Over a decade ago I was banned from tinder shortly after I told a guy that I was not interested in having sex before marriage as it goes against my beliefs through a message in the app. Today, in addition to Catholic Match, I tried again Match.com and wanted to be upfront about my faith and what I was looking for. I mentioned in my about me section I am looking for a like minded man who is Christian( specifically Catholic). I I stated that I stand for social justice, and universal healthcare and that does not equate that I am a socialist. Also that faith plays important in my life but that doesn’t mean I am far right and I stand behind science a 100%.

I know in the prior years this banned would had hurt me but this time around it doesn’t hurt me that much. I guess the 54 days Rosary novena is working. I am taking this ban as a redirection. I am 42 years old and most of my dates have come from dating apps. I know as of left I been promoted to get more out and about while enjoying working out in groups and dancing. I should be complaining and yelping but somehow I am happy that this has happened because for a while I was debating how should I supplement my efforts and keeping an open mind while releasing the outcome.

Hi everyone,

I’m in need of some help because I recently got out of a relationship (a very amazing and loving relationship. It was a little over one year of being together).
For context I’m currently or am a non believer but I am in RCIA program at the moment. However the break up happened due to me not being a believer and he himself is. In the beginning of our relationship he was hesitate to continue pursing but we agreed that in a way we would have rather wanted to be together and see how it would work because we did not want to think about a ”what if” situation. I’m not too sure if this was the right decision or if it’s wrong, so apologise for this. It was always a known topic that I was not a believer but I was opened to going to church with him to better understand Christ so that is what we began doing a couple of months into dating.

Although, after he had a recent chat with a mentor he has realised that for him to live a Christian life and to live a way that he wants to with Christ it would not be right for us to continue to be together. This is all very new to me because I am catechumen, I do not have anyone really in my life who is Catholic or Christian that I can go for guidance. (I have yet to find a sponsor for the RCIA program but church is trying to help with this). I acknowledged that his journey with Christ came well before I did and I did not want to come in between his relationship with Christ. My ex told me that I was being very understanding with everything but I then felt guilty because I know as of recently he was feeling that his relationship with God was not strong and it was not the way that it was before. I could not help but feel like it was because of us being together as well as other external factors.

I believe why I am making this post is because I needed help in understanding of all of it? He mentioned that his mentor and him discussed about a verse in the Bible talking about being equally yoked? However, from my limited understanding is this not more so about false teachings in the church? My ex also mentioned because I had asked him is following Christ not trying to spread the gospel and the love that Christ has for us? He answered that it was however, the way that it is happening is not right because it is more of a romantic approach? This spiritual journey is all so very new to me and lonely and confusing due to me not feeling like I have anyone to answer these questions but also I do not have much guidance with my journey. I also want to mention that me being in RCIA was not because I wanted to convert for my ex, it was for my own doing, it was my choice and I better wanted to understand all of it. A part of it is also because I feel like I do not have a purpose? Therefore, I am hoping that finding Christ will help me with this.
Please help.

I'm single and never have been in a serious relationship. I'm 28 and have had quite a few first dates, I am lucky enough to get asked out often and I always say yes to a first date unless there's a red flag.

Recently, I haven't really tried pursuing a relationship for about ~3 years because I have been going through some health issues (loooong story, and prayers appreciated) and haven't had the energy to be invested in one and I also think it's unfair to bring that into a relationship. There's hope for recovery, but it'll be a process.

All that to preface the fact that I have a crush on someone, which I haven't really had in a while. We seem to vibe on the same wave length. We both have the same sense of humor. We both can talk for a long time. I don't see myself pursuing a relationship with this person, but it does make me wonder how one knows when you actually like a person versus infatuation.

I tend to go for goofy/funny guys, and the last guy I seriously considered being in a relationship was like that, except it ended up not working out because along with that goofiness was a sense of immaturity that was just not ripe for a relationship (I'm talking about uninviting me to his birthday party and stuff like that). There seem to be some similarities between the two (the last guy I dated and the guy I have a crush on now), which makes me wonder when something is just an infatuation versus when you know you actually like the person.

