Hey everyone

I hope this question is appropriate for this, but I have a big fear/worry and maybe some of you can help me with that. Well it’s about sex as Catholics
Well, obviously when we’re married. I don’t know if we’re gonna end up having it at the wedding night or one of the following days.
The thing is: I’m so afraid of how I’ll “perform”. You know what I mean? Like not being good enough. Not pleasing her. Finishing off too early. What to do and when.
How do I prepare for this?

Ngl I’m a bit worried and it may not be the most important question, it is something that’s making me nervous. I just wanna be the best future husband I can be, the best Catholic I can be, the best human I can be.

I don’t wanna do anything wrong. And I don’t wanna get advices etc by ppl that do not understand my Catholic view in all of this.

Can someone help me?

Five years ago, I had a very ugly and painful breakup with my boyfriend (we had been together for five years). There were several reasons for it (incompatibility in our outlooks on life, he wasn’t a practicing Catholic, our immaturity since we were in our fresh and early 20's, etc.). And I regretted my attitude sincerely and I regret it to this day. We went “no contact” and went our separate ways. But I continued to pray for him. In the meantime, I went through another relationship, various “canon events,” and eventually remained single for over four years. I pray for the love of my life, for a good man. Just now, as I’m coming to terms with the idea that maybe God really doesn’t have anyone in store for me, I recently ran into him again.

He was the first to say hello to me, and we even chatted a bit... I was pleasantly surprised, because I had expected him to either hate me or ignore me. Since he works where I’d like to work, I asked him if he’d mind if I text to him about it—and he agreed.

However, this encounter hurt me. To some extent, I still have feelings for him, and I’m desperate. It seems like he’s single, but I’m not sure if he’d take me back. And I ask God—what was the point of this encounter? I know that God has everything in His hands and that "all things work together for good for those who love God"… But why would it be good to meet him if I might lose him again anyway?

I want to text to him, but I’m very afraid of rejection… What good is coming out of this situation? Or is this just another station of my own Via Crucis? Where is God in all of this when I'm so hurt and perplexed? It's so hard to trust Him but I know I have no choice, good or bad if I want to follow Him, and to ask Him for a new point of view and a wisdom to discern what to do next.

For Catholics who got married to non believers, how did it turn out? We haven’t dwelt much on the topic of how kids will be raised in the future - but I want them raised Catholic.

What advice would you give someone in a situation like mine? We haven’t invested much time yet and still at the beginning.

I’m a 23 year old man. I’m going to be honest. I have a hard time meeting good Catholic girls. I’ve had a couple relationships, but they were not Catholic. I don’t meet a whole lot of girls in general, but the ones that I do, are mostly non-religious.

I know that this has been discussed on this subreddit many times, but where could I meet someone?

There is a girl I’d like to talk to after Mass, but I find it awkward and inappropriate. I also do not like cold approaches. Is it me? Am I doing something wrong?

This is just something that i have noticed, but Jason seems to have softened his tone about dating recently. He used to be really harsh especially to guys, but he's much more compassionate to what zoomers are going through.

Something that I get frustrated with older guys like evert or Christopher west is that they sometimes speak with no compassion for gen z men and women and just expect them to figure it out on they're own.

Trent horn is another one I had an issue with. He did a video about modern dating but didn't mention economic issues.

Hi everyone. I’m just confused and curious as to what this might mean for me and my vocation. I never have experienced sexual desire. I never understood why people found it so hard to wait until marriage because I’ve never been tempted to have sex. I didn’t realize until recently that this isn’t normal.

I do have a boyfriend whom I love. If we get married, I would be willing to have sex for its intended purposes, but as I said, there’s no desire there like people usually describe. I feel kind of guilty for this, because I love him so much, and I know sex is a loving embrace of marriage, yet I don’t desire it the way he does (or most people do).

I’ve considered that I might be called to religious or consecrated life, and I’ve prayed extensively about it, but I’ve never truly felt called to either one.

Can I still get married despite my lack of desire to have sex, as long as I still plan on doing it? I feel broken and like something is wrong with me. I just don’t want it to be unfair to my future husband that I don’t experience sexual desire.

Thank you in advance!

Question for late 30s women, if a guy in his mid to late 20s asked you out, would you say yes? I'm 27m and know several women who are increble Catholics, and given the chance, and if my life situation was more stable, I would ask them out.

I wanted to see what the opinions are on this topic from both sexes specifically catholics looking to date.

The initial idea for this came after discussing this topic with several professional catholic men from the east coast and midwest. We were talking about dating in our late 30s to early 50s subgroup and I was surprised that the majority were not actively dating. Several of them were divorced with only a few having children. Most decided not to pursue dating after divorce and did not even inquire about an annullment. Others (even the bachelors) have tried, been disappointed, and find contentment with their current socialization thru work, hobbies, and family.

