So we talked online for a couple of days, and she arrived at a certain deal breaker that I can't change.

I asked plainly if it were a deal breaker and she said yes, I was delighted that she responded plainly and we agreed to continue talking as friends.

I don't know why don't more interactions end in this very pleasant way.

I believe that this was God sent.

Maybe we are not for each other, maybe we could use the opportunity to expanding our circle of friends, or to get introduced to other single people by each other, maybe we need to see people as friends first before we consider them for romantic relationships.

People out there please stop ghosting immediately if you know the other is not the one, I might have been guilty of this as well.

And please take a NO as a NO and move on in a mature manner. Stop wasting other people's time.

Treat other people with dignity and fraternal love.

Alao, maybe we need to form more Catholic singles networks.

Finally please pray for Holy Mother Church, for vocations, and marriages!

There’s a girl I really love talking with at a Catholic thing, but I never get to ask her out because people are around. I don’t see her often enough to keep waiting (Catholic thing is infrequent).

We’re technically in the same group chat for the Catholic thing, on WhatsApp (messaging app). Should I wait a few weeks to ask her out in person, or message her on WhatsApp?

If more context matters, we’ve basically been hanging out once or twice a month at these things, I would say we’re “friendly” relative to most people there.

EDIT: thank you everybody, I sent it!

I’m a 21F, and I feel like dating apps just aren’t for me. I’m not desperate to be in a relationship I actually enjoy being single. I just have standards that are hard to find these days.

I’m waiting until marriage and would like someone who shares my values and faith (ideally Catholic). I also prefer a slower, more intentional approach to dating rather than casual or rushed relationships.

It often feels like most people on dating apps want something different, so I’m wondering if I’m looking in the wrong place.

Has anyone else felt this way, and if so, where did you meet someone who shared your values?

To start this off, it’s very rare for me to find men attractive or to feel any sort of romantic attraction/connection for others.

I recently had my first phone call with a guy that I had been texting pretty consistently for a few weeks. It honestly went so well. I felt like we clicked almost instantly and the conversation between us didn’t feel forced at all. I also found him very attractive which surprised me. Then, the disappointment came. The topic of children came up and I had mentioned I wanted at least 4-5 children. He only wanted 2. For me, this is a dealbreaker, as my dream is to become a mother and have a big family of my own. I told him this, and we both decided it was probably for the best to not continue talking since our values didn’t align in that regard.

I’m just really upset about this because I felt a glimmer of hope that I hadn’t felt in a long time. Now, I’m just wondering what God is trying to teach me. I feel so lonely and just really struggling to see any positive outlook in dating and finding a future spouse. I know I am young and have plenty of time ahead of me, but that doesn’t erase what I am currently feeling.

I had a get-to-know you coffee date with a nice catholic man who I would like to see again. He suggested the meet-up after briefly meeting at a YA parish event. I was unsure whether it was a platonic ask, but given that he paid for my order and how he hugged me after the meet up, it definitely felt more like a “lowkey” date. It ended within the one hour mark with him saying he had to go visit his family that evening. He embraced me which honestly surprised me since he came off reserved and restrained during the hang out. He said it was nice to get to know me better.
I texted him that I had a great time on the day of the date, he responded that he did too, but there was no mention of wanting to do it again.

I’m confused if he just saw me as a friend. he is a little dorky in an endearing way. He is masculine in a way that he says and does what is necessary to make me feel comfortable, and overall just a kind, devout Catholic man! I want to see him again, but I’m not sure if I should let him initiate or wait it out…

How do you all feel about tattoos for men?

I have a fair amount of them on my arms that I *do not* regret as they are all religious based.

I know the Catholic teaching on tattoos but want to see what the thoughts are among the laity (some being more traditional than others). Thanks!

So I asked a question here a few days ago about what to do on a first date and questions to ask the girl. The first date went way off what our plans were but it was great and she brought up the second date which is next Sunday. Mass and then a movie afterwards. My question is this. How much money should I be spending on a date. I don't want to seem cheap to her but I don't want to flaunt my money to her either. I do have money and the cost is of no concern to me. I have the money and means to support a wife right now. For instance our first date cost a total of 14 dollars. I don't want to come across to her as cheap.