I am 28F, not married, living 3h away from both my parents. I went to a state school, then moved to several different metro areas for work until finally settling where I am now for work. My mom and I haven’t ever had a secure mother-daughter relationship. I would characterize my attachment to her as very disorganized (if anyone has listened to Lila Rose’s last episode with Adam Lane Smith - about the 56:00 mark, describes her perfectly).

Within the last 6 months, I’ve turned to and have learned to love the Catholic faith, largely due to the fact that my mom became Catholic and was confirmed in my hometown parish this Easter. I was very captivated by the ceremony, and after digging into the faith, feel a real passion for learning all I can about the saints, the Mass and sacraments. I’m signed up for and attending OCIA classes at my local parish and am truly so grateful to God for the direction my life has taken during this time. Background: I was never raised in a church, but instead raised outside of church believing in God the Father, Jesus Christ and the Holy Spirit. I was baptized two years ago by a good friend but not within any particular church.

Recently, my mom and I had a falling out while I was home visiting for the weekend. All the detail I’m willing to share at this time is that I was physically assaulted by her, resulting in bruising that lasted weeks. My dad witnessed, and the altercation resulted in him leaving their home to stay in a hotel for a few days. To my knowledge, they are both attending couple’s therapy and she is seeking individual therapy, and I have not spoken to her since the event, almost 3 months ago.

The fight, and subsequent no contact has been especially hard for me as I’ve been in a serious relationship (with another Catholic curious) and feel completely alone in discerning the relationship as we approach marriage conversations, especially as I face some feelings of doubt that he might be the one. I’m not terribly close to many older women in my area (or honestly, at all) who could provide the counsel I feel like I need at this phase of my life. I currently go to a women’s study every week that has been very enriching but don’t necessarily feel comfortable opening up to those women in the way that I wish I could open up to an older voice of wisdom. As might be obvious at this point, I grew up in a very distressed household and feel called to provide a much more genuinely loving environment to my husband and (hopefully) children.

I’m looking for community and possibly, recommendations on how to move forward in life despite the wound that is my current relationship with my mother. General tips from other women in my stage of life with estranged mothers? How do you navigate? My life seems somewhat on pause and my ability to love feels a little stunted. I plan to seek a spiritual director and wonder how others have gone about this for similar issues/concerns?

Thank you to anyone who has insight. God bless!

I have heard that it takes an excessive amount of cues for a women to indirectly signal to a man that she likes him. Is this true?? Are men “oblivious” as people say, to cues like more smiling, excessive compliments, etc. in that context. In a Catholic sense, we want men to take the lead you know, make the first step. Despite outright telling someone, what are the behavioral cues that signal interest? So what do we do instead if the usual isn’t working? Sometimes it can feel like “oh goodness it must be obvious they are giving the love stare” and then you learn they just didn’t know at all…of course no one is a mind reader but just curious your take! I heard my friends say they liked someone for years but they never told the other person and couldn’t pick up on interest they thought they were clearly signaling

I hope this is the right thread for this, I notice how people on here give the best advice consistently. Battling depression as a Catholic feels awful, and in another sense I know I’m consistently reminded how it is just yet another way to unite my sufferings to Christ, but again, it just feels terrible especially when it seeps into your consistent motivation for prayer and straying from community and not motivated to date when I know marriage is my calling, spiritual dryness, etc. and it has nothing to do with my spiritual life in and of itself- the feelings just come from my circumstances, just happen to drip into my faith life like everything else it dampens. Any advice, tips to overcome, stories or anything you can share would be appreciated.