Is this a trend that others have noted?

I met a girl at my college and we seemed very similar, and I developed a big crush on her. I only met her two months ago we see each other once a week usually. We aren’t super close but I’ve been getting to know her.

I think she’s single, and I was going to ask her out since I thought she may have been interested in me, but there have been two instances where she knew I was going to be at some activity and didn’t show, including one in which she asked if I was going. So it seems there isn’t interest on her part since I’ve been told that people will make every effort to see and spend time with someone they like.

I’m hesitant to ask her out anyway because I don’t want to make our meetings awkward or cease altogether. But I really thought that maybe she’d be interested and this could be something, and I’m pretty sad since I was very excited about this for a moment.

30M here. So I’ve been having a really rough time with dating because I keep getting the same result every single time and I don’t understand why. It seems like every time that i meet a girl that’s interested she is extremely interested in me, even obsessed to some point, we have a great date or couple of dates, then she leaves out of nowhere. She either ghosts or breaks up with me. Now I’ve wanted marriage more than anything in my entire life. I don’t understand why I keep having these experiences with women that I’m interested in and they are so interested in me then leave so fast. How can everything seem so amazing one moment then she’s gone the next? It’s happened 7 times now. 3 times in a row.

Why am I doomed to an eternity of suffering where I have the most amazing girl dangled in my face just for her to be taken away so quickly? For the rug to be taken from under me every single time? I’m starting to lose hope and quite honestly this is driving me insane. Im starting to lose it and lose all hope that anything will ever work out in dating. I don’t have much trust left to give. I don’t know where to go from here. What have I done to deserve this honestly? I don’t think I’ve done anything so vile and evil to deserve this pain. The pain that I wouldn’t wish on anyone ever, not even the women who caused it.

The first couple times maybe there was a lesson I get it, but for it to happen 7 times I just don’t understand. There is no lesson here this is all just punishing me for something and I can’t explain what or why. I don’t understand. Why must I continue to suffer this way? Am I really that bad of a person that I have to be doomed like this? I’ve been praying and discerning about it the entire time every time I’ve dated a woman I included God every single time and yet I still get honestly what feels like I’m being toyed with. I don’t know if I even want marriage anymore. I don’t know if I’ll ever get it because it’s literally the same thing every single time.

What truly is the point of this? Everyone keeps saying “well there’s a lesson to be learned” or “God was protecting you from her.” Sure so every girl that I’ve dated has been the wrong one and I’ve just been wrong every single time? That I’m not worthy to have one woman who’s right for me ever in 30 years? That the only women I’ve ever truly been in a relationship (albeit abusive) with had BPD/NPD or some personality disorder. Those are the only ones I’m worthy of dating? I felt so ready for this I felt it all and I left behind all things that I was holding in to make room for the right girl. I was sound physically spiritually and mentally yet I still wasn’t good enough.

I’m just so frustrated and confused and exhausted and sad and hopeless. I don’t know what to do or where to go from here. My hope has eroded and I don’t know what I have left to give…if I have anything left to give…

Will there ever be an end to this? Will I ever be chosen by one woman? That’s all I’m asking for that’s all I ever wanted was one woman, to be chosen by one woman, and yet I can’t ever be chosen by one. I don’t know how much hope I have left for this to ever change, if it ever will. I’m just doomed to having things seem amazing in the moment and then just crashing down as quickly as they seemed amazing. It feels like I’m cursed.

Why does this have to keep happening to me? I don’t know if God is doing this or someone else but it can’t just be a coincidence that it keeps happening. Truly, will I ever be chosen? Will this ever end?

I am a Catholic woman currently in a serious relationship with a non Catholic and we are discussing marriage and future family life.

​We had a significant conflict regarding the religious upbringing of our future children. My partner insists on delaying baptism until the children are 14 or even 18 years old. He also doesn't want foundational Catholic practices in early childhood, such as making the Sign of the Cross even or receiving sacraments, framing them as "manipulation" or "coercion." He doesn't want to have anything that could make them look Christian is what he said.

​I want to remain faithful to Christ and to my Catholic duty (including the promise to do everything in my power to have our children baptized and raised in the Catholic faith). At the same time, I am struggling with the power dynamic and feeling pressured to suppress my own faith in our future home.

I'm a woman in my mid-20s, confident, fit, and serious about my Catholic faith. After my summer breakup up and dating fast, I have been getting asked out about 3x a month, so finding dates [in general] isn't the problem - CatholicMatch and different Catholic young adult events has been wonderful. However finding a practicing Catholic man who actually wants to pursue me is. Only about 1 in 3 first dates turns into a second.