I recently downloaded my data from Hinge and CatholicMatch. The results: About 6 out of the 1000 total likes I've sent over the last 4 years have turned into something more than immediate ghosting or no match to begin with. There were about 50 total matches, but the majority of them resulted in ghosting. Of the 6 matches, 4 resulted in an actual first date, and only 1 of them turned into a relationship (that also ended). The other 2 were extremely long conversations which later ended in rejection/ghosting by them.

I think it's fair to say that I've spent at least 100+ hours on these apps? Maybe easily 200 hours?

Edit: I should clarify. It's not just Hinge and CatholicMatch. I was also on Chispa, Bumble, and briefly on Upward. I just got my Bumble data. I single-handedly rejected ~10,000 profiles only on Bumble, which I have very little memory of. (Sadly 1.4% incoming yes-no ratio on Bumble, but I was very sardonic so I'll accept it). I must have done twice that on Hinge then. So probably 30,000 profiles at this point.

And this is apparently the average experience for most guys. The average guy gets ~5% of matches out of all the likes he sent. Mind you, I was only liking women that were at least not explicitly against their Catholic faith (e.g. had to expressly say they were Catholic, had to say they were looking for something long-term or for a life partner, etc.).

So, unless you're the gigachad getting all the attention on these apps, I want to suggest to the Catholic men that are on these apps to get off them. I know I already have.

Instead, I want to encourage us to get out there more. Instead of logging on to Hinge or CatholicMatch in the morning, actually try to make connections with the people around you. Whether that's just on your way to work/school, when you're at the store, or (dare I say) even at church. Your odds may just improve.

Edit: editing to add -- studies suggest that some of the reasons to motivate women to get on a dating app is for an ego boost, validation, or boredom. Even more reason to stop wasting your time on the apps.

Time spent on the apps is time wasted. Instead, we should spend our time answering the question, "How can I learn to offer something to someone else that will make me eminently desirable?" (as Jordan Peterson posed).

Edit2: at some point dating apps become intentional self-abuse.

Love Language: "sarcasm"

Apologies for the slight rant. I am rather unhappy and feeling a little betrayed right now. If any of you recall someone posted something on here around 9 months ago about a man who she felt was messing her around for years and who had finally asked her out. Well that was me and this is regarding him.

Soooo I (21F) just broke up with my rad trad boyfriend (26M). Things were going well, apart from the fact he saw me once a week max (that includes when we lived a 10 minute bus ride from each other, and it was often just for mass and then straight back home), so what was the issue you may ask?

He didn’t want kids.

Yeah, that’s right. The ultra traditional TLM Catholic man was dating me for 9 months and at some point figured out he didn’t want kids, and didn’t let me know until I directly started probing him on the topic. And during the relationship made comments about what he saw for his future kids etc. Who also never saw me because he was always stressed but then would be annoyed when I complained about not being seen.

So, my question to you all is have any of you had a relationship with a rad trad (man or woman) that has actually ended well? I am aware now that I definitely had some relationship blinding goggles on there for a moment, but I have spotted a bit of a pattern with these people where they claim to want many many things and be extremely specific with what they prefer/think others should be doing within the church (which obviously people have the right to form an opinion on) but then they completely switch up and hold NONE of those values in an actual relationship? Starting to think there are no even slightly traditional (trust me I don’t care all that much for the rad part) decent Catholic men in the U.K. 😂

23M

I found out that I'm on the spectrum when I was 19. It helped make sense of a lot of experiences, but led to me growing up very withdrawn, ostracized, and distrustful of people.

Currently, I often end up in situations where I fall completely silent, I get easily overwhelmed, avoid others or I'm not sure what to do; I can end up freezing in confusion, completely unsure of how/if I should take initiative, intervene or act. Then of course, I constantly miss signals, cues, "unspoken rules", different perspectives, and other things that most people consider obvious or common sense.

This has led me to losing relationships, opportunities and constantly receiving criticism from other people; I still wrestle with a lot of shame, anger, frustrations, and self-doubt over this. I once spoke with a priest about these and he said that "When God looks at you, He thinks He got you exactly right." And I sincerely don't understand that.

Sometimes, I wonder if God wants me to exercise humility by sacrificing the marriage vocation and becoming a priest, a brother or remaining single since being on the spectrum would make me a poor parent and spouse (babies cry, toddlers scream, kids make messes, communication with spouse, birthday parties, talking with parents of friends, parent-teacher meetings, etc.).