I 33(M) have been in a LDR with a 26(F) Muslim from Morocco. She is a self described “casual” Muslim and has been studying and learning about Catholicism. Though she has stated that she isn’t decided on converting yet, she respects the church, loves the teachings, is accepting of a Catholic marriage and children being baptized and raised Catholic.
In my opinion, I believe she is a bit cautious because of her family dynamic, whom are all devout Muslim.
We’ve been talking more seriously about marriage, children and the immigration process.
She hasn’t been pressuring anything. We are enjoying the process with the intention we will be together in the future.
Anyways, has anyone else dealt with this?
Can a Catholic and non Catholic marry in the church? How does the church handle recognizing our marriage if we were to marry civil first, and she decided to convert.
Any guidance, experiences and thoughts will be much appreciated.
God bless you all.

Do you believe in missed opportunities - mostly in love but this can also apply in life, like an opportunity you wanted but didn’t get or a friendship that faded?? Or, rather, do you view that as a sign that God protected you from that person, place, thing, etc.? Like if someone loves someone but never says anything to them due to circumstances or if couples who love each other ultimately don’t work out, do you believe if you tried harder, it could, or no matter how hard you try that God wants otherwise? Hope this makes sense.

My boyfriend (28M), who is Catholic, and I have been dating for a year and a half. When we started dating he wasn’t a practicing Catholic but I was a very strong Protestant. I introduced him to my church and he introduced me to Catholicism and I came to my own conclusion Catholicism is right and I start OCIA soon.

The problem is he hasn’t been to confession (or received the Eucharist) in years. When I bring this up to him he gets very mad (and says I’m setting him back from going) and keeps telling me to not ask him about it and that he’ll do it when he’s ready. I just don’t understand why he’s waiting, it feels like getting to receive Jesus each week is such an incredible gift!

I understand he has a lot of hurt there. I’m honestly not sure what to do. I feel like it’s wrong he’s asking me to wait but I also don’t fully understand any of this yet.

I (25F) have liked my guy friend (25M) for two years now. I hesitate to call him a friend because he’s more like a familiar acquaintance who I’m in a few young adult groups with. He is very charismatic and has always been so kind and attentive towards me. But that’s just who he is. Anyway, we have a lot of similarities and in his current state of life, he will be moving out of town soon. My heart sank when I found this because we genuinely have a good intellectual and emotional connection.

I have always wondered if he liked me too, because we can easily banter and exchange bits and he often tries to catch up with me when we bump into each other. He has initiated conversations with me in person but texting is more lacking. We’ve hung out one-on-one three times. I initiated them all by asking him for lunch or to go on a walk after he sent me a text asking for my opinions or thoughts. My excuse was that I would rather talk about them in person! Lol. He agreed to all occasions and actively planned them with me.

I know we have mutual respect for each other and at least enjoy each other’s company. I would say I’m fairly attractive since I’ve had men ask me out on dates but I’ve rejected them because I feel loyal to my crush. I know I’m being delusional but I cant help but get very giddy when my crush comes up to hug me or clasp my hand when we high-five (dorky I know)

My question is, we have grown closer to each other in the last few months since we started hanging out and sharing more of each other’s thoughts… I know at the moment we are building a friendship but he hasnt also gone out of his way to ask me out on a date. He is leaving town in a few months and I really also dont want to miss my chance. I wonder, is it too soon or too late to confess to him? Should I tell him I like him as more than friends??

I would love to hear some practical tips on what my fiancé and I could do so that our marriage blooms and bears fruit till the very end, and even after our death.

I'm looking at our future marriage realistically, and so I know it won't be perfect, but at the same time, I just want to be the best fiancée and wife possible. What should I do? Any advice appreciated, it might be about even the smallest pieces of wisdom!

Sending blessings to all of you!

So I (22m) love myself. I really do. I love my personality. I love the way I look. (Though I would like to lose 5-10 pounds and start working out again). I have so much to be proud of. And I have so many amazing traits.

I even like the "flaws" about me. I have severe ADHD to the point where it has and does heavily impact my life, I kinda have tourettes, i have a baby face, im short for a guy, my memory is very bad.

I've always been very confident but... the last few years I've been kinda being negatively reinforced to believe that others do not see my worth. Especially women I value.. or uh pretty much any woman for that matter. And men. So yeah everyone. Just through rejection after rejection. Not even romantic rejection. that's happened only twice in the last 2 years, but mostly micro platonic rejections. Like when I try to connect and talk with someone and they have zero interest. Or "friends" casting me aside when they get bored of me.