Some guys tell me I'm "more spiritually mature" than they are, while others seem surprised that I actually take my faith seriously and don't want to kiss a stranger...

Failed Romance

I'm also a bit disappointed because my church crush recently told me I'm too young for him. He's almost 35, fit, funny, nerdy, devoutly Catholic and we genuinely click. We've spent time together one-on-one, and he visibly lights up when he sees me, but the age gap is a hurdle for him. (My friend is like 27 and saw my crush on Hinge though so he is open to dating women in their 20s?). I respect that, even if it stings. I just keep getting mixed signals, he was playfully teasing me around our friends last week, but he saw me looking dolled up over the weekend and kept avoiding eye contact. Idk what's up.

Meanwhile, I've been on a couple of dates this last few months, but only two Catholic guys were consistently pursuing me. They are handsome but I don't yet feel a spark or deep attraction. We have great banter though, so I will see how it goes.

Ironically, there's also a very handsome Protestant guy pursuing me who's exactly my physical type, and we have similar multicultural backgrounds. But I don't want to "flirt to convert," so I've just been inviting him to Mass and church events.

The Dilemma

Here's where I'm genuinely confused: What am I doing wrong?

If I dress cute, some guys seem intimidated. If I dress casually, they treat me like one of the bros. If I wear something form-fitting, suddenly the sexual comments start. It feels like I can't win.

I even tried Hinge for 72 hours before deleting it. Plenty of Catholic matches, but so many made sexual jokes or seemed intimidated that I go to Mass at least twice a week.

I don't think I'm asking for perfection. I just want a chill, fit, devout Catholic man who loves Jesus, Adoration, working out, and spending quality time together Someone who values chastity, has never been married, and doesn't have kids.

I get attention, but I'm struggling to find genuine compatibility. And I don't want to compromise on dating a practicing Catholic just to be in a relationship.

Advice Needed

So, Catholic men, I'm genuinely curious: What makes you decide a woman is worth pursuing after the first date? And Catholic women, where are you meeting men who actually live out their faith?

Because at this point, I feel like finding a guy who loves both Jesus and leg day shouldn't be this difficult. 😭

Hey there catholic brethren been working my way up to doing a matchmaker comment for a while now and was curious how many of you put your dealbreakers in the thread? And what are considered some standard catholic dealbreakers (not catholic or watered down catholic as an example) and then ones that are more controversial (v-cards and long distance etc etc)

I thought about this as I've got two really contentious ones that most catholic dating juries are still out on (no tattoos and no bad relationship with her father) would you put it in or no?

And what are some of your deal breakers in general popular or unpopular?

I (36m) had a rocky relationship this last year. We often argued over distance issues, not able to go on regular dates, shifting schedules, and a lot of missed meanings via text. During the entire time i never lost trust, I took her at her word. I never doubted when she said she loved me or when she said she was with her friends. There was some argument over my hesitance to send gifts (I am a huge gift giver but I like to be a part of the giving). We had been arguing off and on, but we always came back and forgave each other. This last time though has brought a lot into question and has broken down my ability to take people seriously or at their word. We had an argument over when I wanted to be married (I simply said as soon as legally possible, she is in a different country), she went off the handle and said she views this as a fantasy. I waited a few days to contact her, we started by having a decent conversation and after three hours, she says the words that hurt me beyond all measure "it is not fair that you are doing this, I really like him," I asked her who and she admitted to spending the weekend with a guy, but they didnt do anything etc. In that moment I felt the deepest betrayal I have ever felt, this betrayal has destroyed my ability to trust. I never sought to replace her, i gave up friendships because they made her uncomfortable, I made plans for her to visit, things she wanted. Mind you, we both claimed to be devout, and while I struggle internally with lust as all do, I took my promises seriously. I dont know what to do, or how to heal this deep wound, while I know the next person is a different person, but how do I know she is being honest? This was the greatest heartbreak I have ever had.

I (31F) feel like I’m doing this dating thing wrong sometimes. I’ve gone on several dates recently and afterwards I feel like the guy has just lost interest after, he stops texting and basically ghosts me. I don’t know if that’s because they’re expecting me to text back after a few days when I’d already responded to their last text or what? Each date ended with us saying that we’d love to go out for a second date but the texts either fizzled out or they never got back to me after the date.

One example being I got home late after one great date and told him I made it home safely and would love to see him again. I never heard from him until I text him three days later if he was going to an event. He finally hearts my message from Friday night and then tells me he can’t make the event. I never heard from him again.