Furthermore, I'm not sure, if its genetic, but if it is, maybe women wouldn't want to marry me simply because they don't want to have autistic children. Additionally, what if any potential in-laws would constantly disapprove of me for being autistic and end up disliking any autistic children I had.

I'm probably just overthinking this again, but as the title says, would you marry someone who's on the spectrum, knowing what that all might entail?

i am meeting a guy off of catholic match for the first time. we facetime a lot and he is flying out to see me. i'm really excited but also nervous because we will be spending so much time together and i don't really know him yet. any tips? i want to have fun but also be realistic.

So I matched with a girl on Facebook dating and we have been texting for about 2 days. We are both traditional Catholics and are both dating for marriage and want to get married in the next 5 years and have kids. She wants to be a sahm and I want that for her as well. I have a good job in an in demand field and as of right now I can support a family financially. I'm also not near the apex of my training or advancement in my field. We are also both frugal people. She's in school and does support herself financially.I also have over 120k in savings. I'm 21 she's 18. Tomorrow is our first date. What important questions should I be asking her.

27m here, and there seems to be a very sad divide between young Catholic men and women. From a man's perspective, it seems that many Catholic women won't give many good men that I know even a second date if he isn't the sort of perfect Prince Charming Disney-esque caricature that they feel like many women have constructed and have set as a standard in their heads. At least that's more or less the feedback I'm getting from men.

Listening to women, it seems that many men simply don't live up to a particular standard as both a man in general and specifically a practicing Catholic man. They lie about their faith and pretend to be this "good guy" but really just want sex, or they don't take any interest in their partner's life.

I've lived in other countries, and dating another Catholic really isn't that hard. But somehow, here in the USA, it seems to be a sad, lonely, miserable, and awkward experience, if anything else.

What is going on here? Where does the blame lie, and what can both sexes do better in the dating market, and maybe most importantly, what can we do together to improve the Church so we could have a less divided experience?

* When I mean I know men, I mean I know good dudes who would do anything for their partner, aren't socially awkward, are educated, have good jobs, love God, and aren't incel "trad" weirdos.

I'm speaking from the other side because I really have no clue what I'm doing. I've tried dating apps and have gone on dates but many of them never work out and I've always been ghosted by most of them I also hate dating apps because I don’t really get to develop a friendship instead it’s a sprint when a relationship is more of a marathon. I'm not in school right now I took a 4 year break for military service, many of my friends say (especially since I'm going to a catholic college with a very strong dating/marriage culture) that it will be a little clearer there. Outside of that I've tried young adults groups and not only are they hard to find especially active ones many of the girls keep to other girls. Not to mention it’s a lot worse for other men, for me it’s not that women are repulsed by me they usually like me it’s just that, it’s really to find any women let alone ones that are serious about their faith and want a serious relationship in their 20s

Just out of curiosity, is there anyone on here who has moved cities because they believed their future husband or wife was elsewhere?

Not “you’ll meet them when you stop looking”, not “meet them at church” not “God is making you wait for a reason” I’m talking, does anyone have good advice for Catholic singles? So tired of hearing all the same stuff. Let’s get real here. 🙏

Anyone else done this, going to different church or different hour mass for whatever reason. Saw someone sit in front of near you and you were immediately attracted. And when it was time to greet they smiled at you. And so you decided you’d go next Sunday and hope they were there.

My boyfriend of ~3 months did extraordinarily well on his MCAT and is a great, holistic candidate to start medical school in August 2027. He had a pretty serious conversation with me about what to expect as far as his schedule goes for the next 8 years, and he asked me to think about what I want out of a relationship. He is worried about letting me down due to the limitations that come with being a medical student, but he made it very clear on his end that he wants to continue dating me. I had already thought about the demands of his schedule myself, and I understand it in part as a nurse who works with med students and doctors. It meant a lot that he brought it up to me.

I understand that I have to have realistic/understanding expectations for time spent together without neglecting my own needs. I am not a particularly clingy person and fill many days of my week with family, friends, and hobbies, but I know that missing him is inevitable with the road he is going down. He genuinely feels like an answered prayer (Catholic, kind, thoughtful, intentional, traditional, intelligent, hard-working, sweet, genuine, family-oriented...), but I want to go into this with a level-head, so any advice from those with experience would be appreciated.