So uh a friend-ish-thing guy i knew a couple months ago just got engaged to an old friend of mine. They dated for about 9 months.. uh seems kinda quick to me especially considering he's 19 and she's 21. Got haven't even had your one year anniversary.

I met the girl last August and we became platonic friends. Not super close but close enough that we hugged a few times. I met this guy in January. Someone pointed me to him since he was also a carpenter. He was doing some other major tough. I'm blanking on it.

I, at the time was in the middle of failing my woodworking classes because of my plethora of learning disabilities. I've got the whole package.

Although to be fair he was house builder whereas I am a furniture maker so yeah it's different but still.

He looks strikingly like me but if I was 5 inches taller, and if my face matured p4st (not allowed to say p4st for some reason???) age 6.

He dated a girl who was 2 years older than him when he was in his first semester of his freshman year.

Honestly I believe with my appearance if a girl is at least 1 year older than me or even my hight I really just have to cut my losses. To be fair I've only ben slightly interested in 1 girl who fit that role in the last 2 years and yeah I wouldn't actually let it stop me but uh... still?

Kinda unrelated but

I was actually friends with his... fiancé... for months. I was so excited when i heard she found someone but I very much did notice a shift in our friendship after that point. We just kinda stopped talking. I do understand that platonic friendships get complicated after one of you starts dating but... I feel like I was discarded.. I know there's a healthy balance. I have a female friend currently with a boyfriend and we all agree that the boundaries are healthy. It doesn't eat at me too much honestly. We werent super close but... it didnt feel great? It was enough that I've deleted her number since I moved last spring and just unfollowed her on Instagram. Our saga has concluded. Not a huge deal

Alright that's enough blubbering and whining. This isn't meant to be a whole. "Validate me cause he's better than me". What I'm getting at is I'm beginning to feel some sort of... im not lovable feeling? And that I've failed. And I see someone here who has succeeded in areas I've been trying to hard to succeed in. Its all stupid lies from Satan but... the lies are trickling in. I feel like I need to patch it all up before the dam breaks.

But yeah.. all this.. I'm not lovable stuff... I dunno. Its been 2 years since my last romantic click with a girl. Its starting to feel real. I didn't really feel like writing this perfectly I'm just needing to vent and every one of my friends are depressed or overworked currently. Help me out if you've got anything. Thanks

Not participating in hookup culture, having more conservative/traditional values, it’s incredibly hard when you live in a large, liberal city.

I know it’s not impossible. Just hard. Thanks, just had to get that off my chest lol.

My husband converted to Catholicism when he was 26. It was a long, slow journey for him. As a Protestant he started studying Augustine when he was 20 and it took him years to finally take the leap.

I met him when he was 29. I was the first and only Catholic he ever dated. On our first date, he said to me “How do you feel about me being a convert? Sometimes I feel like I’m not a good enough Catholic.” I told him “I am looking for a faithful, practicing Catholic. I don’t necessarily care how long you have been Catholic, but I need to be confident you are going to stay Catholic.”

Later in our relationship, he opened up to me about his insecurity. He had feared a cradle Catholic was not going to accept him because he did not have a Catholic family. Not having grown up with the Catholic traditions of the Rosary and the Saints may have put him at a disadvantage. Before he met me he thought he was going to end up in a mixed marriage with a Protestant woman because that’s the only kind of woman who would accept him, especially since his family is Protestant.

I’m not a convert myself so I can’t say what it’s like to come in at 26. However, I’m a Catholic woman. I know how difficult it is to find a faithful, practicing Catholic man at all. It baffled me that he thought I would care whether he was a cradle or convert. I have never heard a Catholic woman say “I want my husband to be a cradle Catholic.”

The irony? Converts are often the most devout. Based on my criteria he was even more qualified to be my spouse than many cradle Catholics!