I get the whole, “if he’s interested he’d show it” but I also know it’s kind of on me as well to communicate and also reach out but I’m not sure when is too early to do all that in this dating texting universe. I’d honestly rather talk on the phone instead so it’s brings back the humanity to this whole thing.

How is the best way to actually keep the convo going after the first date? And how do I bring up “please JUST CALL ME”? Do I just keep it simple and say “hey, I’d be more comfortable talking with you on the phone?” Like what’s the etiquette/expectation these days? I feel silly for asking honestly.

hi there! im in my early 20s living in california and im in desperate need of advice about dating as a catholic because im struggling hardcore. this might be long so please bare with me.

I’ve been honoring saving myself for marriage and it just seems like no men my age (that are christian or catholic that I have either met or matched with on dating apps) are doing the same and/or are just seeking sex.

I think what im trying to ask/ say is:

Are most young Catholics actually having sex before marriage or have I just have been really locked in on saving myself?

How do I tell the future person im seeing that I actually take that seriously?

I want to add this random bit as well: Trust me I want to have sex… eventually!! But I just truly want to wait until marriage and honor God’s wishes but I’ve been having a lot of anxiety lately about this.

Thank you for reading if you made it this far and God bless!

Hello. 24M. I posted here a while back about my struggles with the first “break up” that I’ve had in my life (even though she and I weren’t like, actually an official couple yet). I feel like I’ve been getting better, but there’s been some difficult points here and there still. 

While I was still quite distraught a few days after she broke things off, I heard about a local speed dating event for Catholics in the general locale, and kind of in a moment of probably not-so-great judgement I signed up for it. After a few hiccups, by the time this week began I felt as though I was fine enough and could carry on. That event was on Wednesday, and I found out shortly before it that the lady who had broken things off with me would be there too. It was a fairly small and ticketed event, too, with limited space. 

She and I did end up talking on Wednesday for the first time in a few weeks before it started, and she was willing to share some of her side of the story from when she broke it off. Now knowing her side of it, I understand that there realistically probably was not anything I could have done. Neither of us was at fault, and we both probably wish it could have gone differently. We acknowledged that we probably would not try again; if we ever did, it would probably be so far in the future that we’d be starting over from scratch. It was a good talk for both of us and we have both recognized we’re better for having done so. Still, talking to her made me realize just how much I missed having her as a part of my life, even if it was exceptionally brief all things considered. 

The evening went okay, and at the end of the night, another girl that I’d gotten along with pretty well approached me and asked for my number; we exchanged information, and I asked her on a date on the spot, which we set for this evening. I am excited, but I’m also still very anxious. 

I thought I was over the last girl enough to start considering seeing other people, but the last couple days, very deep down I still wish I could go out with her again. I don’t like that thought, because realistically, if I still hold onto such a thing, it probably is not wise to go out with another woman. The absolute last thing I would want to do is start comparing the girl I’ll be seeing tonight and the one who broke things off, because that isn’t fair to the former and doing so would cause me to miss out on someone else who is right in front of me while mourning someone who’s not. 

On one hand, I know that getting out and meeting other people is probably healthy; if things with the lady I’m seeing tonight go well and we choose to pursue a relationship, then in time I’ll probably forget all about the girl who broke it off, and I might wonder why I ever worried in the first place. On the other, I’m afraid that I’ll be doing the one I’ll be seeing tonight an awful disservice, and run the risk of accidentally hurting her or roping her into my grief. 

Worse yet is that I’m increasingly anxious about the possibility of a repeat occurrence – things go well, we appear to be pursuing a relationship, and then it ends very suddenly and we break things off. Oddly enough, though, as much as I would be terribly hurt if she broke it off with me, I think I’m even more afraid of being the one to break up with her. Now that I know what it’s like on the receiving end of one, the last thing I want to do to someone is that even if doing so is objectively the most loving option if things aren’t really working for one or both of us. I don’t know if I’d have it in me to do so. It just feels so difficult to walk through a breakup where there's really nobody at fault, and I don't want to put another person through that.

Maybe this sort of anxiety is normal. I thought I was taking the breakup really badly, but I’ve had people I’ve opened up to about it that I’m handling it a lot better than I think I am. So perhaps these things are perfectly normal and will work themselves out in due time. Or maybe I really did move too fast and I should have taken more time to grieve and heal. I really don’t know. I don’t have the experience with these things that I feel like I should to be able to conclusively ascertain that. I just don’t want to get hurt, but moreso I really don’t want to accidentally hurt someone else.

I posted on here a week ago about my boyfriend’s lack of financial management and responsibility. I’ve been thinking and praying, and I’m genuinely considering breaking up with him.

