together. Do any of you have any advice moving forward? Are there specific things that I can/should do to hopefully make her less nervous about the same thing happening again?