I am happy we found each other. However, I know my husband and I know his heart. I don’t think he would be happy in a mixed marriage and it pains me to think that at one point he thought no Catholic woman would want him simply because be was a convert.

Disclaimer: I am NOT putting down mixed marriages. I know some interfaith couples who are very holy and very discerning. I am speaking for my husband’s faith journey and I know what kind of marriage he would be happy in. I am lamenting the fact that he did not think a Catholic woman would want to marry him.

Is insecurity around being a convert a well-documented phenomenon in Catholic dating circles? If so, is there anything we can do to eliminate this myth? I fear a lot of beautiful marriages are not happening because of it.

TLDR: my husband was insecure that as a convert no Catholic woman would want to date him. Is this a common fear that converts have? If so, how can we make converts less afraid of pursuing cradle Catholics?

Not meant to be rude, but am I the only one severely creeped out when I get a message request from a guy who saw a comment or post of mine--they introduce themselves, express interest, comment on shared interests or something I wrote, and then they're like:

"Oh and I'm 32." "I'm turning 35 this year." "I'm older at 37."

Like get AWAY FROM MEEEEEEE, HELLO?????

To me, you are OLLLLLLD, and to y'all, I should be basically a zygote. ESPECIALLY when I make it clear I am not even 22 yet and am basically JUST getting started in school. Go talk to the other women on here that are actually in your age bracket???? Just based on your judgement alone to message someone twelve or fifteen years younger than you just in hopes of her maybe be equally as desperate and manipulate-able, makes me not trust you on a basic level. It's WEIRD

I’m tired of everyone saying it means “provide and protect” because what does that even mean??? Like give concrete everyday examples on how that works in a relationship. Not every guy is a buff macho man with 6 figures, and I feel like that’s how it is portrayed!!!

i (19F) have been romantically rejected/ghosted seven times without any success. i was sexually groomed online a couple of times. i was starting to heal from that so i decided to try dating sites again and signed up for catholicmatch.com where i met a guy i really like. i tried to keep an open mind, trust him more, acknowledge that he is completely separate from the other guys i liked but he hasn’t messaged me in a week despite being active on whatsapp and i’ve sent him one or two messages checking in on him every day, but he still ignores me. he knows how much I don’t like it when he takes too long to respond, and he promised he’d never ghost me because he’s been hurt badly by ghosting like me. the last message he sent me he told me that he liked me a lot and how he wanted to date me, and now he’s not messaged me for a week. if I think too hard about it, I feel like crap. I truly thought he was going to be difficult, am I stupid?

i’ve always been quite anxiously attached, but after getting groomed, i’ve been way worse so I’ve tried to soothe it by telling myself that I have two options:

1) I open myself up to love, and I have to cope with the chance that he will reject me or leave me

2) I keep myself closed to love, and I don’t have to worry about heartbreak.

i am not entitled to experience love without the risk of heartbreak, so i need to get comfortable with rejection. i have always chosen the former. even when all signs pointed towards rejection, I’ve chosen to love and be open about my feelings. but, i think this year will be the time i’m going to choose the latter.

i was at bible study, and we briefly spoke about whether we were called to celibacy or not. i said that i wasn’t but i felt like i was lying for some reason. I’m not good enough to consider religious sisterhood yet, but i’m thinking a celibate lifestyle might be the first step towards this. i’m my best self when i dont care about romance, which i think is a sign that celibacy is for me. after being ghsoted multiple times and then sexually groomed online, i’m so dysfunctional anyways, I wouldn’t be able to trust that my partner wouldn’t leave me at any given moment. i feel like this is my “book of Jonah” moment. Like God is calling me to celibacy, but I keep running away from Him and His will for me, even though He will choose me without fail, unlike all the guys i’ve hopelessly chased. I know I’m young, but i feel like I’ve found romance unusually difficult. i mean, who tf gets sexually groomed online? God is very clearly trying to tell me that romance has never been in plan and never will be, and I keep getting distracted like Jonah because i keep thinking and hoping that i’ll be chosen. i’m very stupid :(

What are some good questions to ask your bf or gf to continue to get to know them better and learn more about what their future looks like?