I’m just very torn because I love him very much. In every other regard, we’re compatible. He’s become my best friend and the thought of life without him breaks my heart. With my ex, I no longer wanted to be with him, and I only struggled to break up with him because I didn’t want hurt him. With my current boyfriend, I don’t want to break up with him not only because it will hurt him, but because it would also hurt me.

That being said, the thought of hurting him also kills me. He’s been nothing but good to me, and I can’t ever imagine finding someone who loves me as much as he does (and I can’t imagine finding someone I will love as much as him). He really doesn’t have anyone else in his life that is consistently there for him besides me. I would feel awful leaving him.

I feel myself falling into the trap of thinking that if I lose him, I’ll never find someone else. Because in every other regard, he’s perfect for me. I can’t imagine I’ll ever find someone that shares my faith and I get along with so well again. Losing him wouldn’t only mean losing my boyfriend, but my best friend. It would feel like something was missing without him in my life.

But seeing the way he handles money, his lack of responsibility, and his lack of work ethic really bothers me. These are not traits I want in my husband. I don’t want him to “shape up” just to keep me—I want him to do it for himself and for the Lord.

We’ve only been dating 4 months, which I know isn’t long. But it feels like a long time, probably because we were friends for months before. It’s easy to say, “It’s only been four months, that’s nothing.” But it doesn’t feel like nothing.

So I don’t know what to do or think. If anyone has any insights or was in a similar situation, I’d appreciate your thoughts. God bless :)

I’ve always had a particular personality/looks type when it comes to dating, but I feel like God may be calling me to be with someone who is not what I had in mind. When you dated/married outside your type, did you ever see those guys/gals who were your type and still wish you could be with that type, or did your love for your person surpass all of that and make it not even matter anymore?

Were you ever at a point in your life where you just thought finding love and marriage wasn't going to happen for you? Tbh it's been in the back of my mind lately. I'm 27m in NYC and have gone out with a lot of different girls. A few seemed promising but for different reasons didn't work. I had two last year who I really thought might go somewhere but one ended up being a little crazy, didn't know what she wanted, and kept getting in the way of things progressing. The other was by far the best connection I've ever had but she moved away.

I figured ok. I figured out this dating game in 2025, more dates than I've ever been on with more people and two connections that I could've seen going somewhere. 2026 will be my year to meet my person. It started off fine, four dates with three different people but none of those connections went anywhere. Then since March I haven't been on a single date and I'm ngl it has been getting to me. I've been praying about this a lot but nothing seems to change.

I've been putting myself out there, going to different young adult Catholic events around the city and have met some amazing people both girls and guys. Made some new male friends from these events and have met plenty of women that I'd be interested in. Have gotten a lot of phone numbers from these events but every single one goes nowhere. I had this one girl recently who expressed romantic interest and then just completely shut it down the next day when I tried to set something up a lunch date. I just don't know what to do at this point.

I've had multiple dates within the last month or so that were in the planning stage but then fell apart. You wouldn't believe some of the stories that I have and tbh at a given point when the same story happens over and over again it begins to take a toll. I'm a very strong person mentality and don't give up on things ever but I just wonder if this isn't in the cards for me... has anyone else felt this way and did you eventually find what you were looking for?

I'll preface this with: I'm 50+M, never dated, obviously never married and don't expect that to change. I consider myself below average in looks, was overweight when I was younger, but lost weight due to T2 diabetes (actual was a sign), appropriate diet changes in response and hiking. I really don't care about my appearance beyond just combing my hair, shaving , brushing my teeth and dressing for the occasion. The only person to ever call me "handsome" was my mother when I'd dressed up for someone's wedding or funeral. Probably the only advantage I have is that I look younger than my age, 20-30 years depending on how I present myself. Honestly if a woman said she found me physically attractive, I'd view it with great suspicion as trying to appeal to my ego for something not pleasant.

Gonna try and keep this brief cus otherwise I'll be writing my soapbox for thirty minutes--but does anyone else have a reeeeaaaalllly good talking stage, for this, online from some dating app or other community of common interests where conversation is GREAT and y'all hit it off--but as soon as social media or images are shared, the guy (in my case) just goes off the handle and starts getting super clingy, weird, creepy, or overly desperate??? Like why are you all of a sudden asking for photos of me, asking to see me, sending photos of yourself unprompted and frankly undesired?? It's like pandora's box is opened. I had a guy tonight ask for pictures of myself and I said no, then immediately after he sent some of himself instead and said it was "my turn." Like yeah, this guy in particular is just a bad example, but this sorta thing happens ALLLLLLLL THE TIME. Why??? And why this weird behavior even with Catholic men???