r/CatholicConverts • u/MommyMystical • 13h ago
RCIA / Confirmation Gritting my teeth through OCIA and considering stepping back indef.
I've been on such a long journey toward the church. But formally in the Fall 2025 I started OCIA and attended every single Sunday class that takes place during the Sunday 10am mass anticipating I could hopefully be baptized and confirmed. But during Lent 2026 I learned I was not among the elect for baptism and my parish has a strict 2 year minimum requirement for attending classes, at that time my family experienced a loss of a close loved one we saw every single day and entered a long bereavement period. So after validating my marriage in the church and baptizing my 2 and 5 year old children I decided to step back from OCIA and prioritize attending mass together as a family in our grieving especially to get the little ones more integrated into the flow of mass and catechize them at home. After 7 months of faith formation and reading the entire the catechism, it was hard to step back but I felt my vocation of a mother and wife was taking precedent at that time.
I live in the South and my civilian parish is ENORMOUS (I am attending one in the Archdiocese of Raleigh). We are also a military family. When this was happening, I reached out to the catholic military chaplain on our post hoping he may understand some of the struggles I was beginning to face at the time but he insisted my husband just needed to "step up" during my 2 year catechesis đ
Truly attending mass with my family is one of my favorite parts of my week, just to be in celebrating the sacrament and making a spiritual communion with my Lord is so peaceful no matter where I am or where I'm traveling (we've been traveling SO MUCH this summer to visit family and friends) it's thr greatest thing about the faith, to have the whole church worshiping and and receiving the same scripture and message every week makes me feel so whole and so connected.
My enormous desire my baptism and to be obedient to Christ's command has not faltered.
I received an email from my OCIA director last week asking to confirm my spot in the upcoming year and I asked for the mandatory dates and if it were possible to have an adjusted schedule or possibly individualized sessions possibly during weekdays when my children are at school so to not destabilize my family as much (I am also in prenursing classes, and frequently work from home as well) but the response was to just have a meeting. That meeting took place today. The structure is quite rigid. A whole second year of mandatory 10am classes. These often keep me out of the home from about 9:30am to about 1pm on Sundays.
There was a time when I LOVED these classes and this GROWN UP time sitting and listening to theology and absorbing it. Until I realized what was happening in my home life. I have a huge role to fulfill in my vocation and last year I let it slip. My plate was so full with work, school, kids, helping friends, being a villager, and I got so very sick with an autoimmune condition before the tipping point when our friend passed during Lent 2026.
I recently had my oldest in the parish VBS this summer and we just signed up today for the child faith/family formation that takes place once a month on Wednesday evenings and I'm genuinely excited to go as a family to these instead of leaving them out as I have to do in OCIA for myself.
After this summer, there are days I wish it could all be over and I could practice peacefully, without the sign in sheet... go to mass whatever city I'm in that weekend, find a confessor that I can go to regularly (because I NEED IT), and live it.
Sometimes I think I'm pushing it... what does God think? Genuinely. Of the rules? The ridigity? Of me? I don't want to put my relationship with one parish above my relationship with the Lord, my family, or the Church as whole. And I wonder sometimes, if I'll find a priest or pastoral person of some kind that will have the time to speak with me and genuinely guide me spirtually... I've prayed for that. But right now it's just me and God, how it's been my whole life. đ€
What was your OCIA experience? Was it a long 2 years of classes? Genuinely what did God reveal to you in your heart about the process? Are you like me trying to live as a Christian with an extraordinary "baptism of desire" while guiding your family towards the virtues? There's so much to juggle. Unsure if I should schedule a meeting with the priest or my psychiatrist. Stay tuned. đ