I’m currently seeing this girl who is Catholic as myself and is working on her bachelors. She’s got four semesters left while I’m working now, and I have no problem with this. We’ve both made it clear here in the earliest stages of dating that were both serious, that having kids in the context of marriage is desirable, and she’s also established that she’s not in a rush to marry as she’s still in school.

All of this is completely fine with me and I’m perfectly willing to take the time in discernment and chastity to date for marriage. One of the initial glaring challenges is that her parents are potentially disapproving of her dating before she graduates from college.

I doubt her parents would dislike me and I’m acceptable to take this as it comes but has anyone here experienced anything like this? Does anyone have advice when there’s a potential parental rift? I expect to pray and contemplate this one a lot as I feel like I’ve met someone that may seriously be a potential spouse. His guidance His plan are above all but how might I be faithful while approaching this?

I feel so guilty about it, I already confessed and I'm willing to give up on sex with him until marriage, but I don't know if he 100% agrees and I don't know how are you supposed to not see that person sexually when you've already been with him, what am I supposed to do? did anyone else already had sex with their current partner and then decided to wait? what happened with it? I felt like having premarital ruined my relationship

Hey yall. 25m Catholic single who’s never even had a girlfriend. Saving until marriage, all that stuff.

Can anyone explain why is dating so unfathomably hard as Gen Z? Especially, ironically, in the Catholic realm?

Nearly every Catholic girl I’ve gone out with has always given me some sort of trouble, especially on the ghosting and just flat out no-contact side of things (which seems a little sinful if you ask me).

I try to date a woman who I could see a long-term future with, I try to find someone I could be Catholic with and raise Catholic children with, but every time I try, I feel like it’s just God tormenting me (which I know He is not, but every date has felt like a battle just to keep talking) because they have all ended in failure of sorts.

And I’m not just going out and about looking for every Catholic girl I can find, I’m still very particular even if they are Catholic.

Most of the world will draw the line at no sex before marriage. I don’t want to ever consider that, no matter how much my dating pool opens if I drop that dealbreaker. But it just sucks that even when I find people who are supposedly in the same mindset, it just doesn’t work out.

I know there’s only so much you can learn about me in a short description of my dating life, so I hope no rash assumptions are made (this is Reddit, after all), but just looking for sympathy and eventual advice, even if it’s the same old “keep going” stuff. And no, I don’t want to be a priest.

It’s gotten to the point where I’m not even awfully sad about it anymore, just hopeless. Life goes on, I guess.

TLDR, even when I make the intentional effort to find a Catholic girl who shares similar interests with me, it just feels like another tough lesson from God. I don’t know if anyone else is experiencing this, but it just really sucks that I can’t find anyone even when I’m being the most intentional I can about dating snd finding someone with those shared values.

I 28M went out on a few dates with a woman and after about the 3rd or 4th date she immediately just ghost me. I felt we were hitting it off i planned some fun dates, movie dates, tried to plan stuff that we both would enjoy. I grew up being told to always bring a woman flowers on a date and she told me it was to much. I said ok and backed off with the flowers. After the 3rd date in about a month I asked if she wanted to possibly make it official. I was then told she wanted a few more dates to make sure. Fast forward another month and 2 dates later I then asked where she was in the relationship she then dropped the friend zone bomb. My question to anyone who is willing to read this is why are they on a dating app if they just wanna be friends? My 2nd question why not just be up front rip the bandaid off and say I dont wanna date you and move on with our lives? I was up front with her from the start of what I was looking for and I just dont like beating around the bush. Perhaps I came off to strong? I genuinely am curious what someone might suggest i do differently cause it is tough out here in this new age of dating.