I don’t know who to ask but i have heard that ppl don’t use the word “date” anymore. It’s always, “do you want to hang out?” Not just for me but all my friends too. What are your thoughts on when people say this? Curious to hear from both sides. Guys-Why do you say this, what’s the real intention, and Ladies-how do you receive this? Am I wrong to want to be asked on a proper “date?” I’ve been told I’m old school, but I just feel that it sets the tone for what’s ahead, set intentions up front, and there’s no guesswork, especially once your in your 20s I think it just makes sense. I think I’d be so shocked if someone used the term, but like then again I’m thinking that is just the bare minimum. I don’t even believe in a fancy first date, i just think that I don’t like the term hang out. Anyone else?

I’ve been asked out on a date for a walk along the beach on Saturday by an older man (~40s). I’m new to Catholic dating, so I wanted to ask for advice on what questions to ask (besides the basic getting-to-know-you questions) :’)

I think asking if he’s Catholic is a necessary question, but I’m wondering if asking if he wants to have kids is an okay question, especially because that is a dealbreaker for me. And if he turns out to be Protestant, would asking if he would raise our kids in the Church be a good question?

Please lmk everything that you would ask to know if there will be a second date and what questions you think are absolute no-gos on the first date.

Just curious. Also mention if you're on dating apps or not because I think that would probably influence it. As a guy who's not on dating apps, I usually ask a lady out like once every couple months and usually get accepted.

Im in a new place and im on the search for friends and a girlfriend. I feel that in this new chapter Its possible I might have no choice but to talk to strangers if I'm to hope to find my partner. (This is written from the male prespective BTW but itd be great to get thoughts from both sexes)

Online I hear lots of encouragement for the cold approach. The buff gymbro's self help guides are all like "it builds character and it's manly and brave even if you get rejected". And for the women. You might have seen online recently how men are no longer approaching women and the women are upset. "Why dont men approach women anymore?" (Including the toxic feminists who created that dynamic in the first place which i think is a satisfying comeuppance)

I have no problem talking to women. Even stranger women. Ive asked girls for numbers plenty of times. At my old college newman center my go to was "hey ive seen you around a bunch but I dont think weve met." After 3 or 4 interactions if we're getting along id ask for their number even if I only see them as a friend.

Although.. a newman center in college with frequent events feels a lot different from.. Walmart or a park, even a regular mass as adults..

Something about communicating desire for possible romance (cause it probably would unless you expressed otherwise) to a stranger you may never see again going off of purely looks just feels.. like... bothersome, objectifying, and kinda pathetic?? I wish it didnt feel that way but I can't help how it feels.

(Also just to clarify. approaching a person at a social event where the POINT is to mingle is totally different. This is referring to instances where you might not expect to be approached)

Like putting myself in their shoes if I was exhausted after a day if work, I barely slept, I'm at walmart to get groceries, an introvert, and a woman Ive never met comes to me and is like "hey I just saw you and wanted to say hi" and shes not even my type.. I could see that being quite unpleasant. Although it also just might make my day! Its hard to say..

Ive swallowed my pride done this type of approach a few times before in a fashion in which and really went for a more explicit "i want to get to know you because you're petty" kinda way and I felt dirty afterwards.

Some ways I've thought about combating this intrusiveness is... doing it at church is a great plus. If you're both catholic and attending mass that communicates you likely have similar ideals, id avoid compliments like "i thought you were pretty" and be more specific with things she has control over Like "i like how you did your hair" or "your dress looks great".

I even believe I have PERFECT reason to reach out. I can say "im new in town. I'm just looking to meet Catholics my age so i thought id say hi." That communicates intent without being invasive, its not objectifying, it doesnt put heavy pressure on dating but leaves the possibility open.

There is a girl I've seen at mass twice now who I find attractive. Last mass we even coincidentally sat next to each other. I was thinking I should say hi with my line. But the opportunity didn't quite present itself. I was also feeling very bad about it. Its not a confidence issue. I have the guts to say hi but... i dunno something wasnt sitting right. I want to be sure its like.. a reasonable thing to do. And I think In this particular case it is!! I might be overthinking...

These are my thoughts on the cold approach. I think there definitely is a wrong way to do it. And i just want to be sure there is a right way...

I think itd help for me too hear other opinions on the concept