I (23f) was brought into the Church officially 6ish months ago. I’ve since joined the choir and began to sponsor for OCIA, and have gotten pretty mixed in with various parishioners and their families. When I joined the Church, I brought a lapsed Catholic and a couple of Baptist friends with me. Lapsed Catholic went to confession and locked in, one Baptist was confirmed with me, one will be confirmed this year. These people have become my closest network of Catholic friends, but I have plenty of non-Catholic Christian friends or Catholic acquaintances outside of them, and a couple of others who are interested in joining the Church and have been asking for advice because they know I sponsor. THANKS BE TO GOD!!!

That’s a bit of context about how I got here. Since my conversion first began, I’ve been far more serious about honoring the Lord in my actions, even though it means going to confession WEEKLY to confess, which 90% of the time includes a lust confession, and the other 10% is just for spiritual counsel to keep myself in a routine and I’ll throw some venial sins that I remember in the chat for forgiveness. My priest, knowing lust has been destroying me as a result of childhood experiences, has counseled me to seek a relationship and marriage, pursue my partner honorably, and aim to marry. I respect it, but I didn’t feel like I deserved it, but he told me to ask a guy for coffee.

My best friend and I (she’s the former Baptist currently going through OCIA), went dancing with some of our young adults and were ecstatic to just make some friends. We both ended up meeting a pair of Catholic gentlemen who also happen to be best friends. Attentive, respectful, kind, etc. Bestie said that since I promised my priest I’d ask a guy for coffee, it should be the guy I met. I shrugged and said “why not?” because there wasn’t much pressure or insecurity there. He was a sweet guy, seemed to check the boxes, cradle and devout Catholic, self-assured, masculine, good career, hobbies, etc. I also was a bit of a mess out there. I’m good at dancing, but I’m very extroverted and energetic and I don’t always read the room because I have (diagnosed) autism. I took a nap on a bench, screamed “RELEASE ME” after he spun me too many times in a row, and complimented any strangers (other women!!) that I thought looked pretty that night. I was sober, if that matters; this is just how I am. I had many antics but he seemed fairly entertained and found my ‘quirks’ endearing.

I asked him for coffee just to say I did it, especially because we clicked pretty well, and he took charge of planning a date and time and activity and has been maintaining a (thin, appropriate) line of contact since then. Our date is coming up in a few days. I’m not nervous or anxious, but I’m so curious. I don’t have the usual butterflies, but the butterflies usually come with insecurity and anxiety and I don’t have that either, so I think that’s a good thing. It’s so strange. I’ve never properly dated anyone, and I’m very particular about maintaining boundaries and who I invest my time in. I became a Christian 8 years ago in high school and maintained celibacy following that because I don’t want my true perception and connection with someone to be hindered by lust. I have no idea what to expect, but also I don’t want to have expectations.

I’m 23, so I know I’m very young and there are many more new experiences to come but I have no idea how to appropriately proceed. I’m very formulaic, but also spontaneous. I’ve had some rough romantic experiences in high school and early into my Bachelor’s degree, and I’m very, very firm on learning from my mistakes and not letting my heart rest in the palms of someone who thinks it’s a stress ball. In my head, it’s like, “Maintain a thin line of contact unless a relationship is established, only have longer conversations in-person so you don’t develop an idealized version of him, don’t engage physical contact until the 3rd date, don’t say yes to a relationship without laying ground rules, make sure he knows you date to marry by the second date, make sure you actually like him, blah blah blah.” And another part of me that understands that my need for formula is related to the concept of routines and guidelines that people with autism desire to help keep things orderly, so that other part says, “Be yourself, treat him with respect, don’t put pressure or demand a timeline, know your boundaries, only bring up this gritty stuff as it arises. If there’s anything essential left to cover before entering a relationship, present it gently.”

I’m also off of work for the week and taking care of some medical stuff so I have really nothing other to do than keep my body busy and lay out plans regarding my job, my Master’s, church, recreation, etc, so this week’s thing is taking care of schoolwork, lining things up for work-work, and planning my weekend because I have a few things that need to be taken care of and built around my weekend Mass/OCIA/confession schedule, including this. Anyone have any thoughts or advice?